breakfast poll!

[phaballa]

So last night I was talking to wendy about the new Life&Style issue coming out, about what a terrible mother Britney is and how she should have her children taken away. And this led me to remember MY childhood. And possibly, just maybe, I didn't have the same sort of upbringing that most people have. Both my parents were social workers. My mom was a

Comments

[wendy]

Can I take the poll even though I already know the answers?

[phaballa]

Yes!

[sapphirescarlet]

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of admiration for your mother, based on your descriptions of her and your life. (not just here, in past entries, etc.)

But I have a feeling you're going for shock value here. And not many of these sound that bad to me. But then I'm a hippie liberal mother.

[phaballa]

No, see that's it exactly! I read the Life&Style accusations and I was all, "Ummm... am I supposed to think that's BAD?" Because my mom did a lot of the same things. And she was a pretty awesome mom.

[sapphirescarlet]

Yeah, sometimes I can get the vibe. I mean, smoking pot in front of the babies isn't particularly smart, but when a kid is in college, I figure what the fuck? Maybe I should say when a kid is over 21, but I dunno. Pot doesn't seem that bad to me.

[phaballa]

Not to give away poll results here, but my parents smoked pot throughout my childhood. We would watch The Cosby Show and they'd smoke up. Of course, I didn't KNOW it was pot. They told me they were rolling their own cigarettes to save money.

[geneli4]

i don't about your mom or about britney, but i know my mom did most of those things.... well, except for give us ice cream, because she thought dairy was bad for kids, and she didn't give us booze to make us sleepy, i don't think. she gave us booze when we teething, though, and later we were allowed to drink if everyone else was drinking, like at parties or whatever. oh, and we didn't have nannies - we had house keys. :)

[phaballa]

I know, right? I am shocked by people being shocked by these things. I mean, L&S is all, "OMG take her kids away!" and I'm like, "Ummm... my mom was one of the people who TOOK kids away, and she did most of these things." I wish people would care about actual, real abuse going on instead of trying to take down a popstar. Like, we used to have this schizophrenic homeless crack addict woman at one of my internships, and she kept getting her kids taken away, so she kept HAVING MORE. She didn't want to go to the hospital to have her baby when I was there, because she knew they'd take him away right then.

[geneli4]

i'm shocked that people are shocked, too. i don't think the things in your poll are neccesarily "right" things to do, but i don't think they're horrible, either. i think they are, in fact, very ordinary, regular things that lots and lots of parents do, and it makes me sick that the media makes it out to be otherwise - not only for the kids' sakes, and for britney's, but for all the other moms out there who are doing the exact same things, just trying to get by as best they can.

is britney an awesome mom? probably not. but if i had to guess i'd that's probably more because she doesn't feel like she deserves to be an awesome mom, because she's depressed and uncertain and can't seem to figure out where to find a thread of reality nevermind how to get a grip on it, and not because she smokes cigarettes or tells her kids their granny's a nutjob.

[phaballa]

is britney an awesome mom? probably not. but if i had to guess i'd that's probably more because she doesn't feel like she deserves to be an awesome mom, because she's depressed and uncertain and can't seem to figure out where to find a thread of reality nevermind how to get a grip on it, and not because she smokes cigarettes or tells her kids their granny's a nutjob.

Yes yes YES, times a million. Plus, their granny IS a nutjob. My parents never lied to me about relatives being nutjobs, and they certainly did not stop at "bad lady."

[wendy]

You already know I think all those actions are horrible and irresponsible, even though the rest of your flist doesn't. I'm willing to bet though that if I did a "is it ok to smoke in front of your kids?/do pot in front of your kids?/etc" poll in MY LJ, I'd get the outraged "NO WAY" responses.

My point being that it really is a degree of perspective. But because someone else got away with bad behavior or made poor decisions doesn't give everyone else a blanket ok to behave that way. Parents DO have a responsibility to teach their kids morals and right vs. wrong and to be role models. That's non-negotiable to me. But every one's definitions of what those things ARE varies, for sure.

Also, I'm not convinced Britney is a fit mother and it isn't for any of the reasons listed in this poll. To me, those are just the straws breaking the camel's back.

[phaballa]

I think because I've dealt with child protective services cases before (for homeless parents), to me, it's a very relative scale/issue. Should parents smoke in front of their kids? No, it's terrible for the kids' health. But it's not illegal, and a LOT of parents do it, mine included. I think what pisses me off about the whole L&S (and now I've seen that US and some other glossy are doing Britney's kids covers as well) thing is that they report these incidents as told by "undiscolsed friends" as if they are fact, as if these are terrible horrible offenses, and as if Britney is the only person who would ever do something so heinous to her children

[wendy]

I agree that smoking in front of your kid isn't the worst thing a parent can do, not by a long shot. That still doesn't make it a-ok. And no, a kid shouldn't be removed from a family because a parent smokes. But is it irresponsible? Yes.

I worked with DPS and foster care services for several years, trust me, I know the process sucks. But saying "my mom did it and I'm ok" doesn't make it ok!

Also, I don't read L&S to hear about news and real problems. I read it to make fun of Lindsay Lohan's dress. You read Perez and Pink is the New Blog and whoever else religiously, you know gossip is fun.

[phaballa]

Oh, I know gossip is fun. But shit like this will ALWAYS bother me. And a lot of Americans, as sad as this is, do read those magazines as their only news source. Which really goes back to the idea that Americans are ignorant and that sucks.

I *hated* my parents smoking. For so many reasons, but mostly because I was terrified they'd die and I'd have to go live with my uncle. *shudders* I spent a good chunk of my childhood flushing cigarettes down the toilet and trying to make them quit. On the plus side, I have never once been tempted to smoke a cigarette. When all my friends started smoking in high school, I told them they were INSANE and gross. Because, yeah.

[lurkitty]

I dunno...those things are bad, but telling your child that St. Ronny Raygun was an incompetant, senile, evil old jackass is pure child abuse.

Utterly appalling!!

[phaballa]

I know, right? Pure EVIL.