Half Past the Point of Oblivion: And This is How You Will All Die[t] (Part 1)
Title: Half Past the Point of Oblivion: And This is How You Will All Die[t]
Pairing/Group: KAT-TUN, NEWS, Kanjani8, Nagase, and Arashi, with appearances by Kinki Kids, Tackey & Tsubasa, V6, Toma, Kis-My-Ft2, and Nakajima Yuto. Various pairings.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: 29 182 words. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Notes: Non-linear timeline. Title courtesy of Pink--Glitter In The Air and Yokoyama Yu. Written with amazing tokeruyouna for je_devilorangel challenge. Originally posted here, reposted also here. This is kind of an alternative version, having alternate subtitles and an alternate dialogue in the ending compared to the original.
Summary: A tale of demonic charms, perfect thighs, Jin’s manliness, rolling waves, rumors, fireworks, roller skates, relaxation methods, juvenile pranks, blindfolds, abuse of the color spectrum, and mutual support.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
And you can read a related Yoko centric drabble here
In the Midst of Insane Logic
“Now I finally understand why Jun-kun reads women’s magazines!” Aiba exclaims.
Nino snorts and rolls his eyes at Ohno, who only gives him a blank look in return.
Aiba walks out of Arashi’s dressing room, the article he had just read running through his mind. What if being gay could burn calories? What if it could spare you the torture of the banana diet? The first person he sees in the hallway is Yamapi, and this secret to success is just too good to keep to himself.
“So I picked up one of Jun-kun’s magazines earlier. You know, to kill some time,” Aiba says loudly as he falls into step next to Yamapi just around the corner from KAT-TUN’s room. “I still don’t understand what one could learn from a women’s magazine, but the read was kind of exciting!”
“Really? How so?” Yamapi stops suddenly, thinking it might be something he can use later in some interview or drama promotion.
“So apparently, men lose weight by acting gay. It burns calories!” Aiba looks like he has found the key to everlasting youth. Maybe he has. “Which is apparently why many men in the entertainment industry are really skinny and thereby successful,” Aiba chuckles.
Yamapi raises an eyebrow and starts down the hall again. Neither he nor Aiba notice Kame staring at them with wide eyes from inside KAT-TUN’s dressing room.
Aiba points to a Kinki Kids poster announcing yet another single bound to rank first on Oricon.
“Oh,” Yamapi mumbles and mails Jin.
Just as Jin opens his mail from Yamapi, Kame eyes his cheeks in the mirror. He flings himself at Jin the moment the other looks at him a bit worriedly (Kame figures he may as well try this new method Aiba is so excited about right away; what does not kill him makes him stronger, and possibly thinner), knowing what the look means. Kame feels fat again. Jin does not understand. He likes chubby. He has fangirls, so they must like chubby too.
Is that why Kame is so bony? Jin mails Yamapi in return.
The news spreads like fire. Aiba, Yamapi, and Jin all tell everyone they know, and suddenly the halls of the jimusho seem to be floating on some pink wave. All the effort was enough to numb one’s sight.
There are those doubting the rumor, and the bravest of them cluster around Toma as he goes to Arashi’s dressing room to confront Jun.
“I don’t remember seeing that article,” Jun admits, “but I am already gay enough, so I tend to focus on the articles that tell me how to improve my gay rather than why I should be gay.”
“Looking at how skinny and tiny Nino is though,” Sho comments from behind a newspaper, “it makes sense.”
“Well, yeah, that’s true,” Toma nods. “He has been acting gay for ages, and look how great he looks.”
Nino smirks from where he is watching the commotion with feigned disinterest.
---
The entertainment industry was a harsh place-particularly when it came to Johnny’s. There were hundreds of awkward juniors running around, and less than twenty of them had debuted during the entire preceding decade. Even those who did debut had to work for dramas, commercials, and other recognition. They were there to cater to fans’ desires (or shape them, depending on who you asked). Normal standards did not apply. It was not healthy. Calories were always counted, and skinny thighs were a must. The It’s My Soul PV eventually became the quintessential standard to which anyone who took the job seriously aspired, and the love yourself idea came too late.
It was around Takki and Tsubasa’s heyday, so it was unsurprising that acting gay became all the rage at the time. It made sense that acting especially gay to help maintain one’s figure became such a widespread tactic. Despite initial doubts on the part of some, it had its benefits-they could easily pass it off as fanservice, making it a reasonable course of action. Until it blew out of proportion and many of them started to feel gay.
---
For some it becomes engrossing, affecting their sense of self and of reality. The assault on the senses with all the gayness dulls them. Slowly the line between what is sincere and what is artificial blurs. Some miss the things that are real, eventually becoming numb, feeling separated from genuine contact with others, growing exhausted from compensating for the resulting lack, then entirely shutting down. Others do not really believe the rumor but think that it is their only chance at being thin and surviving in the entertainment industry, so they conclude that it would not hurt to try. Still others know that it is not true but use it as a cover-up for their real gayness. Then there is Junno, who knows it is not true but likes acting gay anyway.
A Bond Is Formed
“Another gay character?” Koki bangs his head on the table after he, Nagase, and Tegoshi are informed that they have been given roles in My Boss, My Hero then left in the meeting room with scripts and filming schedules. “Why don’t they pick someone like Kame who actually is gay for this?”
