Sometimes when I've had too much to drink and I'm trying to hold down the waves of bleaaarrgh, I punch walls. I suspect G would say "wah, so man" but really it only quells the nausea for a couple of seconds at a time and leaves you with swollen knuckles for the next few days. Well I guess the manness lies in its inherent idiocy. The point is that ( Read more... )

...that if you do calf extensions with heavy enough weights, it makes you feel like you have to take a massive crap.

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Being the big pussy that I am when it comes to physical pain, I spent the half hour following my Shiatsu whining and moaning about how I actually saw spots (I initially typed "spoinks", which isn't so much what I saw, but more the sound my tendons made when my masseuse smushed them forcibly into my bones) at one point during the massage. Seriously ( Read more... )

People don't seem to realise how hard it is to find someone you can spend heaps of time with and not hate. And yet, somehow, that never seems to be the right answer to the question "Why do you love me?"

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Screaming "SOMEONE PUT CARBON MONOXIDE IN MY NOSE" to the world at large and then promptly falling asleep.

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So against all common sense I went and hunted down some YouTube videos of LASIK surgeries being performed, and can I take a moment to just say oh GOD. YUCK. There was no part of this experience in which my ass was not clenched in fear. Seriously, I could have crapped diamonds. There was this point in one of the videos where the guy's iris was all ( Read more... )

There are a lot of things in this world that crack my shit up, and the one that never fails is when M declares it International Speak Like A Pirate Day and, off my incredulous and slightly frightened look, goes "Why you gotta be a playa hate-aarrrr?"

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My brother and I have taken to shrieking "you FAIL at LIFE" incoherently at each other in response to various life-type events, such as his inability to dunk the midget in the PS2 game Bully.

Points are awarded for creative variations on the theme, like tacking on a "FAIL with a capital PEE-HACH", or miming a stamping action and making the ( Read more... )

"The doctrine of renvoi is little more than the smug circle jerk of academia."

Discuss.

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Let me just take a minute away from study avoidance* to say that any theory - scientific, religious, or otherwise - that can satisfactorily explain the biological imperative for butt crack hair can count me amongst its supporters ( Read more... )