Fic: The Young Lesbians League of America United Against Zombies and Other Tales from Chris's Base--
The Young Lesbians League of America United Against Zombies and Other Tales from Chris's Basement
Fandom: popslash
Pairing: Justin/Lance, JC/brains
Rating: Adultish for themes of cannibalism and zombification. And references to blowjobs. Or whatever.
Comments: Written for wanderingwombat for our second round of MTYG testing.
Justin knew Lance was gay from pretty much the second he laid eyes on him, but he didn't say anything about it because they needed a bass and Justin knew lots of gay people and they were a boyband, so probably they were always going to end up with at least one gay one anyway. Also, back then, JC was still pretty sensitive about his own gayness and there was no way Justin was making that mistake again. All Justin had wanted to do was let JC know that it was okay to be gay and it was okay to be you and me and everyone poops or whatever, and instead, JC had wanted to like, talk about his feelings. Gross.
If there was one thing Justin never wanted to do with Lance, it was talk about feelings, so instead he just never said anything. Anyway, Justin thought everyone else pretty much knew, so talking about it was probably unnecessary. Lance looking like a member of The Young Lesbians League of America really did the job for him.
This is what he tells Lance years later, when they finally get around to actually talking about the gay thing. "So you already knew, huh?" Lance says, and Justin tells him the thing about the Young Lesbians League because he's been saving it up for ten years and it's pretty funny, Justin's a pretty funny guy, but then before Lance has a chance to realize how clever and hilarious Justin is, the loud banging of the zombie at the basement door distracts them and they spend several minutes trying in vain to reinforce it while ignoring the moaning for "braaaaaaains" on the other side.
"There are no brains in here!" Lance calls out. "We're both astoundingly stupid! Retarded, even. I'm pretty sure Justin is legally retarded! Just think of all his tattoos-would a smart person with brains really get a giant, permanent symbol of his own Oedipal Complex on his back??"
"Braaaaaaains," JC calls out in his zombified moan, which doesn't sound that different than his normal voice, except he only seems to know the one word. This rendition of "braaaaaains" is slightly less sure, though, Lance thinks.
"What's an Oedipal…Thing?" Justin whispers, but Lance just ignores him. Their lives are on the line, or at least their brains are, and there's no way Lance is taking the time at this crucial moment to discuss Justin's Mommy Issues. Another time, maybe. Like when JC isn't trying to eat their brains, but really, Justin should be in therapy for that shit.
"Go eat Chris's brain!" Lance suggests helpfully. "Chris is very witty, remember? Think of how good his brain will taste, yum!"
JC says, "Brains!" excitedly, while Justin slaps Lance hard on the arm.
"Yo, that is not cool! You can't just send him after Chris! How are we gonna do a reunion album if we don't have a counter-tenor? I mean, JC we can do without, but not Chris!"
"Well he's not going to buy going after Joey!" Lance whispers back. "He knows Joey only thinks about pussy and booze! And that's like, the last kind of brain JC would ever want to eat."
"Okay, good point," Justin says, and then, "JC, Chris is really good at math! And he has a college degree! Yummy!"
"Braaaaains!" JC exclaims, and he sounds farther away. The banging has stopped, and Lance slides thankfully to sit down on the top step beneath the door, sighing in relief.
"I think he's gone," Lance says. He looks at Justin, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Young Lesbians League of America, Justin? That's just mean. Also, I resent the idea that you think you can tell someone's gay by looking at them. First off, that's like, coming from a viewpoint of straight privilege and uh, other queer theory stuff you wouldn't understand anyway because you're not awesome like me and you don't hang out with activists. And second, you look pretty fucking gay, and I never point that out to you."
"Yeah, well." Justin coughs. "At least I look like a gay man."
"You're certainly bitchy and vain enough," Lance says, glaring. Above them, Lance hears a loud scream and JC moaning "braaaaaains" happily, followed by a loud slurping noise. Because, right, JC is a zombie now and they are probably in mortal danger of having their brains eaten, so arguing over which one of them is gayer probably is not their best course of action at the moment. They should maybe be searching for a way out of this basement, or at the very least, professing heart-warming confessions of undying love before their untimely demise at the hands of a zombie on a brain binge. Lance really hopes JC's not planning to purge afterward, because wow, gross, but considering how skinny he is, Lance thinks JC's probably been purging since well before he got infected.
