Kevin and Stephen Trip the Radio Waves Fantastic (Kevin, Stephen, Wayne and Eloise)
Title: Kevin and Stephen Trip the Radio Waves Fantastic
author: phil_urich
Characters: Kevin Entwhistle, Stephen Cornfoot, Wayne Hopkins and Eloise Midgen as Bjorn and random street urchin
Word count: 1030
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Official excerpt from Radio Whistlefoot
Author's Note: came up with this during my lunch break
Kevin:Good Morning everyone, you are currently listening to Radio Whistlefoot with your hosts: Kevin Entwhistle.
Stephen: And Stephen Cornfoot. Welcome to our show everyone. It’s the first day of a new year here at Hogwarts and we thought we’d kick it off by listing off the children who’re here for the first time. Kevin, why don’t you give us the list?
Kevin: Ooo, sorry about that mate. Forgot the list back in the dorm room. However, I did notice that another lad named Kevin Witby has joined these illustrious halls. Kevin, we’ll be having a meeting of the Kevins on the fourth floor near the painting of the dancing trollops at 7:00 tonight. Kevin Anderson’s our president and Kev-
Stephen: Ah, Kevin?
Kevin: Yes, Stephen?
Stephen: I’m afraid no one else cares.
Kevin: That’s what you think, Cornfoot. I have it on good authority that once you go Kevin you’ll never go for a man named Devon .
Stephen: Unless of course you’re Bridget Powell of the Holyhead Harpies. Miss Powell was recently spotted canoodling with Devon Burbonshire of The Weird Sisters while on vacation in Italy . When asked about it Ms. Powell said, and I quote, ‘We’re just friends he and I. Its completely random occurrence that we should have booked the same hotel room in the same small town on the same southern tip of Italy.’ She then commenced shagging Devon on a gondola.
Kevin: Bridget, lass. Its not too late. I realize it was probably just a decision made after too many bludgers to the head. I’m still available and you can find me at Hogwart’s Castle. Just ask any of the ladies here where you can find The Whistle.
Stephen: (clears throat) Hopkins , what’s the weather like this weekend?
Wayne : Forecasts predict it to be cold and wet this weekend.
Kevin: Thank you, Wayne . In other news the Department of Mysteries has recently published a report that states that gravity pulls things downward.
Stephen: Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Kevin: You learn something new every day, Stephen. Last night we learned that apparently two Tri-wizard Champions can come from the same school as both Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory’s names were drawn from the Cup last night.
Stephen: That’s right, Kevin, and I have to say I’m feeling a little weary of this constant grandstanding from Harry Potter. All I ever hear anymore are the stories about him nearly being murdered all the time. Honestly Potter, take a sit down and read a book. That’s what I do and you never hear people say, ‘Oh, looks like Cornfoot’s off on another adventure.’ Last one Potter went on he had a basilisk nearly rip his head off and impregnate him with its little basilisk-
Kevin: Stephen, Stephen, you’ve gone too far mate! We’ve censors to think about you know?
Stephen: You’re right, Kevin. (sigh) I apologize to our listeners out there and that includes you Potter.
Kevin: Well, glad to hear it. Now for those of you having problems with the crossword puzzle this morning Stephen and I have invented a new segment. We will be giving you one of the answers every morning to that morning’s crossword puzzle just to help you out.
Stephen: Indeed. In this morning’s puzzle fifteen across asks for a nine letter word for smug, self-serving wench. The answer is of course Parkinson. That’s P-A-R-K-I-N-S-O-N. We received that answer from a Mr. M.
Kevin: Thank you, Mr. M, wherever you are. Now onwards we go with our local report of the fight that broke out shortly after the sorting ceremony. We’ve picked a random street urchin from the early 20th century to give us this report. Random Street Urchin?
