BSG FIC: Staying Solid (Kara/Lee)
Title: Staying Solid
Author: The Plaid Slytherin (plaid_slytherin)
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee, Bill/Saul
Rating: T
Spoilers: Daybreak
Summary: Kara tries to figure out what exactly she is, post-poof, and gets help from an unlikely source.
A/N: This owes a huge debt to deborah_judge's The Return, which you should read because if it wasn't for that fic, I wouldn't have written this one. Kara is not a character I usually write but this just popped into my head. I would also like to thank embolalia for looking this over.
Kara didn't know if she was solid or not.
She felt solid, but that apparently didn't mean anything. Of course, sometimes, she didn't feel solid, more formless and floaty, but this wasn't one of those times.
But apparently, she wasn't as corporeal as she'd thought.
She'd been wandering for the past few days, when she happened across a hunting party. Helo was in the lead, and she called out to him.
He didn't respond.
Kara scowled. Was he fooling around or something? "Hey, Helo!" she tried again, approaching the little group.
Not a single head turned.
It was three men and two women, all unknown to her, save Helo. Civilians, probably. They were discussing how best to go after a giraffe that seemed older and more vulnerable.
This suddenly reminded Kara that she didn't feel hungry, hadn't felt hungry in she-couldn't-remember-how-long. She hadn't felt tired, either, in all the time that she'd been wandering around.
She pinched her arm. It still hurt. She felt solid.
The hunting party walked right past her, around her, really.
"Hey!" she screamed. "Helo!" She shoved him, hard, but she couldn't seem to make contact. She could feel him, could feel his living warmth, but she couldn't really touch him. She watched them go, surprised at how frustrated she felt.
She had thought she was done with people, but now that she was truly alone, she wanted to talk to someone more than anything.
"Grass is always greener, I guess," she muttered.
So, she walked, except when she didn't. She was slipping a little with the solidity thing. Sometimes, she was one-hundred percent solid, conscious of walking on the ground, one foot in front of the other. Other times, she knew she wasn't solid and was doing the floaty thing. Other times, it was a little mix of both, where she'd put her foot down in one spot and pick it up ten miles away.
As such, she didn't really have a way to keep track of where she was, which was fine, because even if she knew where she was, she didn't know where anyone else was.
She didn't know where Lee was.
And this, she realized was the important part. It wasn't that she wanted to be solid for the sake of solidity. She wanted to be solid for Lee, if she could find him and manage to stay solid. But that was a pretty tall order.
Once, while she was solid, she walked right past a lion. She had been certain it wouldn't be able to sense her, so she hadn't been afraid to do it, but when she got within a few feet, it raised its head.
Kara froze. The lion got up and walked over to her. Oh, gods, no, she thought. Of all the frakking times to become solid.
But nothing happened.
The lion simply sniffed at her foot and then continued on its way.
Kara breathed a sigh of relief.
Only then did it occur to her that she could have made herself floaty to escape the lion, but it intrigued her more that it had somehow been able to sense her presence. Somehow, she felt a little less lonely.
Kara kept walking a little more after that. It was no longer a mix of floating and walking-it was pretty much all walking, though she'd lost track of time, if time was even passing for her. She stopped when she came upon some indication of civilization.
There was a small house on a hill, and there was someone outside the house.
Kara climbed the hill slowly. She wasn't expecting the person to be able to see her, but she didn't want to startle them if they could.
As she got closer, she could see it was a man, kneeling, weeding the garden. As she approached him, she realized she knew who it was.
It was Tigh.
Kara stopped. Would he be able to see her? She approached slowly. He was very engrossed in his work, hunched over the dirt.
She contemplated calling out to him, but part of her just didn't want to know, if this was going to be a repeat of the incident with Helo and the others.
Despite this, she made her way up the hill. When she was within ten feet of Tigh, she stepped on a twig. He flinched.
She froze.
Tigh turned around slowly. Kara didn't expect him to see her. He was looking right at her and yet-
"Well, I'll be." He got to his feet, brushing his pants off. "Where have you been?"
Kara stared. "You can see me?"
Tigh snorted. "What, were you expecting to be invisible?"
"Yes, actually." She paused, not wanting to explain the whole thing.
"Come on in, come on in." Tigh reached out for her arm. She cringed, hoping she was fully solid, but when he touched her arm, it felt like normal. Like when she'd been human. "The old man'll want to see you."
Kara raised her eyebrow. "He's here?"
Tigh smirked. "It's his house." He opened the door. It took Kara a moment to adjust to the dark-there were two small windows by the door and at the back, but most of the light in the one-room cabin came from the fireplace. Adama was standing in front of it, stirring a pot. His hair was longer than Kara had ever seen it, but otherwise, he looked the same.
"Hey," he said brightly. "Are you finished already? I won't be done with this for another few minutes."
"Not done," Tigh said. "Brought somebody."
