You describe Komui's office well. You conveyed Link's opinion of Kanda (and vice versa) very well as the scenes occurred. I think your characterization is excellent as well. Poor Link and his outspoken, overzealous loyalty....
Although the second scene probably conveyed what you wanted it to convey, a quick conclusion of the battle scene may have made a more satisfying conclusion. Also, I forgot to say this earlier, but the dialogue shouldn't be in italics. (Especially since thoughts are usually expressed by using italics.)
Should have commented in the first chapter but got greedy and kept reading :D
Even though I don't remember who Howard Link is, this is a good start. Your English doesn't weight too heavy (mine is, what's with lots and lots of adjectives and clauses and I can't seem to cut them out), is calm and easy to read.
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Although the second scene probably conveyed what you wanted it to convey, a quick conclusion of the battle scene may have made a more satisfying conclusion. Also, I forgot to say this earlier, but the dialogue shouldn't be in italics. (Especially since thoughts are usually expressed by using italics.)
You can learn how to use an lj-cut here: http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75
I look forward to your post of the next chapter! I'm enjoying this so much.
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Even though I don't remember who Howard Link is, this is a good start. Your English doesn't weight too heavy (mine is, what's with lots and lots of adjectives and clauses and I can't seem to cut them out), is calm and easy to read.
Oi, waiting for the next chap.
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I appreciate the comment. Thanks a lot :)
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