Something I managed to finish...
Second part of the thing I posted couple days ago...
Title: I'd Love to Kiss You: Part 2
Author: pi_ankh
Rating: none needed
Genre: something weird, maybe romantic with a hint of angst?
Disclaimer: I need none as invented it whole! Freddy Krueger is a character from Nightmare on Elm Street, property of the motion-picture corporation (?)
Notes: Okay... This is where everything goes messed up. Hopefully you like it anyway. Comments appreciated. Notice the amusing references to Nightmare on Elm Street...
I woke up to a cold feeling. "Stupid blanket" I muttered and tried to fumble the blanket to cover myself. Suddenly my hand hit to something warm and solid. My eyes flew wide open as my brains realized where I had spent my night. I turned my head and found his back right behind mine. His breathes were steady and deep; his long hair had messed all over the pillow. I gave up on the thought of getting more sleep. He had mangled to the blanket so that it was impossible me to get some cover without waking him up.
I carefully got off the bed and headed to the kitchen. On the way there I saw the poker table and shook my head. What a crazy thing that was… I knew he had tea or something like tea somewhere in his cupboards, I just had no idea where there so I opened the first cupboard and started the search. No positive results on the first one, just some plates and used lamps, the second one was filled with macaroni and there was also something in tin cans, but I couldn't make out what it was, but the dates were from last year. The third one was a jackpot: teabags, mugs, sugar and even some cookies. Now I was just lacking the hot water. He didn't have microwave so I took a look in the lower cupboards to find something to boil the water. I found a kettle and decided that after a little rinsing it'll be perfect.
After putting the kettle on the stove I sat at the table and rested my head to my hands. "Where's Freddy luring now?" I thought and sighed. I didn't notice the water boiling until it was all over the stove. I nearly burned myself while trying to take the kettle off. I made some tea for myself and took the notepad from the table and decided to write a short note before leaving. I didn't hear a sound from the bedroom, good sound perhaps.
"Sorry for dozing off like that last night and thanks for taking care of me. I took the liberty to use your teabags and made some tea. I head back to my place and try to get some things done. Come around if you feel like it. See you!" I looked at the paper and drank the last gulp of tea. "It sounds so cold," I thought then I sketched a small flower to the end of the note. I wasn't pleased with the result, neither of the letter or the drawing. I left the notepad on the table and headed to the corridor. My bag was lying under the coat racket. I drew my shoes on and threw the jacket over my arm. Not forgetting the bag I stepped out of the door to the hallway. The door closed loudly, my heart jumped. I walked back home with troubled mind. What drove me to leave him there? What's wrong with me?
He didn't come to see me yesterday, neither did he call. I felt worried; maybe I had hurt his feelings. Stupid me, of course I had hurt his feelings, I was such an idiot. Just the day before yesterday we were friends, good friends, friends who called at each other almost daily, friends who watched movies together, played together. Now we are something I can't define anymore. I've blown it up like I've blown everything else up. How very stupid of me.
I didn't manage to make anything I had planned. I just played patience on computer and updated my mailbox whole day; I didn't even make any food, very unusual of me. I'm nervous, very nervous; I can't even play patience anymore. I feel like calling to a friend of mine, maybe she could help me. No, I need to speak to him, he's the only one who can take this nervousness away and he's not calling or visiting. I throw myself to my bed and bury myself to the blanket. I'd like to cry, but I'm not able to.
Steps… I hear steps in the hallway. Every muscle in me tenses and I expect the doorbell to ring. It rings, but not in my apartment. Disappointment strikes me and I relax. Why would he come to see me? I'm just unable to show my feelings. I'm so cold at everyone. Why would he want to come and see me? "Will you let me explore the depths of you?" Could he have meant that? I know him as an honest man, I can't remember a time when he would've lied to me.
The doorbell rings loudly, my body freezes. Could it be him? The bell rings another time and I frantically start freeing myself from the blanket. How's my hair? Hell with my hair! I rush to the door and try to calm myself before opening it. No one's there. I sigh deeply. I'll kill the stupid kids for ringing my bell on Sundays… I'm already closing the door when a hand takes a hold of it.