Adama turned away from the fireplace. He was looking right at Kara, but he didn't seem to register her. "Who?"
Tigh looked baffled. "Kara, Bill, she's right here. Put your glasses on."
Adama sighed and crossed over to them. "What are you doing?"
Kara and Tigh exchanged glances. "I thought this would happen," she told him, trying to keep her voice from shaking. After coming all this way and trying to stay solid for so long, how come only one of them could see her? And then, there was that little voice in her mind saying If the old man can't see you, who's to say his son will be able to?
"He can't see you," Tigh said, bewildered.
"Saul, what is wrong with you?" Adama pressed the back of his hand to Tigh's forehead. "You do feel a bit warm."
Please be solid, she willed herself, or whatever gods were listening. For a moment, she was afraid of falling out of synch with everything.
She saw the long stretches of grassy nothing all around them, even though they were still in the house. She saw Adama, but he looked older, and then, all of a sudden, everything was back to normal.
"Kara," Adama murmured in disbelief. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you."
"I was always here," she said, which sounded stupid, but it was the only thing she could think of to say. She wasn't sure if she was even here right now, but she seemed to have all her fingers and toes.
He clearly had no idea what she meant by that, but he gave her a tight hug. "You don't know how good it is to see you," he murmured. Then, he drew back a second. "How's Lee?"
Kara felt her stomach twist. What was she supposed to tell him? She didn't even know how much time had passed. Enough time for him and Tigh to have gotten all set up living together.
"I don't actually know," she admitted. "It's been… a while."
He hugged her again, and she relished the solid feeling of contact with another person-if she even was a person. "It's okay," he said. "It's good to have you back."
"Dinner," Tigh said gruffly. "You'll have to stay for dinner."
"She can stay for as long as she likes," Adama amended, smiling. "We've got plenty of room."
"I don't want to impose," Kara said quickly, noticing something flick across Tigh's face. He wants for them to be alone. She couldn't hold back her grin.
"You wouldn't be imposing," Tigh told her. "What's ours is yours."
"Thanks," she said, smiling. They both smiled back.
**
Dinner was good. She hadn't expected Adama to be an amazing cook, and truthfully, he wasn't, but the stew was warm and hearty and the bread was the perfect mix of crusty and soft.
She didn't ask what the meat was, though Tigh seemed very proud of the vegetables from his garden.
There was obviously a lot they weren't telling her, and she was trying to figure out a way to delicately ask how much time had passed since they'd settled on the planet.
When they'd finished the meal, Tigh stood up. "I'm gonna go out and check the lines," he said. "You want to come, Starbuck?"
Kara knew this meant he wanted to get her alone. She nodded.
Tigh shrugged on his field jacket and Kara took Adama's when he offered, as well as the torch he lit in the fire and handed to her. She was glad they didn't ask her why she didn't have warmer clothes. The truth was, she didn't realize it was that cold until they stepped outside and Tigh swore.
"Fall's coming," he said, rubbing his shoulder.
"How's the weather been?" she asked, trying to make conversation. He'd given her a clue, though. It had been fall when they'd arrived, so at the very least, slightly less than a year had passed.
In the moonlight, she could see Tigh's raised eyebrow. "You got this far without a weapon," he observed, changing the subject. He put his hand on his bow. "I wouldn't go ten feet from the house without this. In fact." He drew an arrow from the quiver on his back and nocked it.
They walked for about ten minutes. "Can't set traps too close to the house," Tigh explained. "Don't want any predators coming by."
"I don't think they'd be very interested in me," Kara said suddenly. She wasn't sure why she wanted Tigh to know about the lion, but she did.
"That's quite something," he said when she had finished. Part of her was glad he seemed so nonplussed.
There was a long silence, and then he said, "Tell me about what happened, Kara."
"I'm not really sure what happened myself. It's kind of a long story."
Tigh snorted. "Try me. We have to check all the traps and that'll take a while."
She sighed. "You're going to think I'm crazy."
"All the stunts you've pulled over the years? I already think you're crazy."
She snorted. "At least you're honest."
"One of my best qualities."
"I don't know what I am." Kara needed to say it. "I don't always… I'm not always… here. I-"
"For a while back there, I thought you might be a Cylon," Tigh said abruptly. "You did kind of come back from the dead."
"I think I am dead."
She had to give him credit for not letting this faze him at all. "Well, you're standing here now, so I think you might want to adjust your definition of dead."
"I saw my own body?"
"To me, it looks like you've got a perfectly good one."
Kara reached down, pinched her arm. "Not one-hundred percent solid one-hundred percent of the time."
"I see," Tigh murmured.
"Do you believe the gods can take human form?" The question had just slipped out. She had no idea about Tigh's beliefs, had no idea how this was even relevant.
"I think the Lords of Kobol have better things to do than meddle in your and my business." He stopped. "First trap's over here. Come on."