“At least you don’t have to kiss a guy,” Nagase comforts him by rubbing his back.
“You’ve had to kiss a guy?” Tegoshi asks with wide eyes.
“You’re not old enough to see that movie,” Nagase says, and Tegoshi gives him a dismissive look.
“I have enough of this having to act gay because of this stupid calorie thing,” Koki continues whining. “I don’t want to have to do it as an actor as well.”
“And I’m supposed to eat at least 2,500 calories per day,” Nagase frowns, nods his head, and appears to be counting something on his fingers, “but then I am also supposed to act gay to burn them off, so I end up stuffing myself with so much more food to make up for the ones I burned off.”
Tegoshi does not tell him that he is clearly missing the point, but he is glad to find some other guys in the jimusho who share his views. ”I’ve never played a gay character, but-”
“Just watch,” Nagase cuts him off. “You’ll be next!”
“But I was thinking,” Tegoshi continues with an annoyed look, “that we could create a support group for straight guys who are bothered by this pink-tinted atmosphere.”
“The Non-Gay-Acting Support Group!” Koki exclaims. “With a cooler name.”
“Gay With Inhibitions!” Nagase claps his hands together once.
“Perfect,” Koki giggles and fist-bumps with Nagase.
“Our mission is to act straight and manly and endure the fake advances of others,” Tegoshi says with a nod.
“Some of them really are gay though,” Koki notes.
“If they were sincerely interested though, I think they would do their homework first,” Tegoshi points out. ”I mean, everyone knows Yasu is straight, but he still gets hit on all the time.”
“Maybe he could help us then?” Nagase suggests.
---
Thus begins their manly coalition of soccer games, deep-throating competitions, and betting on who will win the next week’s Ueda/Kame/Ryo bitchfight. Someone had once said the only people gayer than Ryo were the Kinki Kids, but Ueda and Kame both thought they could give him a run for his money, which had resulted in a twisted triangle of continuing insults ever since. Tegoshi brings Massu along to support group meetings more often than not because, especially as the only purely straight unit in Johnny’s, partners should stick together. They are also saved many times by insights gained through their secret alliance with Yasu.
“Wearing pink actually repels the gay,” Yasu explains, “because people see it and think you are gay enough already and that their efforts are better spent elsewhere. In many cases, the best defense is frontal attack.”
“How about bling?” Koki asks hopefully.
“Well, I think it is always manly to have your own distinct sense of fashion,” Yasu pauses in consideration for a moment while Massu’s heart thumps with appreciation, “but then again bling means there is always the MatsuJun factor to deal with.”
“Hmmm,” Koki furrows what is left of his eyebrows, “maybe if I grow facial hair to go along with it.”
“Facial hair is manly,” Nagase confirms.
“Manliness aside for a moment, why are we in the middle of a field?” Tegoshi asks.
“Oh but this is about that too. It all comes back to manliness,” Yasu explains. “Hit it Massu!”
Massu presses play on the ipod attached to portable speakers as he had been instructed, and music surrounds them as the wind rustles the tall grass in the filed. Yasu stands and begins to move ever so slowly.
“Tai chi to soothing music in the middle of a field,” Yasu says, “is my secret relaxation technique. As you move slowly, take deep breaths and get in touch with your inner masculinity.”
“What about my outer masculinity?” Tegoshi questions as the others start to join Yasu.
“It is informed and guided by your inner masculinity,” Yasu explains.
“Kind of like ‘you are what you eat’?” Massu asks.
“Maybe,” Yasu answers, “and if you feel you are losing touch with your manliness, give a manly hug or some other manly touch to another one of your Gay With Inhibitions members, and you will be renewed by a transfusion of manliness through them.”
Koki whoops and jumps into Nagase’s arms, and Nagase spins him around while lalalaaa-ing to the soothing music.
“Sometimes I wonder whether it is that Yasu is evil or lonely,” Tegoshi whispers to Massu, knowing the other is not into the touchy stuff.
---
“Uwaaaahhh!” Nagase slams his beer down on the table then burps. He envelops Massu, who tries to shrink away, with his free arm then asks, “So, how does it feel to be an honorary member of Gay With Inhibitions?”
“I even made us t-shirts!” Koki grins, pulling a t-shirt out of a bag and holding it up so the others can see the Gay With Inhibitions embroidered on the back.
“Sweet!” Nagase immediately strips off his shirt so he can put on the one that Koki hands him.
“Thanks,” Massu says, taking his t-shirt from Koki. “I’ve always wondered about the name of the support group though. ‘Gay with inhibitions’ would be being gay but not acting it, rather than the other way around, right?”
“The irony is the beauty of it,” Nagase says sagely, patting Massu on the shoulder.
“All we do lately is drink and commiserate,” Tegoshi says later on that evening.
“But drinking beer is manly!” Nagase argues.
“Yeah, just look at TOKIO,” Koki winks and licks his lips, and Massu stares uncomfortably at the bottom of his beer glass as he takes a sip.
“True,” Tegoshi acknowledges, “but I just think we need more than beer and whining to survive the assaults to our senses, dignity, and-sometimes-private parts.”
