This is What Crazy Feels Like (Part One), Firefly, PG-13
Title: This Is What Crazy Feels Like - Part One
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing/Characters: Simon, Jayne, River, Mal, Zoe, Inara and Kaylee
Genre: Gen (with a tiny smidge of pre-slash if you squint)
Rating: PG-13 (for torture)
Word Count: 19,929
Summary: Set post-Serenity, Simon is having strange dreams, and when a message from his estranged mother seems to indicate his dreams are real, he and River head home to see his dying father. What they find there changes everything.
A/Ns & Warnings: For Jess, who won me in the last Sweet Charity auction to benefit the Writer’s Guild Foundation. There is major Simon whumpage, Simon / Jayne bonding.
A pale white face peered up at him from the hospital bed. It was familiar, a reminder of another time. Dark eyes accused him. Traitor, they said. Ungrateful. Disappointment. “He’s dying.” A voice, as familiar as the face, stretched with worry, lined with age. His hand rose to touch her and she faded away, disappearing into the mists of too many years and too many steps away.
Simon woke suddenly, a light sweat over his skin.
“He’s dying.”
He started, sat up, clutching his blanket to him. River sat beside him, her eyes dazed, her head cocked to the side.
“What?” Simon swallowed and breathed out slowly. “What did you say?”
“Father.” River blinked and looked at him, her expression bemused. “He’s dying. Your dream, not mine.”
Simon shook his head. “It was just a dream, River.”
“Maybe. I couldn’t sleep. Your dream was too loud.”
Simon sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, I guess.” Not that he knew how to control the volume of his dreams…or even that his dreams had a volume.
He was tired, his sleep had been filled for weeks with fitful dreams that made no sense, or maybe made too much sense. Dreams about his father dying, about River being lost inside the Alliance because of him, about Reavers and death.
“You fight them too much.” River said abruptly. She lay down beside him, stealing his pillow. “You should relax, let them come.”
“They’re just dreams.” Simon said again, not even questioning what she was talking about. Just dreams. He slid down and lay with her, spooning around behind her like he had when they were little and it was her nightmares that brought her to his bed.
Just dreams.
***
***
“Doc?”
Simon blinked, looked down at his hands. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just fix it.”
Simon nodded and returned to working on the captain’s wound. “It isn’t bad. I’ll give you something for the pain.”
“Something you ain’t telling?”
“No. Why?”
“You been mighty distracted last few weeks.”
Simon shook his head and loaded the syringe. “Thinking about my father. River thinks he’s dying.”
The captain narrowed his gaze. “And? Isn’t this the same man what disowned you for doing right by River?” Since Miranda, Captain Reynolds had become right protective of Simon’s little sister.
Simon had to concede the point, but not without making one of his own. “They didn’t have all the information.”
“And you think that now that the whole ‘verse knows it was the Alliance what made the Reavers, you think Mommy and Daddy will just welcome you back with open arms?”
“No. Of course not.” Simon wiped his arm and stuck the needle into him. “He’s my father though.”
“I reckon that’s true, but we just got clear. Ain’t time to be courting trouble.”
“No, you’re right. I’m just…” He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
“Best you just let it go, get your head on straight. We got a job to do.”
Simon sighed. “I know, captain. I’ll be fine.”
“See that you are.”
The captain left him then, and despite his words, Simon could only think about the dream that had woken him that morning. He kept insisting to River that they were only dreams, but he couldn’t help but wonder some days if they were more. River had proven her precognitive ability, and such things were said to run in families.
Simon chuckled and turned to clean up. A few years before he only barely believed such things existed, now he was imagining himself with the gifts River had only because of the Alliance tampering with her brain.
“Wrong.” River’s voice danced around him and he turned, looking for her.
“River?”
The infirmary was empty but for him. He returned to cleaning up. He needed to stop fantasizing and focus on his work. Zoe had asked him for a list of needed supplies, so they could scope them on their next stop.
Since the whole debacle at Miranda, jobs had come easier, Alliance interference less fierce, but Simon and River tended to stay aboard Serenity when they made planet-fall, unless they were needed for something.
Which was more River than Simon. In his opinion, the captain had become entirely too dependent on River’s special gifts. But River liked the attention, and seemed to be developing something of a crush on the enigmatic captain.
“Wrong.” Once again, River’s voice echoed around him.
“Quit playing mei mei.” Simon said, not looking up.
“Not playing.” He could almost see her pout. He finished what he was doing and looked up, expecting to find her in the doorway or on the med-bed.
She wasn’t there however. Simon frowned and moved out of the infirmary. She wasn’t in the corridor. When he finally found her, she was on the bridge with Zoe. She smiled at him from the co-pilot’s chair, then frowned at him. “What?”
“I could have sworn you were just in the infirmary.”
“She’s been right here with me.” Zoe said. “She’s getting to be really good.”
“I heard you. Like you were right there.”
River cocked her head and looked at him. “You did.”
Simon shook it off and handed a data pad to Zoe. He was too tired to play at figuring her out. “My list of supplies.”
Zoe nodded and took the pad. “We’ll be at the station in about two hours. Figure it should be safe enough for you and River to stretch your legs.”
“Can we Simon? Please?” River turned on the big eyes, the ones he never could say no to.
He sighed. “I suppose, for a little while at least.”
“I want to buy a dress, for the party.” River got up from the co-pilot’s seat and danced out of the cockpit.
“Should I ask what party?” Zoe asked, amused.
Simon shook his head. “I haven’t a clue.”
***
Simon followed behind his sister and Kaylee after docking with the station. They giggled like teenagers and he gave up trying to follow what was so funny only a few minutes after leaving the ship.
The station wasn’t as crowded as it was their last stop, though the crowd gathered around the bar seemed to be rougher and rowdier. Simon glanced after the captain and Zoe, hoping that there wouldn’t be another brawl. It sometimes seemed as though Malcolm Reynolds couldn’t have a nice, peaceful drink without it devolving into a brawl.
Mal and Zoe were headed for the Post Office though, not the bar. Simon sighed and followed his sister along a rack of dresses.
“This one’s right pretty River.” Kaylee said, grabbing his attention. “Matches your eyes.”
River wrinkled her nose, but took the dress and held it up. “What do you think Simon?”
“Too much lace.” Simon said, though his eyes weren’t on the dress. It was almost like they were River’s words coming out his mouth. “Can’t move in it.” He turned his eyes back to his sister and she raised an eyebrow at him.
“You feeling okay, Simon?” Kaylee asked, her hand on his arm. “You look spooked.”
“Fine.” Simon cleared his throat. “I’m fine. Keep an eye on River.” He moved toward the news displays that were showing feeds from his home planet. Like watching his dreams come to life, he saw his father’s face.
Before he could move close enough to hear the feed, Jayne was shoving a package into his hands. “What’s this?”
“Mail.” Jayne responded, withdrawing with his own package.
“I don’t get mail.” Simon looked at the package. It wasn’t big, and the postage indicated it had come from Osiris. He moved dully to the nearest table and sat down, exhaling before working the seal open. Inside the box was a capture reader. He lifted it clear and thumbed the button to start the replay.
Instantly, his mother’s face filled the screen. “Simon, I hope this finds you. It took me forever to find a way to reach you. By now you’ve probably heard the news that your father won the Dillary Award. He’s very proud. But, it isn’t the same without you and River here. We know we drove you away. What the news waves don’t say is that your father is very sick. He’s dying, Simon. The doctors can’t…or won’t do anything. He’s a proud man, won’t ask you himself, but if there’s any way…come home. Make your peace.”
