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I am an unabashed fan of teen movies, even though I graduated from high school about five years ago and should not still wish that I could have my own dreamy boyfriend who would show up and buy me a birthday cake whenever everyone else forgot my birthday or who would buy me a guitar to make up with me after a fight. Maybe I'm just living vicariously through fictional characters?
Anyway: here are my favorite characters from various teen movies. I... get a little rambly and capslocky in my commentary, by the way.
10. John Bender, The Breakfast Club
Being bad feels pretty good, huh?
Oh, Bender, you do Troubled But Cute so well.
9. Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Dear Diary, My teen angst bullshit has a body count.
Veronica is what Cady from Mean Girls could have been had she been snarkier and had a psychotic boyfriend. (Sidenote: I have once said, "LICK IT UP, BABY, LICK. IT. UP." to someone and they didn't get it. I was saddened by this.)
8. Cher Horowitz, Clueless
You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they just go on my feet.
Clueless was my favorite movie in fourth and fifth grade. Every girl in my grade loved it, actually. I didn't know who I wanted to be more, Cher or Dionne, but I usually wanted to be Cher because she had that awesome closet with the moving racks. I know it's been more than a decade since it came out, but I still love that pinstriped blazer and beret combo so much.
7. Regina George, Mean Girls
Get in loser, we're going shopping!
Out of all the characters on this list, Regina is the only one who is an antagonist. But that's just because she makes evil look so good. I'm not going to lie, for a while after seeing Mean Girls, every time I saw Rachel McAdams I always pictured her saying "Boo, you whore".
6. Mark Hunter, Pump Up the Volume
Talk hard. I like that. It's like a nice clean thought in a dirty mind.
Yes, once upon a time, Christian Slater was hot. Pump Up the Volume is all kinds of excellent. That scene with Mark and Nora out in the backyard? Hot.
5. Kat Stratford, 10 Things I Hate About You
Walter: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?
Kat: No. But it's only four thirty.
Trufax: I applied to Sarah Lawrence because I researched the college because of Kat getting into it. I did not get in, however.
4. Samantha Baker, Sixteen Candles
I loathe the bus. There has got to be a more dignified mode of transportation.
I related to Sam my senior year of high school. My situation was like hers in reverse: I liked a sophomore who barely acknowledged my existence, and there was this slightly hardcore nerdy guy who had a crush on me and I did not feel the same. Out of all her Brat Pack era roles, I like Molly Ringwald the most in this one--Claire in The Breakfast Club is okay, and I never really liked Pretty in Pink all that much, so Samantha wins.
3. Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything
What I really want to do with my life--what I want to do for a living--is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it.
Say Anything kind of walks the line between "teen movie" and "romance/chick flick", in my opinion. On one hand, Lloyd and Diane have just graduated from high school, so there's that teen angle, but on the other... it's just a simple love story. I think it speaks volumes that the boom box scene is so ingrained in the pop cultural collective memory, don't you? (And whenever I play the Fantasy Boyfriend game, Lloyd always gets a mention.)
2. Jake Ryan, Sixteen Candles
I'm being serious, okay? She looks at me like she's in love with me.
THERE SHOULD NOT BE A CHARACTER NAMED JAKE RYAN ON HANNAH MONTANA. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. That is all.
1. Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You
What is it with this chick? Does she have beer-flavored nipples or what?
OH, SIGH, HEATH. I have this theory that to quite a few girls in the late '90s, Patrick Verona was their Jake Ryan; I know he was mine. I remember leaving the movie (which I saw with some of my best friends at the time) and one was all, "OMG CAMERON DREAMY SIGH" (well, she had a point; have you seen Joseph Gordon-Levitt lately?), but me and and another were just like, "KJLSKJLKGJ PATRICK". He was snarky and a bad boy without being Troubled But Cute (he was Trouble and Cute? Does that work?) and he sang for Kat and bought her a guitar. I am still not feeling the idea that they are making a 10 Things TV show and I don't care that Atticus Finch's grandson is involved. As I said about Jake Ryan: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. THE END.