Comments | petite_miam: My first written piece

petite_miam

My first written piece

Apr 30, 2006 12:04

We are two worlds apart ( Read more... )

Comments 6

One word: unrequited love! (I lvoe that joke!) calcium8000 April 30 2006, 12:56:37 UTC

The poem was kinda sad, i started reading it off sad, then it just felt sad all the way through...i hope that was what you were going for. I think it's good, considering you're not a poetry writer...or any kind of writer...are you???!!!

hmm carsqn April 30 2006, 15:05:45 UTC

i have felt like this before

it seems very honest, very lost, as though the fact that you dont know what to do really scares you, but also compells you to follow this course where you continue to feel this way about this person, this course of what you may think is love.

which is what love is, sometimes. its scary, but its intriguing and inviting at the same time, pulling you in two different directions from crazy to reason and back again.

always_sakura May 1 2006, 13:48:52 UTC

This seemed really really real to me...like Cammie said, really honest. I liked the pattern of the poem, a lot like dialogue, but it had a good flow ^^

Simple criticisms - you said insane twice in the first two verses. I am also not a fan of rhyming with "you". But that's a personal pref ;D

Other than that.... really liked it, it was sweet and sincere ^^ I hope you write more!!!

petite_miam May 1 2006, 13:54:57 UTC

I think the rhyming with you came by accident. It all kinda just fell into place with my thoughts that night.

always_sakura May 1 2006, 13:56:58 UTC

Hahaha, I want to know what you were thinking....

Get inspired for more soon!

petite_miam May 1 2006, 14:35:21 UTC

I think that I was confused and lost and thats how it came across on the poem. Actually I think all this was inspired by that msn convo the 4 of us were having. I'll see if I can explain it to you later some other time. Well I'm gonna sleep now. So tired. I just wanted to wait til midnight Darwin time to wish Dulla a Happy 21st Birthday.