“Still think they’re just dreams?” River asked, suddenly at his elbow.
Simon jumped, cussing in Chinese. “You’re the psychic one, not me.”
“And yet…” She reached for the reader and replayed his mother saying “he’s dying” twice before he snatched it away from her.
The words echoed around his head. “We can’t, River. It’s probably a trap.”
“Probably.”
His last words with his parents had been filled with vitriol and fear. He could still taste the acid sting of being told he could never come home. That he was a disgrace to his family. All because he saw the truth in River’s letter home. All because he doubted the comfortable lies the Alliance fed them and his parents were fooled.
“Big honking trap.” River said. “I bought a dress for the party. Blue, his favorite color.”
Simon shook his head. Of course there would be a party, no matter how sick the old man was. Had to keep up appearances, never let the society vultures smell blood. It could be their way in. Slip in with the other guests.
What was he thinking? “No, River.”
She nodded and sat beside him. “Of course no. It’s a trap. They probably made him sick just to get us there. Come on Simon, how paranoid can you be?”
“It ain’t paranoia if they’re really out to get you.” Jayne said, sitting opposite them and digging into some odd looking plate of food.
River made a face at him. Simon couldn’t begrudge her the sentiment. He sighed. Osiris was a good two day flight away. If they could get a flight, or borrow one. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t talk the captain into flying so deep into the Core, not without a promise of some fairly hefty profit…and unlike the last time, Simon doubted they could get into a hospital to clean out the med-vault.
He had no reason to go back. None.
And yet, there he sat, considering it.
***
Simon slipped into the booth to send a private wave. He could have done it from Serenity, but he didn’t need the whole crew up in his business. He pulled the door shut and keyed in the information. It took a minute, almost two, but then the screen came to life and he could see the home where he grew up.
“Oh. Just a minute.” He thought he recognized the voice, but he didn’t see a face, not until his mother’s face filled the screen.
He blinked and stared. She looked…old. Haggard. “Simon?”
“Yes Mother.”
She nodded, glancing over her shoulder before she smiled softly. “I wasn’t sure we’d hear from you.”
“How is he?”
“Always right to the point.” She shook her head. “Not good. The doctors say it’s Rysyn Syndrome.”
Simon frowned. “That’s treatable.”
“You know your father. He waited too long.”
That did sound like his father. “You told me I wasn’t welcome anymore.” He sounded like a petulant child. There were tears in her eyes when he looked up. “How do I know it isn’t an Alliance trap?”
She shook her head. “No Alliance, I promise you Simon. Not since that man came here and questioned us. Not since he threatened us.”
The Operative. He should have figured the bastard would have started at the beginning. “You’re lucky all he did was threaten.” He shook his head. “No promises, Mother.”
“I understand, Simon.”
He cut off the wave. He wanted to believe her, that there was no trap. He wasn’t the same naïve young man he’d been though. Something wasn’t right.
Rysyn’s Syndrome was fully treatable, right up until end stage. If he was already end stage he only had weeks.
***
“You hit your head or something I don’t know about?” Mal asked.
“No. I’m fine.” Simon said in response. “Maybe a little crazy.”
“A little?” Mal’s voice rose incredulously. “Is that what we’re calling this idea?” The captain paced around him. “Need I remind you that the last time you suggested we visit a core planet, you and your sister nearly got grabbed.”
“Only because your muscle betrayed us.” Simon amended, looking at Jayne who sat across the small ship’s dining area.
“Hey, I apologized for that.” Jayne said indignantly. “I saw money.”
Simon rolled his eyes. He’d already chalked the whole betrayal up to Jayne being Jayne…and the big guy had saved their lives since then. And River had beaten him up, which never did get old.
“Captain, I hold no delusions about this. More than likely there is some sort of trap. I realize this. But we aren’t exactly defenseless, and I believe we can make the trip profitable.”
Mal stopped his pacing and looked at Simon. “That sounds disturbingly like you have a plan.”
It should probably bother him, what he was planning. Or maybe it should bother him that it didn’t bother him. “I’ll need Jayne to pull it off. And the use of a shuttle.”
“What are you going to do? Steal from your parents?”
“Not exactly. No.” He felt himself flushing. It wasn’t far from the truth. His parents didn’t own what he was planning on stealing though. Technically. In some ways it wasn’t even stealing. “I know I can get a good price, all we have to do is get them out of the house.”
“I repeat, this sounds disturbingly like you have a plan.” Mal said, crossing his arms.
“River and I go in during the party. Jayne backs us up. We deal with my father, Jayne gets the goods out. We meet before daylight and get back to Serenity.”
“What about the part where it’s probably a trap?” Jayne asked, sitting forward and paying closer attention now that he’d been mentioned.
Simon shrugged. “You can take care of yourself, River can take care of us. I’m not worried.”
“Maybe you should be.” River said suddenly. She knocked on his head with her knuckle. “You aren’t yourself.”
“I’m fine.”
“Waking up…sleepy head is waking up.” River sing-songed at him, rocking a little.
“What is she talking about?” Jayne stood, glowering at River.
“Simon.” River responded, knocking on Simon’s head again. “Knock, knock, who’s there? Sleepy head. Sleepy head who? Sleepy head Simon waking up in the morning dew.” She turned to glare at Jayne. “You should wake up too. Make you smarter.”
Simon sighed deeply. Some days he had to admit he just didn’t understand his sister.
“He has dreams.” River said directly to Mal when it became obvious to her that they weren’t getting her. “Hears voices. Waking up to what he was meant to be. Like me.” She leaned down near Simon’s ear. “You always were a little slow.”
Simon shook his head and stood up. “Hush now River. Go get your things ready.”
“I ain’t said yes yet.” Mal countered as River skipped away.
“You will.” Simon said. “Inara can take a few clients on Osiris, you can take the profit from the last job and take Kaylee shopping for the spare parts she’s been hunkering after. Two days, tops, and we’re out again, with a tidy little profit.”
***
“Aw come on. What do you mean I don’t get to bring Vera?”
Simon rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “No weapons. It’s not that kind of job.”
Jayne snorted. “They’re all that kind of job eventually.”
“Not this time.” Simon brushed past Jayne and looked around the cargo bay for his sister. “River?”
“I still don’t see why you need me for this little party of yours.”
Simon didn’t look back at Jayne, just waved at River who was coming out of Inara’s shuttle, looking five years older in her party dress, with her hair done up. “I need you to do the heavy lifting.”
“You ain’t said yet what kinda stuff we’re stealing.”
“No, I haven’t. We need to go, River.”
“Well, are you gonna?” Jayne followed Simon as he moved to usher River into the shuttle. “I mean, I might want to know what I’ll be heavy lifting.”
“All you need to know is that it will bring a price.” The last thing he wanted to tell Jayne was that they were lifting a library. Books were not exactly Jayne’s idea of merchandise worth stealing. But these weren’t just any books. Some were so old that they were rumored to have come from Earth-that-was.
His grandfather had given them to him…some while he was still alive, the rest in his will. Simon had left them behind, along with everything else about himself, when he’d gone in search of his sister.
“Captain, we’re ready.”
“You be careful and bring back my shuttle in one piece.”
“See you in a few days.”
Jayne climbed into the pilot’s chair and powered up the shuttles engines. They separated and headed toward the surface.
According to the news waves, the party celebrating his father’s achievement started at sunset. Jayne flew them in over the city, then out over the sprawl of residential districts until Simon pointed. “There. Plenty of cover, close enough to walk.”
It was a shaded area of the estate they’d played in as children. Jayne slapped his hand away. “I see it.”
