Trains and Trails verse: 01. Blurring the lines
Title: 01. Blurring the lines
Pairing: Ueda centric, and Junno/Koki flashes
Rated: R (for Ueda’s “wild” imagination) - just to be safe
Warnings: AU!, new verse of mine, there are and will be (in the future) mentions of sex, descriptions of foreplay and possible kinks . . .
Summary: His name is Ueda Tatsuya. He is a rather normal, one might even say diligent, university student by day and porn writer by . . . This is for Rin. There is a longish A/N under the cut ;D
Beta by beltenebra
A/N:
This started out as a one-shot. Then it swelled as I kept on developing to the original story I had in mind. I actually have notes on various subplots (le gasp). Looking over them and seeing how long the part I already had written was, I decided to split this.
It´s not a multichapter though. I can promise you 3 more parts that are a bit more connected, but after that it’s all free reign.
I just decided to not post one hellishly long fic and instead to create a universe. I came up with silly hints of side stories of characters that might only pass through at first. I promise not to let you hanging. I can’t seem to write big bulks of this at the same time, but the 4 parts will get written (in some reasonable time intervals) and then I’ll see if I still like what is now officially called Trains and Trails verse ;D.
Also the concept of writing porn on trains is not my idea. I mean it was not my idea to fic it. That is all Rin! Right, no more talking.
Someone has called it creepy, someone has laughed (lol-ed, lmao-ed, rofl-ed, and there was also the :DDDDD reaction), and there is this one reader who thinks it is somehow cool. There is one that considers it to be illness - addiction of some sort - to write everywhere without any filter or regard for his surroundings. In his opinion, it is an effective use of time.
To study on a train, or a bus, is an option. However, it is not a very practical one - more often than not he had found himself dozing off, not remembering a thing from what he had read. He knows the scenery by heart by now, having made the same journey one too many times over the past 3 years or so. He still sleeps during this journey from time to time when he is too tired to even keep his eyes open. But sleeping on a train or a bus has its risk. On a train, you can easily wake up without your belongings, in both train and bus you can travel maybe a little too far away. The sleep is unsettling, interrupted by stops or people changing in the seat next to you. His neck always ends up hurting, and he feels more tired than refreshed afterwards. All in all, the risk and inconveniences of sleeping on a train or a bus are much bigger than those of writing porn on it.
It starts innocently, a notebook and a pen and thoughts pouring onto the paper, his hand too slow for the speed of his mind. But too soon it gets dark in the bus, and he can´t see a thing and has to stop writing while his mind keeps on racing. He can’t read half of the things later on, and the story ends up lame and totally different than the one he imagined originally. The result is almost the same as when he writes only in his mind while looking at the scenery and tries to reproduce the story after coming home. Besides, the rating is PG-13 when he posts it. No big deal.
He still tries afterwards, his notebook filled with scribbles that would give a top intelligence staff a hard time deciphering it. He gets bolder when writing in general, getting fed up with glossing over what happens when emotions get out of the hand - that or lust - or just, you know hormones, in general. The big step, the one of crossing the line and writing something rated at least R - it happens on a bus - he’s writing a story, plot and deep meaning and all, but the woman next to him keeps bumping into him, and sighing and groaning, and he is so distracted he loses the plot (and of course the deep thoughts as well) completely. Instead, he tries to write the emotions out. It's not full-out intercourse, there is no penetration, but they are sated and confused at the end. The woman got off (the bus) long time ago, and the man, who seems to be about his age, sitting next to him looks way too engrossed in his music to care one bit what he scribbles about. It doesn't even raise his adrenaline level; it is so natural.
The winter nears as the semester progresses. Travelling by bus when the roads are slippery, ice or snow not cleaned properly, and the “professional” drivers are as reckless as ever, is not safe enough for his comfort, and he finds himself on a train. Pulling out his laptop is much easier here, and this way the thoughts are not slowed down by his hand as much (typing is much faster than handwriting after all). The text is readable even afterwards, and the screen light of his laptop is enough to let him continue even when it is dark outside. He knows a perfect solution when he sees one.
Spring finds him on a train rather than on a bus, even if he has to change trains while bus line is a direct one. It is more comfortable to travel by train anyway; the price has levelled over the years, and thoughts pouring onto the Word document every time he pulls the laptop out make him forget the outside world. They make the three hour long ride fly by, have him active and writing even when he would otherwise have no time, and his mind is calmer because writing never stopped being “the way to deal” for him. It’s not sickness, it’s not obsession, it is not cool, dangerous or adventurous. He just deals. And writes porn on the train. No one is looking anyway.