Random Street Urchin: Oh right, Guvnor. Yesterday this massive brute took a dislike to a second year, name of Thiery. ‘e hauls off and breaks Thiery’s nose, ‘e does. Then starts kickin’ the boy. I could see it was up to me to break it up and break it up I did. I walks up to him and says, “Oy pick on someone your own size.” Only ‘e’s not too smart and starts hittin’ me instead. So’s then I gets ‘im in a ‘eadlock and I break his jaw. Then-
Stephen: I’m sorry random street urchin, but we have to cut you short today.
Random Street Urchin: Er, alright, well em…don’t suppose you two gents might have a sickle or two for a random street urchin to rub together do you?
Stephen: Kevin, I’m fresh out. You got anything for him?
Kevin: Sorry, no.
Random Street Urchin: ‘s alright. Maybe the Bulgarians could teach me a few survival techniques.
Stephen: Poor kid, but alas the world’s cruel ladies and gentlemen. Now with us is Bjorn from Sweden . Many of you know Bjorn from some our past broadcasts. He’s a man of mystery and epic quests. This past summer he went on a quest to slay a dragon. He’s told us it’s an amazing tale so we’ve decided to break it up into four different segments spread out over the next month. We bring you part one of Bjorn’s incredible quest.
Bjorn: So last Summer I went to Transylvania and slew a dragon.
Kevin: (hesitant pause) Sorry?
Bjorn: Yeah, it wasn’t a big deal. I just stuck a sword in it. I felt kind of bad actually. The dragon was old.
Stephen: (incredulous) Anything else, Bjorn? Anything at all worth keeping you on the air for?
Bjorn: No, that’s pretty much it. Oh, can you guys play The Weird Sister’s ‘Dancing With My Doppelganger’?
Kevin: We’re not really that sort of show, but thanks for your time, Bjorn.
Bjorn: Alright, see you guys next week.
Stephen: (sarcastically) Did you have anything to add to your story?
Bjorn: Ummmm, I stabbed it in the eye. Thrice.
Kevin: Goodbye, Bjorn.
Stephen: Well that’s about all the time we have today Hogwarts so we’ll be bidding you adieu.
Kevin: Enjoy your first day of classes. I know I will.
author: phil_urich
Characters: Kevin Entwhistle, Stephen Cornfoot, Wayne Hopkins and Eloise Midgen as Bjorn and random street urchin
Word count: 1030
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Official excerpt from Radio Whistlefoot
Author's Note: came up with this during my lunch break
Kevin:Good Morning everyone, you are currently listening to Radio Whistlefoot with your hosts: Kevin Entwhistle.
Stephen: And Stephen Cornfoot. Welcome to our show everyone. It’s the first day of a new year here at Hogwarts and we thought we’d kick it off by listing off the children who’re here for the first time. Kevin, why don’t you give us the list?
Kevin: Ooo, sorry about that mate. Forgot the list back in the dorm room. However, I did notice that another lad named Kevin Witby has joined these illustrious halls. Kevin, we’ll be having a meeting of the Kevins on the fourth floor near the painting of the dancing trollops at 7:00 tonight. Kevin Anderson’s our president and Kev-
Stephen: Ah, Kevin?
Kevin: Yes, Stephen?
Stephen: I’m afraid no one else cares.
Kevin: That’s what you think, Cornfoot. I have it on good authority that once you go Kevin you’ll never go for a man named Devon .
Stephen: Unless of course you’re Bridget Powell of the Holyhead Harpies. Miss Powell was recently spotted canoodling with Devon Burbonshire of The Weird Sisters while on vacation in Italy . When asked about it Ms. Powell said, and I quote, ‘We’re just friends he and I. Its completely random occurrence that we should have booked the same hotel room in the same small town on the same southern tip of Italy.’ She then commenced shagging Devon on a gondola.
Kevin: Bridget, lass. Its not too late. I realize it was probably just a decision made after too many bludgers to the head. I’m still available and you can find me at Hogwart’s Castle. Just ask any of the ladies here where you can find The Whistle.