"You asked me to come around, or did you change you mind?" A familiar voice asks while opening the door to fit in. "I guess I was behind the door when you opened." He says smiling and hands me a chrysanthemum in a pot. "They were out of roses" he explains. He's never brought me flowers before.
"Thank you. You want coffee or tea?" I ask as I admire the orange flower. "But before putting the kettle on I'll find a plate for this one. I like these flowers, you know."
"It was the only decent one available. I wanted to bring something that would last." He strains the last word slightly, almost unnoticeably. "And you didn't have a plant looking like that, not at least the last time I was here and that was… on Monday. Almost a safe choose to bring then."
"Coffee or tea?" I ask as I've found a plate under the plant. It gets a new home at the center of the kitchen's small table.
"Found your note yesterday morning." No drinks I suppose and sit down: time to face Freddy at his whole horridness. "I woke up when you left. Suppose the door wasn't to get closed that loudly."
"I didn't know what to do. I've never been too good with my relationships. It's not that I wouldn't want to… It's just that it doesn't seem real." Come on Freddy! Break this dream world already! I feel highly uncomfortable. I've never felt this uncomfortable when he's around. His gaze is drilled through me and I have to bury my face to my hands.
"Come on! You have to deal out what's happening inside of you. I thought I made my intentions clear the night before. I want to be with you, but I can't do that if you don't meet me. If you run away I can't follow you." He touches my shoulder. "I'd want to try, if you let me." He's too kind, too understanding, too everything for me. I don't deserve him.
"I… I don't deserve someone like you… You deserve someone better than me." He barks of laughter. "Really! You do! And if this that you are proposing won't work, our friendship would be ruined for sure. That's something I don't want."
"Oh really! I deserve some cheating bitches then? How do you know it doesn't work if we don't give it a try? If-ing is the worst thing you can do. When we try we see what happens. If it doesn't work, which I dare to doubt, I don't think we'll be able to throw away a friendship as tight as ours. And being good enough, I doubt my worthiness for you. You are something special and I don't think I'm half worth you, but I'll learn to become better. I'll become worthy of you."
His hand is on my shoulder, it's burning hot or then I am burning hot, I don't know anymore. Nothing seems real for me. He sits here saying he's not worthy of me, wanting to be good enough for me. I raise my gaze from the table to meet his eyes.
"What are you afraid of?" He looks me in the eyes trying to search for the answer. "Is it something about me, or something in average?"
"I don't know. I'm just not capable to understand that you might have something… some feelings for me, after all the time I've…" I can't continue as my voice disappears.
"…you've dreamed about me?" he continues. I take a deep breath and nod. Yes, after all the years looking up to him, dreaming about him, loving him, it feels impossible that he loves me.
"Why? Why now?" I utter through my misty eyes. "What made this the moment to make you move?"
"Opportunity, the card, you. Why do I need to explain? The night before seemed to be a good moment, I thought I got in touch with you. Guess I didn't after all…" He lowers his gaze looking at the table cloth shaking his head. "I knew it would be a hard try, but this hard" he says hardly audible. "What should I do with you? You've messed up my head. First you have this aura around you telling me you are interested in my and now you're totally different. Make up you mind." He raises his eyes from the table cloth to meet my eyes. There's sadness in his eyes, should I even say pain.
"Why am I such a jerk with people?" I get up and put the kettle on. I need something to drink to clear up my thoughts. Just when I'm taking a cup from the cupboard I hear a chair moving behind me. I turn and find myself from his arms.
"Because you never set yourself free, because you've given your heart to someone who hasn't taken good care of it. Because you are afraid of going through it again, because it's hard to give your heart to someone." He looks me in the eyes intensively. "I try not to hurt your heart, I try to heal it, if only you let me." Something in me gives up; I let myself acknowledge that he really wants me. "I'd love to kiss you, you know."
"Then why don't you?" He presses his lips on mine and I twine my arms around him. I feel right for the first time in a long time.
