My Stardust Melody, Chapter 22
As light started filtering into the room the next morning, Reid slowly awoke, lying on his left side. He was warmer and more comfortable than he ever remembered being. He let out a small yawn right into Luke's neck. Luke's neck? How'd that get there? Ha, I knew he'd try to cuddle in the night. Then horror dawned upon Reid as he realized that Luke was stretched out on his back and it was Reid who was snuggled into Luke. Glancing toward the end of the bed, Reid saw that he must have pushed Luke to the very edge of his side of the mattress, though somehow Luke’s foot miraculously remained elevated. Reid had one hand so far up Luke's grey shirt that he was touching Luke's nipple, and his other hand lay wrapped around the blond’s hip, his fingers curling toward Luke's firm buttocks. He had to stop himself from cursing when he figured out that his fingers were underneath Luke's waistband. His right leg was thrown over the top of Luke's strong and delectable body.
He slowly and silently removed his hand from Luke's boxers, gritting his teeth at his own arousal as he felt Luke’s soft, flawless skin. Why did Luke have to be so ridiculously gorgeous?
Luke's breathing stayed even, so Reid thought he might escape this situation undetected. He started to slide his other hand out of Luke's shirt but stopped when he felt Luke's nipple tauten. Reid's face was mere inches from Luke's throat, and he had a front row view of Luke swallowing. He fought the urge to run his tongue against Luke's Adam's apple. Gradually, he extracted his hand from Luke's shirt. And if he brushed the younger man’s firm abdomen a few times, it was certainly by accident and he definitely didn’t want to thank the gods for all that physical labor Luke had been doing in his barn.
Now all that was left was to pull back his leg and roll away…
As Reid rocked back, he was startled by Luke saying, "I suppose I should have kicked you to the floor, Dr. Cuddles. What was it you said about not sharing body heat?"
Reid froze in a stupor. He clung to the thought that Luke might not know how bad the situation had been. "I don't cuddle," he grumbled.
"Really? I could have sworn you had your hands on my chest and ass, but you're the doctor. What parts of my anatomy were they?"
Okay, he knows. I’m going to have to move to Alaska. "I'm getting breakfast."
"Running away? Oh, come on, Reid, it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure you just couldn’t help yourself."
"I’m not running anywhere," Reid gritted out through his teeth. "I’m hungry." He jumped off the bed-carefully trying to look like he wasn’t in a hurry-and walked out the door. He could hear Luke chortling as he closed it behind him. I wonder what the neurology facilities are like in Juneau.
Luke pulled himself upright in the bed and tried to stop his laughter. He had been awake for almost half an hour and had known the minute the doctor had woken up. It had totally been worth lying there immobilized to see the look on Reid’s face when Luke had called him out on cuddling. The downside was that it had been excruciating to keep himself from reacting while Reid unwound himself from Luke’s body. When Luke felt Reid’s arousal press into the side of his hip, he had had to bite his lip from groaning. He hadn’t remembered Reid being so large. Good God, am I so desperate? Reid, really?
Apparently, no matter what Reid said or did or what happened between them, Luke was always going to be attracted to the older man. He knew better than to act on it, however. First, whatever Reid felt for Luke, it didn’t seem likely to turn into love. And despite the thawing of attitude Luke sensed coming from Reid last night, the fact remained that Reid had only been interested in Luke for money two years ago. Lastly, Reid had yet to apologize for any of the comments he had made to Luke. The younger man had enough self-respect to know that he hadn’t entirely deserved them. The kind of language and cutting remarks Reid used were something that Luke didn’t want to be around, and he certainly never wanted his siblings to be around them.
Luke finally pushed himself upright in the bed and looked at his phone that was lying on the bedside table. He still hadn’t paid his bill, but he’d turned it on to use as a clock. It was just after seven in the morning. It was actually pretty late for Luke to start his day. He usually was up by five o’clock to do chores in the barn so that he could be back at the house by quarter-‘til-seven to make sure the kids got breakfast. He couldn’t remember the last time he woke up and didn’t have a long list of things to do.
The time also reminded him that his siblings would probably be on the lookout for him in five or six hours. It would be unlike him not to call in the morning, especially since this was Christmas Eve and he was due home today. If they had tried his cell, they would have realized he still hadn’t paid his bill. Faith would fume over it, but that was actually better than her worrying. If they called his hotel yesterday and realized he had left a day early, however, they would be in a full-blown panic by now. Luke couldn’t think of a reason they would have needed to reach him, particularly when they were having fun at Jack’s, but it made him anxious nonetheless. He knew that Ethan, particularly, would be fretful if Luke’s whereabouts were unknown and probably panicking that Luke might have been in a car accident like their parents.
He was going to have a difficult time not thinking about them over the next few hours and wasn’t sure he would be able to hide his concern from Nathan and Reid. And given Reid’s temper, which was displayed so clearly yesterday after Luke played the piano, the blond wasn’t sure he was ready to share the existence of his siblings with the doctor. What if Reid decided to say something awful to one of them? Luke wasn’t sure he could handle it.
Luke’s thoughts were interrupted when Nathan entered the room fully dressed and wanting directions to the nearest store. Luke gladly gave them to him, and then asked that Nathan call Jack to let him know that Luke was okay. Luke hoped that Nathan would make it to Oakdale early enough that Faith, Natalie, and Ethan wouldn’t have started worrying.
Just when he thought Nathan would leave, Reid’s friend sat down on the bed and faced Luke. Nathan pulled his knees to his chest and said kindly, "I wanted to say that Reid was out-of-line-last night. What he said to you, no matter what you’ve done, went too far."
"Thanks, but you don’t need to apologize for him."
Shaking his head, Nathan replied, "No, but I saw it, and I wanted to say he shouldn’t have said it. Whatever your relationship is with Henry, it isn’t Reid’s or my business."
Luke took a breath and figured that now was as good as any time to give the truth. "Actually, I should tell you that I don’t have a ‘relationship’ with Henry."
"What?" Nathan asked, looking confused.
Luke smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, he’s just a friend. He’s happily married to a woman in fact."