“That Ohkura’s a bitch,” Nagase says.
“Yeah,” Tegoshi agrees. “He tried to get me to sleep with him by saying it would seem just like he was a girl if I fucked him from behind.”
“He tried the same line on me,” Koki says, “then sent Nishikido to insult Kame and Ueda’s noses and cause a disturbance in our dressing room when I told him it was a wonder he hadn’t just turned into a girl yet with as much as he must take it from behind.”
Massu shudders and suggests they call Yasu for ideas.
---
Yasu had proposed a series of karaoke dates spanning the next three months. The proposal had been accepted unanimously once Koki had pointed out that they have beer at karaoke.
At the first gathering, Koki and Tegoshi perform TORN under the flashing lights, standing on the couch, one on each side of Nagase. The climax is Tegoshi pulling Koki’s ass into him right in front of Nagase’s face, at which moment Nagase provides the traditional “unf.” This is followed by Massu and Yasu singing Desire. Fortunately for Yasu, no one in Gay With Inhibitions seems to wonder why there are two unrecorded songs available at this karaoke place. Then they all dance with appropriate choreography to Chirarizumu and also Sadistic Love, if acting out bondage scenes and doggy-style qualifies as choreography.
Nagase demands a beer intermission, and, despite drinking plenty of beer during the singing, the others readily agree. Massu is slightly sickened by the smell of sweat and cologne in the small room and shifts discreetly away from the pile of sweaty limbs on the couch.
“Ah, we should do our manly tai chi!” Koki exclaims.
“But we’re not in a field,” Nagase points out.
“Actually, I brought another important means for maintaining masculinity,” Yasu says, pulling something out of his bag.
“Bananas?” Tegoshi, ever the skeptical one, raises his eyebrows.
“You’ve heard of the infamous banana diet, right?” Yasu asks and receives four nods of affirmation. “Yoko actually needs it because he is straight, and you can see what wonders it did for him.”
“What about Shige?” Massu asks, while inside he is finding himself somehow agreeing with Yasu’s assessment of Yoko wholeheartedly. “He did the banana diet too even though he actually is gay.”
“Well, it is common knowledge that Shige is a failure in general, so it is no surprise that the ‘conventional methods’ of being gay to lose weight do not work on him,” Tegoshi says as he accepts one of the bananas Yasu is handing out.
“It looks like a penis,” Nagase comments as he holds his peeled banana out in front of him and cranes his neck to look at it from different angles while sticking his tongue out and moving it from side to side. “A really small penis. Not that I’ve ever seen a really small penis, but I imagine this is what a really small penis would look like.”
“Would you stop saying that?” Koki asks. Nagase merely raises his eyebrows at him as he stuffs the entire banana into his mouth. “Can we just get back to singing? I wanna bring some gangsta to the Kinki.”
Koki somehow manages to rap Ai no Katamari during the ensuing Kinki Kids medley, while Nagase ends up with a lapful of Tegoshi. Nagase’s rendition of Hitoribotchi no Haburashi brings tears to everyone’s eyes as the night draws to a close, and the event culminates with Your Seed and the five of them signing at the top of their (tipsy) lungs, “Believe in yourself you can get it up!”
Massu wonders what about five guys singing love songs on a cramped couch in a dimly lit room is a chance to “act natural and not gay at all,” but at least there was someone there who would never make fun of his sense of style. That is the closest anyone comes to uncovering Yasu’s evil plot to get company for karaoke since no one has wanted to go with him lately. Or at least, no one that would not have taken the opportunity to grind their hips into his ass.
---
“Tada!” Koki pulls open his jacket with a flourish and juts his chest out to reveal a t-shirt that says I love you man! “There’s more,” Koki winks as he pulls his arms out of the jacket and turns around to expose the back of the shirt that reads Like a fat kid loves cake.
“Bwuahahahahaha!” Nagase roars with laughter.
“Nice!” Tegoshi tilts his chin up in approval.
“But I love cake too though,” Massu says uncertainly.
“That’s why I brought cake as your reward for being referee for today’s ruckus,” Tegoshi says, and Massu beams.
“So let’s get this started,” Koki says then pumps his fist into the air. “Fighting is manly!”
“Okay, the rules,” Massu smiles. “Nagase-kun’s minion Ueda-kun will be attacking Kamenashi-kun. Koki-kun’s minion Nishikido-kun will be attacking Ueda-kun. Tegoshi’s minion Kamenashi-kun will be attacking Nishikido-kun. The fighting should take place in practice room G one hour from now. The person whose minion, in my final judgment, wins the battle earns an afternoon of masculinity therapy with Yasu. Go!”
“Why hello there, Ueda-kun,” Nagase says then continues despite Ueda’s suspicious look. “Come with me to practice room G. Sempai’s orders.”
“If you weren’t so straight I’d be afraid of you molesting me,” Ueda mutters.
“Nothing of the sort,” Nagase assures him. “I just have some information you might be interested in. Apparently, Kame was trying to sell you out to Nishikido.”
“What?” Ueda’s eyes get wide.
“He said something about ‘payback’ and a ‘stairwell incident,’” Nagase shrugs as he opens the door to the practice room. Ueda groans. “But I am going to teach you the perfect method to get him before he has a chance.”