Title: I'd Love to Kiss You: Part 2
Author: pi_ankh
Rating: none needed
Genre: something weird, maybe romantic with a hint of angst?
Disclaimer: I need none as invented it whole! Freddy Krueger is a character from Nightmare on Elm Street, property of the motion-picture corporation (?)
Notes: Okay... This is where everything goes messed up. Hopefully you like it anyway. Comments appreciated. Notice the amusing references to Nightmare on Elm Street...
I woke up to a cold feeling. "Stupid blanket" I muttered and tried to fumble the blanket to cover myself. Suddenly my hand hit to something warm and solid. My eyes flew wide open as my brains realized where I had spent my night. I turned my head and found his back right behind mine. His breathes were steady and deep; his long hair had messed all over the pillow. I gave up on the thought of getting more sleep. He had mangled to the blanket so that it was impossible me to get some cover without waking him up.
I carefully got off the bed and headed to the kitchen. On the way there I saw the poker table and shook my head. What a crazy thing that was… I knew he had tea or something like tea somewhere in his cupboards, I just had no idea where there so I opened the first cupboard and started the search. No positive results on the first one, just some plates and used lamps, the second one was filled with macaroni and there was also something in tin cans, but I couldn't make out what it was, but the dates were from last year. The third one was a jackpot: teabags, mugs, sugar and even some cookies. Now I was just lacking the hot water. He didn't have microwave so I took a look in the lower cupboards to find something to boil the water. I found a kettle and decided that after a little rinsing it'll be perfect.
After putting the kettle on the stove I sat at the table and rested my head to my hands. "Where's Freddy luring now?" I thought and sighed. I didn't notice the water boiling until it was all over the stove. I nearly burned myself while trying to take the kettle off. I made some tea for myself and took the notepad from the table and decided to write a short note before leaving. I didn't hear a sound from the bedroom, good sound perhaps.
"Sorry for dozing off like that last night and thanks for taking care of me. I took the liberty to use your teabags and made some tea. I head back to my place and try to get some things done. Come around if you feel like it. See you!" I looked at the paper and drank the last gulp of tea. "It sounds so cold," I thought then I sketched a small flower to the end of the note. I wasn't pleased with the result, neither of the letter or the drawing. I left the notepad on the table and headed to the corridor. My bag was lying under the coat racket. I drew my shoes on and threw the jacket over my arm. Not forgetting the bag I stepped out of the door to the hallway. The door closed loudly, my heart jumped. I walked back home with troubled mind. What drove me to leave him there? What's wrong with me?
He didn't come to see me yesterday, neither did he call. I felt worried; maybe I had hurt his feelings. Stupid me, of course I had hurt his feelings, I was such an idiot. Just the day before yesterday we were friends, good friends, friends who called at each other almost daily, friends who watched movies together, played together. Now we are something I can't define anymore. I've blown it up like I've blown everything else up. How very stupid of me.
I didn't manage to make anything I had planned. I just played patience on computer and updated my mailbox whole day; I didn't even make any food, very unusual of me. I'm nervous, very nervous; I can't even play patience anymore. I feel like calling to a friend of mine, maybe she could help me. No, I need to speak to him, he's the only one who can take this nervousness away and he's not calling or visiting. I throw myself to my bed and bury myself to the blanket. I'd like to cry, but I'm not able to.
Steps… I hear steps in the hallway. Every muscle in me tenses and I expect the doorbell to ring. It rings, but not in my apartment. Disappointment strikes me and I relax. Why would he come to see me? I'm just unable to show my feelings. I'm so cold at everyone. Why would he want to come and see me? "Will you let me explore the depths of you?" Could he have meant that? I know him as an honest man, I can't remember a time when he would've lied to me.
The doorbell rings loudly, my body freezes. Could it be him? The bell rings another time and I frantically start freeing myself from the blanket. How's my hair? Hell with my hair! I rush to the door and try to calm myself before opening it. No one's there. I sigh deeply. I'll kill the stupid kids for ringing my bell on Sundays… I'm already closing the door when a hand takes a hold of it.