"You’re kidding. He’s straight?" Nathan said incredulously then waved off the question. "Sorry, I get distracted. Did you tell Reid this last night?"
"No, last night was about my apology to Reid and about his life. I didn’t want to make it about me. It wasn’t the time." It just wouldn’t have been right to apologize for ruining Reid’s career and in the next breath point out how wrong Reid was. There would be time to correct Reid’s assumption.
Nathan eyed Luke speculatively before lifting the corner of his mouth into a lopsided smile. "You’re a good guy, aren’t you?"
A little embarrassed by the statement, Luke responded "No better or worse than anyone else."
"Is it okay for me to tell Reid about Henry?"
Luke nodded. "You can, or I’ll tell him sometime today when the time is right, preferably when I don’t feel like strangling him."
"Good luck with that; you may be waiting awhile," Nathan snorted. But then he seemed to soften and said tentatively, "Luke…Reid is a good guy, too. I know I dumped a lot of information on you last night, but there’s stuff out there that I couldn’t tell you. I think there’s probably stuff he’s never even told me. So for him to come from all that and be such a compassionate person, it’s really amazing."
"Compassionate?" Luke asked dubiously, trying not to focus on the "stuff out there" he couldn’t be told.
Nathan leaned back on his hands and looked directly into Luke’s eyes. "Yeah, as a doctor. I mean he’s brilliant, and you almost expect that his surgeries will be flawless, right? But it’s the compassion that slays me. I’ve waited for him a few times outside patient rooms and overheard him. When someone is really sick, Reid is almost hard to recognize. His voice is gentle; he’s charming and soothing. I don’t get to see that side of him very often, but I get the impression the truly sick patients do." The brunette smirked before adding, "Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m fairly certain that if someone comes in with a tiny headache after drinking too much but insisting they’ve got a tumor, he goes all ‘Reid’ on them."
"I wouldn’t mind seeing that side of him. The nice side, I mean. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the ‘Reid’ side." It was almost too much for Luke to comprehend. Reid was certainly smart enough that he could probably pull off charming, but soothing? He wondered why Reid could show that side to strangers but be so tough around everyone else.
"You’d like him. Don’t tell him I said this, but I admire the hell out of him. I’ve seen him stay up through the night reading countless articles, trying to find anything that might save a particularly bad case’s life. He was born with all the brains and talent anyone could ask for, but he works harder than anyone I know. And as much as he says he stays detached and that’s how he deals with it, I don’t believe it for a second. He fights so hard, sometimes with no sleep for days, and when it doesn’t go his way, every single time I think it might kill him. But then he comes back and somehow finds it in him to fight even harder the next time. I don’t know how he does it."
"You’re rambling, you know," Luke said gently, smiling at Nathan’s enthusiasm. One thing was clear: Nathan loved Reid. Luke had to admit that while the lawyer might be biased in his description, there was certainly something worthwhile in Reid if someone like Nathan could love him so much. How many friends would go so far out of their way to defend and praise the other? "Why are you telling me all this by the way? You aren’t really that worried that I’m going to kill him in this cabin, are you?"
Nathan let out a dramatic sigh. "Sorry, rambling is an old habit," he said apologetically. He dropped a hand against his knee and said, "I wanted to tell you this because I think you should give Reid a chance. You seemed concerned yesterday about how far Reid would go for his career, and I realized I never said that it’s not the career but the patients who matter to him. I think that’s important, and I have a hunch it’s something you’d respect.
"And while I hate to further my reputation as a rambler, let me add that whatever it is that happened between you two--and I still only know pieces--I think you should figure it out. I’m not saying you have to date him or anything like that, I’m just saying you should get to know him, maybe be friends. Reid could use some more friends."
Friends? Was there even hope? "I’ll think about it," Luke replied. And while he was telling the truth, he couldn’t help thinking that Nathan was asking for the impossible. Of most importance, there was the problem of Luke being unable to trust Reid around his siblings. The compassion of which Nathan had spoken didn’t seem to run to people other than Reid’s patients. If Ethan, Natalie, or Faith said something that Reid decided not to like, would Reid even be able to control himself? Luke was an adult who could handle Reid if he turned nasty, but the blond couldn’t stomach the idea of his siblings being subjected to that sort of unkindness. They had already been hurt so much in life that it would be careless to inject more cruelty into their lives.
Not that Reid was likely to be interested in such a thing as friendship anyway. It was one thing to act peaceably while in this cabin, but it was another to enter into any sort of emotional bonding. Luke just couldn’t picture Reid wanting that.
Even pushing the subjects of his siblings’ security and Reid’s wishes aside, Luke wasn’t too fond of the idea that Reid had been interested in him for money. It wasn’t a strong foundation for a friendship, to say the least.
Although, as he thought more about it, he had to wonder if Damian hadn’t misunderstood what Reid said or if Reid had lied to Damian to cover hurt feelings. And if Luke were being truthful to himself, the possibility that Damian lied was always there. Certainly, there was precedent, but Luke wasn’t quite ready to give up on the idea of having a decent father two years ago. Respecting Reid, however, it just didn’t seem consistent that a man who was so bothered by Luke taking money from Julian would have been looking for a golden parachute in Luke. If Damian was wrong and Reid really only blurted out the news about Grimaldi’s bankruptcy in his hurt outrage over losing his job and being lied to by Luke, then Luke wondered how much there truly was to forgive.
"Great, I’ll take that," Nathan said as he hopped off the bed. They stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments with neither seeming to know what to say. Finally, Nathan excused himself and said, "So, I’ll tell Reid I’m leaving and head out of here."
"Good luck, Nathan. Be safe!" Luke called as Nathan exited the room.
In the kitchen, Reid was eating some dry cereal he found hiding in the back of a drawer. Still dressed in his boxers, Reid knew eventually he’d have to go back into that bedroom unless he wanted to freeze all day, and that meant facing Luke again. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t be able to look the other man in the eye for at least an hour after waking up wound around him like a blanket.
When Nathan came out of the bedroom and sat down across from him, Reid could tell that something was on his friend’s mind. Nathan being Nathan, Reid knew he wouldn’t have to ask.