His name is Ueda Tatsuya. He is a rather normal, one might even say diligent, university student by day and porn writer by . . . not by night really, by day and by night, by ungodly four am in the morning and mostly by train rides. He is
on_train_ otaku on livedream.org having received a gift certificate from an anonym to be able to change his username from
i_heart_junki after his love for trains became publicly known), and he writes fan-fiction (fun-fiction is more like it, he thinks, grins and makes Koki stumble over thin air while Junno assesses his ass and the way a small strip of his pale skin flashes when Koki flails his arms in his fall) in the general Lucrative Undone Boy Essence fandom (middle generation to be precise), with a special love for Junno/Koki pairing but not avoiding any characters, and gets guilty pleasure out of writing Nagase with everyone and anyone. He has crossed that line and writes sex as well. Graphic sex. On trains. It makes the stories crispier.
Today’s train ride is uneventful. The time and day is not very typical for students to travel in flocks, so he sits alone in his compartment for most of the ride. Only about half an hour to go and he will be home. He sighs. He knows he won´t be able to finish this and only hopes that Junno will stop teasing Koki and let him come by the time he will have to close the file. He can write the 'morning after' scene when he gets home, but he hates stopping in the middle of the business and then having to continue from the middle later on when the mood and the spell of monotonous rattling of the train is broken. Junno is currently dipping his tongue into Koki’s navel, with Koki’s hands tied to the headboard so he can only beg and shiver and toss and buck his hips in search of some friction. But Junno doesn’t like that, oh no, so he takes a firm hold of Koki’s hips and continues his slow and slick journey down Koki’s body.
Ueda smirks, he bets Koki got punished somehow for that stunt he pulled on Junno on their last radio show. The sound of Junno’s voice after that prank was enough for Ueda’s mind to imagine, to know for sure, what went down afterwards. Ueda sighs because he has only fifteen minutes left and clearly Junno is pushing it and won’t be done. Tease. Ueda inhales sharply, shifting his laptop up his thighs a little, and finds himself looking into gentle and understanding eyes of a man sitting opposite to him. Ueda has no clue when he got there.
“Having a hard day, huh? Working even on the train,” the man notes, points to the notebook, his lanky arm suddenly becoming very attractive in Ueda’s eyes as he sees the firm biceps moving. The man has dark, reddish hair, skinny jeans, v-neck t-shirt and is oozing sex appeal. But he has this caring look on his face, mouth forming a sympathetic frown.
“Yeah,” Ueda forces out, tearing his eyes away from the man and adding a small note to make Junno run his hands across Koki’s strained arm muscles later on, feeling them work as they fight the bounds.
“I’m Koyama.” The man does not give up, “What about you taking a little break and talking to me for a little? Maybe I can help. Or at least some small talk might take your mind off things.”
“Oh, right,” Ueda stutters. He sucks at talking to strangers. But interaction is good, and the man’s eyes are so gentle. “Ok . . .” he says slowly, making Junno trail his fingers under Koki’s eyes with care to contrast to harsh way he is grinding against him, and Ueda closes the laptop, hitting the save button. He keeps his laptop on in his lap and faces the man.
“I am getting off at the next station anyway.”
The corners of Koyama’s mouth drop a little.
“Oh, that’s . . . I wish I would have started talking to you earlier. But you seemed so concentrated on your work. I didn’t want to interrupt. What is it, some kind of a project?”
“Yeah . . . something like that,” Ueda says slowly, eyes darting out of the window.
“I’m sorry. I am prying,” Koyama clasps a hand over his mouth, the movement exposing one of his collarbones.
collarbones, Ueda files into one corner of his brain.
“I wanted to make you stop thinking about work, didn’t I? Ok, then, hmmm . . . have you heard the new TT single? I kind of like it, and Koki’s rap is getting better, isn’t it?”
Ueda stares, sputters . . .
“Right, probably not your cup of coffee,” Koyama laughs lightly, “I am one of their few fan boys, I guess. But you look more like you’re into rock and stuff. Maybe Nagase would be your type inside LUBE. Right . . . I . . .”