"You asked me to come around, or did you change you mind?" A familiar voice asks while opening the door to fit in. "I guess I was behind the door when you opened." He says smiling and hands me a chrysanthemum in a pot. "They were out of roses" he explains. He's never brought me flowers before.
"Thank you. You want coffee or tea?" I ask as I admire the orange flower. "But before putting the kettle on I'll find a plate for this one. I like these flowers, you know."
"It was the only decent one available. I wanted to bring something that would last." He strains the last word slightly, almost unnoticeably. "And you didn't have a plant looking like that, not at least the last time I was here and that was… on Monday. Almost a safe choose to bring then."
"Coffee or tea?" I ask as I've found a plate under the plant. It gets a new home at the center of the kitchen's small table.
"Found your note yesterday morning." No drinks I suppose and sit down: time to face Freddy at his whole horridness. "I woke up when you left. Suppose the door wasn't to get closed that loudly."
"I didn't know what to do. I've never been too good with my relationships. It's not that I wouldn't want to… It's just that it doesn't seem real." Come on Freddy! Break this dream world already! I feel highly uncomfortable. I've never felt this uncomfortable when he's around. His gaze is drilled through me and I have to bury my face to my hands.
"Come on! You have to deal out what's happening inside of you. I thought I made my intentions clear the night before. I want to be with you, but I can't do that if you don't meet me. If you run away I can't follow you." He touches my shoulder. "I'd want to try, if you let me." He's too kind, too understanding, too everything for me. I don't deserve him.
"I… I don't deserve someone like you… You deserve someone better than me." He barks of laughter. "Really! You do! And if this that you are proposing won't work, our friendship would be ruined for sure. That's something I don't want."
"Oh really! I deserve some cheating bitches then? How do you know it doesn't work if we don't give it a try? If-ing is the worst thing you can do. When we try we see what happens. If it doesn't work, which I dare to doubt, I don't think we'll be able to throw away a friendship as tight as ours. And being good enough, I doubt my worthiness for you. You are something special and I don't think I'm half worth you, but I'll learn to become better. I'll become worthy of you."
His hand is on my shoulder, it's burning hot or then I am burning hot, I don't know anymore. Nothing seems real for me. He sits here saying he's not worthy of me, wanting to be good enough for me. I raise my gaze from the table to meet his eyes.
"What are you afraid of?" He looks me in the eyes trying to search for the answer. "Is it something about me, or something in average?"
"I don't know. I'm just not capable to understand that you might have something… some feelings for me, after all the time I've…" I can't continue as my voice disappears.
"…you've dreamed about me?" he continues. I take a deep breath and nod. Yes, after all the years looking up to him, dreaming about him, loving him, it feels impossible that he loves me.
"Why? Why now?" I utter through my misty eyes. "What made this the moment to make you move?"
"Opportunity, the card, you. Why do I need to explain? The night before seemed to be a good moment, I thought I got in touch with you. Guess I didn't after all…" He lowers his gaze looking at the table cloth shaking his head. "I knew it would be a hard try, but this hard" he says hardly audible. "What should I do with you? You've messed up my head. First you have this aura around you telling me you are interested in my and now you're totally different. Make up you mind." He raises his eyes from the table cloth to meet my eyes. There's sadness in his eyes, should I even say pain.
"Why am I such a jerk with people?" I get up and put the kettle on. I need something to drink to clear up my thoughts. Just when I'm taking a cup from the cupboard I hear a chair moving behind me. I turn and find myself from his arms.
"Because you never set yourself free, because you've given your heart to someone who hasn't taken good care of it. Because you are afraid of going through it again, because it's hard to give your heart to someone." He looks me in the eyes intensively. "I try not to hurt your heart, I try to heal it, if only you let me." Something in me gives up; I let myself acknowledge that he really wants me. "I'd love to kiss you, you know."
"Then why don't you?" He presses his lips on mine and I twine my arms around him. I feel right for the first time in a long time.