“Okay, give me an hour and meet me at the servant’s entrance off the main road.”
“Right. And if you don’t show?”
Simon stopped to look at him. “Then I was right about the trap.”
“And I beat it out of there.” Jayne nodded. “Right.”
Simon rolled his eyes, but truthfully, he didn’t expect anything less. “Wear the uniform. You’ll draw less attention.”
“Have you seen that uniform?” Jayne asked in protest.
River giggled, but Simon figured that she didn’t have a lot of room to talk about the way anyone was dressed, considering her dark blue gown and party hair style combined with combat boots. “Okay, let’s get moving.” He adjusted his jacket and grabbed his black bag as he stepped out onto the damp grass of the park. It had been a while since he’d been so dressed up. It was almost uncomfortable.
“No Alliance.”
“What?” Simon looked at River who frowned at him.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I heard you.”
“And you think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy, I-“ There was a buzzing sound, and he turned, looking for the source. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“A noise, like…buzzing.”
River rolled her eyes and put her hand in his, tugging him along. He could see the house now, lit up and dazzling. People spilled out on the balconies and yard. Music drifted to them.
“Who does he think he’s fooling?”
“Have you seen the size of the cake?”
“Such a pity about his kids.”
Simon stopped again, looking around him for the source of the voices.
“Simon?”
He rubbed his head. It was starting to really hurt. “Did you hear them?”
She shook her head and pulled his hands away from his face, looking into his eyes. “Not good. Simon, you need to concentrate.”
“On what?”
She shook her head, held her hands to his face. “On me. Look at me. Hear only me.”
“What’s happening?”
She shook her head again. “You’re hearing things. People’s thoughts. You need to control it.”
He swallowed a lump of fear. “How do I do that?”
“You focus. You just do.” She held his face, and as long as she was touching him, the voices retreated. “Better?”
“Did you do something?”
“No. You did.”
She let go and he took a slow breath. “I think…I think I’m okay.” He had no idea what he did to make it stop, but he didn’t want to think about it too much.
River slipped her hand back into his and they started toward the house again. It reminded him of better days, before he went away to medical school, before River was off at the Academy having her brain poked and cut into. They would walk hand in hand through these trees, play hide and seek, chase each other in circles until they were called in to supper.
That was before he knew what a Reaver was. Before he’d broken a half a dozen laws. Before he’d lost faith in what the Alliance was. Before he’d learned what life was really like.
“You miss it.” River said softly beside him.
He smiled and nodded. “Don’t you?”
“Never really was right here.”
They stepped out of the trees and into a stream of people headed toward their parents’ home. No one seemed to notice. River’s hand tightened in his, the only sign that she was affected at all, as they climbed the front steps and passed through the open door.
For a moment, it was if nothing had changed, as if the years since he’d last stood there had never happened. He was a young man, flushed with excitement over his achievements and anxious to share them with his father.
Then reality came crashing around him. Murmurs and whispers filled the air as people either looked away or stared.
“It’s them.”
“How dare they show up here?”
River’s hand squeezed his again and they kept moving, out of the doorway, through the crowd. The whispers followed them, only he wasn’t sure which ones were actually whispers and which were just thoughts he was somehow hearing.
Which was insane. He shook his head, but all it did was aggravate the growing headache. He was going out of his mind. Idly he wondered if this is what it had been like for her.
River’s face was suddenly in his. “No, it was faster. Little pop inside my head and then BOOM and trickle, trickle…inside my brain.”
He jerked back. People were staring more intently now. “Come on.” He drew her toward the sitting room. That’s where they would find him. He wasn’t sure why, but he was sure he was there.
Sure enough, there he was, holding court with Mother at his side and adoring pupils all around. Gabriel Tam looked up, his words dying mid sentence as he spotted them in the doorway.
For a long moment, no one moved, then he leaned forward and whispered something in the ear of the nearest of his students. The young man stood, and the rest followed. Simon blinked. They all looked the same…silvery tendrils of something tying them together. He blinked again and they were just average students. He shook his head.
In seconds the room was empty but for the Tams.
Still, nothing was said. Not until River blurted out. “You look old.”
Their mother gasped and held out her arms. After looking to Simon for assurance, River left him and let their mother wrap her arms around her. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
Simon moved into the room, pulling the door shut to hide the little family reunion from the rest of the party. “Father.”
Gabriel Tam glared up at him. “Last time you were here, I told you that you weren’t welcome back if you defied me.”
Simon nodded slowly. “Yes. You did. And here I am. Still defying you.”
“I heard about that little gang of thieves you have taken up with.”
Simon found himself oddly ambivalent. He’d expected anger, maybe hurt or fear. “I’m not surprised.”
“Did you bring them with you?”
Simon shook his head. “No. It’s just me and River. Mother told me about the Rysyn’s. I thought I might be able to help.”
“You forget you lost your license to practice medicine?”
He smiled and set his bag on the table beside his father. “It’s just a piece of paper. Doesn’t take away what I know.”
“No point now. I’m end stage. Already should be dead.”
His father always had been stubborn about things. “How are you managing the pain?”
“Fine. Fine. Did you risk your life and your sister’s just to ask me stupid questions?”
Simon sighed. “I came because Mother asked me to. If you don’t want us here, we’ll leave.”
“No!” His mother clutched River closer, until River was making choking noises.
“Can’t breathe Simon.”
“Mother.” Simon went to her and pried River free.
“Gabriel, I’ll not have you driving them away.”
“Fine Regan. Just keep them out of sight. They’ll be the end of what’s left of our social standing.”
His father pulled himself to his feet, then shuffled out of the room. His mother sighed and sank into the chair he’d just left. “I’m sorry. I thought…”
“That once he saw us, he’d be swept with remorse and forgiveness?” Simon asked, crossing to his bag. His head was killing him. “You should know better.”
He dug through his bag until he came up with a mild pain medication and swallowed two dry. His headache was worse for the reunion. “It’s good to see you, Mother.”
She clutched at River’s hand. “Are you hungry? You look thin. Let me bring you some food.”
Simon nodded and sank to a seat on the couch, unbuttoning his jacket. “Food would be very nice, thank you.”
She stood and stopped at the door. “Just for now…wait here. No point riling him up.”
He watched her go, then glanced up at River. “You okay?”
She cocked her head. “She’s sad, Simon.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. Of course she was sad. Her husband was dying, her children fugitives. Pretty soon she’d be alone.
”Not yet, wait for it.”
He opened his eyes, looked for River who was looking at the art on the walls.
”We need both of them. Wait for the party to start to break up.”
River turned to look at him. He was loosing his mind. “Simon?”
The door opened and their mother slipped in with a maid in tow. The maid set a tray of food on the low table and withdrew. Their mother settled back into the chair. “Go on, eat. I can’t imagine how you’ve been surviving out there in the dark.”
We can salvage it if we move now. Call Sheriton. Tell him the prodigal has come home. I’ll stall them.
Simon knew that voice.
The door opened and their father stepped inside, closing it immediately. He cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology. You came here in good faith and I behaved poorly.” He turned to River, a vague smile on his face. “Look at you…all grown up.”
“No thanks to you.” Simon said.
That’s right, blame me.
“I blame you because it’s your fault. You wouldn’t do anything to help her!” Simon exclaimed, standing.
His father frowned at him. “What do you know?” He moved closer. “I made choices, Simon. Choices you could never understand.”
“Choices that included leaving River at the mercy of mad men who cut out pieces of her brain and turned her into a killer.”
His mother paled. “Simon, please.”