Koyama trails away just as the train starts to slow down before Ueda’s station. The man chuckles; he is not the only one not able to keep his infatuation subtle, apparently. Well he has his own way of showing his love, he thinks.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Koyama,” Ueda says cheerfully, grin spreading across his face. Koyama looks relieved about Ueda not being offended by being labelled as potential Nagase fanboy. “And I think Junno still powns Koki’s rap with his step dance,” Ueda adds as he shuts the door of the compartment on the tall lanky man.
You wrote porn on the train again, I can tell
cool_fan_no_one adds at the end of his flaily comment when Ueda posts his next story.
yeah, is there a problem? Ueda adds at the end of his thank you reply, knowing the other is just teasing. He is his number one fan after all. Though he believes the username refers to Junno actually.
no, I’m just laughing my head off at the picture of you all turned on and licking your lips while doing so is a reply that Ueda does not plan on dignifying with an answer. In the end, he settles for
you are imagining ME Oo
His number one fan remains silent on the matter. Surprisingly, there are quite a few men in this fandom, and they know of each other. It is only logical they do. But the gender is about the only thing Ueda knows about his faithful reader’s real life. That and the fact he must be pretty self-centered since he doesn´t even know his name, the man letting everyone call him No.1 for short.
Ueda is on a roll lately, but he wonders if the stories aren’t always the same. He has been writing fan-fiction for more than a year now, and most of that time it was Junno and Koki getting together or dating each other. He has seen so many other things written that he asks himself why people continue to read his stories when they keep having the same concept. He likes writing about two people coming together, finding a way for their love to turn into relationship, making that relationship work because it is worth it. He would write these stories even if no one read them, but he wonders if he shouldn´t at least try something else. If he shouldn’t challenge himself for the sake of his readers. He might possibly also want to prove that he can write plot - more to himself than anyone else but that is not substantial.
It’s not like he spends days and nights thinking about all this. It is on his way to school, watching the trees pass by as Junno is stuck at a drama shooting and can’t make it home where Koki waits for him with a romantic movie and his best red boxers on because Junno had once said red makes his ass look good. The cursor is slowly blinking, and soon the screen will turn black. Ueda wants to finish this one as it is an excuse to write one of his (not so many) kinks again. He’s planning on making Junno come home really late and appease Koki by paying extra attention to his cute little buns, making him squirm as he does things with his tongue that the other has not even thought about being possible with his tongue.
However, Ueda got sidetracked by the dark clouds gathering to his left, angry blue staining the perfect sky. It contradicts the sun and two idyllic white, fluffy, not-really-clouds-at-all to his right. One part of the world ignores the struggle of atmospheric changes taking place not so far away while it baths in the blissful grace of the sun. Somehow, he wishes he could write out those images, those feelings, so that they do not sound cheesy and plain. He wishes he could do them justice. But who cares about blue sky when there is sex about to happen, he wonders bitterly.
There is something wrong about having aspirations in fanfiction writings. And he is never going to be a real writer. So get together stories are just fine, he concludes and goes back to Koki who is getting impatient, thinking the worst (that being Junno falling into some devil trap of the juniors pining after his fame).
The train comes to a halt in the next station and the door of his train car flies open, a group of three possibly college freshmen choose four seats right in Ueda’s line of vision. They are chatting loudly, the voices piercing the convenient wall of music blasting in his headphones. There is a girl who is smiling brightly, her hair up, ponytails bobbing as she can't keep still. She can’t beat the smile on the face of the person who is clearly her boyfriend though-a young man with broad shoulders and straight hair falling into his eyes and with mouth split into a smile that blinds even Ueda. He wonders how exactly he keeps it on for more than a minute or two, but the young man watches his girlfriend, nodding enthusiastically as she tells him about the cool shop with bright-coloured pants she found, and his smile only gets wider as she gets more and more excited.
There is one other boy with them, and he hasn’t sat down yet, which is why Ueda is still looking at them. The standing figure in his view has him distracted, not able to concentrate. This boy is almost as pretty as the girl, Ueda thinks, and his lips are curved into this half pout-half frown as he watches the girl. It looks like he is upset by the fact she sat down next to the smiling man, leaving him the opposite seat. He then throws his bag up onto the rack and opens the window, wedging between the other man’s legs so he can lean out of it. The smiley man tells him not to put his head out, and ends up clutching his t-shirt to prevent any dangerous happenings. Ueda can see the change on the face currently exposed to the strong wind out of the moving train. It relaxes, his mouth curving up, his eyes softer now that he has the attention of the smiling man.