A small animal had been caught. They bagged the kill and moved on down the line.
"What made you ask?"
"No reason."
In the moonlight, she saw him smirk. "Shoulda figured. Always got to be one step ahead. I'm a Cylon, so you're gonna be a god."
Kara laughed, really laughed. She couldn't remember how long it had been since she'd really laughed. Had it been with Lee?
"That's why," she assured him. Then, after a pause, she said, "I just felt like some kind of… envoy. Not like the gods were speaking to me directly, just… I felt like they wanted me to do something."
"You still feel like that?"
"I'm not sure." Kara liked that he wasn't derisive of this. She'd been half-expecting him to be, but it seemed to make sense to him.
"What does it feel like, if you don't mind my asking?"
She shrugged. "Like… you know when you're not sure if you've left the oven on, or something? Kind of like that. Just… deeper."
"I think I know what you're talking about."
She smirked. "You saying you want in on this, too?"
"My first life," he clarified. "I don't remember it clearly. Just when we were back on Earth… the first Earth. I knew I'd had to do something. So, yeah, I think the gods might have wanted me to do something." The words sounded awkward coming from him, like he had never vocalized these thoughts before.
"I can see that," she said. She'd never imagined Tigh could be so… deep.
"So, what do you mean about not feeling solid?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to control it. Mostly when I want to be there, I am, but sometimes, I'm not."
"Bill really couldn't see you before?"
She shook her head. "I don't know why it was just you."
He grinned. "Cylon power?"
As they finished checking the traps, she kept talking. She told him everything-the floating parts, Helo and the others looking right through her. The apparent time-and-space jumps.
The last thing she told him about was the last time she'd talked to Lee.
"He must've thought I ran off or something," she said.
"I wish I knew where he was," Tigh said. "You gonna go look for him?"
She smiled, but it came out more as a grimace. "That's the plan."
"We should go back," he said. "Bill will worry."
For a moment, she considered asking him, straight out asking him, but she decided not to.
If they wanted her to know, they'd tell her. She couldn't help smiling when she wondered how Lee might react. They were actually kind of cute, but she knew it'd drive Lee nuts. She desperately wanted to tease him about it.
**
Kara couldn't help but feel like an intruder. She didn't feel tired-didn't really know if she needed to sleep-but she took the sleeping bag by the fire they offered her, lay down and closed her eyes.
She could hear them, talking in low voices, as they got ready for bed (and there was just the one bed). She couldn't make out what they were saying, but she suspected they were talking about her.
Adama's low rumble seemed to be questioning, Tigh's sharper tones more placating. She felt a sudden, panicked feeling that Adama was the one who didn't want her there.
It reminded her of overhearing her parents' arguments, straining to make out a word, any word that would let her know they weren't talking about her.
She was unsuccessful, though.
She lay there in the dark, after they'd turned off the lights. They whispered for a little while longer, then she heard shifting, silence, then Tigh's snoring.
Kara hadn't slept in a long time. She thought she had forgotten how.
So she let herself go.
She closed her eyes and, almost instinctively, she became un-solid. But not so un-solid so as she lost control-it was as if there were a thread linking her to her body.
She saw her body, lying by the fireplace, the whole cozy one-room cabin, Adama and Tigh.
It was a rush, almost like flying, to float up, up, up practically right through the roof.
She saw a lot of people she knew that night-Helo and his family (and Hera wasn't that much bigger, so maybe only a year had passed), Hot Dog, even Baltar.
She woke wishing she'd seen Lee.
**
Over the next few days, she settled into a routine of helping Adama and Tigh around the house. There was a surprising amount to do in such a small house and the two of them had obviously been content with their pre-Kara routine.
Kara hoped she wasn't intruding. They seemed to enjoy her company, though. She supposed it did get lonely talking to the same person and only that person, day in and day out. She'd been on the brink of insanity being by herself all that time.
She was impressed at the life they'd been able to eke out for themselves without modern technology. They had a pen of odd-looking fowl that they used for eggs, and they had Tigh's snares for meat. They went hunting, but not too often. Sometimes, they even fished.
At night, she went wandering. She got to see almost everyone but Lee. It made her wonder what, if anything, was keeping her from him. She didn't seem able to influence who she saw-thinking hard about Lee before she fell asleep didn't help, but neither did thinking hard about, say, Seelix allow her to see Seelix.
When she didn't see Lee on the third day since her dream-visions had started, she woke up fearing the worst.
What if he was dead?
She asked Tigh this when they went hunting one day.
He frowned thoughtfully. "Can't sense people or anything, can you?"
"No," she said, surprised he'd thought to ask that. "I don't think so."
"Because sometimes…" He paused. "Sometimes, when I'm out here by myself, and maybe it's my imagination… well, it was only really intense the one time actually." He stopped. "One time, I was out hunting. Couple days, I took. This wasn't too long after I moved in with Bill."
