Fic: Matter of Trust (Jack/Stephen) NC-17
Title: Matter Of Trust
Author: zilah1
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack Aubrey/Stephen Maturin
Disclaimer: Sad but true: they are not mine but belong to Patrick O'Brian. I just play with them. No one pays me.
Spoilers: None
Beta: Thank you so much for your help with my story, alltoseek! Without you, I was lost.
Author's Notes: This is my first story in English with this wonderful pairing. Hopefully it isn't last.
Summary: Nope, just a little smutty and fluffy piece of Jack and Stephen
Enjoy and FB is Love,
zilah
Matter Of Trust
It was late and they had stopped playing for the evening. Stephen was leaving to his own cabin, but wanted to discuss something of importance before he retired. The discussion had turned out to be mere notification that this was his last trip with Jack.
Jack could only stare at his friend, dismayed. He had thought that Stephen would always stay by his side, that he too had been content all these years together.
”You want to leave. But why?” He finally managed, trying to think what was wrong.
”Don't ask me that, Jack, please. I cannot tell you. Just believe me, this is best for both of us,” Stephen sighed, avoiding his gaze.
”You should know by now that there is nothing you couldn't tell me. You are my dearest friend, Stephen. And yet you don't seem to trust me,” Jack exclaimed. He could see that Stephen flinched at his words, but he didn't care. Stephen's lack of trust hurt him more than he ever thought possible.
”It isn't like that all, Jack!” Stephen insisted, ”I trust you. But this... this is something I cannot tell.”
Angry words died on Jack's lips when he saw Stephen's gaze. It was fearful, almost panicked, and he realized that he would gain nothing by pressing his friend. With a sigh, he sat on the locker bench beside Stephen and pulled him into a hug he hoped to be comforting.
”I wish you would talk to me, my dear,” he whispered. Stephen was tense at first and Jack felt he was ready to bolt as soon as he dared to loosen his grip. After some more soothing Stephen finally relaxed against him.
”I... I love you Jack,” Stephen said softly.
”And I love you, my dear. Surely you know that,” Jack answered, wondering what was wrong. It wasn't like Stephen to say such things aloud, even if their friendship was deep and indeed loving.
”Yes, certainly my dear,” Stephen sighed. ”I would dislike very much for our parting to be on bad terms.”
”Unless you have been spying for the French all these years there is nothing that would change my love for you. Please, my dear. What is bothering you so?” Jack asked pleadingly, silently hoping that Stephen finally would meet his gaze.
”... And would you still be my friend if you knew that I... am one of those loathsome creatures who are attracted to other men?” Stephen whispered hardly audibly, finally raising his head. Jack was stunned, but his heart ached for seeing his friend so heartbreakingly sad.
”First of all: you are not loathsome. You are brave and beautiful, and it is a lucky person whoever has won your love. I hope he is sensible enough to appreciate that,” Jack said, even if he felt surge of jealousy growing within him. He crushed the feeling mercilessly; Stephen deserved only the best. He didn't give one thought to the fact that Stephen's feelings were inappropriate, considered a crime. How could love ever be a crime?
”Who do you think he is? Who has been constantly by my side all these years?” Stephen asked with nervous laugh.
The truth finally penetrated, and yet Jack feared to believe it. Stephen, his dear friend, was in love with him?
”Stephen... do you...really mean...” he whispered, but Stephen's gaze silenced him.
”Who else but you, joy? Do I dare to assume that you are not entirely repulsed?”
”Never in life, my dear”, Jack assured, tightening his hold on his friend. He was shocked, but not repulsed. Never that. Instead, he felt... honoured. He was determined to keep Stephen by his side now that he knew the truth. He had little experience of relations between two men, but one thing was completely clear. If he could love any man in such a fashion, it would be Stephen. Hadn't he loved Stephen as his friend, confidante and brother all these years? To have him as a lover would only add a new extension to their relationship and he was sure that Stephen wouldn't ask of him more than he was able to give.
Jack had made up his mind, but it would take some time to convince Stephen, Jack realised, when Sephen withdrew from his embrace.
”I'm glad that you feel that way, but maybe it it is best if I go now. Surely you need more time to consider of what I have told you. Let me assure you, if you want me to leave, I am ready to do so,” Stephen said softly.
”No! I don't want you to leave, not just yet, not ever.” Words left from Jack's lips before he managed to stop them, but he didn't regret them one bit.