"So, I’m out of here. Luke gave me the directions," the brunette remarked.
Reid nodded, knowing full well that Nathan wouldn’t have sat down just to tell him that. He waited for the inevitable shoe to drop.
Nathan didn’t waste any time getting to the point. "I think you should apologize to Luke for what you said last night. Hell, for probably more than a few things that you’ve said recently."
Reid arched his eyebrow. He’d actually given some thought to doing just that, but he didn’t need Nathan butting in and telling him how to run his life.
Paying no heed to the silence, Nathan continued, "I’m just gonna ask. What is it that you think Luke did that could possibly justify insinuating he’s some sort of prostitute?"
Not liking for an instant that Nathan seemed to be taking Luke’s side against him, Reid felt his jaw tense and he quickly cocked his head to the side. "You want to know? Fine," Reid growled. "He pretended to be interested in me when all he was doing was trying to make his boyfriend, Julian Raines, jealous. It turned out that Luke did that type of thing a lot so that he could weasel new expensive toys out of his sugar daddy."
Nathan scrunched his face into a look of skepticism. "According to whom? I can’t picture that."
Reid puffed out his cheeks and let out an audible puff of air before replying testily, "Well, Luke spent a good deal of last night apologizing and saying how he changed but how he’d planned on telling me the truth the night everything fell apart, and then his freaking own father told me about it back then."
"Damian Grimaldi?" Again, Nathan sounded doubtful, which only irritated Reid further.
"Yes, he was quite informative about how calculating Luke could be when he wanted something." Reid could still see the pitying look Damian had given him as the Maltese man delivered the information about his son.
Nathan’s hand passed over his eyebrows and lowered to his jaw before he asked, "He said this about his own son? Was he angry at Luke or something?"
"He seemed pretty calm to me." It was obvious that Nathan couldn’t conceive of a father saying these kinds of things about his own son. Nathan had always been so lucky in the familial department that it was probably difficult for him to picture a parent doing anything other than defending his child, but it didn’t take much imagination for Reid.
Seeming to come to grips with this new information, Nathan said, "Reid, I’d take whatever he said with a grain of salt. We’re talking about Damian Grimaldi. There could be a million reasons for him to speak against Luke. When I think of the word ‘calculating,’ someone like Grimaldi comes to mind, not that guy in there." He pointed in the direction of the bedroom for emphasis.
Getting fed up with the conversation, Reid snapped, "So, what are you saying?"
"Only that if Luke said he’d been planning to tell you everything first, I’d give that more weight than whatever Damian said about how Luke manipulates."
Reid folded his arms over his chest and scoffed at his friend. "You’ve known Luke for like five minutes." Seriously, Nathan barely knew anything about what happened two years ago, and now suddenly he was an expert on all things Snyder?
"And I also know you."
Reid sighed. Nathan had a way of making short statements seem so dramatic and overly important. He mimicked in his head, "And I also know you." Please, Nathan was getting ridiculous. "This is where you’re going to try to analyze my feelings, isn’t it? Would you like me to look at some ink blots first? Maybe I’ll tell you how a butterfly looks like a bloody knife? Is that how this is going to work because I’m really not interested."
Not showing any signs of backing down, Nathan leaned forward, frowned, and retorted, "Reid, shut up and just listen. That comment you made last night sounded like the same sort of thing you could have said to your mom."
"Well, if the shoe fits…" Reid replied with heat as he looked up at the ceiling. He really didn’t want to discuss this with Nathan.
Taking a calming breath, Nathan replied in an annoyingly reasonable voice, "First, even if what you say is true, Luke liking shiny toys isn’t the same as your mom taking cash from strangers."
"First, keep your voice down. I don’t need Mr. Snyder learning my personal business. And second, I don’t need to listen this crap." Christ, if Nathan was going to bring up the fact that Reid witnessed his mom taking cash from strange men and stuffing it in her bathrobe pocket, he was out of there. He told that stuff to Nathan in a moment of weakness when he was a freaking kid. He didn’t need Nathan distorting that information into the genesis of Reid not trusting people. For God’s sake, prostitution was not the worst of her transgressions.
Apparently unimpressed by Reid’s wish to bolt, Nathan retorted, "Oh, he can’t hear a thing in there, and we aren’t being loud anyway. As for not listening, where are you going to go? Out into the snow? You hate hiking."
Reid just folded his arms and glared. They both knew Reid would never win any wilderness badges.
"Fine," Nathan said abruptly, capitulating while making it obvious he thought Reid was completely wrong. He shrugged and pointed a finger at Reid. "Let’s just ignore Luke and his so-called attraction to money two years ago. He says he’s changed, and I think you should believe it."
"And this is based on his great track record so far?" Reid asked dubiously. He felt his shoulders ease slowly down as the discussion moved away from the subject of his mother.
"No, it’s from studying him and the comments he hasn’t made. He’s not talking about anything flashy, and that truck we hit didn’t appear to be the latest model with the coolest gadgets. I’ve never even seen him in so much as a designer T-shirt. He seems to work pretty hard at that farm of his, too. And this is also based on my gut, and it’s telling me that Luke is a good guy and possibly even the right guy for you."
Reid’s throat constricted, and he choked out, "Oh, please." The right guy? Reid must have missed the part when Luke became Nathan’s solution to all of Reid’s problems.
"Reid, you’ve had trust issues in the past. You know you have," Nathan said softly.
It was Nathan, so Reid tried to keep his hostility in check, but his friend was making it so damn difficult. Was this Psychoanalyze Reid Oliver Day and Reid didn’t get the memo? "Keep the doe-eyed look to yourself. I haven’t even had any relationships recently."
"Recently?" Nathan questioned. "I can’t think of a single person you’ve dated seriously since college. You’ve avoided relationships since Nick, and you know it."
Nick. Great, now we’re going there. "He has nothing to do with anything."
Nathan didn’t look too convinced. "Really? You were absolutely positive he was cheating on you because the poor guy had been honest and said he’d cheated on a boyfriend in the past. After he confessed that little fact, it ate away at you until you’d persuaded yourself that he must be cheating on you, too. And all the times you thought he’d been away with some other guy, he’d been at home studying because he was a little embarrassed that his grades were dipping."