Kara tensed. So far, she hadn't said a word about the nature of Adama and Tigh's relationship. She was reasonably certain they were lovers, but they had never done or said anything in front of her to prove that.
Tigh continued. "I was out hunting, trying to get my mind off… things, when all of a sudden, I just knew Bill was sick. So I came hurrying back home and found him lying on the floor. It wasn't serious," he added when he saw her concerned look, "just a cold. But I just knew."
"I don't get that with Lee," she said.
"It could be a Cylon thing," Tigh allowed.
"Maybe."
Tigh looked like he thought he'd maybe said the wrong thing. "You want to go look for him?"
She turned. "He could be anywhere by now, you do realize that, right?"
Tigh grinned. "I knew how to find him."
Kara smirked. "Really?"
"Yup." Tigh shifted the sack containing the antelope they'd bagged. "Went right to him. Like a homing pigeon." He paused. "I know how you feel about Lee, so I thought maybe it might be the same."
Kara raised an eyebrow.
"Try it," Tigh urged. He paused, eased himself down onto a rock. "Spiritual, angelic, divine being… whatever the hell you are, you should be able to do this if you concentrate. You tried meditating?"
"No," she said, aware that her tone was slightly derisive.
"You should try it." He cleared his throat. "I do it sometimes, when I'm out here alone and it's quiet. Caprica… Caprica Six, she taught me."
"Does it work?"
Tigh looked up at her. She was always struck by how intense his gaze still was, even though he was down an eye. "It helps me think," he said. "Sometimes, I project by accident, which is why I do it out here… freaks Bill out if I catch him in it."
"Project?"
"It's… it's a Cylon thing. Let me show you." The scene around them flickered and they seemed to be in Galactica's gym.
"Seriously?" Kara asked. It looked very realistic. She bent to pick up a medicine ball. It was appropriately heavy.
Tigh looked annoyed. "It's the place I found most relaxing, okay? I need to be relaxed to do it." He shifted on the chair that his rock now appeared to be.
"Sorry." She dropped the medicine ball with a thunk. "Will you show me how to meditate?"
He seemed to think for a moment. "Sure. Have a seat."
**
Over the next few weeks, Kara got somewhat more confident about her ability to control her own solidity. She still floated at night, but now, she wasn't seeing random snatches of whoever-she seemed to really be able to control it.
Meditating with Tigh really helped. As much as she hated to admit they had anything in common, she found the gym just as relaxing as he did. She wasn't quite sure what projection was, but he got everything right about it, the smell of stale sweat, the ambient sounds of the ship and the voices in the distance.
One day, after breakfast, Adama asked her to go with him to get some nuts.
"They're just in season," he promised. "We discovered them last fall. They're wonderful roasted and they keep a long time-make a great snack on cold winter nights."
The tree was a few miles away and they started off their walk in silence, each of them carrying a bucket.
Finally, Adama broke the silence. "You said you hadn't seen Lee in a while," he began.
Kara felt her stomach twist. He missed his son. She suddenly felt guilty for not doing more to stay with Lee. "He said he wanted to go exploring," she told him.
Adama nodded. "I can understand that. I just hope…"
"Hope what?"
He seemed to hesitate. "It would be nice if he dropped by for a visit. Like you did." He put his arm around her shoulders and her feelings of guilt got more intense. She needed to go find Lee, for her sake and the old man's. She needed to find him and bring him back.
**
And so, she turned her attention to the uninhabited land west of where Adama and Tigh lived. She didn't know why she thought Lee might go west, but she imagined he might follow the setting sun.
She never did see him, when she wandered at night, but one morning, she woke with a truly burning sense of Lee.
"You're leaving?" Adama asked, when she announced at breakfast that she'd be moving on. "Already?"
She nodded, sharing a glance with Tigh, who smiled into his tea.
"I just don't want to stay in one place too long," she explained. "I want to explore." She remembered what Lee had told her back there, and again, she felt strongly that she could find him.
"You'll come back." It wasn't a question. He may have no longer been her commander, but Kara knew an order from the old man when she heard one.
"Of course," she said. With Lee, hopefully. And maybe then you two will stop pretending to hide it.
Adama tried to give her food and provisions, but she insisted she didn't need any. "I can find my own," she said. "That's part of exploring, isn't it?"
He hugged her tight. "Come back," he repeated. "When you get tired of wandering, come back." She could hear the longing in his voice and she reaffirmed her vow to find Lee and bring him back to his father.
"I will," she said.
Tigh hugged her, too. "Homing pigeon," he muttered.
She grinned and nodded.
They stood on the front step and watched her as she walked away, down the hill, toward Tigh's trap line. She knew where she was going. Through that stand of trees, across the stream, through the valley.
He wasn't that far, really, and after all, what did distance matter to Kara? All she had to do was concentrate on staying solid.