Ueda closes his rimming project number three and opens a new document. The plot forms in his head almost instantly, and the story begins on a windy afternoon when Junno and Koki film a music video on a beach. Junno is trying to score a female extra, and Koki watches him from underneath his hardcore rapper cap. The wind plays with Junno’s longish hair, his cheeks have great colour, the fresh air doing miracles, his eyes shine in Koki’s opinion as he follows the girl’s every move.
Ueda stops. Would either of them really be jealous? Would they keep it in or fight it out? Would they even be believable if he wrote one of them straight, the other struggling to accept the truth? Where are the limits of this pairing’s potential? Koki could be clingy in private for sure, but he would never ask for attention as the man in front of Ueda just did.
The smiling man in the train is now leaning out of the window as well, both of them laughing, hair messed up and getting into their eyes and mouth, and they are blissfully riding on the wave of their youth. The girls is contently holding onto one hand of her boyfriend, playing with his fingers, her boyfriend still making sure his friend is safe with his other hand. The balance is fragile and Ueda sighs.
He looks down and writes about how Koki accepts the reality even as he dreams of midnight skinny dipping in the ocean with Junno. Even as he imagines they would still be together, touch each other, hold each other in the waves, hidden by the power of the ocean and dark of the night because Junno still loves him and would watch out for him even while looking for his future wife that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Koki knows the ocean will be theirs. He goes swimming all alone, and the underwater stream envelopes his body just like Junno’s arms would, and the strong waves pound against his torso just as Junno’s body would.
Ueda lifts his head only to see the three youngsters leave. The girl is still laughing, the corners of the smiling man’s mouth will reach his ears any minute now and the boy with unrequited love issues has his cheeks flushed from strong wind and his eyes fixed on the back of the other two, his own smile not reaching his eyes. Not until he purposefully trips right after getting out of the train and his friend catches him, the drink one of them was holding spilling all over both of them. The smiling man scrunches his nose and takes his t-shirt off.
“Sticky.” Ueda hears him whining through the still open window as the train speeds up and both of his companions forget to hide their stares. Ueda looks down on his Word document and notes down to not overdo it with all that angst. Koki is still mischievous enough to throw Junno into the ocean the next day as they wrap up the shooting. He takes tons of pictures of Junno in white wet shirt with his hair sticking onto his forehead as the man swears at him. They will go straight into his very private and very secret photo collection.
YOU like ponytails, don’t you? is written at the end of a comment by
cool_fan_no_one to a fic Ueda writes one sunny afternoon.
would you grow your hair out for me if I said I did? Ueda types at the end of his reply, but only after he addresses all the flail of the great comment this guy has left him yet again. He smirks a little and does not expect an answer.
. . . maybe ;D, he finds in his inbox few days later.
The image of the man he saw getting off his train a couple of days ago returns immediately. He had thick brown hair, slightly curly, all of it tied by a red hair elastic that was pulled up in a way more typical for women than for men. It looked perfect. Ueda knew almost certainly it would spill out, shining in the light as if celebrating its freedom if he would pull at its red binding. The hair would frame the face he got only a glimpse of, falling in cascades of fluffy adornment of bright eyes and soft skin.
And that is why in this one fic, Junno wears his hair up, needing it grown out for his samurai role and not used to styling it when it is this long. It drives Koki mad with how Junno’s neckline is prominent, how his jaw line looks so freaking kissable and how the loose strand that fell out of the elastic is calling for Koki to wrap it around his finger. In this story, the physical attraction comes first, Koki feeling the need to fuck his good friend into the nearest wall, only to be tamed and restrained just like that hair. Koki holds back though, until he is sure that after he does fuck Junno into some random wall (possibly of their dressing room), he will be able to still look into his eyes and caress that hair (which he will have pulled on by then) and promise Junno that it will happen again. And Koki might possibly even let Junno be the one doing the fucking next time (eyebrow wiggle)-or something similarly cheesy.
It is the hair that mattered. And Ueda wishes he knew not only what his inspiration looked like but also smelled like because that would make his own fantasies more real. He realizes that there is a trap hiding behind his wish and hopes he can keep dissolving his desire in his stories. There, it is all just fun and games. There, it is safe.
~
I swear I have no clue where JunKi came from. It might possibly have something with me running away from them as fast as possible when writing “normaly.” So Ueda is allowed. Also, I feel the need to point out this story is not in any way autobiographic. I think. It’s more something to remember for the future I guess. lol lol And how is this more about writing process and inspirations than about Ueda writing porn on train?