“Why would you?” Ueda questions.
“Because fighting is manly,” Nagase says cryptically as he walks Ueda in front of the mirror. Then in one deft movement, Nagase has Ueda’s pants on the floor.
“How did you do that?” Ueda gapes.
“That’s what I’m about to teach you,” Nagase answers, “and then once you have Kame in his underwear, all you have to do is make a comment about his thighs.”
“Nishikido-kun,” Koki saunters up to Ryo, spinning around on the way to show off the back of his shirt, “Ueda thinks you’re a disgrace to gay men everywhere. He says you haven’t been allowed to act gay for so long that you probably can’t even kiss anymore.”
“That’s preposterous!” Ryo shouts. “I’m gonna get that little bitch!”
“You know what the perfect plan of attack would be,” Koki says casually, and Ryo’s eyes light up. “Kiss him.”
“What?!” Ryo screeches. “No way would I ever kiss something that looked like that.”
“Well, he would hate being kissed by the likes of you even more, plus you would be able to prove his suppositions about your kissing wrong,” Koki reasons. “I heard he has something in practice room G.”
Ryo bolts off down the hall.
“Just so you know, Kamenashi-kun,” Tegoshi says, “I don’t believe it at all, but Nishikido-kun said he was skinnier than you. What could he have been thinking?!”
“I don’t know whether to cry or slap him.” Kame looks as if he is in a state of shock.
“Neither,” Tegoshi whispers as he leans in close and presses a piece of plastic into Kame’s hands. “Just go to practice room G.”
Kame looks down in confusion. “A water gun?”
“Loaded with premium-grade hair bleach,” Tegoshi smirks, and Kame looks at him in awe.
“What do you have against Nishikido anyway?”
“He was napping in Massu’s lap again.”
Ueda leans against a pile of mats stacked up against the wall in practice room G and waits for the door to open. He does not expect to see Ryo charging at him when it does. Ryo does not stop when he reaches Ueda, just crashes into him, pushing him back into the mats, grabs his face, and kisses him. It takes Ueda about three seconds to realize that there is a tongue running along his lips and one more to slap Ryo’s face away from his. Ryo stumbles to the side from the impact, twisting Ueda around with him, and suddenly the side of Ueda’s head is completely wet. Ueda turns away from Ryo to see Kame standing in the doorway.
“A water gun Kame?” Ueda asks incredulously. “What are you twelve?”
“The hair dye was aimed at Nishikido until you slapped him away,” Kame aims the gun. “Now step away from him before you get it again.”
At that, Ueda flies across the room and follows Nagase’s instructions perfectly. Kame’s pants are suddenly on the ground, and he looks at himself in boxers reflected in mirrors on all sides of the practice room as Ueda stands back to appraise Kame’s legs.
“Wow Kame, your thighs are starting to look like Jin’s,” Ueda says, just as Ryo comes up to attack him from behind.
A bitchfight ensues, to the cheers of Gay With Inhibitions plus Yasu crowded around the doorway and joined by Koyama clutching a first aid kit. Massu disqualifies Kame for failing to use the special technique assigned to him on Ryo, and he disqualifies Ryo for screeching “I do not bitchslap” right in the middle of the fight consisting of nothing but. This of course leaves Ueda as the champion and Nagase thrilled as he walks down the hall with Yasu afterwards on their way to their masculinity therapy date.
“I feel like we’ve done such a manly deed for the day,” Nagase sighs with satisfaction. “Now there is only one more thing that it needs.”
“Beer?” Yasu asks.
“Boobs!” Nagase yells so loud it can probably be heard in all the corridors of the entire building.
“Shhh! You don’t want to end up with a reputation like Yoko, do you?” Yasu warns.
“No,” Nagase considers. “Even I’m not that KY. How can I fix this . . . I know!”
“I meant in the future,” Yasu comments. “What can you do now that they’ve already heard you say it?”
Nagase winks then yells again, “Yamapi has great boobs! Boobs are defined by Yamapi’s!” Then more quietly he asks Yasu, “But really, don’t you think he has a nice rack?”
Yasu facepalms.
---
“Hey Tegoshi,” Nagase asks, “what does ‘irony’ mean?”
Strengthened by Feathers
The day appears to be just like any other as Shige is leaving the jimusho after work. Senga and Nikaido are skating down the hall with arms linked, and Fujigaya and Kitayama are right behind them with lips linked. Ohno and Nino are petting each other on a couch with small smiles of satisfaction, and Chinen is observing them from behind a potted plant, presumably plotting Nino’s demise. Shige thinks the normalcy of the day is further confirmed when he sees pink flash before his eyes, but he realizes he might have been too quick to judge when a second later he is unable to see anything. He feels whatever it is over his eyes being tightened around his head and something tickling along the skin at the back of his neck. Then his hands are tied behind his back with the same fuzzy material, and some is stuffed in his mouth too. Shige thinks they really did not need to go that far; he can already think of too many possible unpleasant punishments if he were to try to resist.