"And we’re bringing this up because?" Reid asked.
"Because you can be wrong, Reid. I told you then I thought Nick was sweet and being honest about where he was, but you let your head get in the way. Once you heard he’d cheated, you became convinced that history would repeat itself."
"Maybe," Reid admitted. It certainly hadn’t been his finest hour. Nick had really been a nice, funny guy that seemed to put up with Reid’s eccentricities with ease. Reid had even thought he might be falling in love with Nick when he found out about the cheating in a former relationship. And Reid knew that he’d been harsh and unreasonable. When he finally accused the poor guy of messing around, Nick had been shattered. In retrospect, it should have been clear that Nick’s devastation was real and that his tearful protests of innocence were truthful, but Reid hadn’t believed a word. He summarily tossed Nick out of his life, blocking his emails and not answering his calls.
When Reid had finally realized his mistake, it was too late to repair the damage, not that Reid would have done so if he’d had the chance. That episode had solidified all the reasons why Reid knew he wasn’t capable of real love or a committed relationship. And Nathan was wrong in one sense: It wasn’t Reid’s head that had gotten in the way. It was his heart. Reid’s was damaged and broken, and he never felt like it might heal enough to love someone fully. At least that was how he’d felt until a certain blond came to his rescue at a party and he allowed himself to dream.
Reid was thankful that Nathan was oblivious to his turmoil. He would rather go duck hunting with Henry Coleman in the snow than have any sort of discussion with anyone about his broken heart. How pathetic would that be?
Nathan just snorted at Reid’s tepid admission to having difficulties with trust. "Maybe? I’m pretty sure I have it written down somewhere that you’ve already admitted to being wrong about Nick. I keep such momentous occasions written in a gilded journal. I believe I have that one listed after the time you admitted you were wrong about how the Macarena would never catch on."
Even though he rolled his eyes, Reid felt a little better at Nathan’s joke-Nathan was always good at making things more lighthearted when he could see Reid was near his breaking point. Others might think that Nathan was being insensitive, but it was actually quite the opposite. Reid looked at his friend, grimaced, and conceded, "Fine. Trust issues." He held a hand up to prevent whatever reply was bound to come. "That’s not necessarily a bad thing. If I’d let them guide me when I met Luke, I wouldn’t be sitting here having this discussion." If I hadn’t trusted my parents as a kid, maybe I’d be better off as well.
"Yeah, Reid, missing out on life is such a great idea."
"I am not missing out on life," Reid retorted. "You are so freaking dramatic."
Nathan looked absolutely mulish as he said, "Well, Reid, chew on this. If Luke had confessed everything that night before whatever-went-to-hell went to hell, where would you be now? If he said he had feelings for you and that he was sorry for spending a measly day misleading you, what would have happened? Because I can tell that despite everything, you still have some pretty major feelings for him, and that makes me wonder if he’s the guy you would finally trust. So don’t answer me, just think about it."
If Reid had been drinking water, he would have accidentally spit it at Nathan and not have felt guilty. "I do not have ‘major feelings’ for Luke Snyder. That’s preposterous," he spluttered.
"Reid, not only can I tell that you have some sort of crush on Luke, but I’m guessing everyone else around us can, too. You can’t take your eyes off of him when he’s around. Hell, Luke probably knows you’ve got a thing for him."
Well, that stung. Reid couldn’t imagine a worse scenario than Luke Snyder being aware that Reid had a crush on him. It was humiliating to Reid that he couldn’t hide his emotions better. He felt like he was in seventh grade and got caught passing a note that the teacher ended up reading aloud to the class. "I don’t know what you’re talking about," he muttered.
Nathan smirked, stood up, and walked around the table. He put one hand on Reid’s shoulder and said, "Look, I’m just saying you should give Luke a chance. Get to know him, Reid. I get the feeling neither of you really knows the other that well."
Reid had to look way up at his tall friend’s face, but he still managed to roll his eyes. "And then what, Nathan? Aren’t you forgetting that Luke is taken? I know he didn’t nail you with green slime, but it’s kind of hard to forget Henry," Reid said.
Infuriatingly, Nathan smirked as if he Reid were just some poor deluded child who didn’t know anything. "If you decide you want Luke, I don’t think Henry would be a barrier," Nathan said.
Reid replied sarcastically, "Yeah, I’d probably only wind up having a bucket of blood dumped on me in front of this whole godforsaken town before getting chased down by a guy with a pumpkin for a head brandishing a sword, but hey, if you think that’s not a ‘barrier…’"
Nathan reached down and ruffled Reid’s auburn hair. "Trust me. He’s not an issue. It turns out we may have made some bad assumptions about that relationship."
"Like what?" Reid asked skeptically, irritably swatting Nathan’s hand from his scalp.
"Like Henry isn’t gay."
Reid couldn’t believe Nathan just said that with a straight face. "What? And you believed that?"
Nathan shrugged one of his shoulders. "I know. Henry definitely seems to play for your team, but according to Luke, they’ve never been more than business partners and friends."
"And you believe this?" Reid inquired incredulously, not even aware that he was repeating himself.
"Yeah, I do. Not only do I feel that Luke’s being honest, but I also can’t come up with a reason why he’d lie about it. Can you?"
Reid thought for a moment before answering, "Well, no. But I’ve never been good at guessing Mr. Snyder’s motives."
"Well, maybe there aren’t any ulterior motives other than just being honest in this case."
"Maybe," Reid admitted reluctantly.
Nathan threw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh good God, this is harder than getting you to eat cauliflower. Would you listen to me just this once? Give the guy a real chance, Reid. What’s the worst that could happen?"
And as Nathan put on his coat and headed outside, Reid wondered what the worst thing might be. He was hesitant to throw caution to the wind and pretend to himself that he thought Luke was as innocent and kind as he seemed. But the idea that he may have misjudged Luke troubled him. Nathan thought Mr. Snyder was a good guy. What was it his friend had said? Luke was possibly even the right guy. While that was a pipe-dream wrapped in wishful thinking, Reid had to admit he was uncomfortable with the idea that he might have made a mistake. Again, as Nathan would point out.