Comments are love, constructive criticism even more.
Pairing: Ueda centric, and Junno/Koki flashes
Rated: R (for Ueda’s “wild” imagination) - just to be safe
Warnings: AU!, new verse of mine, there are and will be (in the future) mentions of sex, descriptions of foreplay and possible kinks . . .
Summary: His name is Ueda Tatsuya. He is a rather normal, one might even say diligent, university student by day and porn writer by . . . This is for Rin. There is a longish A/N under the cut ;D
Beta by beltenebra
A/N:
This started out as a one-shot. Then it swelled as I kept on developing to the original story I had in mind. I actually have notes on various subplots (le gasp). Looking over them and seeing how long the part I already had written was, I decided to split this.
It´s not a multichapter though. I can promise you 3 more parts that are a bit more connected, but after that it’s all free reign.
I just decided to not post one hellishly long fic and instead to create a universe. I came up with silly hints of side stories of characters that might only pass through at first. I promise not to let you hanging. I can’t seem to write big bulks of this at the same time, but the 4 parts will get written (in some reasonable time intervals) and then I’ll see if I still like what is now officially called Trains and Trails verse ;D.
Also the concept of writing porn on trains is not my idea. I mean it was not my idea to fic it. That is all Rin! Right, no more talking.
Someone has called it creepy, someone has laughed (lol-ed, lmao-ed, rofl-ed, and there was also the :DDDDD reaction), and there is this one reader who thinks it is somehow cool. There is one that considers it to be illness - addiction of some sort - to write everywhere without any filter or regard for his surroundings. In his opinion, it is an effective use of time.
To study on a train, or a bus, is an option. However, it is not a very practical one - more often than not he had found himself dozing off, not remembering a thing from what he had read. He knows the scenery by heart by now, having made the same journey one too many times over the past 3 years or so. He still sleeps during this journey from time to time when he is too tired to even keep his eyes open. But sleeping on a train or a bus has its risk. On a train, you can easily wake up without your belongings, in both train and bus you can travel maybe a little too far away. The sleep is unsettling, interrupted by stops or people changing in the seat next to you. His neck always ends up hurting, and he feels more tired than refreshed afterwards. All in all, the risk and inconveniences of sleeping on a train or a bus are much bigger than those of writing porn on it.
It starts innocently, a notebook and a pen and thoughts pouring onto the paper, his hand too slow for the speed of his mind. But too soon it gets dark in the bus, and he can´t see a thing and has to stop writing while his mind keeps on racing. He can’t read half of the things later on, and the story ends up lame and totally different than the one he imagined originally. The result is almost the same as when he writes only in his mind while looking at the scenery and tries to reproduce the story after coming home. Besides, the rating is PG-13 when he posts it. No big deal.
He still tries afterwards, his notebook filled with scribbles that would give a top intelligence staff a hard time deciphering it. He gets bolder when writing in general, getting fed up with glossing over what happens when emotions get out of the hand - that or lust - or just, you know hormones, in general. The big step, the one of crossing the line and writing something rated at least R - it happens on a bus - he’s writing a story, plot and deep meaning and all, but the woman next to him keeps bumping into him, and sighing and groaning, and he is so distracted he loses the plot (and of course the deep thoughts as well) completely. Instead, he tries to write the emotions out. It's not full-out intercourse, there is no penetration, but they are sated and confused at the end. The woman got off (the bus) long time ago, and the man, who seems to be about his age, sitting next to him looks way too engrossed in his music to care one bit what he scribbles about. It doesn't even raise his adrenaline level; it is so natural.
The winter nears as the semester progresses. Travelling by bus when the roads are slippery, ice or snow not cleaned properly, and the “professional” drivers are as reckless as ever, is not safe enough for his comfort, and he finds himself on a train. Pulling out his laptop is much easier here, and this way the thoughts are not slowed down by his hand as much (typing is much faster than handwriting after all). The text is readable even afterwards, and the screen light of his laptop is enough to let him continue even when it is dark outside. He knows a perfect solution when he sees one.
Spring finds him on a train rather than on a bus, even if he has to change trains while bus line is a direct one. It is more comfortable to travel by train anyway; the price has levelled over the years, and thoughts pouring onto the Word document every time he pulls the laptop out make him forget the outside world. They make the three hour long ride fly by, have him active and writing even when he would otherwise have no time, and his mind is calmer because writing never stopped being “the way to deal” for him. It’s not sickness, it’s not obsession, it is not cool, dangerous or adventurous. He just deals. And writes porn on the train. No one is looking anyway.
