Comments | pepperony100: THEME 54

denesjadno in pepperony100

THEME 54 - REACT

Jun 10, 2008 20:42

YAY!!!! I'VE FINALLY GONE BACK AND FIXED IT! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS LESS CONFUSING. BYE!

Inspired while listening to the song 'A Message' by Coldplay. If anyone has any tips about further banter, please let me know. I have absolutely no experience with writing humor, as I mostly stick to emotionally charged drama (see prompt #10 - White and ( Read more... )

theme-054react, rating-pg13/t, author-denesjadno

Comments 4

anonymiss731 June 11 2008, 05:16:17 UTC

Ok so two problems and two postives ( ... )

obliviousally June 11 2008, 05:59:59 UTC

I agree about the two problems. I think finishing the fic off with the kiss and maybe some subtle, but meaningful banter would have been lovely and left things open for the imagination.

BUT! It's well written and your Pepper is wonderful.

backporchpoet June 11 2008, 10:21:19 UTC

I agree with the two comments above me! I was sort of chugging along and got derailed when he proposed. The hip grinding is also sort of wowzers, I mean I am sure someone got an eyeful of that since they're at a public event.

As for the proposal at the end, it might make more sense if there were details added. Tony's demeanor and his mention of her being his clean up crew kind of had me under the impression he came to the party to get laid then BAM he proposed. It was sort of startling.

But I love your Pepper here, I like her journey through each drink and a lot of the internal thought she has that are tony related. Really great!

denesjadno June 11 2008, 22:39:42 UTC

I totally agree with you: I've been working on this for awhile and have been constantly frustrated with what I wanted versus how I was going to get it.

Details are a definite item on my to-do list. I wanted Pepper to think that, too. Although, if examined closely, I deliberately chose language that left it open to suggestion. I guess I still need to practice that. *sigh* Oh well, that's what summer's for. :)