April Fools Day Offer!

[picodulce]

Ask a question, any question - and it will be answered by our dog Otis! Come on, have a go and see what the puppy says about your relationship problems, decisions to make, educational advancement, and dog psychology questions

Comments

[doraphilia]

Otis, why do you hate the bath so much?

[picodulce]

*grumbles*

Must we speak on this again? I feel that my non-verbal language has adequately informed you that I do not see the benefit of being nearly submerged in water and then rubbed by soapy hands. That is for humans. My ancestors swam in ponds after ducks so I wouldn't have to; as a modern cocker, I am here to scratch and eat and look cool and get brushed.

Not to take baths. Baths are unAmerican.

yr PUPpeee
Otis Redding

[picodulce]

Yes. A dog cannot become, say, a dot of light that one chases. Look, there's a dot now! Since you are as dog, would you like to join me in chasing it? The dot might lead us to a pot of bully sticks.

Yours in humping other dogs (I have heard your music, and you understand the necessity of humping other dogs, obviously!),
Otis

[rum_holiday]

Otis:

I had a dream last night that was about a cat that hatched out of an egg and shot fireworks out of its mouth. Do I need my medication adjusted?

Thank you.

Rum Holiday

[picodulce]

*stretches, an audible crack is heard; Otis straightens to contemplate the question*

Any animal, given the proper motivation and inserted into an egg, can shoot fireworks out of its mouth. I hear tell that cats regularly do this out of sight of their people; but those punk owners of mine will not let me confront and interrogate a cat (interrogation is the true purpose of the art of Four-Legged Chase). So I cannot tell you for certain.

Remain on your medication and be vigilant. I hear cats have successfully fought the tyranny of human leashing, and that makes them dangerous to all of us.

Vigilantly looking out the window for "felines,"
Otis

[lester22]

Dear Otis:

What is the point of licking your own butt? Is it simply for cleaning purposes, or - tell the truth - do you derive some weird pleasure from the act?

Also, unrelatedly, what do you recommend for a sore throat?

Your friend,
Rob

[picodulce]

*comes up from licking crotch*

What's that you say?

Oh! Yes, licking one's butt can be enjoyable, much in the same way that scratching is enjoyable in any other place. We're just itchy. I prefer my crotch or biting an itchy spot on my back.

I do not recommend that for a sore throat. I recommend finding something human to chew on, such as a headband or a razor. Failing that, sir, STOP BARKING! I don't know why dogs and people bark so much, it's a waste of time and make my throat feel funny.

Yours in flexibility,
Otis

[osito71]

Otis, I once saw on 'Mythbusters' that a dog's mouth is indeed cleaner than a human's, however, as a species your breath is still stank-ass. What's up with that?

(and before you get too offended, cat's breathes are even worse).

[picodulce]

*comes up again from licking crotch*

I am not offended. I find human breath terrible, but so very interesting! They eat the best stuff. I mean you, since I assume you are human - other dogs are reluctant to use the internet. I'm just bored at home.

But one species' "stankin" is another species' "natural." Perhaps the stuff that kills the bad sick germs makes our breath inhospitable. But you shouldn't get up in our mouths anyway!

Yours in keeping the floor clean through scrounging,
Otis

[osito71]

In my experience, Otis, it is your kind that tends to put your mouths all up in our grills. Just sayin'.

[picodulce]

We're just trying to say hi! That's what humans bred us for!

We are SO COOL in the wild, looking at humans warily...