His name is Ueda Tatsuya. He is a rather normal, one might even say diligent, university student by day and porn writer by . . . not by night really, by day and by night, by ungodly four am in the morning and mostly by train rides. He is
on_train_ otaku on livedream.org having received a gift certificate from an anonym to be able to change his username from
i_heart_junki after his love for trains became publicly known), and he writes fan-fiction (fun-fiction is more like it, he thinks, grins and makes Koki stumble over thin air while Junno assesses his ass and the way a small strip of his pale skin flashes when Koki flails his arms in his fall) in the general Lucrative Undone Boy Essence fandom (middle generation to be precise), with a special love for Junno/Koki pairing but not avoiding any characters, and gets guilty pleasure out of writing Nagase with everyone and anyone. He has crossed that line and writes sex as well. Graphic sex. On trains. It makes the stories crispier.
Today’s train ride is uneventful. The time and day is not very typical for students to travel in flocks, so he sits alone in his compartment for most of the ride. Only about half an hour to go and he will be home. He sighs. He knows he won´t be able to finish this and only hopes that Junno will stop teasing Koki and let him come by the time he will have to close the file. He can write the 'morning after' scene when he gets home, but he hates stopping in the middle of the business and then having to continue from the middle later on when the mood and the spell of monotonous rattling of the train is broken. Junno is currently dipping his tongue into Koki’s navel, with Koki’s hands tied to the headboard so he can only beg and shiver and toss and buck his hips in search of some friction. But Junno doesn’t like that, oh no, so he takes a firm hold of Koki’s hips and continues his slow and slick journey down Koki’s body.
Ueda smirks, he bets Koki got punished somehow for that stunt he pulled on Junno on their last radio show. The sound of Junno’s voice after that prank was enough for Ueda’s mind to imagine, to know for sure, what went down afterwards. Ueda sighs because he has only fifteen minutes left and clearly Junno is pushing it and won’t be done. Tease. Ueda inhales sharply, shifting his laptop up his thighs a little, and finds himself looking into gentle and understanding eyes of a man sitting opposite to him. Ueda has no clue when he got there.
“Having a hard day, huh? Working even on the train,” the man notes, points to the notebook, his lanky arm suddenly becoming very attractive in Ueda’s eyes as he sees the firm biceps moving. The man has dark, reddish hair, skinny jeans, v-neck t-shirt and is oozing sex appeal. But he has this caring look on his face, mouth forming a sympathetic frown.
“Yeah,” Ueda forces out, tearing his eyes away from the man and adding a small note to make Junno run his hands across Koki’s strained arm muscles later on, feeling them work as they fight the bounds.
“I’m Koyama.” The man does not give up, “What about you taking a little break and talking to me for a little? Maybe I can help. Or at least some small talk might take your mind off things.”
“Oh, right,” Ueda stutters. He sucks at talking to strangers. But interaction is good, and the man’s eyes are so gentle. “Ok . . .” he says slowly, making Junno trail his fingers under Koki’s eyes with care to contrast to harsh way he is grinding against him, and Ueda closes the laptop, hitting the save button. He keeps his laptop on in his lap and faces the man.
“I am getting off at the next station anyway.”
The corners of Koyama’s mouth drop a little.
“Oh, that’s . . . I wish I would have started talking to you earlier. But you seemed so concentrated on your work. I didn’t want to interrupt. What is it, some kind of a project?”
“Yeah . . . something like that,” Ueda says slowly, eyes darting out of the window.
“I’m sorry. I am prying,” Koyama clasps a hand over his mouth, the movement exposing one of his collarbones.
collarbones, Ueda files into one corner of his brain.
“I wanted to make you stop thinking about work, didn’t I? Ok, then, hmmm . . . have you heard the new TT single? I kind of like it, and Koki’s rap is getting better, isn’t it?”
Ueda stares, sputters . . .
“Right, probably not your cup of coffee,” Koyama laughs lightly, “I am one of their few fan boys, I guess. But you look more like you’re into rock and stuff. Maybe Nagase would be your type inside LUBE. Right . . . I . . .”
Koyama trails away just as the train starts to slow down before Ueda’s station. The man chuckles; he is not the only one not able to keep his infatuation subtle, apparently. Well he has his own way of showing his love, he thinks.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Koyama,” Ueda says cheerfully, grin spreading across his face. Koyama looks relieved about Ueda not being offended by being labelled as potential Nagase fanboy. “And I think Junno still powns Koki’s rap with his step dance,” Ueda adds as he shuts the door of the compartment on the tall lanky man.
