(Untitled)

[playingtruant]

How to Apologize
in 5 simple steps

Step 1: Apologize
"I am so sorry."

Step 2: Validate
"I can really see how and why X crappy thing I said/did would have hurt/upset you." (Bonus points for elaborating)

Step 3: Context
"I did/said X crappy thing because I wasn't thinking/was under a lot of stress/you had hurt me and instead of talking to you I

Comments

[lechiro]

Can't say I disagree with any of this; this is a good instruction list. This has made me realize that I emphasize the same things as the apologizer and apologizee (in particular no. 3), and because I don't feel no. 5 is important as the apologizee, I am bad at following up when apologizing, which is to my detriment.

I have a bad grasp when it comes to the right amount of time to check-in, not wanting to be too early in case they want space, and then waiting too long, hoping it blows over because I'm afraid the answers to "Are we ok?" or "Is there something I can do" is "no".

I'm glad we're speaking again, and I know now better what to do after I do something stupid and hurtful. :)

[playingtruant]

That is so interesting, I think I do the same thing (as apologizer and ee), but no. 2 is by far the most important to me. I don't really care about having no. 5 (ORANGE) done to me, but the consideration is kind of heart warming and I try to do it when I fuck up, or at least like to think I do, but who knows if I actually do :/

Timing is tricky. Because my emotions happen to cycle really rapidly (rage!-->guilt!-->who the fuck knows!), and I *hate* that feeling of lingering animosity/fear it, I tend to do it sooner rather than later but this is often a selfish impulse (assuaging myself as opposed to just letting them have the space they need to process/calm down/not have to deal with my fucking face).

Awww come off it! I was just thinking about (mis)communication and gap bridging in general, trying to suss out what might be elemental for both parties (ee and er), ya know?