”But why? How you can be so sure?” Stephen asked, confused and his voice was but a whisper. Jack swallowed, hesitating only a moment, but then made his mind. Gently, he caressed Stephen's face and then leaned closer, drawing him into soft kiss. Stephen hesitated at first, but then opened up so deliciously that Jack moaned, surprised, and the kiss deepened. The feeling was heady and the first spark of arousal stirred within him as they kissed with such enthusiasm and familiarity as if they have been born to do so. When Stephen finally pulled away, Jack's heart ached with sudden emptiness.
”Jack... why... why are you doing this? Surely you cannot possibly want such intimacy?” Stephen inquired with a tremulous voice.
”I find myself wanting you. I admit that I haven't given very much thought of the possibility before, but please, give me this chance. This is what you want, isn't it?”
Silence fell between them and for a moment Jack feared he had made a terrible mistake, but then Stephen touched his cheek, ever so gently, and Jack felt the hand trembling slightly.
”You mean so very much to me, Jack. Your offer is very generous, but you must consider this very carefully. I don't want you to do anything you might later regret.”
”What is there to consider? I don't know how far I can take this, but I want to hold you close, to kiss and touch you. May I?”
”That sounds wonderful my dear, but first I want you to promise me something.” Stephen was now dead serious.
”What is it? I promise you anything, you know that.”
”Well, then. Promise me that you will not do anything you do not truly wish. I am content with whatever you are willing to give me, be that only few kisses or something... more. I value your friendship above everything, and I don't want to lose that.”
”You will not lose me. I will always be by your side, if you just let me, Stephen dear.”
Stephen rose and walked to the door, locking it. Then his courage seemed to fail him and he stood middle of the room, his cheeks slightly flushed. Jack went to him and took his both hands in his.
”Are you sure you wish to proceed?” Stephen asked, his eyes huge and dark in the lantern's flickering light. Jack answered by pulling him closer and kissing him passionately. Stephen trembled in his arms and clung to him almost desperately, as if he still couldn't believe that this was happening. Jack's heart raced and same urgency and need he sensed in Stephen, rose in him like a tidal wave, threatening to drown him.
”Shh... let us slow down... I will not leave you,” Jack whispered soothingly, struggling to gather his wits. He wanted to be gentle, for it was what Stephen needed. Stephen deserved to be touched with love and care, not just a rushed tumble on the cabin's floor.
Jack led Stephen to the locker bench and beckoned him to sit down. Their next kiss was more subtle, their lips searching, exploring, and testing the waters. Gently, Jack held his friend as their kiss continued and every nerve in his body came alive. Stephen panted softly against his lips and the hands in his hair trembled, making him all the more determined. This was right. This was beautiful, and he would never let Stephen go.
”I love you, my Stephen,” Jack sighed and caressed Stephen's hair and back, enjoying the warmth and hunger that grew within him with every passing moment. He burned with need to have Stephen even closer and one firm tug brought the smaller man sitting on his lap. Stephen shuddered, as apparently he was now aware of Jack's excited state.
”Yes...you know now, don't you? I do want you... want to see all of you.”
Stephen blushed, but didn't resist as Jack began to remove his shirt. Jack had seen Stephen naked countless times, even touched him, but never had he seen his friend like this, aroused and vulnerable in his need. Now he finally realised the amount of trust and love Stephen had shown to him tonight, both by telling of his feelings and allowing him to do this. The knowledge made him humble and he swore to himself to never betray that trust. He would always love Stephen and keep him safe.
Their sensual embrace had made them both breathless and Jack delighted in Stephen's reactions to his every touch. The little kisses on the sensitive neck caused pleasured sighs and a light caress down the spine made Stephen gasp. Jack decided he liked most of all the noise Stephen made when he gently stroked his arousal through his breeches. Breathless ”Jack” and a low moan were the most erotic sounds he had ever heard.
He wanted, needed to hear and see more. After a few moments he had opened Stephen's breeches and touched him in wonder, feeling the heat and hardness so familiar and yet so exotic. Stephen squirmed and moaned deliciously in Jack's arms as he continued the intimate caresses. And when Stephen finally reached his completion, warm happiness and affection filled his heart. Jack held him protectively, until the tremours finally subsided and stopped. Stephen was languid, almost unconscious and the gaze in his eyes told that he was also confused. It was obvious that Stephen still couldn't quite believe what had just happened; that Jack had brought him to orgasm by touching him and done it willingly. Jack's heart melted completely. He had loved Stephen as his friend for years, admired his strentgh, courage and quick wit; but like this, open and undone he was simply adorable.
”Hmm...Jack?”
”Yes, my dear?” Jack smiled.
”Your own needs are yet unmet, I see. Will you let me attend to them?”
Jack kissed his cheek.
”Of course, my plum. I was beginning to think that you would never ask.”