You wrote porn on the train again, I can tell
cool_fan_no_one adds at the end of his flaily comment when Ueda posts his next story.
yeah, is there a problem? Ueda adds at the end of his thank you reply, knowing the other is just teasing. He is his number one fan after all. Though he believes the username refers to Junno actually.
no, I’m just laughing my head off at the picture of you all turned on and licking your lips while doing so is a reply that Ueda does not plan on dignifying with an answer. In the end, he settles for
you are imagining ME Oo
His number one fan remains silent on the matter. Surprisingly, there are quite a few men in this fandom, and they know of each other. It is only logical they do. But the gender is about the only thing Ueda knows about his faithful reader’s real life. That and the fact he must be pretty self-centered since he doesn´t even know his name, the man letting everyone call him No.1 for short.
Ueda is on a roll lately, but he wonders if the stories aren’t always the same. He has been writing fan-fiction for more than a year now, and most of that time it was Junno and Koki getting together or dating each other. He has seen so many other things written that he asks himself why people continue to read his stories when they keep having the same concept. He likes writing about two people coming together, finding a way for their love to turn into relationship, making that relationship work because it is worth it. He would write these stories even if no one read them, but he wonders if he shouldn´t at least try something else. If he shouldn’t challenge himself for the sake of his readers. He might possibly also want to prove that he can write plot - more to himself than anyone else but that is not substantial.
It’s not like he spends days and nights thinking about all this. It is on his way to school, watching the trees pass by as Junno is stuck at a drama shooting and can’t make it home where Koki waits for him with a romantic movie and his best red boxers on because Junno had once said red makes his ass look good. The cursor is slowly blinking, and soon the screen will turn black. Ueda wants to finish this one as it is an excuse to write one of his (not so many) kinks again. He’s planning on making Junno come home really late and appease Koki by paying extra attention to his cute little buns, making him squirm as he does things with his tongue that the other has not even thought about being possible with his tongue.
However, Ueda got sidetracked by the dark clouds gathering to his left, angry blue staining the perfect sky. It contradicts the sun and two idyllic white, fluffy, not-really-clouds-at-all to his right. One part of the world ignores the struggle of atmospheric changes taking place not so far away while it baths in the blissful grace of the sun. Somehow, he wishes he could write out those images, those feelings, so that they do not sound cheesy and plain. He wishes he could do them justice. But who cares about blue sky when there is sex about to happen, he wonders bitterly.
There is something wrong about having aspirations in fanfiction writings. And he is never going to be a real writer. So get together stories are just fine, he concludes and goes back to Koki who is getting impatient, thinking the worst (that being Junno falling into some devil trap of the juniors pining after his fame).
The train comes to a halt in the next station and the door of his train car flies open, a group of three possibly college freshmen choose four seats right in Ueda’s line of vision. They are chatting loudly, the voices piercing the convenient wall of music blasting in his headphones. There is a girl who is smiling brightly, her hair up, ponytails bobbing as she can't keep still. She can’t beat the smile on the face of the person who is clearly her boyfriend though-a young man with broad shoulders and straight hair falling into his eyes and with mouth split into a smile that blinds even Ueda. He wonders how exactly he keeps it on for more than a minute or two, but the young man watches his girlfriend, nodding enthusiastically as she tells him about the cool shop with bright-coloured pants she found, and his smile only gets wider as she gets more and more excited.
There is one other boy with them, and he hasn’t sat down yet, which is why Ueda is still looking at them. The standing figure in his view has him distracted, not able to concentrate. This boy is almost as pretty as the girl, Ueda thinks, and his lips are curved into this half pout-half frown as he watches the girl. It looks like he is upset by the fact she sat down next to the smiling man, leaving him the opposite seat. He then throws his bag up onto the rack and opens the window, wedging between the other man’s legs so he can lean out of it. The smiley man tells him not to put his head out, and ends up clutching his t-shirt to prevent any dangerous happenings. Ueda can see the change on the face currently exposed to the strong wind out of the moving train. It relaxes, his mouth curving up, his eyes softer now that he has the attention of the smiling man.
