I think there is some strong value to the external guidelines that you're talking about. They help set the framework for individuals to develop and expand their own internalized strictures. This form of emotional templating has value for both the weak and strong of will - though some individuals don't need the guidelines, it helps confer an idea of what the chosen culture is growing toward. It allows them to make the decision whether to use the same vectors for social growth or to abandon it for something more valuable to the individual.
As to being single...yes, that's the trick, isn't it? There is always an aspect of freedom which is of high value, but because of the way many people are wired (or have wired themselves based on the above commentary), they find value in a specific kind of long term friendship. In this matter, fighting biological impulse and social training can be tricky. The other part of the coin is one really never knows when the bug will strike.
On the singledom front. . . The one thing I learned from my experience, which may or may not be of help to you now, was that the happier I chose to be with myself alone, the more likely it was that I found someone to be with. It follows that the more at peace you are with yourself, the more likely it is someone else will notice that and want to share that peace with you. It's certainly not easy. I managed it by shear stubborness, which is genetic in my family. But I know how hard the single life can be, particularly when you have tasted what life with someone can be like, how lovely it can be when it is working. And I also know that doubt and fear that you will never find it again. The most I can say is have faith in yourself. You are going to be in Burlington, in a program which will put you much closer to folks who share your interests. Proximity is half the battle. The other half is all you. I have faith in you. I hope you do as well.
I know what you mean about the single thing. Except for my wonderful choice of partners, and a few financial concerns that are of minor importance compared to freedom to live one's life, I feel like having a partner is really not a preferable state. And yet when I didn't have one, I felt like it was imperative that I get one now.
I'd date you, except that I'm straight as an arrow and as far as I know, you are too :). And, I know how ludicrous dating advice from the twitterpated, still a student, radical feminist sounds, but in my experience the most romantic things are things that aren't "romantic". I mean, if you like rural Vermont and so does your partner, when you find one, surely you would have a happier and more romantic experience here than, like, in a fancy hotel in Paris, where you'd just worry about the price. I dunno.
There are baby ducks in the pond at the ecovillage I'm staying at! They were just born yesterday and they are terribly cute, but I don't think their momma would let me pick them up if I tried.
I kind of feel that way about being vegan sometimes...I don't feel like there would be very big consequences of I decided to eat a nonvegan cookie or a slice of cheese once every couple of weeks, for example, but I find that sticking to the limits I've set for myself is ultimately more satisfying than giving in once in a while.
Also, I am spending my summer learning how to build (partially) mud huts! I would totally think that living in mud huts is romantic. Living in rural areas does give you less of a chance for meeting people in general though...but they're probably more likely to be people you like, right?
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As to being single...yes, that's the trick, isn't it? There is always an aspect of freedom which is of high value, but because of the way many people are wired (or have wired themselves based on the above commentary), they find value in a specific kind of long term friendship. In this matter, fighting biological impulse and social training can be tricky. The other part of the coin is one really never knows when the bug will strike.
Enjoy the ducklings - cheers!
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The one thing I learned from my experience, which may or may not be of help to you now, was that the happier I chose to be with myself alone, the more likely it was that I found someone to be with. It follows that the more at peace you are with yourself, the more likely it is someone else will notice that and want to share that peace with you. It's certainly not easy. I managed it by shear stubborness, which is genetic in my family. But I know how hard the single life can be, particularly when you have tasted what life with someone can be like, how lovely it can be when it is working. And I also know that doubt and fear that you will never find it again. The most I can say is have faith in yourself. You are going to be in Burlington, in a program which will put you much closer to folks who share your interests. Proximity is half the battle. The other half is all you. I have faith in you. I hope you do as well.
Reply
I'd date you, except that I'm straight as an arrow and as far as I know, you are too :). And, I know how ludicrous dating advice from the twitterpated, still a student, radical feminist sounds, but in my experience the most romantic things are things that aren't "romantic". I mean, if you like rural Vermont and so does your partner, when you find one, surely you would have a happier and more romantic experience here than, like, in a fancy hotel in Paris, where you'd just worry about the price. I dunno.
Reply
I kind of feel that way about being vegan sometimes...I don't feel like there would be very big consequences of I decided to eat a nonvegan cookie or a slice of cheese once every couple of weeks, for example, but I find that sticking to the limits I've set for myself is ultimately more satisfying than giving in once in a while.
Also, I am spending my summer learning how to build (partially) mud huts! I would totally think that living in mud huts is romantic. Living in rural areas does give you less of a chance for meeting people in general though...but they're probably more likely to be people you like, right?
Reply
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