"This is just like that movie," Justin says, slumping down next to Lance on the steps. "The one with the rat monkey and the zombie baby and the lawnmower. You know the one."
"'I kick ass for the Lord!' That's a good one. I hope JC doesn't turn into a giant zombie-baby factory, though. That would be. Gross. Grosser than just a normal zombie, anyway."
"I wish we had a weapon. I mean, there aren't any lawnmowers down here, but even an axe would be okay."
"Well, it's JC, so like-white after Labor Day would probably work too."
"We could write a pamphlet about how revolutionary T-Pain's music is," Justin says. "Or how 'Hey There Delilah' is the song of our generation."
"We could threaten to release that picture he took of his dick last summer when he got really drunk and decided to prove he wasn't stuffing, even though no one had even brought it up."
"You still have that?"
"Dude, it's the background on my phone. We should release that anyway."
Justin laughs and says, "You know, I missed this."
"Talking about JC's dick? Or his newfound zombieness?"
"No. This. Us. Just like, hanging out, talking. You know. This." Justin grins.
"And it only took JC threatening to eat our brains for us to be friends again." For a minute, Lance looks a little sad, but then he smiles wide and says, "You know, since we are about to die and all, probably in a really painful and disgusting way, this might be the time for you to consider some last-minute sexual orientation flexibility."
"About that," Justin says, flushing a little and looking down. Lance just raises one eyebrow. "Well. Maybe it wasn't entirely the whole lesbian-looking thing. I mean, maybe I sort of knew because, you know. I'm a little. Too."
"Justin?" Lance says, and places his hand helpfully on Justin's dick. Justin makes a surprised noise. "I'm going to blow you now, while I still have the chance. And my brains. So just shut up and enjoy it and please don't use the word 'lesbian' ever again in reference to me, because seriously, pussy is pretty much always the last thing on my mind." He unzips Justin's jeans and reaches inside, looks down and licks his lips.
"Mmmmm, diiiiiiick."
Fandom: popslash
Pairing: Justin/Lance, JC/brains
Rating: Adultish for themes of cannibalism and zombification. And references to blowjobs. Or whatever.
Comments: Written for wanderingwombat for our second round of MTYG testing.
Justin knew Lance was gay from pretty much the second he laid eyes on him, but he didn't say anything about it because they needed a bass and Justin knew lots of gay people and they were a boyband, so probably they were always going to end up with at least one gay one anyway. Also, back then, JC was still pretty sensitive about his own gayness and there was no way Justin was making that mistake again. All Justin had wanted to do was let JC know that it was okay to be gay and it was okay to be you and me and everyone poops or whatever, and instead, JC had wanted to like, talk about his feelings. Gross.
If there was one thing Justin never wanted to do with Lance, it was talk about feelings, so instead he just never said anything. Anyway, Justin thought everyone else pretty much knew, so talking about it was probably unnecessary. Lance looking like a member of The Young Lesbians League of America really did the job for him.
This is what he tells Lance years later, when they finally get around to actually talking about the gay thing. "So you already knew, huh?" Lance says, and Justin tells him the thing about the Young Lesbians League because he's been saving it up for ten years and it's pretty funny, Justin's a pretty funny guy, but then before Lance has a chance to realize how clever and hilarious Justin is, the loud banging of the zombie at the basement door distracts them and they spend several minutes trying in vain to reinforce it while ignoring the moaning for "braaaaaaains" on the other side.
"There are no brains in here!" Lance calls out. "We're both astoundingly stupid! Retarded, even. I'm pretty sure Justin is legally retarded! Just think of all his tattoos-would a smart person with brains really get a giant, permanent symbol of his own Oedipal Complex on his back??"
"Braaaaaaains," JC calls out in his zombified moan, which doesn't sound that different than his normal voice, except he only seems to know the one word. This rendition of "braaaaaains" is slightly less sure, though, Lance thinks.
