My Stardust Melody, Chapter 20
As if he'd heard his name, Reid came out of the bedroom and marched past them to the kitchen. "I'm hungry. Is there any food here?"
"I don't know, Reid. Neither of us has looked," Nathan said patiently but rolled his eyes at Luke.
Reid didn't bother to reply as he rummaged through a cabinet and came up with nothing. There was nothing in the refrigerator either other than some baking soda. In the freezer, however, he found several frozen microwavable entrees. "Hallelujah. Chicken alfredo," he crowed. He looked in another cabinet and found some canned soups and a large bottle of vodka.
"Save some for us!" Nathan directed, eliciting a snort from Reid. Nathan always complained that Reid ate everything when they lived together.
"Can I help?" Luke offered. When Reid looked at him as if he were crazy, Luke said, "My foot is feeling better." Reid just ignored him and went about collecting a plate and silverware.
Reid heated up the chicken in the microwave and poured himself a glass of water. What was Luke's new game that he was suddenly willing to help Reid? First a truce and now an offer of help? Reid didn't understand Luke at all. He'd spent the last hour coming to the conclusion that he would no longer care one way or the other about Luke Snyder, but here Luke was again confusing him, making him wonder. There was no equilibrium around the blond.
Sitting alone at the table, Reid eyed Luke over the steam from the gloppy alfredo sauce. He hated to admit it, but it had hurt when Luke had essentially called their night together a one-night stand, even if Reid was the one to use those words. And after trapping Reid into agreeing that neither of them had been "invested," he insisted on that stupid truce. A truce? Like he could stomach listening to Luke gush about his new horse farm and how it connected him to his father. God, Luke could lay it on thick with those dreamy eyes and sweet smile.
The worst part for Reid was knowing that Luke's crap somehow got to him. Luke Snyder could have a stamp on his head that said "duplicitous" and it wouldn't matter. Part of Reid yearned to believe what Luke would say even though he knew it was untrue. Reid hated himself for that weakness. It was no better than the times his mother had claimed she'd come home to spend time with Reid but chose to go out with some random guy. He'd wanted to believe her, too, and it always felt like a knife stabbing him when she didn't come home. Every single time, part of him hoped she was telling the truth.
Well, fuck Luke Snyder if he thought he could have that kind of power of Reid. Reid was twenty years older and a hell of a lot harder than the little boy who clung to his mommy. He could withstand whatever the blond threw his way.
And screw Nathan for bringing up his parents earlier in the car and making him think about this. Reid had spent a lifetime learning not to give them a single thought. Where was that discipline now?
Reid watched Luke get up and wander over to his bag that was on top of the piano. His foot must have been feeling better because he barely limped. Luke opened a side-pocket and pulled out several medicine bottles. His anti-rejection meds, Reid realized. Thank God he brought those or we might be in some real trouble. Seeing the bottles discomfited Reid. He tended to forget that Luke's past was not all rosy. It was easier to think of him as spoiled and indulged, rather than having faced any hardships.
Luke stacked the bottles on top of the piano. Then idly, he lifted the lid to the keys and played a couple notes. With his back turned to Reid, the doctor was able to absorb how Luke looked in his fitted black jeans and grey sweater. Somehow when the wet snow dried, it tousled Luke's hair perfectly. Well, if Luke had one redeeming quality, Reid supposed it was the blond's good looks.
"Do you play, Luke?" Nathan called out from the sofa on the other side of the room.
"Not as much as I used to," Luke replied, shutting the lid. He whirled around as if he'd been caught doing something naughty.
"Are you any good?" Nathan asked.
Luke shrugged and blushed. Reid could see the pink spread across his high cheekbones from across the living area. "I'm okay," Luke replied, "but I'm probably pretty rusty."
"He's excellent," Reid interjected.
Both Luke and Nathan both looked at him in surprise. He wasn't sure if the astonishment came from the fact that he knew about Luke's skill or that he'd just complimented the younger man. It was probably the latter on second thought.
"How do you know?" Luke asked, his large brown eyes even wider than usual.
"I heard you play in New York at the mansion. Liebestraum, I believe."
"I didn't know you heard me," Luke said quietly.
Reid just shrugged. "You were good." He wasn't about to tell Luke that listening to him play felt like the musical equivalent of operating on a gorgeous brain. He couldn't tell Luke that his nerves had sung with every note and that he had been awed by the grace and beauty of the piece.
And he wasn't going to tell Luke that it saddened him to think of such potential wasted. Luke had so many gifts, and he just threw them away in pursuit of a lifestyle that Reid couldn't even comprehend. It honestly angered him that someone would waste their intellect and talent like Luke did. He could have been so much more.
"Well, I'm bored and don't feel like eating yet. Play something for us, Luke," Nathan pleaded. "If it won't hurt your foot," he amended.