Reid felt like he was in a state of limbo-afraid to go forward and possibly even more frightened of slamming a door shut forever. Unfortunately, he knew he would have to come to terms with some sort of decision soon. Now that he and Luke were alone, there would be no avoiding the younger man.
He slowly and silently removed his hand from Luke's boxers, gritting his teeth at his own arousal as he felt Luke’s soft, flawless skin. Why did Luke have to be so ridiculously gorgeous?
Luke's breathing stayed even, so Reid thought he might escape this situation undetected. He started to slide his other hand out of Luke's shirt but stopped when he felt Luke's nipple tauten. Reid's face was mere inches from Luke's throat, and he had a front row view of Luke swallowing. He fought the urge to run his tongue against Luke's Adam's apple. Gradually, he extracted his hand from Luke's shirt. And if he brushed the younger man’s firm abdomen a few times, it was certainly by accident and he definitely didn’t want to thank the gods for all that physical labor Luke had been doing in his barn.
Now all that was left was to pull back his leg and roll away…
As Reid rocked back, he was startled by Luke saying, "I suppose I should have kicked you to the floor, Dr. Cuddles. What was it you said about not sharing body heat?"
Reid froze in a stupor. He clung to the thought that Luke might not know how bad the situation had been. "I don't cuddle," he grumbled.
"Really? I could have sworn you had your hands on my chest and ass, but you're the doctor. What parts of my anatomy were they?"
Okay, he knows. I’m going to have to move to Alaska. "I'm getting breakfast."
"Running away? Oh, come on, Reid, it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure you just couldn’t help yourself."
"I’m not running anywhere," Reid gritted out through his teeth. "I’m hungry." He jumped off the bed-carefully trying to look like he wasn’t in a hurry-and walked out the door. He could hear Luke chortling as he closed it behind him. I wonder what the neurology facilities are like in Juneau.
Luke pulled himself upright in the bed and tried to stop his laughter. He had been awake for almost half an hour and had known the minute the doctor had woken up. It had totally been worth lying there immobilized to see the look on Reid’s face when Luke had called him out on cuddling. The downside was that it had been excruciating to keep himself from reacting while Reid unwound himself from Luke’s body. When Luke felt Reid’s arousal press into the side of his hip, he had had to bite his lip from groaning. He hadn’t remembered Reid being so large. Good God, am I so desperate? Reid, really?
Apparently, no matter what Reid said or did or what happened between them, Luke was always going to be attracted to the older man. He knew better than to act on it, however. First, whatever Reid felt for Luke, it didn’t seem likely to turn into love. And despite the thawing of attitude Luke sensed coming from Reid last night, the fact remained that Reid had only been interested in Luke for money two years ago. Lastly, Reid had yet to apologize for any of the comments he had made to Luke. The younger man had enough self-respect to know that he hadn’t entirely deserved them. The kind of language and cutting remarks Reid used were something that Luke didn’t want to be around, and he certainly never wanted his siblings to be around them.
Luke finally pushed himself upright in the bed and looked at his phone that was lying on the bedside table. He still hadn’t paid his bill, but he’d turned it on to use as a clock. It was just after seven in the morning. It was actually pretty late for Luke to start his day. He usually was up by five o’clock to do chores in the barn so that he could be back at the house by quarter-‘til-seven to make sure the kids got breakfast. He couldn’t remember the last time he woke up and didn’t have a long list of things to do.
The time also reminded him that his siblings would probably be on the lookout for him in five or six hours. It would be unlike him not to call in the morning, especially since this was Christmas Eve and he was due home today. If they had tried his cell, they would have realized he still hadn’t paid his bill. Faith would fume over it, but that was actually better than her worrying. If they called his hotel yesterday and realized he had left a day early, however, they would be in a full-blown panic by now. Luke couldn’t think of a reason they would have needed to reach him, particularly when they were having fun at Jack’s, but it made him anxious nonetheless. He knew that Ethan, particularly, would be fretful if Luke’s whereabouts were unknown and probably panicking that Luke might have been in a car accident like their parents.
He was going to have a difficult time not thinking about them over the next few hours and wasn’t sure he would be able to hide his concern from Nathan and Reid. And given Reid’s temper, which was displayed so clearly yesterday after Luke played the piano, the blond wasn’t sure he was ready to share the existence of his siblings with the doctor. What if Reid decided to say something awful to one of them? Luke wasn’t sure he could handle it.
Luke’s thoughts were interrupted when Nathan entered the room fully dressed and wanting directions to the nearest store. Luke gladly gave them to him, and then asked that Nathan call Jack to let him know that Luke was okay. Luke hoped that Nathan would make it to Oakdale early enough that Faith, Natalie, and Ethan wouldn’t have started worrying.
Just when he thought Nathan would leave, Reid’s friend sat down on the bed and faced Luke. Nathan pulled his knees to his chest and said kindly, "I wanted to say that Reid was out-of-line-last night. What he said to you, no matter what you’ve done, went too far."
"Thanks, but you don’t need to apologize for him."
Shaking his head, Nathan replied, "No, but I saw it, and I wanted to say he shouldn’t have said it. Whatever your relationship is with Henry, it isn’t Reid’s or my business."
Luke took a breath and figured that now was as good as any time to give the truth. "Actually, I should tell you that I don’t have a ‘relationship’ with Henry."
"What?" Nathan asked, looking confused.
Luke smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, he’s just a friend. He’s happily married to a woman in fact."
"You’re kidding. He’s straight?" Nathan said incredulously then waved off the question. "Sorry, I get distracted. Did you tell Reid this last night?"
"No, last night was about my apology to Reid and about his life. I didn’t want to make it about me. It wasn’t the time." It just wouldn’t have been right to apologize for ruining Reid’s career and in the next breath point out how wrong Reid was. There would be time to correct Reid’s assumption.
