(no subject)
What sort of profession in the wizarding world would you choose and why? My first thought upon reading this question was ‘OMG MAGICAL SEX SHOP LOL!!11’ but I’ll spare divulging into further detail for those less perverse than myself. I have no idea what I want to do in the Muggle world, much less the Wizarding one. While I’m no Hermione Granger, I love reading and wouldn’t mind tending to a dusty little bookshop like Flourish and Blotts. The summer months would probably draw in a chaotic amount of people wanting to purchase school supplies, but I assume the rest of the year to be quiet with only a customer here and there. I could spend most of my time sitting in the backroom pouring over the newest book releases and chugging mugs of butterbeer. Sounds like the perfect job to me (though the magical sex shop is still rather appealing).
If you could teach one class at Hogwarts, what would it be and why? Blah, I wouldn’t teach at all if I had the choice, but I suppose this is a mandatory question to answer. The subject I’d be most experienced with is Divination, though even that statement is a stretch, considering I only dabble in astrology and palmistry on occasion. As much as I enjoy living in the moment, my fascination with peering into the future is undeniable. I also think I’d derive a sick pleasure from forewarning naïve thirteen year olds of their ultimate doom like Trelawney. I don’t take academia seriously and could never teach an important subject with a lot of enthusiasm. Most people, even wizards, don’t take Divination that seriously so I think I could handle the class decently without coming off as a stuffy old professor with a wand jabbed up their ass.
This year, The TriWizard Tournament is being held once again and you're of age. Do you put your name in the Goblet? Why or why not? Whether out of common sense or sheer cowardice, I wouldn’t put my name in the goblet. Cash, a shiny trophy, school honor and the prospect of getting laid by whoever I want if I win just isn’t worth the risk of getting my ass pwned by a dragon or any other violent mythological beasts the sick bastards running the tournament could cook up. I’m not a competitive person at all and the shady foreigners I’d run against would scare the crap out of me. I’m perfectly content sitting in the stands, brandishing a Hogwarts flag and eating half my weight in cauldron cakes while someone else steals the spotlight.
If you could choose your animagus form, what would it be and why? I’d want to be a panda! =D For no reason other than I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t like them. It’d be a bit odd to see one roaming around magical UK, but it’s my animagus form and I can be whatever the hell I want.
What HP character do you identify with most and why? There are so many characters I share aspects of my personality with it’s difficult to choose just one to represent me. I have Fred and George’s frat boy sense of humor, Hermione’s insecurities, Slughorn’s love of creature comforts and Luna’s observant nature. But in the end, I suppose I’ll choose Neville Longbottom, and not just because we’re both round faced and pudgy. But I am often the brunt of jokes regarding my uncomely physical appearance, like poor Neville. When I’m around people I feel comfortable with, I’m extremely outgoing, but in crowds of strangers I’m as socially awkward as can be and it appears Neville is the same way. He’s proven time and time again, though, that no matter how meek he comes off as he can hold his own when need be and I believe I’m like him in that respect. We also harbor soft spots toward plants and animals and have head-strong grandmothers with eccentric tastes in clothing.
What would you see if you looked into the Mirror of Erised? As much as I wish I was one of those honorable types who ‘d see world peace, an end to starvation or cures to various diseases, I am not. I’m a selfish teenaged girl who’d see herself as the epitome of society’s standard of beauty, with a perfect figure, flawless skin and silken hair without a strand out of place. But I’d never actually admit that what I hunger most is being beautiful in ‘real’ life; only over the security and privacy of the internet.
If you won a million dollars, how would you spend it? After filling a giant pool with the exquisite green dollar bills and rolling around naked in them for awhile, I’d do the following in no particular order; pull my impoverished mother who I don’t live with out of debt, buy my redneck of a father a mobile home and season passes to Nascar so he can follow the sport cross country, take my staunchly Catholic grandmother and aunts to Vatican city and then save the rest of my money to pay for a college that I’ll most likely end up dropping out of.
What was your ideal job as a kid? Has that changed? What is your ideal job now? The fate line on my palm is light, wavy and broken into many small parts that indicate that I’ll constantly be flitting from job to job in the future. That either means I’ll be a cunning and successful jack of all trades, or unstable mess who can’t hold down a job for shit and will constantly be just scraping by in life. Most likely the latter.
When I was a kid, I went through that phase of wanting to be something new every week. A veterinarian, actress, ballerina, teacher, astronaut; you name it. Now, my ambitions have lessened considerably. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I wish I could have a job like in the ‘Clerks’ movies where I got to hang out in a convenient store all day with my best friend and just make fun of people, but that means I’d be living in my grandmothers basement my whole life and her basement is a very cold, dark and lonely place.
If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it, and what would you call it? Again, my mind is going wild with all of the perverted possibilities this question offers, but let me try to come up with something clean.
*fifteen minutes later*
Oh, what the hell… a blow-up doll that’s enchanted to resemble the person you most desire. I think you all know what it’s used for and I’m not even going to attempt to name it. Sorry JKR, I have failed you.
If you were to face a boggart, what would it turn into? And what does it turn into when you throw the counter-spell, Riddikulus? Out of all my fears, the biggest one I harbor is of aliens. I have no idea where this fear originated from; maybe they abducted me one night and stuck a probe up my ass - I just know I can’t sleep properly for months after watching ‘ET.’ After throwing the counter-spell, the alien would turn into a giant taco, for no reason other than taco’s are completely random and funny and I burst out laughing whenever someone says the word ‘taco’ aloud.
