( Read more... )

My cousin died on Saturday. In a tractor accident. It's kinda fitting. He really wanted to get back into farming. He was a real redneck.

So much death. And in such a short span of time. I need a break. A good ten years, if it has to happen at all.

But Suzanne is pregnant. I'll have a new cousin soon. I really want to be a part of his/her life. A few ( Read more... )

IIIIII'm an attention WHOOOOOOORE

And I hate myself for it.

And I only post here when I'm depressed.

That's ok.

I wish I could stop caring.

What am I doing with my life?

...motherfucker.

So. Alcohol poisoning. Not a good time ( Read more... )

I think I would make a good prostitute. I'm good at making men feel wanted, even if I don't want them.

I'm good at not realizing when I lead them on, too.

I'm good at sucking at relationships.

No pun intended.

I want to dig out the part of my heart that still hopes that you'll love me and replace it with the part of my brain that knows you never will.

I've decided that I like the loneliness here better than the loneliness at home.

It's much closer to apathy.

Every couple nights or so, you know,
You pop into my dreams.
I just can't get rid of you
Like you got rid of me.

How am I supposed to make peace with the fact that you're gone if you keep turning up in my dreams, pretending to be alive?

Enough with the fuckin facade, Ben. I'm sick of it.

No matter how often or how seldom I talk to you, no matter the status of our friendship at this moment, please know that I love you. I really really do.

Please don't ever leave me.

2/7/06

Missing you.

A bunch of people are running from men with guns. We're in a big field, but hiding in a dilapidated barn and behind a fence that's overgrown with plants. Two little kids are playing with a toy wagon out in the open, and the men come up behind them. I scream at them to run, but the men catch them. They catch us all, and round us up in a worn, metal ( Read more... )