“Please? Do you know what they did to her?” Simon asked, pointing to River. “How they tormented her? What they turned her into?”
He shook his head, then pressed a hand against his forehead. Damn but his head hurt. “This was a mistake. A stupid mistake. Captain Reynolds was right.” He took River’s arm and led her to the door. “I’m taking a few of my things. We won’t bother you again.”
“I come and apologize and you’re just going to run away?”
Simon stopped at the door. “You don’t want us here. Maybe you never did. We’ll just go back to our little gang of thieves.”
Got to keep them, just a little longer.
Simon opened the door and the sound from the party was like a wave washing over them, burying the words he thought he heard. He stumbled out, pressing harder against his forehead now.
“Bye.” River called as Simon dragged her through the door and out into the house. She backpedaled until she got turned around. “Where are we going?”
“To get Jayne and get what we came for.”
“I thought we came for the party.”
Simon stopped near the door where he expected Jayne to be waiting. “It’s a mistake.” He just wanted out now. He pushed the door open, relieved that Jayne was waiting there as promised. “Come on.”
He led River and Jayne through the quieter end of the house, to the door of his old bedroom. “River, watch for trouble.”
He opened the door, not surprised to find that everything he’d left behind was boxed up. “The boxes we want are in the closet.” He thumbed the controls on the lock, glad he’d thought to scramble the combination before he left. Once the door slid open, he pointed at the five boxes.
Jayne lifted the first of them and cursed. “What in tarnation is in these?”
“Just get them out of here.”
“Whatever you say Doc.” Jayne piled boxes onto the dolly. “But I don’t take orders from you, you know?”
Simon growled in frustration. “The books in these boxes are worth more than the shuttle we’ll be taking them out of here on.”
“Books? You got me hauling gorram books?”
“Yes. Now do what I brought you here for. We’ll be right behind you.”
Simon opened the door. River was no where to be seen. “Shit.” The buzzing was back, his head feeling like it was going to split open. He stumbled against the wall, closing his eyes. “Get to the shuttle. I’ll find River.”
“No offense, Doc, but you don’t look too good.”
“Just get to the shuttle.”
He stumbled away, holding his head with one hand and the wall with the other. That’s when he realized he’d left his bag in the sitting room.
Find them. He’ll be here soon.
“Simon.” Clear as day, he heard River’s voice. He opened his eyes and the room was spinning. He was going to be sick. If he didn’t pass out first.
***
Colors jumbled together and spilled out in words that made no sense. Voices blurred and faded, only to burst out of the dark again. He was vaguely aware of hands on his skin, touching his face with something cold. He opened his eyes, but the room was spinning out of control and it only made him sick to his stomach.
Lock it down.
Screams. Gunfire. Blazing heat. Simon groaned and rolled onto his side as he started to vomit. Disembodied hands steadied him, held his shoulder to keep him from falling…even though it felt like he was falling anyway.
“Easy.” The voice was familiar, but he couldn’t place it.
“Where is she?”
“He can’t answer you.” The voice was close. The hands. The hands and voice went together.
“He better answer.”
Simon pushed up, but the hands petted over him, encouraged him to lie still. “Can’t you see he’s in pain?”
“I want the girl.”
River. He was looking for River. Simon wasn’t sure how he knew, but he did. He was sure of it. There were five men, all looking for River. He tried opening his eyes again.
The room had stopped spinning, but it had landed on its side. He was laying down. On something soft. The room smelled of vomit, or maybe it was just him. “Simon?”
He turned his head, discovered the softness was his mother’s lap. His head was on her thigh. Her hand was in his hair. Her voice. It was her voice, though it sounded strange, strained.
There were legs, a hand. It pushed him and he rolled onto his back, looking up into the face of a man he didn’t know. “What’s wrong with him?”
“If I had my guess, I would say sensory overload.” Another voice said, from near the door. Simon blinked as the voice came closer. “Something activated him.”
“Activated? Gabriel, what are you talking about?”
“Stay out of it Regan. Simon, can you hear me?”
“No.” Simon covered his eyes and tried to curl back up in a fetal position. Everything hurt.
“Simon.” His father was squatting beside him now, touching him, forcing his eye open and shining a light into it. Simon recoiled. “We really don’t have time for this, Simon.”
“Time for what, Gabriel?”
“Him to adjust to his new abilities.” His father stood and walked away. He lowered his voice and Simon couldn’t hear him over the drone of thoughts and machinery in his head.
“Simon, listen to me. There are Alliance officers on their way here to take you and your sister into custody. I need you to focus.”
Simon pushed himself up to sitting, shielding his eyes as he squinted at his father. The room was too bright and his father was so very dark. He forced himself to breathe slowly and nodded. “Focus.” River had told him the same thing. “I can focus.” For the moment, he focused on a dull spot on his father’s shoe.
“Where is River?”
“Don’t know.” Focus. Simon licked his lips. “She was watching the hallway while we got the boxes.”
“What boxes?” Gabriel stepped closer, his hand closing around Simon’s chin and tilting his face up. “What boxes, Simon?”
“Books. Grandfather’s books. My books.”
“Where are they now?”
Simon tried to shake his head. The buzz was louder. He wanted to cover his ears. “Gone. Sent him away.”
He let go of Simon and walked away again.
“Gabriel, tell me what is going on.”
“I’m trying to save your children, Regan.”
“Our children.”
Gabriel turned to look at her. “Of course. Our children. Sheriton, have your men search the house for River. I have to go out and be gracious while kicking out my guests. Keep him here. Come Regan.”
“Not until you explain yourself. We can’t just leave him, he’s sick.”
“He’s not sick, he’s…evolving. He’ll be fine once he accepts it and learns how it works.”
She stomped her foot. “How what works?”
He sighed heavily. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out already, my dear. You were the key after all. I needed your DNA. The children needed a mother to raise them while I figured out how to activate the genetic coding.”
Simon was starting to see where his father was leading them. “You did this?” He staggered to his feet. “To River. You made her like this and fed her to them.”
“All my life I’ve worked to perfect the human mind. With you and your sister I was so close…the intelligence quotient was off the scale, and her physical agility…almost perfect. But you didn’t have the strength for what came next, and she was…too devoted to you. When the Alliance discovered what I had done, they demanded the both of you.” Gabriel lifted his chin. “I told them the experiment was a failure, but they didn’t believe me. You probably don’t remember the evaluations…they came here and tested you both. They took River when they saw what she was, what she was capable of…took my research, took her. Left me with you and I had to start from scratch.
“You gave them River so that you could continue working.” Simon could see it now, the long hours at work in some secret place, hiding what he was really working on behind the façade of scientific research for Blue Sun.
“I went back to the beginning. I was overly ambitious with the two of you. Thought I could create new life. I should have been concentrating on perfecting existing life.”
“Genetic manipulation.” Simon was dizzy, nauseous.
His father nodded. “Pick out the strongest genetic traits and strengthen them. Make a bright mind brilliant. Enhance natural talents. Work with what is already present in the DNA rather than trying to combine the perfect DNA. Simple, really.”
Simon clutched at his stomach. “Why? Why River?” He was going to be sick again. “Why am I like this now?”
“I put a lock down in your code. Both yours and Rivers. It’s a like a node on your amygdala, it prevented the extra senses from being active, but let your heightened intelligence function normally.”
That explained why the Alliance had done what they had to River. Why they cut into her brain. They wanted those abilities active.
“Now, we need to find your sister and get the two of you into the lab. We need to find out what activated you”
“No.” Simon shook his head. “I’m not letting you touch her.”
“It’s not really like you have a choice, Simon.”