Nathan eyed Luke speculatively before lifting the corner of his mouth into a lopsided smile. "You’re a good guy, aren’t you?"
A little embarrassed by the statement, Luke responded "No better or worse than anyone else."
"Is it okay for me to tell Reid about Henry?"
Luke nodded. "You can, or I’ll tell him sometime today when the time is right, preferably when I don’t feel like strangling him."
"Good luck with that; you may be waiting awhile," Nathan snorted. But then he seemed to soften and said tentatively, "Luke…Reid is a good guy, too. I know I dumped a lot of information on you last night, but there’s stuff out there that I couldn’t tell you. I think there’s probably stuff he’s never even told me. So for him to come from all that and be such a compassionate person, it’s really amazing."
"Compassionate?" Luke asked dubiously, trying not to focus on the "stuff out there" he couldn’t be told.
Nathan leaned back on his hands and looked directly into Luke’s eyes. "Yeah, as a doctor. I mean he’s brilliant, and you almost expect that his surgeries will be flawless, right? But it’s the compassion that slays me. I’ve waited for him a few times outside patient rooms and overheard him. When someone is really sick, Reid is almost hard to recognize. His voice is gentle; he’s charming and soothing. I don’t get to see that side of him very often, but I get the impression the truly sick patients do." The brunette smirked before adding, "Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m fairly certain that if someone comes in with a tiny headache after drinking too much but insisting they’ve got a tumor, he goes all ‘Reid’ on them."
"I wouldn’t mind seeing that side of him. The nice side, I mean. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the ‘Reid’ side." It was almost too much for Luke to comprehend. Reid was certainly smart enough that he could probably pull off charming, but soothing? He wondered why Reid could show that side to strangers but be so tough around everyone else.
"You’d like him. Don’t tell him I said this, but I admire the hell out of him. I’ve seen him stay up through the night reading countless articles, trying to find anything that might save a particularly bad case’s life. He was born with all the brains and talent anyone could ask for, but he works harder than anyone I know. And as much as he says he stays detached and that’s how he deals with it, I don’t believe it for a second. He fights so hard, sometimes with no sleep for days, and when it doesn’t go his way, every single time I think it might kill him. But then he comes back and somehow finds it in him to fight even harder the next time. I don’t know how he does it."
"You’re rambling, you know," Luke said gently, smiling at Nathan’s enthusiasm. One thing was clear: Nathan loved Reid. Luke had to admit that while the lawyer might be biased in his description, there was certainly something worthwhile in Reid if someone like Nathan could love him so much. How many friends would go so far out of their way to defend and praise the other? "Why are you telling me all this by the way? You aren’t really that worried that I’m going to kill him in this cabin, are you?"
Nathan let out a dramatic sigh. "Sorry, rambling is an old habit," he said apologetically. He dropped a hand against his knee and said, "I wanted to tell you this because I think you should give Reid a chance. You seemed concerned yesterday about how far Reid would go for his career, and I realized I never said that it’s not the career but the patients who matter to him. I think that’s important, and I have a hunch it’s something you’d respect.
"And while I hate to further my reputation as a rambler, let me add that whatever it is that happened between you two--and I still only know pieces--I think you should figure it out. I’m not saying you have to date him or anything like that, I’m just saying you should get to know him, maybe be friends. Reid could use some more friends."
Friends? Was there even hope? "I’ll think about it," Luke replied. And while he was telling the truth, he couldn’t help thinking that Nathan was asking for the impossible. Of most importance, there was the problem of Luke being unable to trust Reid around his siblings. The compassion of which Nathan had spoken didn’t seem to run to people other than Reid’s patients. If Ethan, Natalie, or Faith said something that Reid decided not to like, would Reid even be able to control himself? Luke was an adult who could handle Reid if he turned nasty, but the blond couldn’t stomach the idea of his siblings being subjected to that sort of unkindness. They had already been hurt so much in life that it would be careless to inject more cruelty into their lives.
Not that Reid was likely to be interested in such a thing as friendship anyway. It was one thing to act peaceably while in this cabin, but it was another to enter into any sort of emotional bonding. Luke just couldn’t picture Reid wanting that.
Even pushing the subjects of his siblings’ security and Reid’s wishes aside, Luke wasn’t too fond of the idea that Reid had been interested in him for money. It wasn’t a strong foundation for a friendship, to say the least.
Although, as he thought more about it, he had to wonder if Damian hadn’t misunderstood what Reid said or if Reid had lied to Damian to cover hurt feelings. And if Luke were being truthful to himself, the possibility that Damian lied was always there. Certainly, there was precedent, but Luke wasn’t quite ready to give up on the idea of having a decent father two years ago. Respecting Reid, however, it just didn’t seem consistent that a man who was so bothered by Luke taking money from Julian would have been looking for a golden parachute in Luke. If Damian was wrong and Reid really only blurted out the news about Grimaldi’s bankruptcy in his hurt outrage over losing his job and being lied to by Luke, then Luke wondered how much there truly was to forgive.
"Great, I’ll take that," Nathan said as he hopped off the bed. They stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments with neither seeming to know what to say. Finally, Nathan excused himself and said, "So, I’ll tell Reid I’m leaving and head out of here."
"Good luck, Nathan. Be safe!" Luke called as Nathan exited the room.
In the kitchen, Reid was eating some dry cereal he found hiding in the back of a drawer. Still dressed in his boxers, Reid knew eventually he’d have to go back into that bedroom unless he wanted to freeze all day, and that meant facing Luke again. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t be able to look the other man in the eye for at least an hour after waking up wound around him like a blanket.
When Nathan came out of the bedroom and sat down across from him, Reid could tell that something was on his friend’s mind. Nathan being Nathan, Reid knew he wouldn’t have to ask.
"So, I’m out of here. Luke gave me the directions," the brunette remarked.
Reid nodded, knowing full well that Nathan wouldn’t have sat down just to tell him that. He waited for the inevitable shoe to drop.
Nathan didn’t waste any time getting to the point. "I think you should apologize to Luke for what you said last night. Hell, for probably more than a few things that you’ve said recently."
