☆ NEXT VOICEWORKS SEX COLUMN

[plastikkpoet]

ok so i haven't been keeping you guys in the loop. i am now the sex columnist for voiceworks, sorry for not telling you all. well the first column is published: waiting for sparky is in the SUPERFUNHAPPY issue.

anyway, i am currently working on column 2 for the zero issue. i am writing zero sex, looking at celibacy and abstinence and how they fit

Comments

[timfornothing]

celibacy is frustrating.

I think its wrong that people are so judgemental on people who are abstinent. You might not think people are. But having had the criticism and also the disrespect in the temptation field, you can realise most people aren't into people who take a moral ground.

[plastikkpoet]

"celibacy is frustrating" can anyone else see the pun in that?

anyway, i agree that stigmatising based on a decision not to engage in sex shouldn't happen, as much as i believe that stigmatisation for deciding to engage in any other sexual identity - be is heterosex, homosex, bisex or any other sexual identity - shouldn't happen. but equally, many abstinent people i know stigmatise people who choose to engage in sex as much as they are stigmatised. just because i choose to have sex does not automatically make me a dirty, skanky slut, as much as choosing to not have sex does not necessitate that you are a boring prude.

i'm interested what you mean by "the disrespect in the temptation field." are you meaning people who have attempted to engage with you sexually even after you have made it clear you are not interested and/or that you are sexually abstinant?

[realised_late]

I was once at a party where all I wanted to do was talk to people, but there were these two girls (oh.. three) who were all very heavily flirting with me, and while they were quite attractive I wasn't interested, I just wanted to talk, but they were drunk, and kept putting their hands and their mouths on me and don't think I actually said no so that's my fault, but I do remember pushing them away a few times, but in the end we ended up sitting in a circle all kissing, and I went home with two of them, and I didn't get to talk to anyone, but the point of this story is that apparently one of them had decided to be celibate and thought it was very rude of me to act the way I did, even though I was the one who was feeling molested.

Sometimes I get very frustrated with sex and decide celibacy sounds nice, and I don't actually go celibate, but for me it feels like I want to be celibate sometimes just to get away from constantly noticing that sex is all around me, on billboards and TV and movies and busses and bus stops and movies and

[ebrin]

What's the link between celibacy/abstinence and asexuality, which seems to have a growing community? Are asexually-identified people likely to really be more celibate/abstinent than homo/hetero/bisexually-identified people?

[plastikkpoet]

interesting point sayke (and something i deal with in the column ^_^). from what i can gather, asexuality tends to be characterised by low levels of sexual desire not high levels of sexual inhibition. so no interest in sex rather than not engaging in it because you make an active decision not to.

it is interestin that you see asexuality as a sexual identity as well, since there is much debate on that issue. i see it as a sexuality since it is something that you are (not that i believe sexuality is entirely unvoluntary but my discussion of identity politics is a great deal more involved than this comment), and celibacy, abstinence and 'lifestyles' like straightedge tend to be something you choose to do. and identity you are not always, but that you adopt and live by at some point in your life.

[ebrin]

I see sexuality as something you are too, for the most part involuntary. When I said identified I meant in the sense that whatever your sexuality everyone has to say, "I am homosexual" or "I am heterosexual". Now that we're living in an age where there are options of identity, not just 'normal' or 'abnormal', people are also saying "I am asexual" as well. Identifying as something that until very recently has been unthought of.

Also, from my interactions with asexual people (I identified as asexual before I came out), it is more than just a lack of sexual desire, just like homosexuality tends to involve more than just sexual desire for people of the same sex. For some people it is almost an active stance against the expectation of having a sexuality. I guess just like for some people, part of being homosexual ivolves taking an active stance against the expectation of being heterosexual. That's partly where my questions came from.

Anyway. This reply took me far to long to write. I'm looking forward to reading your column.