The End...or is it?
Author: zilah1
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack Aubrey/Stephen Maturin
Disclaimer: Sad but true: they are not mine but belong to Patrick O'Brian. I just play with them. No one pays me.
Spoilers: None
Beta: Thank you so much for your help with my story, alltoseek! Without you, I was lost.
Author's Notes: This is my first story in English with this wonderful pairing. Hopefully it isn't last.
Summary: Nope, just a little smutty and fluffy piece of Jack and Stephen
Enjoy and FB is Love,
zilah
Matter Of Trust
It was late and they had stopped playing for the evening. Stephen was leaving to his own cabin, but wanted to discuss something of importance before he retired. The discussion had turned out to be mere notification that this was his last trip with Jack.
Jack could only stare at his friend, dismayed. He had thought that Stephen would always stay by his side, that he too had been content all these years together.
”You want to leave. But why?” He finally managed, trying to think what was wrong.
”Don't ask me that, Jack, please. I cannot tell you. Just believe me, this is best for both of us,” Stephen sighed, avoiding his gaze.
”You should know by now that there is nothing you couldn't tell me. You are my dearest friend, Stephen. And yet you don't seem to trust me,” Jack exclaimed. He could see that Stephen flinched at his words, but he didn't care. Stephen's lack of trust hurt him more than he ever thought possible.
”It isn't like that all, Jack!” Stephen insisted, ”I trust you. But this... this is something I cannot tell.”
Angry words died on Jack's lips when he saw Stephen's gaze. It was fearful, almost panicked, and he realized that he would gain nothing by pressing his friend. With a sigh, he sat on the locker bench beside Stephen and pulled him into a hug he hoped to be comforting.
”I wish you would talk to me, my dear,” he whispered. Stephen was tense at first and Jack felt he was ready to bolt as soon as he dared to loosen his grip. After some more soothing Stephen finally relaxed against him.
”I... I love you Jack,” Stephen said softly.
”And I love you, my dear. Surely you know that,” Jack answered, wondering what was wrong. It wasn't like Stephen to say such things aloud, even if their friendship was deep and indeed loving.
”Yes, certainly my dear,” Stephen sighed. ”I would dislike very much for our parting to be on bad terms.”
”Unless you have been spying for the French all these years there is nothing that would change my love for you. Please, my dear. What is bothering you so?” Jack asked pleadingly, silently hoping that Stephen finally would meet his gaze.
”... And would you still be my friend if you knew that I... am one of those loathsome creatures who are attracted to other men?” Stephen whispered hardly audibly, finally raising his head. Jack was stunned, but his heart ached for seeing his friend so heartbreakingly sad.
”First of all: you are not loathsome. You are brave and beautiful, and it is a lucky person whoever has won your love. I hope he is sensible enough to appreciate that,” Jack said, even if he felt surge of jealousy growing within him. He crushed the feeling mercilessly; Stephen deserved only the best. He didn't give one thought to the fact that Stephen's feelings were inappropriate, considered a crime. How could love ever be a crime?
”Who do you think he is? Who has been constantly by my side all these years?” Stephen asked with nervous laugh.
The truth finally penetrated, and yet Jack feared to believe it. Stephen, his dear friend, was in love with him?
”Stephen... do you...really mean...” he whispered, but Stephen's gaze silenced him.
”Who else but you, joy? Do I dare to assume that you are not entirely repulsed?”
”Never in life, my dear”, Jack assured, tightening his hold on his friend. He was shocked, but not repulsed. Never that. Instead, he felt... honoured. He was determined to keep Stephen by his side now that he knew the truth. He had little experience of relations between two men, but one thing was completely clear. If he could love any man in such a fashion, it would be Stephen. Hadn't he loved Stephen as his friend, confidante and brother all these years? To have him as a lover would only add a new extension to their relationship and he was sure that Stephen wouldn't ask of him more than he was able to give.
Jack had made up his mind, but it would take some time to convince Stephen, Jack realised, when Sephen withdrew from his embrace.
”I'm glad that you feel that way, but maybe it it is best if I go now. Surely you need more time to consider of what I have told you. Let me assure you, if you want me to leave, I am ready to do so,” Stephen said softly.
”No! I don't want you to leave, not just yet, not ever.” Words left from Jack's lips before he managed to stop them, but he didn't regret them one bit.