Reid arched his eyebrow. He’d actually given some thought to doing just that, but he didn’t need Nathan butting in and telling him how to run his life.
Paying no heed to the silence, Nathan continued, "I’m just gonna ask. What is it that you think Luke did that could possibly justify insinuating he’s some sort of prostitute?"
Not liking for an instant that Nathan seemed to be taking Luke’s side against him, Reid felt his jaw tense and he quickly cocked his head to the side. "You want to know? Fine," Reid growled. "He pretended to be interested in me when all he was doing was trying to make his boyfriend, Julian Raines, jealous. It turned out that Luke did that type of thing a lot so that he could weasel new expensive toys out of his sugar daddy."
Nathan scrunched his face into a look of skepticism. "According to whom? I can’t picture that."
Reid puffed out his cheeks and let out an audible puff of air before replying testily, "Well, Luke spent a good deal of last night apologizing and saying how he changed but how he’d planned on telling me the truth the night everything fell apart, and then his freaking own father told me about it back then."
"Damian Grimaldi?" Again, Nathan sounded doubtful, which only irritated Reid further.
"Yes, he was quite informative about how calculating Luke could be when he wanted something." Reid could still see the pitying look Damian had given him as the Maltese man delivered the information about his son.
Nathan’s hand passed over his eyebrows and lowered to his jaw before he asked, "He said this about his own son? Was he angry at Luke or something?"
"He seemed pretty calm to me." It was obvious that Nathan couldn’t conceive of a father saying these kinds of things about his own son. Nathan had always been so lucky in the familial department that it was probably difficult for him to picture a parent doing anything other than defending his child, but it didn’t take much imagination for Reid.
Seeming to come to grips with this new information, Nathan said, "Reid, I’d take whatever he said with a grain of salt. We’re talking about Damian Grimaldi. There could be a million reasons for him to speak against Luke. When I think of the word ‘calculating,’ someone like Grimaldi comes to mind, not that guy in there." He pointed in the direction of the bedroom for emphasis.
Getting fed up with the conversation, Reid snapped, "So, what are you saying?"
"Only that if Luke said he’d been planning to tell you everything first, I’d give that more weight than whatever Damian said about how Luke manipulates."
Reid folded his arms over his chest and scoffed at his friend. "You’ve known Luke for like five minutes." Seriously, Nathan barely knew anything about what happened two years ago, and now suddenly he was an expert on all things Snyder?
"And I also know you."
Reid sighed. Nathan had a way of making short statements seem so dramatic and overly important. He mimicked in his head, "And I also know you." Please, Nathan was getting ridiculous. "This is where you’re going to try to analyze my feelings, isn’t it? Would you like me to look at some ink blots first? Maybe I’ll tell you how a butterfly looks like a bloody knife? Is that how this is going to work because I’m really not interested."
Not showing any signs of backing down, Nathan leaned forward, frowned, and retorted, "Reid, shut up and just listen. That comment you made last night sounded like the same sort of thing you could have said to your mom."
"Well, if the shoe fits…" Reid replied with heat as he looked up at the ceiling. He really didn’t want to discuss this with Nathan.
Taking a calming breath, Nathan replied in an annoyingly reasonable voice, "First, even if what you say is true, Luke liking shiny toys isn’t the same as your mom taking cash from strangers."
"First, keep your voice down. I don’t need Mr. Snyder learning my personal business. And second, I don’t need to listen this crap." Christ, if Nathan was going to bring up the fact that Reid witnessed his mom taking cash from strange men and stuffing it in her bathrobe pocket, he was out of there. He told that stuff to Nathan in a moment of weakness when he was a freaking kid. He didn’t need Nathan distorting that information into the genesis of Reid not trusting people. For God’s sake, prostitution was not the worst of her transgressions.
Apparently unimpressed by Reid’s wish to bolt, Nathan retorted, "Oh, he can’t hear a thing in there, and we aren’t being loud anyway. As for not listening, where are you going to go? Out into the snow? You hate hiking."
Reid just folded his arms and glared. They both knew Reid would never win any wilderness badges.
"Fine," Nathan said abruptly, capitulating while making it obvious he thought Reid was completely wrong. He shrugged and pointed a finger at Reid. "Let’s just ignore Luke and his so-called attraction to money two years ago. He says he’s changed, and I think you should believe it."
"And this is based on his great track record so far?" Reid asked dubiously. He felt his shoulders ease slowly down as the discussion moved away from the subject of his mother.
"No, it’s from studying him and the comments he hasn’t made. He’s not talking about anything flashy, and that truck we hit didn’t appear to be the latest model with the coolest gadgets. I’ve never even seen him in so much as a designer T-shirt. He seems to work pretty hard at that farm of his, too. And this is also based on my gut, and it’s telling me that Luke is a good guy and possibly even the right guy for you."
Reid’s throat constricted, and he choked out, "Oh, please." The right guy? Reid must have missed the part when Luke became Nathan’s solution to all of Reid’s problems.
"Reid, you’ve had trust issues in the past. You know you have," Nathan said softly.
It was Nathan, so Reid tried to keep his hostility in check, but his friend was making it so damn difficult. Was this Psychoanalyze Reid Oliver Day and Reid didn’t get the memo? "Keep the doe-eyed look to yourself. I haven’t even had any relationships recently."
"Recently?" Nathan questioned. "I can’t think of a single person you’ve dated seriously since college. You’ve avoided relationships since Nick, and you know it."
Nick. Great, now we’re going there. "He has nothing to do with anything."
Nathan didn’t look too convinced. "Really? You were absolutely positive he was cheating on you because the poor guy had been honest and said he’d cheated on a boyfriend in the past. After he confessed that little fact, it ate away at you until you’d persuaded yourself that he must be cheating on you, too. And all the times you thought he’d been away with some other guy, he’d been at home studying because he was a little embarrassed that his grades were dipping."
"And we’re bringing this up because?" Reid asked.
"Because you can be wrong, Reid. I told you then I thought Nick was sweet and being honest about where he was, but you let your head get in the way. Once you heard he’d cheated, you became convinced that history would repeat itself."
