I remember when things were fresh and new, when anything was enough and absolutely everything was seared with the rawest, most idyllic beauty
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I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.
In my experience, small increases in money and fame have aided in providing a sense of trajectory and accomplishment, hosever superficial that may be. I try to constantly produce new artwork, as well, which is the major basis for the feeling of progression in my life. Though it still feels ultimately useless, there's at least something on this planet which is worth my energy, you know. I don't know what we humans can even do on a cosmic level, we don't yet have powers to manipulate those things. I think you'd be happier as a scientist somewhere, because although it's not exactly what you need, it's a lot closer than barista or dj or toy store attendant.
science unfortunately is wraught with conformity and hoop-jumping... it's true, i'd love it a lot more than being any of those things, but it's still not really a dream... I love the learning more than the practical aspects of it (speaking of which, I am reading this very interesting book about people like you & me who are interested in EVERYTHING and have lots of trouble choosing, but it's philosophy is "that's how you're wired, don't choose.")
I think more I just want to be happy on a day to day level. it's tenuous when I find it, and my vision seems to be opaque to meaning all too often... 180 rotation from where I was a few years ago. perhaps the circle will complete itself. I hope.
Well, you don't HAVE to be conformist about science, you could obsessively read ebooks on topics until you're an expert and bankroll your own research projects. Even without a degree, as long as your track record of advancements and interesting studies is impressive enough, it shouldn't be too hard to find investors. "being happy on a day to day basis" sounds like the kind of world view which gets you nowhere in life. You're a very smart girl, and I think it would be sad to see your talents wasted solely on petty self-fulfillment.
what I mean is, it's hard for me to want to achieve anything if I'm not happy with myself. I think self-fulfillment is an important part of full potential actualization. If you don't believe you can make an impact, it's pretty hard to. I see what you mean though, but I don't know if it's where I want to focus my efforts right now.... music is what really calls me and always has. Music + science? now that would be sweet.
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Agreed.
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Ask yourself what you would be willing to die for. Then be willing to die for it.
Anything, everything.
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I'm going to be giving it some thought.
thank you. you're awesome!
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In my experience, small increases in money and fame have aided in providing a sense of trajectory and accomplishment, hosever superficial that may be. I try to constantly produce new artwork, as well, which is the major basis for the feeling of progression in my life. Though it still feels ultimately useless, there's at least something on this planet which is worth my energy, you know. I don't know what we humans can even do on a cosmic level, we don't yet have powers to manipulate those things. I think you'd be happier as a scientist somewhere, because although it's not exactly what you need, it's a lot closer than barista or dj or toy store attendant.
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I think more I just want to be happy on a day to day level.
it's tenuous when I find it, and my vision seems to be opaque to meaning all too often... 180 rotation from where I was a few years ago. perhaps the circle will complete itself. I hope.
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impressive enough, it shouldn't be too hard to find investors.
"being happy on a day to day basis" sounds like the kind of world view which gets you nowhere in life. You're a very smart girl, and I think it would be sad to see your talents wasted solely on petty self-fulfillment.
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what I mean is, it's hard for me to want to achieve anything if I'm not happy with myself. I think self-fulfillment is an important part of full potential actualization. If you don't believe you can make an impact, it's pretty hard to. I see what you mean though, but I don't know if it's where I want to focus my efforts right now.... music is what really calls me and always has. Music + science? now that would be sweet.
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