While Shige acknowledges that moving one’s body burns calories, he thinks the whole acting-gay-equals-burning-calories-equals-being-skinny theory is just too many failures in logic. For one thing, acting gay does not require movement. Nishikido-kun is the king of laying his head in other people’s laps. For another thing, there are a lot of movements that do not require any element of gay, such as punching. Or avoiding punches. Then there is the fact that burning calories does not make you skinny if your calorie intake is higher than your rate of calorie burning. Even if it is not, your body could burn primarily protein when it runs out of calories rather than fat, and you could still end up looking like Jin. Shige would prefer to use his energy for other things, such as improving his dance skills and warding off Nishikido-kun’s wrath. Koyama is the exception. He does not mind being gay with Koyama because Koyama’s gay is real; there is meaning behind it because he genuinely feels that close to the people he touches.
Shige can tell there are at least five people when they untie his hands and strip him before pushing him onto his back on a bed. He feels his wrists and ankles being bound and tied to the bed as the fluffy stuff is removed from his mouth only to be immediately tied around his head as another form of gag instead.
“He needs a collar,” Hina whispers as five members of Kanjani8 stand back to admire their handiwork, and they can see Shige tense at hearing a voice for the first time.
Just as Hina is putting the finishing touches on the collar, Ohkura tries to feel Shige up. Hina, Yoko, and Yasu immediately pull him off Shige and push him into the hall, making sure the door is securely closed behind them.
“Keep your hands off Shige,” Hina threatens Ohkura. “He is for Maru.”
“Sorry,” Ohkura says, though he does not look it one bit.
Maru touches Shige’s body, reveling in the feel and wondering how magnified it is for Shige who cannot anticipate it. However, he also feels limited as much as Shige in some respects. He can feel Shige’s body reacting under his touch, but he cannot see what Shige feels inside. He wants this to go both ways and removes the blindfold so that he can see Shige’s eyes.
Shige chokes on the gag in his mouth when he can see again. He is not sure himself whether it is because he sees Maru hovering over him in a bra and panties or because he can finally tell what all the fuzziness binding him is. Maru grins down at him, and Shige’s eyes are huge for a few moments, though they do not seem to be unhappy. Then Maru slowly takes the gag out because he wants to kiss him, but Shige explodes before he gets a chance to.
“What the fuck is with the pink feather boas?!”
“This is what happens when you ask Yoko for help getting into someone’s pants then Yoko asks Arashi for ideas,” Maru answers a little awkwardly.
Shige snorts. ”Next time you want that, just ask.”
Maru relaxes and leans down and kisses him.
“Why are we here anyway?” Yasu asks, looking around the hallway and peering into the bathroom now that their task is complete.
“We needed a venue,” Yoko explains, “and apparently he needed some ‘time to deal’ with Subaru.”
“I am actually a little surprised Ryo was okay with this,” Hina comments.
“Ryo is pervy,” Yoko shrugs. ”Besides, I agreed to convince Maru to leave the boas behind.”
When Shige suddenly groans loudly, Ohkura, Yoko, and Hina-in that order-have their ears pressed up to the door within seconds.
“I wonder whether Kyoko-chan would make noises like that if I pinched her nipples,” Yoko ponders.
“I feel your heterosexual pain,” Yasu says, patting Yoko on the shoulder and glancing surreptitiously at Ohkura and Hina with their hands already down each others’ pants, “but this is a harsh environment to survive in, so you might want to keep that to yourself.”
“Do you know what I’ve always wanted to do?” Maru asks as he works his fingers through Shige’s hair and kisses along his jaw.
“What?” Shige grunts.
Maru moves up to straddle Shige’s chest and starts thrusting his still panty-covered erection towards Shige’s very unimpressed face.
“Sexual harassment.” Maru wiggles his eyebrows.
Shige tries to bite at Maru’s cock through the panties, but he settles for growling at Maru to get on with it already when he is unsuccessful. Maru positions his body over Shige’s and brings himself down so that Shige’s cock is brushing his erection through the panties, and they both groan at the contact until Maru lifts up again. Shige continues to strain against the boas that are binding him as Maru swirls his tongue around one of his nipples then blows a puff of air over it while pinching the other.
“Maruyama,” Shige gasps.
“We’re having sex here. You could at least call me by my first name.”
“Yeah . . .” Shige starts and trails off, looking at Maru with uncertainty.
“You don’t know my name, do you?” Maru asks a little disappointedly.
“I’m sorry,” Shige pleads. “I . . . forgot . . . I . . .”
“Just call me ‘Orange’ then,” Maru sighs, and Shige raises his eyebrows.
“Can we just talk about this once my cock isn’t throbbing anymore? Your name. Not why you feel comfortable being called ‘Orange’ during sex.”
In response, Maru settles between Shige’s legs and leans down to suck his cock into his mouth. He holds Shige’s hips firmly as he tightens his lips and starts to move up and down, occasionally doing something with his tongue that causes Shige to whimper. When he feels Shige’s body tremor, he wraps a pink boa around the base of Shige’s cock and ties it securely just as he lets Shige fall from his lips.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Shige says with frustration.
Maru ignores him in favor of tugging off his panties then searching through the nightstand for lube and a condom. What Ryo needs six bottles of strawberry-flavored lube for is anybody’s guess, but Maru would not put eating it straight out of the bottle past him.