Stephen: (clears throat) Hopkins , what’s the weather like this weekend?
Wayne : Forecasts predict it to be cold and wet this weekend.
Kevin: Thank you, Wayne . In other news the Department of Mysteries has recently published a report that states that gravity pulls things downward.
Stephen: Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Kevin: You learn something new every day, Stephen. Last night we learned that apparently two Tri-wizard Champions can come from the same school as both Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory’s names were drawn from the Cup last night.
Stephen: That’s right, Kevin, and I have to say I’m feeling a little weary of this constant grandstanding from Harry Potter. All I ever hear anymore are the stories about him nearly being murdered all the time. Honestly Potter, take a sit down and read a book. That’s what I do and you never hear people say, ‘Oh, looks like Cornfoot’s off on another adventure.’ Last one Potter went on he had a basilisk nearly rip his head off and impregnate him with its little basilisk-
Kevin: Stephen, Stephen, you’ve gone too far mate! We’ve censors to think about you know?
Stephen: You’re right, Kevin. (sigh) I apologize to our listeners out there and that includes you Potter.
Kevin: Well, glad to hear it. Now for those of you having problems with the crossword puzzle this morning Stephen and I have invented a new segment. We will be giving you one of the answers every morning to that morning’s crossword puzzle just to help you out.
Stephen: Indeed. In this morning’s puzzle fifteen across asks for a nine letter word for smug, self-serving wench. The answer is of course Parkinson. That’s P-A-R-K-I-N-S-O-N. We received that answer from a Mr. M.
Kevin: Thank you, Mr. M, wherever you are. Now onwards we go with our local report of the fight that broke out shortly after the sorting ceremony. We’ve picked a random street urchin from the early 20th century to give us this report. Random Street Urchin?
Random Street Urchin: Oh right, Guvnor. Yesterday this massive brute took a dislike to a second year, name of Thiery. ‘e hauls off and breaks Thiery’s nose, ‘e does. Then starts kickin’ the boy. I could see it was up to me to break it up and break it up I did. I walks up to him and says, “Oy pick on someone your own size.” Only ‘e’s not too smart and starts hittin’ me instead. So’s then I gets ‘im in a ‘eadlock and I break his jaw. Then-
Stephen: I’m sorry random street urchin, but we have to cut you short today.
Random Street Urchin: Er, alright, well em…don’t suppose you two gents might have a sickle or two for a random street urchin to rub together do you?
Stephen: Kevin, I’m fresh out. You got anything for him?
Kevin: Sorry, no.
Random Street Urchin: ‘s alright. Maybe the Bulgarians could teach me a few survival techniques.
Stephen: Poor kid, but alas the world’s cruel ladies and gentlemen. Now with us is Bjorn from Sweden . Many of you know Bjorn from some our past broadcasts. He’s a man of mystery and epic quests. This past summer he went on a quest to slay a dragon. He’s told us it’s an amazing tale so we’ve decided to break it up into four different segments spread out over the next month. We bring you part one of Bjorn’s incredible quest.
Bjorn: So last Summer I went to Transylvania and slew a dragon.
Kevin: (hesitant pause) Sorry?
Bjorn: Yeah, it wasn’t a big deal. I just stuck a sword in it. I felt kind of bad actually. The dragon was old.
Stephen: (incredulous) Anything else, Bjorn? Anything at all worth keeping you on the air for?
Bjorn: No, that’s pretty much it. Oh, can you guys play The Weird Sister’s ‘Dancing With My Doppelganger’?
Kevin: We’re not really that sort of show, but thanks for your time, Bjorn.
Bjorn: Alright, see you guys next week.
Stephen: (sarcastically) Did you have anything to add to your story?
Bjorn: Ummmm, I stabbed it in the eye. Thrice.
Kevin: Goodbye, Bjorn.
Stephen: Well that’s about all the time we have today Hogwarts so we’ll be bidding you adieu.
Kevin: Enjoy your first day of classes. I know I will.