Luke looked doubtfully down at his hands but said, "I guess I could try. I use my right foot on the pedals mostly anyway. I just won't be able to play any pianissimo parts well."
"I'm pretty sure neither of us will notice a thing," Nathan replied kindly.
"Okay," Luke said nervously and sat down on the bench. He paused for at least five seconds, running his hands lightly down the keys of the Steinway. Quickly he tested their sound and then seemed to be struck by his muse.
Reid tensed, feeling a little apprehensive about hearing Luke play again. Luke's solitary performance two years ago had been mesmerizing. It had felt like the purest expression of honest emotion he had ever witnessed. By the end of that night, however, Reid realized that Luke was just a great performer. Surely, this composition wouldn't affect him as much if he steeled himself against it.
Reid was wrong.
The tune Luke played was contemporary and had more complex rhythms than the piece Reid had heard two years ago. This song also had the distinctive air of a story unfolding. The first half began slowly, full of hope. It transformed to seductive and culminated into an explosion of joy. Love shone through the melody, and only in the low notes was a faint foreshadowing of the sorrow to come. A discordant sharp note began the transition to the dark second half of the piece. This part told of a person finding deep disappointment and listlessly falling into despair. There was profound sadness. It ended on a low minor chord with only a whisper of the hopeful melody echoing several octaves higher.
As he had been two years ago, Reid was completely enthralled by Luke. Every note thundered in his veins and made Reid yearn for the younger man. He wished he could see the expression on Luke's face as he played, wondering if it matched the emotion of the song. Reid tried to remind himself to stay detached, but there was nowhere to run, not that Reid could have made himself leave. He was too curious to know how the piece would end, and too aroused by watching the blond's tapered fingers master the keyboard. Was there anything as erotic as watching Luke Snyder play the piano? The only thing he ever remembered being possibly more enticing was seeing Luke naked, undulating in the throes of ecstasy.
For a long moment after the last vibrations of the piano had faded, silence enveloped the room. Luke turned around nervously on the bench, clearly dismayed by the lack of response, and then Nathan seemed to come to life.
He started peppering Luke with praise and questions, not letting the younger man have a chance to respond. "Luke, that was amazing! I've never heard anything like it! How do you play like that? I thought Reid was pretty good, but I was completely wrong. Who wrote that piece?"
Reid was interested in the answer, too. Or he would be if his body would cooperate. He was glad to be sitting behind a table.
Luke turned crimson as he said, "Thank you. The composer was me actually."
Reid's mouth fell open. Luke wrote that? Hell, to play the piano like that was one thing, but to write it was a talent that Reid could barely comprehend. He was impressed.
"Luke," Nathan gushed. "That's unbelievable. Does it have a name?"
Luke's soulful eyes focused directly on Reid as he whispered, "Stardust."
Reid's stomach clenched as if he'd taken a blow. Could Luke be referencing their dance under the stars? It was too much coincidence for that title not to be alluding to Hoagy Carmichael's Stardust that played in the distance as Reid had held Luke in his arms. They had made love that night. He abruptly realized that Luke had used a cascade of notes in his melody that referenced part of that song. He hadn't grasped it when Luke was performing, but now it seemed obvious. Reid felt like he was going to be ill. Why had Luke brought that up? Was he just trying to hurt Reid?
The last lines of the original Stardust, a song about lost love and remembrances, rose up unbidden in his mind.
Beside a garden wall
When stars are bright
You are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairytale
A paradise where roses bloom
Though I dream in vain
In my heart it will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of loves refrain
The whole stanza could have been the stage directions for that night in the garden. How often had he heard that stupid song on the radio or television and been forced to turn it off because of the dark place it took him? He'd even looked up the fact that there were over 1500 versions of that damn tune recorded, which explained why he couldn't escape it, why he couldn't be free from the ghost of Luke. There might as well have been 1500 versions of Luke out there taunting him. How dare Luke resurrect that night to his face! How dare Luke reach down into the ground and dig up a memory that should have stayed buried between them?
He could feel sweat begin to bead on his temples as he stared down at his hands that were fisted on the table. He needed to leave, to get out of that room before Luke could see him crumble. With every ounce of control he had, he summoned the iciest expression he could muster and said, "Well, it sounds like if you ever stop taking money for lying on your back, you might have a real career of people throwing money at you for a different type of performance." It wasn't his best set-down, but it hit its mark.
Luke's face drained of color, Reid noticed with satisfaction. Think you can hurt me, Mr. Snyder? Luke's mouth opened and closed, and Nathan starting walking toward him. Luke put up his hand to stop him, the message of "I don't need help" clear.
"Reid," Luke said in the most awful voice the doctor had heard from him. Luke's eyes that had been so soulful a moment ago had turned dark and cold. "For a brief moment, I was stupid enough to think that you might be a decent person. Really, what the hell is wrong with you? I thought we called a truce. It's been two years and you got what you wanted, your own neurounit. I don't understand why you're still persecuting me. In the end, aren't you satisfied?"