“Wouldn’t it be easier if you untied my ankles?” Shige asks when Maru settles between his legs again and uncaps the lube, but Maru just hums as he coats his fingers and reaches to press a finger into himself. “Oh.”
Shige twists his wrists around to grab the pink boas in his hands and hold himself up so that he can see Maru better. Maru watches Shige watching him until he presses in a second finger and has to close his eyes to steady himself. He barely has a third finger inside himself when he hears Shige make a noise in his throat and slowly opens his eyes to find Shige glaring at him. Maru moans and pulls his fingers out before he is completely ready, quickly untying the pink boa from Shige’s cock and rolling a condom onto him. He moves to position himself above Shige, and Shige bucks his hips up as soon as Maru starts to sink down onto him. Maru chokes on his breath and fixes his gaze on Shige’s eyes.
They share a look of agreement that no apologies will be given or are necessary, though Shige does strain to control himself for a moment until Maru begins to move. Shige tries to push up into Maru each time the other slides down onto him, becoming tighter and tighter as he begins stroking his own cock. They struggle to maintain eye contact until Shige sees so many possible scenes of sex with Maru playing out in the other man’s eyes that he has to turn his head to the side. When Maru lets go, Shige comes immediately afterwards, Maru’s body squeezing him through it.
Maru leans his head on Shige’s shoulder, trying to rub the hair stuck to his forehead with sweat out of his eyes on Shige’s skin. He eventually moves to gently untie the pink boas from Shige’s wrists. He attempts to rub the marks left there, but Shige is twisting and pushing him back onto the bed as much as the bindings still around his ankles allow him to and kissing him messily and grasping at his bra. Maru sighs in pleasure as they both let out their frustrations of being somewhat forced into the opposite roles than are normal for them. Shige strains to roll completely on top of Maru, forgetting for a moment that his ankles are still bound. Suddenly the part of the bed that one of his ankles is tied to breaks off, flying to hit Shige in the ass with the recoil of the boa. Maru laughs so hard that he starts slapping the bed, and Shige winces as he rubs at his sore ass.
“Next time you want in my pants,” Shige says roughly, “it might be more effective if I found you tied to my bed.”
“You know this is the second time you’ve mentioned ‘next time.’ I’m going to get the wrong impression.”
“It wouldn’t be wrong,” Shige clarifies, disentangling himself from Maru. “As long as you untie my ankles now.”
Maru laughs and slides to the bottom of the bed then starts to loosen the knots.
“Where are we?” Shige asks, finally looking at their surroundings and realizing that it is not Maru’s room.
“Ryo’s apartment,” Maru answers without looking up.
“Figures,” Shige says after thinking about it for a moment and realizing there was nothing to freak out over, considering that Kanjani8 was involved and that Ryo was quite possibly the person who had invented boa bondage. Why is he suddenly thinking of him as Ryo now that he has had sex in his bed anyway? It is Maru’s name that he still has to find out, not that he would be stupid enough to ask Ryo what it was. Shige then wipes himself with the sheets. The freak would probably like that too.
Tested by the Ocean
When Ryo first hears about the “gay diet” from Yamapi, he assumes that it will be just another far-fetched and short-lived rumor in the jimusho. Like when everyone shaved their legs for a month until Sho had pointed out that that was what airbrush was invented for. Or when they only showered every three days to prevent their bodies from producing excess oil until Koichi threw a temper tantrum at the smell. But when he walks into a Kanjani8 meeting to see Uchi and Ohkura making out to the cheers of Maru, Yoko, and Hina, the realization that this particular rumor had made its way to the Kansai juniors has him cringing with worry.
“I’d say that kiss right there is burning about a hundred calories,” Maru assesses.
“What do you know?” Hina squawks and hits Maru over the head.
“Well we do know that it would burn more calories if it were even hotter!” Yoko wiggles his eyebrows.
Yasu rolls his eyes at the commotion before pushing up the sleeves on his pink hoodie and starting to pick at his guitar.
Ryo’s gaze falls to Subaru, whose brow reflects the uneasiness that Ryo feels. Subaru catches his eye, and they both nod slightly in a silent promise. There is no way to escape some things that life in the jimusho throws at you, but there are ways to fortify yourself against the brunt of them.
That night Ryo climbs into the passenger seat of Subaru’s car. This is not really a discussion either of them want to have in their parents’ homes. They drive in silence for a long time until Subaru finally breaks it with a whisper.
“But I am gay.”
“I know. I am too.”
“I know.” Subaru grips the wheel tightly.
“Find somewhere to stop,” Ryo instructs.
Subaru eventually pulls into an empty parking lot near the sea, and they get out and sit on the trunk of the car. They breathe in the chilly, salty air and feel their faces begin to get sticky from the spray.
“I mean, I can act gay just fine,” Ryo starts after a few minutes. “If that’s what they want.”
“Me too,” Subaru says, “but not like Uchi and Ohkura were going at it.”
“Exactly,” Ryo agrees. “I don’t want to be intimate with just anyone.”
“Intimacy should be real,” Subaru says softly.
“And I am afraid that everyone acting gay because they think it burns calories will have a negative effect because those feelings are real to me,” Ryo adds. “To us.”