Author: The Plaid Slytherin (plaid_slytherin)
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee, Bill/Saul
Rating: T
Spoilers: Daybreak
Summary: Kara tries to figure out what exactly she is, post-poof, and gets help from an unlikely source.
A/N: This owes a huge debt to deborah_judge's The Return, which you should read because if it wasn't for that fic, I wouldn't have written this one. Kara is not a character I usually write but this just popped into my head. I would also like to thank embolalia for looking this over.
Kara didn't know if she was solid or not.
She felt solid, but that apparently didn't mean anything. Of course, sometimes, she didn't feel solid, more formless and floaty, but this wasn't one of those times.
But apparently, she wasn't as corporeal as she'd thought.
She'd been wandering for the past few days, when she happened across a hunting party. Helo was in the lead, and she called out to him.
He didn't respond.
Kara scowled. Was he fooling around or something? "Hey, Helo!" she tried again, approaching the little group.
Not a single head turned.
It was three men and two women, all unknown to her, save Helo. Civilians, probably. They were discussing how best to go after a giraffe that seemed older and more vulnerable.
This suddenly reminded Kara that she didn't feel hungry, hadn't felt hungry in she-couldn't-remember-how-long. She hadn't felt tired, either, in all the time that she'd been wandering around.
She pinched her arm. It still hurt. She felt solid.
The hunting party walked right past her, around her, really.
"Hey!" she screamed. "Helo!" She shoved him, hard, but she couldn't seem to make contact. She could feel him, could feel his living warmth, but she couldn't really touch him. She watched them go, surprised at how frustrated she felt.
She had thought she was done with people, but now that she was truly alone, she wanted to talk to someone more than anything.
"Grass is always greener, I guess," she muttered.
So, she walked, except when she didn't. She was slipping a little with the solidity thing. Sometimes, she was one-hundred percent solid, conscious of walking on the ground, one foot in front of the other. Other times, she knew she wasn't solid and was doing the floaty thing. Other times, it was a little mix of both, where she'd put her foot down in one spot and pick it up ten miles away.
As such, she didn't really have a way to keep track of where she was, which was fine, because even if she knew where she was, she didn't know where anyone else was.
She didn't know where Lee was.
And this, she realized was the important part. It wasn't that she wanted to be solid for the sake of solidity. She wanted to be solid for Lee, if she could find him and manage to stay solid. But that was a pretty tall order.
Once, while she was solid, she walked right past a lion. She had been certain it wouldn't be able to sense her, so she hadn't been afraid to do it, but when she got within a few feet, it raised its head.
Kara froze. The lion got up and walked over to her. Oh, gods, no, she thought. Of all the frakking times to become solid.
But nothing happened.
The lion simply sniffed at her foot and then continued on its way.
Kara breathed a sigh of relief.
Only then did it occur to her that she could have made herself floaty to escape the lion, but it intrigued her more that it had somehow been able to sense her presence. Somehow, she felt a little less lonely.
Kara kept walking a little more after that. It was no longer a mix of floating and walking-it was pretty much all walking, though she'd lost track of time, if time was even passing for her. She stopped when she came upon some indication of civilization.
There was a small house on a hill, and there was someone outside the house.
Kara climbed the hill slowly. She wasn't expecting the person to be able to see her, but she didn't want to startle them if they could.
As she got closer, she could see it was a man, kneeling, weeding the garden. As she approached him, she realized she knew who it was.
It was Tigh.
Kara stopped. Would he be able to see her? She approached slowly. He was very engrossed in his work, hunched over the dirt.
She contemplated calling out to him, but part of her just didn't want to know, if this was going to be a repeat of the incident with Helo and the others.
Despite this, she made her way up the hill. When she was within ten feet of Tigh, she stepped on a twig. He flinched.
She froze.
Tigh turned around slowly. Kara didn't expect him to see her. He was looking right at her and yet-
"Well, I'll be." He got to his feet, brushing his pants off. "Where have you been?"
Kara stared. "You can see me?"
Tigh snorted. "What, were you expecting to be invisible?"
"Yes, actually." She paused, not wanting to explain the whole thing.
"Come on in, come on in." Tigh reached out for her arm. She cringed, hoping she was fully solid, but when he touched her arm, it felt like normal. Like when she'd been human. "The old man'll want to see you."
Kara raised her eyebrow. "He's here?"
Tigh smirked. "It's his house." He opened the door. It took Kara a moment to adjust to the dark-there were two small windows by the door and at the back, but most of the light in the one-room cabin came from the fireplace. Adama was standing in front of it, stirring a pot. His hair was longer than Kara had ever seen it, but otherwise, he looked the same.
"Hey," he said brightly. "Are you finished already? I won't be done with this for another few minutes."
"Not done," Tigh said. "Brought somebody."
