Actual student paper (pasted directly)

[pixeldrift]

Cell Phones And How They Work.O.K cell phones are items that let you talk to other people from ranges that could be one ft, to the other side of the world yes very nifty but although I am not here to talk about the awesomeness of cell phones I am here to talk about how cellphones work. Alright so as you know a lot of people have cellphones even

Comments

[krikketgirl]

Please, PLEASE tell me that this was a student who is not a native English speaker. Please?

[pixeldrift]

No, they all speak English natively. Most of the other papers aren't really much better, but they lack all amusing editorializing. This student is a senior.

I really need to create a new tag "laugh or cry" for things like this. What's really sad is I helped them all do outlines, practically GAVE him one to write from.

[pixeldrift]

Oh, and this was a second draft after making his first submission bleed with corrections and notes. I notice most of the corrections I marked seem to have been disregarded...

[acrobartman]

my eyes...

[nuttynuthatch]

It sounds like something straight from Anguished English.

[pixeldrift]

I totally added that to my Amazon wishlist. :)

[forkintheeye]

I'm having a hard time believing this was written sincerely and not as a joke. I just don't want to accept that a high school senior turned this in intending it to be a legitimate research paper. I can't imagine how even my freshman year English teacher would have reacted had I turned in this paper.

[pixeldrift]

No, this kid is serious. The bottom line is he writes exactly how he speaks. The term "formal writing" does not have any meaning to him.

I've been told by some of the other teachers though that he writes really great stories. I don't doubt it, and imagine something along the humour style of Pratchett. But he certainly needs an editor!

Even if he corrects all the mechanics issues I've marked, I still have no idea how I'm going to grade this. He is quite proud of it.

grading....

[rai8302]

I don't know where you are in the grading process, but have you considered giving them a grade with their current draft. It may create the shock value that the red ink failed to produce.

An incomplete may be a gift to them. Good luck. :S

Please tell me that you get these students for the next semester? They really need someone who cares. . . . about how they will be perceived/survive.

Re: grading....

[pixeldrift]

Yes, I've got them next semester too. Unfortunately I can't select to only keep the half of the students who might actually have a chance of learning something.