He didn’t see the needle coming, but he felt the prick and the darkness swooped in on him.
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing/Characters: Simon, Jayne, River, Mal, Zoe, Inara and Kaylee
Genre: Gen (with a tiny smidge of pre-slash if you squint)
Rating: PG-13 (for torture)
Word Count: 19,929
Summary: Set post-Serenity, Simon is having strange dreams, and when a message from his estranged mother seems to indicate his dreams are real, he and River head home to see his dying father. What they find there changes everything.
A/Ns & Warnings: For Jess, who won me in the last Sweet Charity auction to benefit the Writer’s Guild Foundation. There is major Simon whumpage, Simon / Jayne bonding.
A pale white face peered up at him from the hospital bed. It was familiar, a reminder of another time. Dark eyes accused him. Traitor, they said. Ungrateful. Disappointment. “He’s dying.” A voice, as familiar as the face, stretched with worry, lined with age. His hand rose to touch her and she faded away, disappearing into the mists of too many years and too many steps away.
Simon woke suddenly, a light sweat over his skin.
“He’s dying.”
He started, sat up, clutching his blanket to him. River sat beside him, her eyes dazed, her head cocked to the side.
“What?” Simon swallowed and breathed out slowly. “What did you say?”
“Father.” River blinked and looked at him, her expression bemused. “He’s dying. Your dream, not mine.”
Simon shook his head. “It was just a dream, River.”
“Maybe. I couldn’t sleep. Your dream was too loud.”
Simon sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, I guess.” Not that he knew how to control the volume of his dreams…or even that his dreams had a volume.
He was tired, his sleep had been filled for weeks with fitful dreams that made no sense, or maybe made too much sense. Dreams about his father dying, about River being lost inside the Alliance because of him, about Reavers and death.
“You fight them too much.” River said abruptly. She lay down beside him, stealing his pillow. “You should relax, let them come.”
“They’re just dreams.” Simon said again, not even questioning what she was talking about. Just dreams. He slid down and lay with her, spooning around behind her like he had when they were little and it was her nightmares that brought her to his bed.
Just dreams.
***
***
“Doc?”
Simon blinked, looked down at his hands. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just fix it.”
Simon nodded and returned to working on the captain’s wound. “It isn’t bad. I’ll give you something for the pain.”
“Something you ain’t telling?”
“No. Why?”
“You been mighty distracted last few weeks.”
Simon shook his head and loaded the syringe. “Thinking about my father. River thinks he’s dying.”
The captain narrowed his gaze. “And? Isn’t this the same man what disowned you for doing right by River?” Since Miranda, Captain Reynolds had become right protective of Simon’s little sister.
Simon had to concede the point, but not without making one of his own. “They didn’t have all the information.”
“And you think that now that the whole ‘verse knows it was the Alliance what made the Reavers, you think Mommy and Daddy will just welcome you back with open arms?”
“No. Of course not.” Simon wiped his arm and stuck the needle into him. “He’s my father though.”
“I reckon that’s true, but we just got clear. Ain’t time to be courting trouble.”
“No, you’re right. I’m just…” He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
“Best you just let it go, get your head on straight. We got a job to do.”
Simon sighed. “I know, captain. I’ll be fine.”
“See that you are.”
The captain left him then, and despite his words, Simon could only think about the dream that had woken him that morning. He kept insisting to River that they were only dreams, but he couldn’t help but wonder some days if they were more. River had proven her precognitive ability, and such things were said to run in families.
Simon chuckled and turned to clean up. A few years before he only barely believed such things existed, now he was imagining himself with the gifts River had only because of the Alliance tampering with her brain.
“Wrong.” River’s voice danced around him and he turned, looking for her.
“River?”
The infirmary was empty but for him. He returned to cleaning up. He needed to stop fantasizing and focus on his work. Zoe had asked him for a list of needed supplies, so they could scope them on their next stop.
Since the whole debacle at Miranda, jobs had come easier, Alliance interference less fierce, but Simon and River tended to stay aboard Serenity when they made planet-fall, unless they were needed for something.
Which was more River than Simon. In his opinion, the captain had become entirely too dependent on River’s special gifts. But River liked the attention, and seemed to be developing something of a crush on the enigmatic captain.
“Wrong.” Once again, River’s voice echoed around him.
“Quit playing mei mei.” Simon said, not looking up.
“Not playing.” He could almost see her pout. He finished what he was doing and looked up, expecting to find her in the doorway or on the med-bed.
She wasn’t there however. Simon frowned and moved out of the infirmary. She wasn’t in the corridor. When he finally found her, she was on the bridge with Zoe. She smiled at him from the co-pilot’s chair, then frowned at him. “What?”
“I could have sworn you were just in the infirmary.”
“She’s been right here with me.” Zoe said. “She’s getting to be really good.”
“I heard you. Like you were right there.”
River cocked her head and looked at him. “You did.”
Simon shook it off and handed a data pad to Zoe. He was too tired to play at figuring her out. “My list of supplies.”
Zoe nodded and took the pad. “We’ll be at the station in about two hours. Figure it should be safe enough for you and River to stretch your legs.”
“Can we Simon? Please?” River turned on the big eyes, the ones he never could say no to.
He sighed. “I suppose, for a little while at least.”
“I want to buy a dress, for the party.” River got up from the co-pilot’s seat and danced out of the cockpit.
“Should I ask what party?” Zoe asked, amused.
Simon shook his head. “I haven’t a clue.”
***
Simon followed behind his sister and Kaylee after docking with the station. They giggled like teenagers and he gave up trying to follow what was so funny only a few minutes after leaving the ship.
The station wasn’t as crowded as it was their last stop, though the crowd gathered around the bar seemed to be rougher and rowdier. Simon glanced after the captain and Zoe, hoping that there wouldn’t be another brawl. It sometimes seemed as though Malcolm Reynolds couldn’t have a nice, peaceful drink without it devolving into a brawl.
Mal and Zoe were headed for the Post Office though, not the bar. Simon sighed and followed his sister along a rack of dresses.
“This one’s right pretty River.” Kaylee said, grabbing his attention. “Matches your eyes.”
River wrinkled her nose, but took the dress and held it up. “What do you think Simon?”
“Too much lace.” Simon said, though his eyes weren’t on the dress. It was almost like they were River’s words coming out his mouth. “Can’t move in it.” He turned his eyes back to his sister and she raised an eyebrow at him.
“You feeling okay, Simon?” Kaylee asked, her hand on his arm. “You look spooked.”
“Fine.” Simon cleared his throat. “I’m fine. Keep an eye on River.” He moved toward the news displays that were showing feeds from his home planet. Like watching his dreams come to life, he saw his father’s face.
Before he could move close enough to hear the feed, Jayne was shoving a package into his hands. “What’s this?”
“Mail.” Jayne responded, withdrawing with his own package.
“I don’t get mail.” Simon looked at the package. It wasn’t big, and the postage indicated it had come from Osiris. He moved dully to the nearest table and sat down, exhaling before working the seal open. Inside the box was a capture reader. He lifted it clear and thumbed the button to start the replay.
Instantly, his mother’s face filled the screen. “Simon, I hope this finds you. It took me forever to find a way to reach you. By now you’ve probably heard the news that your father won the Dillary Award. He’s very proud. But, it isn’t the same without you and River here. We know we drove you away. What the news waves don’t say is that your father is very sick. He’s dying, Simon. The doctors can’t…or won’t do anything. He’s a proud man, won’t ask you himself, but if there’s any way…come home. Make your peace.”
“Still think they’re just dreams?” River asked, suddenly at his elbow.