Adama turned away from the fireplace. He was looking right at Kara, but he didn't seem to register her. "Who?"
Tigh looked baffled. "Kara, Bill, she's right here. Put your glasses on."
Adama sighed and crossed over to them. "What are you doing?"
Kara and Tigh exchanged glances. "I thought this would happen," she told him, trying to keep her voice from shaking. After coming all this way and trying to stay solid for so long, how come only one of them could see her? And then, there was that little voice in her mind saying If the old man can't see you, who's to say his son will be able to?
"He can't see you," Tigh said, bewildered.
"Saul, what is wrong with you?" Adama pressed the back of his hand to Tigh's forehead. "You do feel a bit warm."
Please be solid, she willed herself, or whatever gods were listening. For a moment, she was afraid of falling out of synch with everything.
She saw the long stretches of grassy nothing all around them, even though they were still in the house. She saw Adama, but he looked older, and then, all of a sudden, everything was back to normal.
"Kara," Adama murmured in disbelief. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you."
"I was always here," she said, which sounded stupid, but it was the only thing she could think of to say. She wasn't sure if she was even here right now, but she seemed to have all her fingers and toes.
He clearly had no idea what she meant by that, but he gave her a tight hug. "You don't know how good it is to see you," he murmured. Then, he drew back a second. "How's Lee?"
Kara felt her stomach twist. What was she supposed to tell him? She didn't even know how much time had passed. Enough time for him and Tigh to have gotten all set up living together.
"I don't actually know," she admitted. "It's been… a while."
He hugged her again, and she relished the solid feeling of contact with another person-if she even was a person. "It's okay," he said. "It's good to have you back."
"Dinner," Tigh said gruffly. "You'll have to stay for dinner."
"She can stay for as long as she likes," Adama amended, smiling. "We've got plenty of room."
"I don't want to impose," Kara said quickly, noticing something flick across Tigh's face. He wants for them to be alone. She couldn't hold back her grin.
"You wouldn't be imposing," Tigh told her. "What's ours is yours."
"Thanks," she said, smiling. They both smiled back.
**
Dinner was good. She hadn't expected Adama to be an amazing cook, and truthfully, he wasn't, but the stew was warm and hearty and the bread was the perfect mix of crusty and soft.
She didn't ask what the meat was, though Tigh seemed very proud of the vegetables from his garden.
There was obviously a lot they weren't telling her, and she was trying to figure out a way to delicately ask how much time had passed since they'd settled on the planet.
When they'd finished the meal, Tigh stood up. "I'm gonna go out and check the lines," he said. "You want to come, Starbuck?"
Kara knew this meant he wanted to get her alone. She nodded.
Tigh shrugged on his field jacket and Kara took Adama's when he offered, as well as the torch he lit in the fire and handed to her. She was glad they didn't ask her why she didn't have warmer clothes. The truth was, she didn't realize it was that cold until they stepped outside and Tigh swore.
"Fall's coming," he said, rubbing his shoulder.
"How's the weather been?" she asked, trying to make conversation. He'd given her a clue, though. It had been fall when they'd arrived, so at the very least, slightly less than a year had passed.
In the moonlight, she could see Tigh's raised eyebrow. "You got this far without a weapon," he observed, changing the subject. He put his hand on his bow. "I wouldn't go ten feet from the house without this. In fact." He drew an arrow from the quiver on his back and nocked it.
They walked for about ten minutes. "Can't set traps too close to the house," Tigh explained. "Don't want any predators coming by."
"I don't think they'd be very interested in me," Kara said suddenly. She wasn't sure why she wanted Tigh to know about the lion, but she did.
"That's quite something," he said when she had finished. Part of her was glad he seemed so nonplussed.
There was a long silence, and then he said, "Tell me about what happened, Kara."
"I'm not really sure what happened myself. It's kind of a long story."
Tigh snorted. "Try me. We have to check all the traps and that'll take a while."
She sighed. "You're going to think I'm crazy."
"All the stunts you've pulled over the years? I already think you're crazy."
She snorted. "At least you're honest."
"One of my best qualities."
"I don't know what I am." Kara needed to say it. "I don't always… I'm not always… here. I-"
"For a while back there, I thought you might be a Cylon," Tigh said abruptly. "You did kind of come back from the dead."
"I think I am dead."
She had to give him credit for not letting this faze him at all. "Well, you're standing here now, so I think you might want to adjust your definition of dead."
"I saw my own body?"
"To me, it looks like you've got a perfectly good one."
Kara reached down, pinched her arm. "Not one-hundred percent solid one-hundred percent of the time."
"I see," Tigh murmured.
"Do you believe the gods can take human form?" The question had just slipped out. She had no idea about Tigh's beliefs, had no idea how this was even relevant.
"I think the Lords of Kobol have better things to do than meddle in your and my business." He stopped. "First trap's over here. Come on."