Reid walked across the room until he was inches from Luke's face and a few feet from the door to the bedroom. "My apologies, Mr. Snyder. I assumed you had the mental capacity to understand basic human nature. But maybe a rich kid like you can't see beyond the end of that silver spoon shoved in your mouth." He let those words sink into the blond’s mind. Reid felt Luke's breath hit his face in sharp warm bursts and could see a slight tremor in the younger man's bottom lip. The doctor lingered long enough to make Luke uncomfortable, and then he smirked and said, "You like to put on this sweet and innocent act when really all you are is a conniving, spoiled brat with a warped reality. I feel sorry for you if I feel anything at all."
With that, Reid brushed by Luke, knocking his shoulder against him, and careened toward the door. He slammed it behind him with a loud reverberating sound. As he looked around the elegantly furnished bedroom, Reid felt lost. The cream walls and mahogany furniture seemed to be closing in on him. The only escape from this damn house seemed to be through the blizzard that was still raging outside. It seemed almost worth the risk. He crawled onto the ivory-colored bedspread and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Stardust. It could have been the anthem for Reid's life these past two years. A poignant but fictitious memory held Reid's heart in throe all this time. Luke Snyder could go screw himself.
On the other side of the wall, Luke turned to Nathan and asked, "What the hell? What did I ever do to him? I mean really, what?" Luke angrily swiped his medicine bottles off the top of the piano and hopped his way over to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Luke was expecting sympathy from Nathan--even a friend to Reid had to agree that the doctor was acting insane. Luke had summoned up a lot of nerve to play that song. He'd written it around two years ago, shortly after Henry had offered to go in business with him. It was his memory of him and Reid together, but Reid certainly didn't know that.
Luke hadn't meant to tell Nathan and Reid the title. He was so emotional from playing and reliving those moments in the garden, that when Nathan asked, something essential in Luke wanted to tell Reid. Some part of him wanted to see if Reid felt the same about that night, too. But, it was such a minuscule hope. He hadn't even really expected Reid to recognize it. Even now, he wasn't entirely sure that he did. In the seconds after giving the name, he thought he saw something flicker in Reid's eyes. But Reid didn't acknowledge it if he did recollect the music from that October night.
In any case, Luke would never have predicted the outburst from Reid. He couldn't believe the nerve of that man acting like Luke had somehow done something fundamentally offensive. He slammed a glass of water down on the kitchen counter as he lined up his pills. He looked over his shoulder to see that Nathan had followed him. He was surprised by Nathan's aggressive posture. The taller man was standing upright with his arms folded across his chest and was glaring at Luke.
"Is there something you'd like to say, Nathan?" Luke asked. He wasn't in the mood for this, and he quickly took his pills while he waited for Nathan to respond.
"What the hell, Luke? You never did anything to him? Nothing?"
Luke felt his mouth fall open. The Greek god called Nathan was furious with him. Well, Luke had nothing to be sorry for. "No, I didn't! He's made it very clear that he didn't give a damn about me. And he got everything he wanted, so I don't see the problem."
Nathan threw up his hands. "Everything he wanted? Why, because he has that neuro wing now? Here, not in Boston, after two years? You don't think the fact that he was fired because of you two years ago was important?"
Luke felt like a shard of ice had just stabbed him in the heart. "Fired? What do you mean he was fired because of me?" Why would Reid have been fired because of me?
Nathan leaned against the counter next to Luke. He still seemed angry when he replied, "I don't know Luke. Reid went to meet with his investor in the neuro unit and came back saying that the guy had pulled out and his chief of staff had fired him. Later, I found out it had something to do with you."
Luke stared at Nathan carefully. "Reid told you it was my fault?"
"Yes!" Nathan stated as if it should be obvious.
Wiping his hand across his forehead, he asked, "Who was the investor? Do you know?"
"Julian Raines."
Luke nearly fell down. He had to grip the counter with both palms to regain some equilibrium. "Julian?" he whispered.
"Yeah, I take it you know him?"
Luke didn't even hear the question. "Oh god, Nathan. I didn't know. I didn't know he lost his job. I didn't know!" He rubbed his eyes with the soft sleeves of his grey sweater. His mind whirled as he started thinking about how much Reid's career meant to him, how Reid had said from the beginning that he was at that party to get funding, and how from the moment Julian walked into the solarium that night, Reid must have known that the funding was then unattainable.
"Well, that explains a lot," Nathan said drily, placing a hand on Luke's shoulders.
"Julian and I were involved, and it was…" Luke's voice caught before he continued, "Complicated. Reid didn't know, and then Julian walked in on us." He stopped himself abruptly. Why was he wasting time out here? "I've got to talk to Reid!"