“Could we support each other?” Subaru asks tentatively. “To remind ourselves of the difference between real intimacy and merely ‘acting gay’ in order to avoid getting confused somehow?”
Instead of answering, Ryo leans over to kiss Subaru chastely on the lips, lifting one hand to Subaru’s face and pressing his thumb along his cheekbone. He pulls back after only a few seconds, but only far enough to speak brokenly against Subaru’s lips.
“Promise . . . me . . .” Ryo pauses to swallow, “that we can only be . . . intimate with . . . each other. Until one of us finds the right person to have . . . that sort of relationship with . . . for real.”
“I promise,” Subaru says, and they press their lips together again. Subaru gropes around for Ryo’s other hand, and Ryo runs his fingers under the glove still covering Subaru’s hand from that day’s work when he finds it. Their tongues timidly test out the territory that would become too familiar, too dangerous, in time.
---
The clandestine meetings in closets for brief make out sessions are awkward at first. Then without realizing that a change had taken place they feel they need them more and more to retain a sense of identity. They see no hypocrisy in acting gay in the manufactured sense; the managers stop harping about banana diets and fanservice, and they knew they were selling characters along with their souls from the beginning. They dream of finding someone to be with for real, visions of hips grinding and heads resting on shoulders actually making them feel something playing out on the backs of their eyelids as they slide their tongues together.
---
Silence again envelops them the second time they drive to the sea, the air instead heavy with the unspoken knowledge that the pressures of work combined with this support mechanism of theirs have escalated their need for release. They grasp each other’s hands desperately as they walk from the car down onto and along the beach. The black sky and the black sea and the sound of the rolling waves blotting out any apprehension of error in the decision they are making tonight. Touching each other this way for the first time is meant to be a reminder that intimacy can and should flow from commitment.
They have sex up against a rock with feet sinking into the cool sand underneath the surface that is still losing its heat from the sun. Subaru supports Ryo with one hand, his other pressing one of Ryo’s hands into the rock. Ryo feels the scrape of the rock against his ass and the pattering rain on his head and bare chest. They taste salt on each other’s lips and the droplets running down their cheeks, the sounds of their pants swallowed by the kiss and drowned out by the ocean that seems to take away the existence of this moment and murmur of an eventual possibility of true love.
---
The atmosphere is heavy when Ryo walks out of the office into the room where the rest of Kanjani8 is waiting. As soon as the door closes behind him, it swings open again, and the manager he had been meeting with pops his head out.
“And Nishikido-kun,” the manager looks his small frame up and down critically, “you had better stop acting gay so that you actually grow up.”
Ryo’s eyes are big and uncertain, but he nods at the manager and tells him he understands before turning to go to dance rehearsal for a trial run of their new costumes. By this time everyone knows about their relationship, if not the details of what it means (or does not mean), and they agree to a plan among themselves as Ryo and Subaru robotically remove their costumes on the other side of the room. It is not much, but it is what they can do.
“Hey,” Yasu says gently, putting one hand on Ryo’s shoulder and the other on Subaru’s. “Leave your costumes to us. Hina will cause a distraction for the higher-ups. You two sneak out, and we’ll take care of the rest.”
Subaru and Ryo glance at each other then nod at Yasu and give the others looks of gratitude as they make their way out.
They go to the sea that night for the last time. A slow, sweet, soft kiss speaks more of their sudden regret than words ever could, the feel of each other’s skin for once sending shivers that indicate that this might possibly have become more than they had ever anticipated.
“We’ll be okay, right?” Subaru asks with his forehead resting on Ryo’s shoulder, fingers pressing and moving over Ryo’s hips with moderate pressure as if to confirm an unknown something.
“It has gotten pretty easy to distinguish the genuine from the fake,” Ryo says.
“Yeah,” Subaru agrees, “and I’m used to the barrage of gay now. I even sort of like it.”
“You would,” Ryo laughs a little, but it sounds more like it is masking a sob.
“Does this mean you won’t be having sex at all?”
“Maybe not much. I’ll just have to take pervert lessons from you to make up for it.”
“I’m sure Ohkura wouldn’t mind getting it on with you once in a while if you need it.”
“He is so vain.”
Subaru chuckles and moves his hands to Ryo’s back. They embrace each other tightly until their legs get tired and give out. Lying in the sand with their heads resting against each other, they agree to end it. They spend the night pressed up against one another like that, clasped hands never letting go.
In the grey light of the approaching morning they brush the sand off themselves and walk back to the car. A heavy wind shakes the trees, an apparition of a storm. They hold hands the entire ride back, and their fingers catch more than they had expected when they let go.
---
They only realize afterwards that maybe they really did love each other. Maybe it was more than groping hands and slick tongues and sweaty sex. Maybe it was comforting hands and fulfilling sex that reflected their trust and knowledge of, and care for, each other. They get along for years as adults, telling each other they are happy, but they always have a lingering feeling of lost love.
---
When Jin calls and says he wants to hang out but not go out, Ryo is immediately apprehensive.
“I’ll be at your place in an hour,” Jin says.
“If you think you are going to bring seven girls who don’t speak Japanese over here and have an orgy, you are sorely mistaken,” Ryo warns.
“I just want to talk to you, okay?”