Ueda closes his rimming project number three and opens a new document. The plot forms in his head almost instantly, and the story begins on a windy afternoon when Junno and Koki film a music video on a beach. Junno is trying to score a female extra, and Koki watches him from underneath his hardcore rapper cap. The wind plays with Junno’s longish hair, his cheeks have great colour, the fresh air doing miracles, his eyes shine in Koki’s opinion as he follows the girl’s every move.
Ueda stops. Would either of them really be jealous? Would they keep it in or fight it out? Would they even be believable if he wrote one of them straight, the other struggling to accept the truth? Where are the limits of this pairing’s potential? Koki could be clingy in private for sure, but he would never ask for attention as the man in front of Ueda just did.
The smiling man in the train is now leaning out of the window as well, both of them laughing, hair messed up and getting into their eyes and mouth, and they are blissfully riding on the wave of their youth. The girls is contently holding onto one hand of her boyfriend, playing with his fingers, her boyfriend still making sure his friend is safe with his other hand. The balance is fragile and Ueda sighs.
He looks down and writes about how Koki accepts the reality even as he dreams of midnight skinny dipping in the ocean with Junno. Even as he imagines they would still be together, touch each other, hold each other in the waves, hidden by the power of the ocean and dark of the night because Junno still loves him and would watch out for him even while looking for his future wife that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Koki knows the ocean will be theirs. He goes swimming all alone, and the underwater stream envelopes his body just like Junno’s arms would, and the strong waves pound against his torso just as Junno’s body would.
Ueda lifts his head only to see the three youngsters leave. The girl is still laughing, the corners of the smiling man’s mouth will reach his ears any minute now and the boy with unrequited love issues has his cheeks flushed from strong wind and his eyes fixed on the back of the other two, his own smile not reaching his eyes. Not until he purposefully trips right after getting out of the train and his friend catches him, the drink one of them was holding spilling all over both of them. The smiling man scrunches his nose and takes his t-shirt off.
“Sticky.” Ueda hears him whining through the still open window as the train speeds up and both of his companions forget to hide their stares. Ueda looks down on his Word document and notes down to not overdo it with all that angst. Koki is still mischievous enough to throw Junno into the ocean the next day as they wrap up the shooting. He takes tons of pictures of Junno in white wet shirt with his hair sticking onto his forehead as the man swears at him. They will go straight into his very private and very secret photo collection.
YOU like ponytails, don’t you? is written at the end of a comment by
cool_fan_no_one to a fic Ueda writes one sunny afternoon.
would you grow your hair out for me if I said I did? Ueda types at the end of his reply, but only after he addresses all the flail of the great comment this guy has left him yet again. He smirks a little and does not expect an answer.
. . . maybe ;D, he finds in his inbox few days later.
The image of the man he saw getting off his train a couple of days ago returns immediately. He had thick brown hair, slightly curly, all of it tied by a red hair elastic that was pulled up in a way more typical for women than for men. It looked perfect. Ueda knew almost certainly it would spill out, shining in the light as if celebrating its freedom if he would pull at its red binding. The hair would frame the face he got only a glimpse of, falling in cascades of fluffy adornment of bright eyes and soft skin.
And that is why in this one fic, Junno wears his hair up, needing it grown out for his samurai role and not used to styling it when it is this long. It drives Koki mad with how Junno’s neckline is prominent, how his jaw line looks so freaking kissable and how the loose strand that fell out of the elastic is calling for Koki to wrap it around his finger. In this story, the physical attraction comes first, Koki feeling the need to fuck his good friend into the nearest wall, only to be tamed and restrained just like that hair. Koki holds back though, until he is sure that after he does fuck Junno into some random wall (possibly of their dressing room), he will be able to still look into his eyes and caress that hair (which he will have pulled on by then) and promise Junno that it will happen again. And Koki might possibly even let Junno be the one doing the fucking next time (eyebrow wiggle)-or something similarly cheesy.
It is the hair that mattered. And Ueda wishes he knew not only what his inspiration looked like but also smelled like because that would make his own fantasies more real. He realizes that there is a trap hiding behind his wish and hopes he can keep dissolving his desire in his stories. There, it is all just fun and games. There, it is safe.
~
I swear I have no clue where JunKi came from. It might possibly have something with me running away from them as fast as possible when writing “normaly.” So Ueda is allowed. Also, I feel the need to point out this story is not in any way autobiographic. I think. It’s more something to remember for the future I guess. lol lol And how is this more about writing process and inspirations than about Ueda writing porn on train?
Comments are love, constructive criticism even more.