"Maybe," Reid admitted. It certainly hadn’t been his finest hour. Nick had really been a nice, funny guy that seemed to put up with Reid’s eccentricities with ease. Reid had even thought he might be falling in love with Nick when he found out about the cheating in a former relationship. And Reid knew that he’d been harsh and unreasonable. When he finally accused the poor guy of messing around, Nick had been shattered. In retrospect, it should have been clear that Nick’s devastation was real and that his tearful protests of innocence were truthful, but Reid hadn’t believed a word. He summarily tossed Nick out of his life, blocking his emails and not answering his calls.
When Reid had finally realized his mistake, it was too late to repair the damage, not that Reid would have done so if he’d had the chance. That episode had solidified all the reasons why Reid knew he wasn’t capable of real love or a committed relationship. And Nathan was wrong in one sense: It wasn’t Reid’s head that had gotten in the way. It was his heart. Reid’s was damaged and broken, and he never felt like it might heal enough to love someone fully. At least that was how he’d felt until a certain blond came to his rescue at a party and he allowed himself to dream.
Reid was thankful that Nathan was oblivious to his turmoil. He would rather go duck hunting with Henry Coleman in the snow than have any sort of discussion with anyone about his broken heart. How pathetic would that be?
Nathan just snorted at Reid’s tepid admission to having difficulties with trust. "Maybe? I’m pretty sure I have it written down somewhere that you’ve already admitted to being wrong about Nick. I keep such momentous occasions written in a gilded journal. I believe I have that one listed after the time you admitted you were wrong about how the Macarena would never catch on."
Even though he rolled his eyes, Reid felt a little better at Nathan’s joke-Nathan was always good at making things more lighthearted when he could see Reid was near his breaking point. Others might think that Nathan was being insensitive, but it was actually quite the opposite. Reid looked at his friend, grimaced, and conceded, "Fine. Trust issues." He held a hand up to prevent whatever reply was bound to come. "That’s not necessarily a bad thing. If I’d let them guide me when I met Luke, I wouldn’t be sitting here having this discussion." If I hadn’t trusted my parents as a kid, maybe I’d be better off as well.
"Yeah, Reid, missing out on life is such a great idea."
"I am not missing out on life," Reid retorted. "You are so freaking dramatic."
Nathan looked absolutely mulish as he said, "Well, Reid, chew on this. If Luke had confessed everything that night before whatever-went-to-hell went to hell, where would you be now? If he said he had feelings for you and that he was sorry for spending a measly day misleading you, what would have happened? Because I can tell that despite everything, you still have some pretty major feelings for him, and that makes me wonder if he’s the guy you would finally trust. So don’t answer me, just think about it."
If Reid had been drinking water, he would have accidentally spit it at Nathan and not have felt guilty. "I do not have ‘major feelings’ for Luke Snyder. That’s preposterous," he spluttered.
"Reid, not only can I tell that you have some sort of crush on Luke, but I’m guessing everyone else around us can, too. You can’t take your eyes off of him when he’s around. Hell, Luke probably knows you’ve got a thing for him."
Well, that stung. Reid couldn’t imagine a worse scenario than Luke Snyder being aware that Reid had a crush on him. It was humiliating to Reid that he couldn’t hide his emotions better. He felt like he was in seventh grade and got caught passing a note that the teacher ended up reading aloud to the class. "I don’t know what you’re talking about," he muttered.
Nathan smirked, stood up, and walked around the table. He put one hand on Reid’s shoulder and said, "Look, I’m just saying you should give Luke a chance. Get to know him, Reid. I get the feeling neither of you really knows the other that well."
Reid had to look way up at his tall friend’s face, but he still managed to roll his eyes. "And then what, Nathan? Aren’t you forgetting that Luke is taken? I know he didn’t nail you with green slime, but it’s kind of hard to forget Henry," Reid said.
Infuriatingly, Nathan smirked as if he Reid were just some poor deluded child who didn’t know anything. "If you decide you want Luke, I don’t think Henry would be a barrier," Nathan said.
Reid replied sarcastically, "Yeah, I’d probably only wind up having a bucket of blood dumped on me in front of this whole godforsaken town before getting chased down by a guy with a pumpkin for a head brandishing a sword, but hey, if you think that’s not a ‘barrier…’"
Nathan reached down and ruffled Reid’s auburn hair. "Trust me. He’s not an issue. It turns out we may have made some bad assumptions about that relationship."
"Like what?" Reid asked skeptically, irritably swatting Nathan’s hand from his scalp.
"Like Henry isn’t gay."
Reid couldn’t believe Nathan just said that with a straight face. "What? And you believed that?"
Nathan shrugged one of his shoulders. "I know. Henry definitely seems to play for your team, but according to Luke, they’ve never been more than business partners and friends."
"And you believe this?" Reid inquired incredulously, not even aware that he was repeating himself.
"Yeah, I do. Not only do I feel that Luke’s being honest, but I also can’t come up with a reason why he’d lie about it. Can you?"
Reid thought for a moment before answering, "Well, no. But I’ve never been good at guessing Mr. Snyder’s motives."
"Well, maybe there aren’t any ulterior motives other than just being honest in this case."
"Maybe," Reid admitted reluctantly.
Nathan threw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh good God, this is harder than getting you to eat cauliflower. Would you listen to me just this once? Give the guy a real chance, Reid. What’s the worst that could happen?"
And as Nathan put on his coat and headed outside, Reid wondered what the worst thing might be. He was hesitant to throw caution to the wind and pretend to himself that he thought Luke was as innocent and kind as he seemed. But the idea that he may have misjudged Luke troubled him. Nathan thought Mr. Snyder was a good guy. What was it his friend had said? Luke was possibly even the right guy. While that was a pipe-dream wrapped in wishful thinking, Reid had to admit he was uncomfortable with the idea that he might have made a mistake. Again, as Nathan would point out.
Reid felt like he was in a state of limbo-afraid to go forward and possibly even more frightened of slamming a door shut forever. Unfortunately, he knew he would have to come to terms with some sort of decision soon. Now that he and Luke were alone, there would be no avoiding the younger man.