What do you look for in a friend? There are many things I desire a friend of mine to have; an off-the-wall sense of humor to keep me entertained for hours on end, geeky interests that I could relate to and a big ass pool in their backyard we could go swimming in during the summer. Of course, all this wishful thinking I harbor when I grow close to someone and begin to discover their personality pales in comparison to what I seek most of all; their acceptance. I just want someone to take me and like me as I am. I don’t care if they enlighten me about a few things - in fact, I’d love befriending someone I could learn from - but so many people I’ve tried being friends with have tried changing me in turn. I’ll love or at least accept every flaw and quirk you have if you learn to cope with mine.
What trait most annoys you about other people? In relation to the question above and as hypocritical as it may sound, I don’t tolerate intolerance in others. I’m not asking everyone to frolic hand in hand in a field of daisies singing ‘Kumbaya,’ but don’t hate someone simply because of qualities they have that they were born with. In the end, we’re all the same advanced race of monkeys with selfish goals and shit for brains. If you want to hate something that strongly, don’t single out a particular group of people; hate the whole fucking human race.
What do you think are your top five abilities or qualities?
1.) I’m resilient. Life hasn’t dealt me many struggles yet, but of the few I have had to face I’ve handled the best I could. I keep my emotions in check during times of tragedy so I’m able to be strong for others. In most of my relationships, I’m the ‘strong one’ who’s replied upon to take action or merely offer emotional support. It’s been that way since I was young.
2.) I’m observant. As arrogant as it is to say, I mold people watching into an art form. Unlike other teenaged girls, I don’t venture into the mall to shop for clothes with daddy’s credit card. I go to malls to park my fat ass on a bench and watch people all day long. Try it sometime; you may see some unfortunate sights you wish you hadn’t fallen witness to, but for the most part people watching is a necessary tool to understanding your fellow man. It’s also damn amusing.
3.) I’m laidback. I just go with the flow baby and try to appreciate life as it comes to me. Many people find my less than glamorous view of death as bleak and depressing, but it’s my opinion that when we die we’re just food for worms that inspires me to live life to the fullest.
4.) I’m generous. I know you can’t buy affection from others, but sometimes it’s really enjoyable to see the look on someone’s face after you’ve given them something they’ve really wanted. My family has been through some tight financial situations, but growing-up I’ve had everything I’ve ever wanted, no matter the cost. I buy people extravagant gifts because I want to show others the generosity my family has always bestowed upon me. As long as no one abuses my kindness and always shows some sign of appreciation, I’ll get them or share whatever I can.
5.) I’m myself. The definition of adolescence is basically ‘a hellish period of time where an insecure young person attempts to discover who they are and in the process is tortured through physical and mental means until they succumb to their society’s standard of normalcy.’ I am not exempt from the plague that is adolescence and often crave I fit in more with my peers, but I always and will continue to stay true to who I believe myself to be no matter how much persecution I’ve faced. I’m a perverse, socially awkward geek with a lack of fashion sense and I’m not changing for anyone damnit.
What do you think are your top five weaknesses or worst qualities?
1.) I’m self-deprecating. Yes, if you haven’t noticed already, most of the lamely written jokes in this application are at my own expense. I’ve made fun of myself for as long as I can remember and I think people with the best senses of humor are the ones who are capable and secure enough to make fun of themselves. The fact of the matter is, I’m not secure and people often mistake me as the most confident girl in the world because I joke about myself a lot. My self-deprecating self of humor is in fact a defense mechanism I’ve established to ward off people who may want to make fun of me and break my spirit. Make fun of yourself before they can make fun of you, I’ve always said.
2.) I’m a hypocrite. Possibly the biggest one to walk the face of the earth. I’m a humanist who hates people, a romantic who’s afraid of intimacy and a cynic who daydreams. I mock people who try to fit in and act completely comfortable with myself, yet lay awake at night wishing I was prettier. The odds and ends of my very hypocritical personality make it difficult to come upon conclusions about things. Sometimes I’m amused by the overall hypocrisy of my being and other times it makes me want to vomit.
3.) I’m irresponsible. I look out for the people I care about as best I can, but I rarely ever look out for myself. I have a good time without thinking about the consequences. I don’t know whether it’s the result of me loving life and wanting to enjoy myself while I’m still here, or not really valuing life at all.
4.) I'm distant. I wish I wasn't this way, but I get tired of people easily, even when I really like them. You have to have a really unconventional personality to hold my interest for more than a few days, unfortunately. I enjoy being by myself more than I enjoy spending time with other people, and I've ruined a few relationships because of this. I love from a distance, and no one I love really knows how much I love them, because I probably don't tell them enough.
5.) I’m disorganized. My dad says it’s all apart of my eccentricity and artistic genius, but I’m quite the slob. I’m too frightened of what I may find to look under my own bed. I once kept an unopened coke bottle in my locker for six months and when I took it out a colony of complex organisms was living inside it. My teacher Mrs. Dill told me I was nasty and made me throw it away, but I wanted to submit it to the science fair. One day I plan on going on an expedition through my room to find all those precious family heirlooms I’ve lost in piles of clothes or dresser drawers, but along with being messy I’m also incredibly lazy and that day probably won’t come for quite sometime.
Define in your own words the following key traits:
Courage: Facing your fears for the sake of what you believe to be a greater good.
Loyalty: Staying true to someone/something even during times when life doesn’t prove to be in their favor.
Intelligence: The combination of wisdom and booksmarts.
Ambition: Working toward getting what you know you should have.
Name: Samantha
Age: 16
Where did you find out about us? LJ search