Simon jumped, cussing in Chinese. “You’re the psychic one, not me.”
“And yet…” She reached for the reader and replayed his mother saying “he’s dying” twice before he snatched it away from her.
The words echoed around his head. “We can’t, River. It’s probably a trap.”
“Probably.”
His last words with his parents had been filled with vitriol and fear. He could still taste the acid sting of being told he could never come home. That he was a disgrace to his family. All because he saw the truth in River’s letter home. All because he doubted the comfortable lies the Alliance fed them and his parents were fooled.
“Big honking trap.” River said. “I bought a dress for the party. Blue, his favorite color.”
Simon shook his head. Of course there would be a party, no matter how sick the old man was. Had to keep up appearances, never let the society vultures smell blood. It could be their way in. Slip in with the other guests.
What was he thinking? “No, River.”
She nodded and sat beside him. “Of course no. It’s a trap. They probably made him sick just to get us there. Come on Simon, how paranoid can you be?”
“It ain’t paranoia if they’re really out to get you.” Jayne said, sitting opposite them and digging into some odd looking plate of food.
River made a face at him. Simon couldn’t begrudge her the sentiment. He sighed. Osiris was a good two day flight away. If they could get a flight, or borrow one. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t talk the captain into flying so deep into the Core, not without a promise of some fairly hefty profit…and unlike the last time, Simon doubted they could get into a hospital to clean out the med-vault.
He had no reason to go back. None.
And yet, there he sat, considering it.
***
Simon slipped into the booth to send a private wave. He could have done it from Serenity, but he didn’t need the whole crew up in his business. He pulled the door shut and keyed in the information. It took a minute, almost two, but then the screen came to life and he could see the home where he grew up.
“Oh. Just a minute.” He thought he recognized the voice, but he didn’t see a face, not until his mother’s face filled the screen.
He blinked and stared. She looked…old. Haggard. “Simon?”
“Yes Mother.”
She nodded, glancing over her shoulder before she smiled softly. “I wasn’t sure we’d hear from you.”
“How is he?”
“Always right to the point.” She shook her head. “Not good. The doctors say it’s Rysyn Syndrome.”
Simon frowned. “That’s treatable.”
“You know your father. He waited too long.”
That did sound like his father. “You told me I wasn’t welcome anymore.” He sounded like a petulant child. There were tears in her eyes when he looked up. “How do I know it isn’t an Alliance trap?”
She shook her head. “No Alliance, I promise you Simon. Not since that man came here and questioned us. Not since he threatened us.”
The Operative. He should have figured the bastard would have started at the beginning. “You’re lucky all he did was threaten.” He shook his head. “No promises, Mother.”
“I understand, Simon.”
He cut off the wave. He wanted to believe her, that there was no trap. He wasn’t the same naïve young man he’d been though. Something wasn’t right.
Rysyn’s Syndrome was fully treatable, right up until end stage. If he was already end stage he only had weeks.
***
“You hit your head or something I don’t know about?” Mal asked.
“No. I’m fine.” Simon said in response. “Maybe a little crazy.”
“A little?” Mal’s voice rose incredulously. “Is that what we’re calling this idea?” The captain paced around him. “Need I remind you that the last time you suggested we visit a core planet, you and your sister nearly got grabbed.”
“Only because your muscle betrayed us.” Simon amended, looking at Jayne who sat across the small ship’s dining area.
“Hey, I apologized for that.” Jayne said indignantly. “I saw money.”
Simon rolled his eyes. He’d already chalked the whole betrayal up to Jayne being Jayne…and the big guy had saved their lives since then. And River had beaten him up, which never did get old.
“Captain, I hold no delusions about this. More than likely there is some sort of trap. I realize this. But we aren’t exactly defenseless, and I believe we can make the trip profitable.”
Mal stopped his pacing and looked at Simon. “That sounds disturbingly like you have a plan.”
It should probably bother him, what he was planning. Or maybe it should bother him that it didn’t bother him. “I’ll need Jayne to pull it off. And the use of a shuttle.”
“What are you going to do? Steal from your parents?”
“Not exactly. No.” He felt himself flushing. It wasn’t far from the truth. His parents didn’t own what he was planning on stealing though. Technically. In some ways it wasn’t even stealing. “I know I can get a good price, all we have to do is get them out of the house.”
“I repeat, this sounds disturbingly like you have a plan.” Mal said, crossing his arms.
“River and I go in during the party. Jayne backs us up. We deal with my father, Jayne gets the goods out. We meet before daylight and get back to Serenity.”
“What about the part where it’s probably a trap?” Jayne asked, sitting forward and paying closer attention now that he’d been mentioned.
Simon shrugged. “You can take care of yourself, River can take care of us. I’m not worried.”
“Maybe you should be.” River said suddenly. She knocked on his head with her knuckle. “You aren’t yourself.”
“I’m fine.”
“Waking up…sleepy head is waking up.” River sing-songed at him, rocking a little.
“What is she talking about?” Jayne stood, glowering at River.
“Simon.” River responded, knocking on Simon’s head again. “Knock, knock, who’s there? Sleepy head. Sleepy head who? Sleepy head Simon waking up in the morning dew.” She turned to glare at Jayne. “You should wake up too. Make you smarter.”
Simon sighed deeply. Some days he had to admit he just didn’t understand his sister.
“He has dreams.” River said directly to Mal when it became obvious to her that they weren’t getting her. “Hears voices. Waking up to what he was meant to be. Like me.” She leaned down near Simon’s ear. “You always were a little slow.”
Simon shook his head and stood up. “Hush now River. Go get your things ready.”
“I ain’t said yes yet.” Mal countered as River skipped away.
“You will.” Simon said. “Inara can take a few clients on Osiris, you can take the profit from the last job and take Kaylee shopping for the spare parts she’s been hunkering after. Two days, tops, and we’re out again, with a tidy little profit.”
***
“Aw come on. What do you mean I don’t get to bring Vera?”
Simon rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “No weapons. It’s not that kind of job.”
Jayne snorted. “They’re all that kind of job eventually.”
“Not this time.” Simon brushed past Jayne and looked around the cargo bay for his sister. “River?”
“I still don’t see why you need me for this little party of yours.”
Simon didn’t look back at Jayne, just waved at River who was coming out of Inara’s shuttle, looking five years older in her party dress, with her hair done up. “I need you to do the heavy lifting.”
“You ain’t said yet what kinda stuff we’re stealing.”
“No, I haven’t. We need to go, River.”
“Well, are you gonna?” Jayne followed Simon as he moved to usher River into the shuttle. “I mean, I might want to know what I’ll be heavy lifting.”
“All you need to know is that it will bring a price.” The last thing he wanted to tell Jayne was that they were lifting a library. Books were not exactly Jayne’s idea of merchandise worth stealing. But these weren’t just any books. Some were so old that they were rumored to have come from Earth-that-was.
His grandfather had given them to him…some while he was still alive, the rest in his will. Simon had left them behind, along with everything else about himself, when he’d gone in search of his sister.
“Captain, we’re ready.”
“You be careful and bring back my shuttle in one piece.”
“See you in a few days.”
Jayne climbed into the pilot’s chair and powered up the shuttles engines. They separated and headed toward the surface.
According to the news waves, the party celebrating his father’s achievement started at sunset. Jayne flew them in over the city, then out over the sprawl of residential districts until Simon pointed. “There. Plenty of cover, close enough to walk.”
It was a shaded area of the estate they’d played in as children. Jayne slapped his hand away. “I see it.”
“Okay, give me an hour and meet me at the servant’s entrance off the main road.”