A small animal had been caught. They bagged the kill and moved on down the line.
"What made you ask?"
"No reason."
In the moonlight, she saw him smirk. "Shoulda figured. Always got to be one step ahead. I'm a Cylon, so you're gonna be a god."
Kara laughed, really laughed. She couldn't remember how long it had been since she'd really laughed. Had it been with Lee?
"That's why," she assured him. Then, after a pause, she said, "I just felt like some kind of… envoy. Not like the gods were speaking to me directly, just… I felt like they wanted me to do something."
"You still feel like that?"
"I'm not sure." Kara liked that he wasn't derisive of this. She'd been half-expecting him to be, but it seemed to make sense to him.
"What does it feel like, if you don't mind my asking?"
She shrugged. "Like… you know when you're not sure if you've left the oven on, or something? Kind of like that. Just… deeper."
"I think I know what you're talking about."
She smirked. "You saying you want in on this, too?"
"My first life," he clarified. "I don't remember it clearly. Just when we were back on Earth… the first Earth. I knew I'd had to do something. So, yeah, I think the gods might have wanted me to do something." The words sounded awkward coming from him, like he had never vocalized these thoughts before.
"I can see that," she said. She'd never imagined Tigh could be so… deep.
"So, what do you mean about not feeling solid?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to control it. Mostly when I want to be there, I am, but sometimes, I'm not."
"Bill really couldn't see you before?"
She shook her head. "I don't know why it was just you."
He grinned. "Cylon power?"
As they finished checking the traps, she kept talking. She told him everything-the floating parts, Helo and the others looking right through her. The apparent time-and-space jumps.
The last thing she told him about was the last time she'd talked to Lee.
"He must've thought I ran off or something," she said.
"I wish I knew where he was," Tigh said. "You gonna go look for him?"
She smiled, but it came out more as a grimace. "That's the plan."
"We should go back," he said. "Bill will worry."
For a moment, she considered asking him, straight out asking him, but she decided not to.
If they wanted her to know, they'd tell her. She couldn't help smiling when she wondered how Lee might react. They were actually kind of cute, but she knew it'd drive Lee nuts. She desperately wanted to tease him about it.
**
Kara couldn't help but feel like an intruder. She didn't feel tired-didn't really know if she needed to sleep-but she took the sleeping bag by the fire they offered her, lay down and closed her eyes.
She could hear them, talking in low voices, as they got ready for bed (and there was just the one bed). She couldn't make out what they were saying, but she suspected they were talking about her.
Adama's low rumble seemed to be questioning, Tigh's sharper tones more placating. She felt a sudden, panicked feeling that Adama was the one who didn't want her there.
It reminded her of overhearing her parents' arguments, straining to make out a word, any word that would let her know they weren't talking about her.
She was unsuccessful, though.
She lay there in the dark, after they'd turned off the lights. They whispered for a little while longer, then she heard shifting, silence, then Tigh's snoring.
Kara hadn't slept in a long time. She thought she had forgotten how.
So she let herself go.
She closed her eyes and, almost instinctively, she became un-solid. But not so un-solid so as she lost control-it was as if there were a thread linking her to her body.
She saw her body, lying by the fireplace, the whole cozy one-room cabin, Adama and Tigh.
It was a rush, almost like flying, to float up, up, up practically right through the roof.
She saw a lot of people she knew that night-Helo and his family (and Hera wasn't that much bigger, so maybe only a year had passed), Hot Dog, even Baltar.
She woke wishing she'd seen Lee.
**
Over the next few days, she settled into a routine of helping Adama and Tigh around the house. There was a surprising amount to do in such a small house and the two of them had obviously been content with their pre-Kara routine.
Kara hoped she wasn't intruding. They seemed to enjoy her company, though. She supposed it did get lonely talking to the same person and only that person, day in and day out. She'd been on the brink of insanity being by herself all that time.
She was impressed at the life they'd been able to eke out for themselves without modern technology. They had a pen of odd-looking fowl that they used for eggs, and they had Tigh's snares for meat. They went hunting, but not too often. Sometimes, they even fished.
At night, she went wandering. She got to see almost everyone but Lee. It made her wonder what, if anything, was keeping her from him. She didn't seem able to influence who she saw-thinking hard about Lee before she fell asleep didn't help, but neither did thinking hard about, say, Seelix allow her to see Seelix.
When she didn't see Lee on the third day since her dream-visions had started, she woke up fearing the worst.
What if he was dead?
She asked Tigh this when they went hunting one day.
He frowned thoughtfully. "Can't sense people or anything, can you?"
"No," she said, surprised he'd thought to ask that. "I don't think so."
"Because sometimes…" He paused. "Sometimes, when I'm out here by myself, and maybe it's my imagination… well, it was only really intense the one time actually." He stopped. "One time, I was out hunting. Couple days, I took. This wasn't too long after I moved in with Bill."
