Musings
Ever have days where you feel more like yourself than usual? Today was like that for me. I'm not sure if it was the time out in the sun, the productive time spent at the office, or the evening of dancing and good company. Maybe it was the balance of having all three. Whatever spurred the change, I felt like a whole person today and not just the shadow of who I want to be. I hope I can figure out how to hold onto it.
It's funny...I call this space "Eclectic Musings," yet I never actually spend much time "musing" while here. I'm not certain why, really.
That isn't entirely true.
I do know why. Well, now I do...I didn't five hours ago. My friend C blogs regularly, yet she won't let anyone she knows in person read it. I guess it is a sort of therapy for her. She loves the freedom that anonymity provides and thrives on the thoughts that strangers give her on some of the more personal aspects of her life. I can understand why she's so hooked on it. When tenner posted his "confession" entry last month (or was it two months ago?) I actually shared something that I've been keeping to myself for a very long time (anonymously, of course) in the hope that doing so would relieve the suffocation that had jumped from merely distracting to crushing in a matter of weeks. It did help...more than I really want to admit.
I digress, as usual. But I have a point...really, I do. I promise. Maybe.
We were talking about blogging over dinner, and I tossed out that I was never sure what to say when I feel like blogging. M looked at straight at me and said my internal editor was the source of my trouble and that I had to put her in her place. I sat back in my chair for a moment, and in that heartbeat realized that she was 100% right. My internal editor continuously screeches that nothing I write is worth the virtual (and sometimes actual) paper it is written on. And, of course, I believe her. I never realized just how far her influence had spread into the other parts of my life...my work, my thoughts...my feelings. So this entry is an experiment...a "can I write down what is in my head without sanitizing the meaning out of it or deleting it" sort of experiment.
Part of the experiment should probably focus on how to make said musings shorter.
It's funny...I call this space "Eclectic Musings," yet I never actually spend much time "musing" while here. I'm not certain why, really.
That isn't entirely true.
I do know why. Well, now I do...I didn't five hours ago. My friend C blogs regularly, yet she won't let anyone she knows in person read it. I guess it is a sort of therapy for her. She loves the freedom that anonymity provides and thrives on the thoughts that strangers give her on some of the more personal aspects of her life. I can understand why she's so hooked on it. When tenner posted his "confession" entry last month (or was it two months ago?) I actually shared something that I've been keeping to myself for a very long time (anonymously, of course) in the hope that doing so would relieve the suffocation that had jumped from merely distracting to crushing in a matter of weeks. It did help...more than I really want to admit.
I digress, as usual. But I have a point...really, I do. I promise. Maybe.
We were talking about blogging over dinner, and I tossed out that I was never sure what to say when I feel like blogging. M looked at straight at me and said my internal editor was the source of my trouble and that I had to put her in her place. I sat back in my chair for a moment, and in that heartbeat realized that she was 100% right. My internal editor continuously screeches that nothing I write is worth the virtual (and sometimes actual) paper it is written on. And, of course, I believe her. I never realized just how far her influence had spread into the other parts of my life...my work, my thoughts...my feelings. So this entry is an experiment...a "can I write down what is in my head without sanitizing the meaning out of it or deleting it" sort of experiment.
Part of the experiment should probably focus on how to make said musings shorter.