“Right. And if you don’t show?”
Simon stopped to look at him. “Then I was right about the trap.”
“And I beat it out of there.” Jayne nodded. “Right.”
Simon rolled his eyes, but truthfully, he didn’t expect anything less. “Wear the uniform. You’ll draw less attention.”
“Have you seen that uniform?” Jayne asked in protest.
River giggled, but Simon figured that she didn’t have a lot of room to talk about the way anyone was dressed, considering her dark blue gown and party hair style combined with combat boots. “Okay, let’s get moving.” He adjusted his jacket and grabbed his black bag as he stepped out onto the damp grass of the park. It had been a while since he’d been so dressed up. It was almost uncomfortable.
“No Alliance.”
“What?” Simon looked at River who frowned at him.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I heard you.”
“And you think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy, I-“ There was a buzzing sound, and he turned, looking for the source. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“A noise, like…buzzing.”
River rolled her eyes and put her hand in his, tugging him along. He could see the house now, lit up and dazzling. People spilled out on the balconies and yard. Music drifted to them.
“Who does he think he’s fooling?”
“Have you seen the size of the cake?”
“Such a pity about his kids.”
Simon stopped again, looking around him for the source of the voices.
“Simon?”
He rubbed his head. It was starting to really hurt. “Did you hear them?”
She shook her head and pulled his hands away from his face, looking into his eyes. “Not good. Simon, you need to concentrate.”
“On what?”
She shook her head, held her hands to his face. “On me. Look at me. Hear only me.”
“What’s happening?”
She shook her head again. “You’re hearing things. People’s thoughts. You need to control it.”
He swallowed a lump of fear. “How do I do that?”
“You focus. You just do.” She held his face, and as long as she was touching him, the voices retreated. “Better?”
“Did you do something?”
“No. You did.”
She let go and he took a slow breath. “I think…I think I’m okay.” He had no idea what he did to make it stop, but he didn’t want to think about it too much.
River slipped her hand back into his and they started toward the house again. It reminded him of better days, before he went away to medical school, before River was off at the Academy having her brain poked and cut into. They would walk hand in hand through these trees, play hide and seek, chase each other in circles until they were called in to supper.
That was before he knew what a Reaver was. Before he’d broken a half a dozen laws. Before he’d lost faith in what the Alliance was. Before he’d learned what life was really like.
“You miss it.” River said softly beside him.
He smiled and nodded. “Don’t you?”
“Never really was right here.”
They stepped out of the trees and into a stream of people headed toward their parents’ home. No one seemed to notice. River’s hand tightened in his, the only sign that she was affected at all, as they climbed the front steps and passed through the open door.
For a moment, it was if nothing had changed, as if the years since he’d last stood there had never happened. He was a young man, flushed with excitement over his achievements and anxious to share them with his father.
Then reality came crashing around him. Murmurs and whispers filled the air as people either looked away or stared.
“It’s them.”
“How dare they show up here?”
River’s hand squeezed his again and they kept moving, out of the doorway, through the crowd. The whispers followed them, only he wasn’t sure which ones were actually whispers and which were just thoughts he was somehow hearing.
Which was insane. He shook his head, but all it did was aggravate the growing headache. He was going out of his mind. Idly he wondered if this is what it had been like for her.
River’s face was suddenly in his. “No, it was faster. Little pop inside my head and then BOOM and trickle, trickle…inside my brain.”
He jerked back. People were staring more intently now. “Come on.” He drew her toward the sitting room. That’s where they would find him. He wasn’t sure why, but he was sure he was there.
Sure enough, there he was, holding court with Mother at his side and adoring pupils all around. Gabriel Tam looked up, his words dying mid sentence as he spotted them in the doorway.
For a long moment, no one moved, then he leaned forward and whispered something in the ear of the nearest of his students. The young man stood, and the rest followed. Simon blinked. They all looked the same…silvery tendrils of something tying them together. He blinked again and they were just average students. He shook his head.
In seconds the room was empty but for the Tams.
Still, nothing was said. Not until River blurted out. “You look old.”
Their mother gasped and held out her arms. After looking to Simon for assurance, River left him and let their mother wrap her arms around her. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
Simon moved into the room, pulling the door shut to hide the little family reunion from the rest of the party. “Father.”
Gabriel Tam glared up at him. “Last time you were here, I told you that you weren’t welcome back if you defied me.”
Simon nodded slowly. “Yes. You did. And here I am. Still defying you.”
“I heard about that little gang of thieves you have taken up with.”
Simon found himself oddly ambivalent. He’d expected anger, maybe hurt or fear. “I’m not surprised.”
“Did you bring them with you?”
Simon shook his head. “No. It’s just me and River. Mother told me about the Rysyn’s. I thought I might be able to help.”
“You forget you lost your license to practice medicine?”
He smiled and set his bag on the table beside his father. “It’s just a piece of paper. Doesn’t take away what I know.”
“No point now. I’m end stage. Already should be dead.”
His father always had been stubborn about things. “How are you managing the pain?”
“Fine. Fine. Did you risk your life and your sister’s just to ask me stupid questions?”
Simon sighed. “I came because Mother asked me to. If you don’t want us here, we’ll leave.”
“No!” His mother clutched River closer, until River was making choking noises.
“Can’t breathe Simon.”
“Mother.” Simon went to her and pried River free.
“Gabriel, I’ll not have you driving them away.”
“Fine Regan. Just keep them out of sight. They’ll be the end of what’s left of our social standing.”
His father pulled himself to his feet, then shuffled out of the room. His mother sighed and sank into the chair he’d just left. “I’m sorry. I thought…”
“That once he saw us, he’d be swept with remorse and forgiveness?” Simon asked, crossing to his bag. His head was killing him. “You should know better.”
He dug through his bag until he came up with a mild pain medication and swallowed two dry. His headache was worse for the reunion. “It’s good to see you, Mother.”
She clutched at River’s hand. “Are you hungry? You look thin. Let me bring you some food.”
Simon nodded and sank to a seat on the couch, unbuttoning his jacket. “Food would be very nice, thank you.”
She stood and stopped at the door. “Just for now…wait here. No point riling him up.”
He watched her go, then glanced up at River. “You okay?”
She cocked her head. “She’s sad, Simon.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. Of course she was sad. Her husband was dying, her children fugitives. Pretty soon she’d be alone.
”Not yet, wait for it.”
He opened his eyes, looked for River who was looking at the art on the walls.
”We need both of them. Wait for the party to start to break up.”
River turned to look at him. He was loosing his mind. “Simon?”
The door opened and their mother slipped in with a maid in tow. The maid set a tray of food on the low table and withdrew. Their mother settled back into the chair. “Go on, eat. I can’t imagine how you’ve been surviving out there in the dark.”
We can salvage it if we move now. Call Sheriton. Tell him the prodigal has come home. I’ll stall them.
Simon knew that voice.
The door opened and their father stepped inside, closing it immediately. He cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology. You came here in good faith and I behaved poorly.” He turned to River, a vague smile on his face. “Look at you…all grown up.”
“No thanks to you.” Simon said.
That’s right, blame me.
“I blame you because it’s your fault. You wouldn’t do anything to help her!” Simon exclaimed, standing.
His father frowned at him. “What do you know?” He moved closer. “I made choices, Simon. Choices you could never understand.”
“Choices that included leaving River at the mercy of mad men who cut out pieces of her brain and turned her into a killer.”
His mother paled. “Simon, please.”
“Please? Do you know what they did to her?” Simon asked, pointing to River. “How they tormented her? What they turned her into?”