“Sure. I’ll be here.” Ryo thinks something serious must be going on with Jin. Maybe the jimusho is getting on him about being too fat again. Still, he is somewhat annoyed that his quiet night in reading Antique Bakery is being interrupted. Gay and cakes-it does not get any better than that.
Ryo offers Jin a beer when he arrives, but Jin tells him to put it back in the refrigerator.
“What is so serious that you can’t talk about it with beer?” Ryo asks worriedly as he joins Jin on the couch. “You didn’t sleep with Ohkura, did you?”
“No!” Jin exclaims. “Telling you about losing my male virginity would require plenty of beer. Trust me.”
“True,” Ryo grins.
“But speaking of Ohkura, he has lost a lot of weight lately,” Jin muses. “It is affecting my hypothesis.”
“I know!” Ryo whines disappointedly in regards to Ohkura. He knows better than to ask when Jin says he has a “hypothesis.”
“You liked his ass, didn’t you?” Jin gives a knowing wink.
“I like ass in general,” Ryo clarifies, “but you didn’t come here to talk about that. What is going on Jin?”
“First I want you to know that I am only bringing this up because I am your friend and I care about you,” Jin starts.
“Okay . . .”
“There is this rumor circulating around Johnny’s fandom-”
“Wait,” Ryo cuts Jin off. “How would you even know about something like that?”
“That’s not important,” Jin replies in a calming tone. “Rumor has it that the jimusho forced you to stop seeing Subaru because they thought you got too close. That telling you to stop acting gay so you would grow up was only a cover up so other people in the jimusho found it reasonable for you to suddenly end things with him.”
By this time Ryo is gaping and there are tears welling in his eyes, and Jin knows that this rumor has at least some truth behind it. Jin scoots across the couch and hugs Ryo to his chest until the other is sobbing and shaking against him.
“Don’t tell anyone,” Ryo eventually says, sitting back and blinking the last of the wetness from his eyes as he looks imploringly at Jin.
“I won’t,” Jin says, “but does Subaru know?”
“I think so,” Ryo says sadly. “I could never bring myself to tell him, but I think he knew from the beginning.”
“Do you still love him?” Jin asks.
“Is that in the rumor too?” Ryo asks in surprise.
“No,” Jin shakes his head with a small smile. “I could just tell that you never quite got over it.”
“I don’t,” Ryo answers honestly, “but I do still feel like I haven’t entirely moved on from the pain it caused yet.”
“Maybe you should talk to him,” Jin suggests. “Maybe you two can move past it together.”
Ryo nods. “Thanks.”
Jin squeezes Ryo’s shoulder and lets himself out of his apartment, already hearing Ryo on the phone with Subaru by the time he closes the door behind him.
---
The ride there is filled with talk about music and tours and how Uchi complains about not going back to his old groups because he has gained so much weight over the last few years with no one to be gay with on a regular basis and how Massu apparently is Gay With Inhibitions after all. They fall silent, however, when they turn into the parking lot that neither of them has been to in years. The sound of the rolling waves brings back a flood of memories when they crack their doors open.
“If we are here all night we are staying in the car this time,” Ryo looks at Subaru over the top of the car with the faintest hint of a smile in his eyes. “I was sore for days after lying on that sand all night.”
“Me too,” Subaru groans, “and we got sand all over my car.”
Now Ryo’s lips even twitch into a slight smile. Subaru’s heart mimics it unseen as they walk down to the water’s edge. They do not look at each other at first, just stare out into the endless expanse in front of them, seeing each other’s faces and bodies of the past reflected there.
“You knew, didn’t you? Why.” Ryo speaks only after they have been there long enough to notice the tide receding.
“Yes. I assumed.”
“I’m sorry I never said anything.”
“Don’t be,” Subaru turns his head to look at Ryo, face entirely exposed as the wind sweeps his hair back from it. “You didn’t need to.”
“We’ve always told each other we were happy,” Ryo turns his head to look at Subaru before continuing. “Do you think we can move on to a place where it can be true?”
“You mean a lot to me Ryo, not in the gay or lovers ways, but more than most people. I don’t want to lose that.”
“Me neither,” Ryo nods, “and I really can say that I am not in love with you anymore.”
“I am not in love with you anymore either,” Subaru grins, “and I think it is true that we are happy now.”
Ryo smiles, and Subaru hugs him tightly.
“This is the first non-‘gay’ contact I've experienced in a long time,” Ryo wraps his arms around Subaru, “and that means a lot.”
“I think somewhere along the way we lost that feeling of people being important apart from love, sex, calories, and survival,” Subaru says.
“Let’s not lose it again.” Ryo decides maybe he needs to hang out with Koyama more often.
They return to the car and sit on the trunk, eating bentos that Yoko had sent along with Ryo as part of some “exchange agreement.”
“We should be perverts in crime!” Subaru says around a mouthful.
“And allies of humanity!” Ryo adds with a laugh. “We could be our own group like Gay With Inhibitions.”
“Perverts For Humanity!” Subaru exclaims, and they both laugh.
“You should stop by my place when we get back to Tokyo,” Ryo wiggles his eyebrows. “I'll give you some pink feather boas.”
“. . .”
To the next part