Kara tensed. So far, she hadn't said a word about the nature of Adama and Tigh's relationship. She was reasonably certain they were lovers, but they had never done or said anything in front of her to prove that.
Tigh continued. "I was out hunting, trying to get my mind off… things, when all of a sudden, I just knew Bill was sick. So I came hurrying back home and found him lying on the floor. It wasn't serious," he added when he saw her concerned look, "just a cold. But I just knew."
"I don't get that with Lee," she said.
"It could be a Cylon thing," Tigh allowed.
"Maybe."
Tigh looked like he thought he'd maybe said the wrong thing. "You want to go look for him?"
She turned. "He could be anywhere by now, you do realize that, right?"
Tigh grinned. "I knew how to find him."
Kara smirked. "Really?"
"Yup." Tigh shifted the sack containing the antelope they'd bagged. "Went right to him. Like a homing pigeon." He paused. "I know how you feel about Lee, so I thought maybe it might be the same."
Kara raised an eyebrow.
"Try it," Tigh urged. He paused, eased himself down onto a rock. "Spiritual, angelic, divine being… whatever the hell you are, you should be able to do this if you concentrate. You tried meditating?"
"No," she said, aware that her tone was slightly derisive.
"You should try it." He cleared his throat. "I do it sometimes, when I'm out here alone and it's quiet. Caprica… Caprica Six, she taught me."
"Does it work?"
Tigh looked up at her. She was always struck by how intense his gaze still was, even though he was down an eye. "It helps me think," he said. "Sometimes, I project by accident, which is why I do it out here… freaks Bill out if I catch him in it."
"Project?"
"It's… it's a Cylon thing. Let me show you." The scene around them flickered and they seemed to be in Galactica's gym.
"Seriously?" Kara asked. It looked very realistic. She bent to pick up a medicine ball. It was appropriately heavy.
Tigh looked annoyed. "It's the place I found most relaxing, okay? I need to be relaxed to do it." He shifted on the chair that his rock now appeared to be.
"Sorry." She dropped the medicine ball with a thunk. "Will you show me how to meditate?"
He seemed to think for a moment. "Sure. Have a seat."
**
Over the next few weeks, Kara got somewhat more confident about her ability to control her own solidity. She still floated at night, but now, she wasn't seeing random snatches of whoever-she seemed to really be able to control it.
Meditating with Tigh really helped. As much as she hated to admit they had anything in common, she found the gym just as relaxing as he did. She wasn't quite sure what projection was, but he got everything right about it, the smell of stale sweat, the ambient sounds of the ship and the voices in the distance.
One day, after breakfast, Adama asked her to go with him to get some nuts.
"They're just in season," he promised. "We discovered them last fall. They're wonderful roasted and they keep a long time-make a great snack on cold winter nights."
The tree was a few miles away and they started off their walk in silence, each of them carrying a bucket.
Finally, Adama broke the silence. "You said you hadn't seen Lee in a while," he began.
Kara felt her stomach twist. He missed his son. She suddenly felt guilty for not doing more to stay with Lee. "He said he wanted to go exploring," she told him.
Adama nodded. "I can understand that. I just hope…"
"Hope what?"
He seemed to hesitate. "It would be nice if he dropped by for a visit. Like you did." He put his arm around her shoulders and her feelings of guilt got more intense. She needed to go find Lee, for her sake and the old man's. She needed to find him and bring him back.
**
And so, she turned her attention to the uninhabited land west of where Adama and Tigh lived. She didn't know why she thought Lee might go west, but she imagined he might follow the setting sun.
She never did see him, when she wandered at night, but one morning, she woke with a truly burning sense of Lee.
"You're leaving?" Adama asked, when she announced at breakfast that she'd be moving on. "Already?"
She nodded, sharing a glance with Tigh, who smiled into his tea.
"I just don't want to stay in one place too long," she explained. "I want to explore." She remembered what Lee had told her back there, and again, she felt strongly that she could find him.
"You'll come back." It wasn't a question. He may have no longer been her commander, but Kara knew an order from the old man when she heard one.
"Of course," she said. With Lee, hopefully. And maybe then you two will stop pretending to hide it.
Adama tried to give her food and provisions, but she insisted she didn't need any. "I can find my own," she said. "That's part of exploring, isn't it?"
He hugged her tight. "Come back," he repeated. "When you get tired of wandering, come back." She could hear the longing in his voice and she reaffirmed her vow to find Lee and bring him back to his father.
"I will," she said.
Tigh hugged her, too. "Homing pigeon," he muttered.
She grinned and nodded.
They stood on the front step and watched her as she walked away, down the hill, toward Tigh's trap line. She knew where she was going. Through that stand of trees, across the stream, through the valley.
He wasn't that far, really, and after all, what did distance matter to Kara? All she had to do was concentrate on staying solid.