"What's an Oedipal…Thing?" Justin whispers, but Lance just ignores him. Their lives are on the line, or at least their brains are, and there's no way Lance is taking the time at this crucial moment to discuss Justin's Mommy Issues. Another time, maybe. Like when JC isn't trying to eat their brains, but really, Justin should be in therapy for that shit.
"Go eat Chris's brain!" Lance suggests helpfully. "Chris is very witty, remember? Think of how good his brain will taste, yum!"
JC says, "Brains!" excitedly, while Justin slaps Lance hard on the arm.
"Yo, that is not cool! You can't just send him after Chris! How are we gonna do a reunion album if we don't have a counter-tenor? I mean, JC we can do without, but not Chris!"
"Well he's not going to buy going after Joey!" Lance whispers back. "He knows Joey only thinks about pussy and booze! And that's like, the last kind of brain JC would ever want to eat."
"Okay, good point," Justin says, and then, "JC, Chris is really good at math! And he has a college degree! Yummy!"
"Braaaaains!" JC exclaims, and he sounds farther away. The banging has stopped, and Lance slides thankfully to sit down on the top step beneath the door, sighing in relief.
"I think he's gone," Lance says. He looks at Justin, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Young Lesbians League of America, Justin? That's just mean. Also, I resent the idea that you think you can tell someone's gay by looking at them. First off, that's like, coming from a viewpoint of straight privilege and uh, other queer theory stuff you wouldn't understand anyway because you're not awesome like me and you don't hang out with activists. And second, you look pretty fucking gay, and I never point that out to you."
"Yeah, well." Justin coughs. "At least I look like a gay man."
"You're certainly bitchy and vain enough," Lance says, glaring. Above them, Lance hears a loud scream and JC moaning "braaaaaains" happily, followed by a loud slurping noise. Because, right, JC is a zombie now and they are probably in mortal danger of having their brains eaten, so arguing over which one of them is gayer probably is not their best course of action at the moment. They should maybe be searching for a way out of this basement, or at the very least, professing heart-warming confessions of undying love before their untimely demise at the hands of a zombie on a brain binge. Lance really hopes JC's not planning to purge afterward, because wow, gross, but considering how skinny he is, Lance thinks JC's probably been purging since well before he got infected.
"This is just like that movie," Justin says, slumping down next to Lance on the steps. "The one with the rat monkey and the zombie baby and the lawnmower. You know the one."
"'I kick ass for the Lord!' That's a good one. I hope JC doesn't turn into a giant zombie-baby factory, though. That would be. Gross. Grosser than just a normal zombie, anyway."
"I wish we had a weapon. I mean, there aren't any lawnmowers down here, but even an axe would be okay."
"Well, it's JC, so like-white after Labor Day would probably work too."
"We could write a pamphlet about how revolutionary T-Pain's music is," Justin says. "Or how 'Hey There Delilah' is the song of our generation."
"We could threaten to release that picture he took of his dick last summer when he got really drunk and decided to prove he wasn't stuffing, even though no one had even brought it up."
"You still have that?"
"Dude, it's the background on my phone. We should release that anyway."
Justin laughs and says, "You know, I missed this."
"Talking about JC's dick? Or his newfound zombieness?"
"No. This. Us. Just like, hanging out, talking. You know. This." Justin grins.
"And it only took JC threatening to eat our brains for us to be friends again." For a minute, Lance looks a little sad, but then he smiles wide and says, "You know, since we are about to die and all, probably in a really painful and disgusting way, this might be the time for you to consider some last-minute sexual orientation flexibility."
"About that," Justin says, flushing a little and looking down. Lance just raises one eyebrow. "Well. Maybe it wasn't entirely the whole lesbian-looking thing. I mean, maybe I sort of knew because, you know. I'm a little. Too."
"Justin?" Lance says, and places his hand helpfully on Justin's dick. Justin makes a surprised noise. "I'm going to blow you now, while I still have the chance. And my brains. So just shut up and enjoy it and please don't use the word 'lesbian' ever again in reference to me, because seriously, pussy is pretty much always the last thing on my mind." He unzips Justin's jeans and reaches inside, looks down and licks his lips.
"Mmmmm, diiiiiiick."