Therapy - Henry
They've been at this for awhile now. More than a year, although there had been a period of several months where Mathias had repeatedly put off all of his sessions, so he's not sure it's fair to say they've been at it the whole time. Despite that, he's sort of embarrassed by how little progress he seems to have made.
Even now, after all this time, he doesn't know how to say that. It seems, sometimes, that he doesn't know how to say anything at all and, too often, he sits in his sessions and stares at his fingers while he tries to find the words. It isn't a matter of English not being his first language, he simply doesn't know how to express himself. All his life he's been this way, but now he's finally beginning to realize that it may hinder him more than help him.
Even with Veronica, with all the things he can say to her, anything to do with Mexico and Henrich stays shoved down deep inside. He talks to no one about these things, but he has to learn how to talk to Henry. If he doesn't, he's going to be scared of the jungle for the rest of his life.
"I think," he says in a halting voice, still staring down at his knuckles, "Maybe deep down I believe I deserve to feel guilty forever because all their deaths really were my fault."
Especially Henrich. He will never, ever forgive himself for his brother's death. He's never been as close with anyone else as he was with Henrich and now he will never have that again. Henrich will never get married and he'll never smile or laugh or cry. Never again. And that is Mathias' fault.
Even now, after all this time, he doesn't know how to say that. It seems, sometimes, that he doesn't know how to say anything at all and, too often, he sits in his sessions and stares at his fingers while he tries to find the words. It isn't a matter of English not being his first language, he simply doesn't know how to express himself. All his life he's been this way, but now he's finally beginning to realize that it may hinder him more than help him.
Even with Veronica, with all the things he can say to her, anything to do with Mexico and Henrich stays shoved down deep inside. He talks to no one about these things, but he has to learn how to talk to Henry. If he doesn't, he's going to be scared of the jungle for the rest of his life.
"I think," he says in a halting voice, still staring down at his knuckles, "Maybe deep down I believe I deserve to feel guilty forever because all their deaths really were my fault."
Especially Henrich. He will never, ever forgive himself for his brother's death. He's never been as close with anyone else as he was with Henrich and now he will never have that again. Henrich will never get married and he'll never smile or laugh or cry. Never again. And that is Mathias' fault.