”But why? How you can be so sure?” Stephen asked, confused and his voice was but a whisper. Jack swallowed, hesitating only a moment, but then made his mind. Gently, he caressed Stephen's face and then leaned closer, drawing him into soft kiss. Stephen hesitated at first, but then opened up so deliciously that Jack moaned, surprised, and the kiss deepened. The feeling was heady and the first spark of arousal stirred within him as they kissed with such enthusiasm and familiarity as if they have been born to do so. When Stephen finally pulled away, Jack's heart ached with sudden emptiness.
”Jack... why... why are you doing this? Surely you cannot possibly want such intimacy?” Stephen inquired with a tremulous voice.
”I find myself wanting you. I admit that I haven't given very much thought of the possibility before, but please, give me this chance. This is what you want, isn't it?”
Silence fell between them and for a moment Jack feared he had made a terrible mistake, but then Stephen touched his cheek, ever so gently, and Jack felt the hand trembling slightly.
”You mean so very much to me, Jack. Your offer is very generous, but you must consider this very carefully. I don't want you to do anything you might later regret.”
”What is there to consider? I don't know how far I can take this, but I want to hold you close, to kiss and touch you. May I?”
”That sounds wonderful my dear, but first I want you to promise me something.” Stephen was now dead serious.
”What is it? I promise you anything, you know that.”
”Well, then. Promise me that you will not do anything you do not truly wish. I am content with whatever you are willing to give me, be that only few kisses or something... more. I value your friendship above everything, and I don't want to lose that.”
”You will not lose me. I will always be by your side, if you just let me, Stephen dear.”
Stephen rose and walked to the door, locking it. Then his courage seemed to fail him and he stood middle of the room, his cheeks slightly flushed. Jack went to him and took his both hands in his.
”Are you sure you wish to proceed?” Stephen asked, his eyes huge and dark in the lantern's flickering light. Jack answered by pulling him closer and kissing him passionately. Stephen trembled in his arms and clung to him almost desperately, as if he still couldn't believe that this was happening. Jack's heart raced and same urgency and need he sensed in Stephen, rose in him like a tidal wave, threatening to drown him.
”Shh... let us slow down... I will not leave you,” Jack whispered soothingly, struggling to gather his wits. He wanted to be gentle, for it was what Stephen needed. Stephen deserved to be touched with love and care, not just a rushed tumble on the cabin's floor.
Jack led Stephen to the locker bench and beckoned him to sit down. Their next kiss was more subtle, their lips searching, exploring, and testing the waters. Gently, Jack held his friend as their kiss continued and every nerve in his body came alive. Stephen panted softly against his lips and the hands in his hair trembled, making him all the more determined. This was right. This was beautiful, and he would never let Stephen go.
”I love you, my Stephen,” Jack sighed and caressed Stephen's hair and back, enjoying the warmth and hunger that grew within him with every passing moment. He burned with need to have Stephen even closer and one firm tug brought the smaller man sitting on his lap. Stephen shuddered, as apparently he was now aware of Jack's excited state.
”Yes...you know now, don't you? I do want you... want to see all of you.”
Stephen blushed, but didn't resist as Jack began to remove his shirt. Jack had seen Stephen naked countless times, even touched him, but never had he seen his friend like this, aroused and vulnerable in his need. Now he finally realised the amount of trust and love Stephen had shown to him tonight, both by telling of his feelings and allowing him to do this. The knowledge made him humble and he swore to himself to never betray that trust. He would always love Stephen and keep him safe.
Their sensual embrace had made them both breathless and Jack delighted in Stephen's reactions to his every touch. The little kisses on the sensitive neck caused pleasured sighs and a light caress down the spine made Stephen gasp. Jack decided he liked most of all the noise Stephen made when he gently stroked his arousal through his breeches. Breathless ”Jack” and a low moan were the most erotic sounds he had ever heard.
He wanted, needed to hear and see more. After a few moments he had opened Stephen's breeches and touched him in wonder, feeling the heat and hardness so familiar and yet so exotic. Stephen squirmed and moaned deliciously in Jack's arms as he continued the intimate caresses. And when Stephen finally reached his completion, warm happiness and affection filled his heart. Jack held him protectively, until the tremours finally subsided and stopped. Stephen was languid, almost unconscious and the gaze in his eyes told that he was also confused. It was obvious that Stephen still couldn't quite believe what had just happened; that Jack had brought him to orgasm by touching him and done it willingly. Jack's heart melted completely. He had loved Stephen as his friend for years, admired his strentgh, courage and quick wit; but like this, open and undone he was simply adorable.
”Hmm...Jack?”
”Yes, my dear?” Jack smiled.
”Your own needs are yet unmet, I see. Will you let me attend to them?”
Jack kissed his cheek.
”Of course, my plum. I was beginning to think that you would never ask.”
The End...or is it?