He shook his head, then pressed a hand against his forehead. Damn but his head hurt. “This was a mistake. A stupid mistake. Captain Reynolds was right.” He took River’s arm and led her to the door. “I’m taking a few of my things. We won’t bother you again.”
“I come and apologize and you’re just going to run away?”
Simon stopped at the door. “You don’t want us here. Maybe you never did. We’ll just go back to our little gang of thieves.”
Got to keep them, just a little longer.
Simon opened the door and the sound from the party was like a wave washing over them, burying the words he thought he heard. He stumbled out, pressing harder against his forehead now.
“Bye.” River called as Simon dragged her through the door and out into the house. She backpedaled until she got turned around. “Where are we going?”
“To get Jayne and get what we came for.”
“I thought we came for the party.”
Simon stopped near the door where he expected Jayne to be waiting. “It’s a mistake.” He just wanted out now. He pushed the door open, relieved that Jayne was waiting there as promised. “Come on.”
He led River and Jayne through the quieter end of the house, to the door of his old bedroom. “River, watch for trouble.”
He opened the door, not surprised to find that everything he’d left behind was boxed up. “The boxes we want are in the closet.” He thumbed the controls on the lock, glad he’d thought to scramble the combination before he left. Once the door slid open, he pointed at the five boxes.
Jayne lifted the first of them and cursed. “What in tarnation is in these?”
“Just get them out of here.”
“Whatever you say Doc.” Jayne piled boxes onto the dolly. “But I don’t take orders from you, you know?”
Simon growled in frustration. “The books in these boxes are worth more than the shuttle we’ll be taking them out of here on.”
“Books? You got me hauling gorram books?”
“Yes. Now do what I brought you here for. We’ll be right behind you.”
Simon opened the door. River was no where to be seen. “Shit.” The buzzing was back, his head feeling like it was going to split open. He stumbled against the wall, closing his eyes. “Get to the shuttle. I’ll find River.”
“No offense, Doc, but you don’t look too good.”
“Just get to the shuttle.”
He stumbled away, holding his head with one hand and the wall with the other. That’s when he realized he’d left his bag in the sitting room.
Find them. He’ll be here soon.
“Simon.” Clear as day, he heard River’s voice. He opened his eyes and the room was spinning. He was going to be sick. If he didn’t pass out first.
***
Colors jumbled together and spilled out in words that made no sense. Voices blurred and faded, only to burst out of the dark again. He was vaguely aware of hands on his skin, touching his face with something cold. He opened his eyes, but the room was spinning out of control and it only made him sick to his stomach.
Lock it down.
Screams. Gunfire. Blazing heat. Simon groaned and rolled onto his side as he started to vomit. Disembodied hands steadied him, held his shoulder to keep him from falling…even though it felt like he was falling anyway.
“Easy.” The voice was familiar, but he couldn’t place it.
“Where is she?”
“He can’t answer you.” The voice was close. The hands. The hands and voice went together.
“He better answer.”
Simon pushed up, but the hands petted over him, encouraged him to lie still. “Can’t you see he’s in pain?”
“I want the girl.”
River. He was looking for River. Simon wasn’t sure how he knew, but he did. He was sure of it. There were five men, all looking for River. He tried opening his eyes again.
The room had stopped spinning, but it had landed on its side. He was laying down. On something soft. The room smelled of vomit, or maybe it was just him. “Simon?”
He turned his head, discovered the softness was his mother’s lap. His head was on her thigh. Her hand was in his hair. Her voice. It was her voice, though it sounded strange, strained.
There were legs, a hand. It pushed him and he rolled onto his back, looking up into the face of a man he didn’t know. “What’s wrong with him?”
“If I had my guess, I would say sensory overload.” Another voice said, from near the door. Simon blinked as the voice came closer. “Something activated him.”
“Activated? Gabriel, what are you talking about?”
“Stay out of it Regan. Simon, can you hear me?”
“No.” Simon covered his eyes and tried to curl back up in a fetal position. Everything hurt.
“Simon.” His father was squatting beside him now, touching him, forcing his eye open and shining a light into it. Simon recoiled. “We really don’t have time for this, Simon.”
“Time for what, Gabriel?”
“Him to adjust to his new abilities.” His father stood and walked away. He lowered his voice and Simon couldn’t hear him over the drone of thoughts and machinery in his head.
“Simon, listen to me. There are Alliance officers on their way here to take you and your sister into custody. I need you to focus.”
Simon pushed himself up to sitting, shielding his eyes as he squinted at his father. The room was too bright and his father was so very dark. He forced himself to breathe slowly and nodded. “Focus.” River had told him the same thing. “I can focus.” For the moment, he focused on a dull spot on his father’s shoe.
“Where is River?”
“Don’t know.” Focus. Simon licked his lips. “She was watching the hallway while we got the boxes.”
“What boxes?” Gabriel stepped closer, his hand closing around Simon’s chin and tilting his face up. “What boxes, Simon?”
“Books. Grandfather’s books. My books.”
“Where are they now?”
Simon tried to shake his head. The buzz was louder. He wanted to cover his ears. “Gone. Sent him away.”
He let go of Simon and walked away again.
“Gabriel, tell me what is going on.”
“I’m trying to save your children, Regan.”
“Our children.”
Gabriel turned to look at her. “Of course. Our children. Sheriton, have your men search the house for River. I have to go out and be gracious while kicking out my guests. Keep him here. Come Regan.”
“Not until you explain yourself. We can’t just leave him, he’s sick.”
“He’s not sick, he’s…evolving. He’ll be fine once he accepts it and learns how it works.”
She stomped her foot. “How what works?”
He sighed heavily. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out already, my dear. You were the key after all. I needed your DNA. The children needed a mother to raise them while I figured out how to activate the genetic coding.”
Simon was starting to see where his father was leading them. “You did this?” He staggered to his feet. “To River. You made her like this and fed her to them.”
“All my life I’ve worked to perfect the human mind. With you and your sister I was so close…the intelligence quotient was off the scale, and her physical agility…almost perfect. But you didn’t have the strength for what came next, and she was…too devoted to you. When the Alliance discovered what I had done, they demanded the both of you.” Gabriel lifted his chin. “I told them the experiment was a failure, but they didn’t believe me. You probably don’t remember the evaluations…they came here and tested you both. They took River when they saw what she was, what she was capable of…took my research, took her. Left me with you and I had to start from scratch.
“You gave them River so that you could continue working.” Simon could see it now, the long hours at work in some secret place, hiding what he was really working on behind the façade of scientific research for Blue Sun.
“I went back to the beginning. I was overly ambitious with the two of you. Thought I could create new life. I should have been concentrating on perfecting existing life.”
“Genetic manipulation.” Simon was dizzy, nauseous.
His father nodded. “Pick out the strongest genetic traits and strengthen them. Make a bright mind brilliant. Enhance natural talents. Work with what is already present in the DNA rather than trying to combine the perfect DNA. Simple, really.”
Simon clutched at his stomach. “Why? Why River?” He was going to be sick again. “Why am I like this now?”
“I put a lock down in your code. Both yours and Rivers. It’s a like a node on your amygdala, it prevented the extra senses from being active, but let your heightened intelligence function normally.”
That explained why the Alliance had done what they had to River. Why they cut into her brain. They wanted those abilities active.
“Now, we need to find your sister and get the two of you into the lab. We need to find out what activated you”
“No.” Simon shook his head. “I’m not letting you touch her.”
“It’s not really like you have a choice, Simon.”
He didn’t see the needle coming, but he felt the prick and the darkness swooped in on him.