Bleach Drabble (409-410)

[peroxide_fic]

UM. So I've started this sort-of self-appointed mission where I'm going to try and write characters I don't normally write (whether because I can't, I don't like them, or I don't care about them either way), in hopes of at least better understanding them. Here are my first two attempts. Though I guess it's not really all that fair because I bolster

Comments

[enigma_o]

Rikichi needs a pat on the head. Also, if you don't mind a style based nit-pick rather than a spelling based one:

They both turn then; see that Hana has managed to coax a big orange and black monarch onto his finger, smiling like it’s a huge deal, like he’s never held a hell moth like that before in his life though he’s done it countless times before.

Having both those befores there seems to make the sentence jar a bit. It's hard to read without skipping over one of them, and then having to go back to check what you missed.

[peroxidepest17]

Ahaha this is why I should edit myself? ^^;; Thanks for the catch.

[valmora]

Before I become completely incoherent -
He pauses when he notices the two new editions, however.
Unless Yumi and Ikkaku are updated versions of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, they're probably 'additions'. =)

So much love! And the frustration on Keigo's part is brilliant - as, of course, is Rikichi (and the Hanatarou&Ganjyu is squishy and adorable!).

[peroxidepest17]

Wow hello dyslexia. o.o

[sw_inku]

YAY JUST READ THESE!
-RIKICHI! (gee you THINK I like Rikichi? I MIGHT JUST A LITTLE.)
Soooooooooo cute! Truly it would be sad to ask how to get strong like Hanatarou. REALLY.

Keigo would be screwed if Mizuiro gained the skill of demonic gay powers. Since he's already so popular witht he older shota loving women! XD
(I also MIGHT have a secret fetish for KeigoxMizuiro) SHAME.

[peroxidepest17]

*snickers* I am a master of understatement? XD

And YES KeigoxMizuiro. It's The Shuumi of Karakura, just slightly more neurotic. <3

[sw_inku]

Just a little! XD

HURHURHURHUR!
http://strawberry.genkiinc.net/images/sw/sk_shuuyumi.jpg
http://strawberry.genkiinc.net/images/sw/sk_keigay.jpg

[peroxidepest17]

TAICHOU LOVES YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. <333