Por si éramos pocos by Belenuski - chapter 8 (part 6)
Title: Por si éramos pocos by Belenuski
Rating: PG-13
NB: Sorry for the long wait, y'all, but here's the next part!
May 27th
Silvia
(*) The three worst months of my life, by far. I never imagined it could hurt so much to see Pepa around the house and not even be able to say a word to each other. There wasn’t anger, it was more discomfort. Discomfort and sadness. Every night, I stopped to try and find the reasons for our bad luck, and every night I cried when I couldn’t find those reasons. Did it really have to be so difficult?
But that wasn’t even the worst. The worst was feeling that the love was disappearing faster and faster. I can’t quite explain it, but I no longer see my future beside Pepa, and that saddens me. Although, if it made me sad, it was because I loved her, and if I loved her…a mess, you see. My head is one big mess that I just can’t clear up.
Thinking about all this, I walked out of the lab with the folders from the last case that had been handed to me. It wasn’t terribly important, but it seemed like it could have a connection with something bigger. To verify my suspicion, I went to the storage room to look for some blood samples that we found at another scene so I could compare them. I walked down the hallway until I reached the elevator. Someone had just walked in before me, so before the door could close completely, I swung it back open. I found my niece standing inside, looking at some papers. She lifted her head, and though we shared a few tense seconds, she softened her expression and smiled widely at me. But no, that wasn’t enough to assuage me. As I had been doing for the past three months, I ignored her and walked out of the elevator without giving her a second glance.
The fight between Pepa and I had had more consequences than just our “break-up”, or whatever it was.
One of the things, for example, was that I had stopped speaking to Sara. Though I wasn’t mad with Pepa, my anger at my niece still hadn’t disappeared. I felt very disappointed in the fact that she knew everything and hadn’t told me. Fuck, my wife had messed around with someone else and on top of that, Sara encouraged her to keep it from me. And then there was Aitor. Neither one of us had spoken to him. Pepa would spare him a few words every now and then, but for me, it was like he didn’t even exist. A little bit of hate, a bit of discomfort, and a bit of resentment all added together with my inability to understand his obsession with getting in the middle of other people’s marriages, and this was enough to keep me from wanting to even look him in the face. But he never approached me either, and sincerely, that was for the best.
With David…well, it was strange. My questions and doubts about him had disappeared for the mere reason that I hadn’t had time to think about anything outside of Noah or the fact that the woman that I was currently fighting with was still living with me.
Still, I can’t say that the guy wasn’t trying, and though I didn’t see it as anything more since I hadn’t gotten over Pepa - which I insist is only because she was still in the house - I admit that he was the only one who cheered me up at work. Not like before, since I had stopped going out with him during my breaks in an effort to focus on work and forget about my problems, but it was comforting to know that there was someone in the precinct who wouldn’t bother me with their words.
Precisely at that moment, as I was finally reaching the storage room, I heard his voice calling me from below.
“Silvia, meeting in the briefing room.”
“Okay, I’m on my way.”
“And another thing,” he climbed the stairs, two steps at a time, until he reached me at the top. He approached me as if nothing had happened, wearing an expression of happiness…not like the others who all seemed uncomfortable around me, afraid to say something wrong and upset me. “How are you?”
“Eh…good, why?”
“You haven’t left the lab all morning, you’re looking thinner, you have bags under your eyes and your face has lost its shine.”
“You notice everything.”
“I’m a criminalist, it’s my job. And as for outside of work…let’s just say I’m starting to forget what your smile lookes like, and that’s even considering that something so pretty is hard to forget…” I looked him in the eyes and smiled before shaking my head at him, indicating that I didn’t want him to say any more silly nonsense. “There it is, I’ve missed it.”
“You’re crazy,” I told him as I gently hit him on the arm. “But if you’re so smart, you’d already know that all I need is time to clear my head and figure out what to do with Pepa and Noah and…with everything.”
He looked at me with a sad smile, giving me a bit of support.
“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”
That caught me by surprise. Hell, I liked that he treated me like nothing was out of the ordinary…but that didn’t mean he had to go so far.
“David! Do you not understand what ‘I need time’ means?”
“And do you not understand what ‘dinner’ means? Silvia, I’m not asking with ulterior motives, I want to have dinner with you as two friends who can talk about your problems. If you get them out, you’ll feel better.”
I rolled my eyes and looked off into the distance to think. It wasn’t such a bad idea. Now that I wasn’t thinking about David as something more, I could maybe find an important support in him. I wasn’t sure what to tell him…I wanted to get out for a bit of fresh air, but I also didn’t want to start walking away from the fight, the fight to be happy with Pepa. Something still connected me to her, and it wasn’t just our daughter.
“Let me think about it, okay?”
David nodded in resignation and lifted his gaze. He pointed at the police who were heading towards the briefing room and we both started walking that way together. I couldn’t go around crying for the rest of my life, even if I felt like I wanted to die. And that’s just how I felt every time I was at home. Maybe that’s why I’ve been spending so much time at work. It was my way of losing myself in other things.
The meeting lasted for half an hour, more or less. They spoke of Alec, the boss at the brothel that I went into undercover. It upset my stomach just thinking about it. Alec and his group were now working in Asturias, and we had received word that they would be going to Segovia in about 15 days.
They spoke of infiltrations, of hotels and protocols, but nothing was concrete. Then, Gonzalo arrived with an exact location and things changed. Orders were reviewed, and this time, yes, they asked for volunteers to go undercover. It was a case that included a large group of people, so it would also be a large group who had to go.
“It’s already been decided that Aitor, Gonzalo, and Sara are going,” my father said. It seemed that he had spoken with the three earlier. “But we need more.”
I thought about it. An infiltration, action, and a few days away from Noah and Pepa. I liked the idea of not having my daughter at my side for a little while, to rest from the duties of being a mother. But no. It wasn’t my intention to abandon Pepa alone with the girl, it wouldn’t be fair.
The murmuring of the crowd trying to decide who would go continued and then I heard Pepa, who was sitting in front of me, talk to Aitor.
“You’re going on the operation?” My wife asked. “Well, I’ll volunteer, too. Getting away from Noah for a few days would be nice. Don Lorenzo! I’ll go!” She exclaimed, getting the attention of my father who added her name to the list.
I see. Okay, I see how it is. Here I was thinking that I didn’t want to leave her alone, and she goes and takes the first opportunity to leave. Well, I didn’t like it, much less that she’d be going with Aitor. Fine if she wanted to fix her friendship with him since things had gotten so cold between them, but shit, I’d have to be an idiot to know that he’s kissed her and then act like it’s not a big deal that they’d be leaving to spend two days together in a hotel. So no, I didn’t like it one bit. I don’t know what spurred me, if it was jealousy or pride, but I raised my hand without realizing that David lifted his at the same time.
“I’ll go!” We both yelled out. And he wasn’t the only one who turned to look at me…Pepa did, too.
“And just who do you think we’re going to leave Noah with?” She asked. “I’d say that since I’m going, you need to stay with her.”
“Why don’t you stay and I go on the mission?”
“Well, because of what you’ve said before.”
“Clearly, thinking about me, like always. But what do you know about whether I want to go or not?”
“Look, if you two continue like this, neither one of you will go and that’s that,” Gonzalo spoke out, causing us to sigh.
“Let them both go, I’ll stay with Noah,” Paco said. He was worried about us, it was easy to tell.
“Then there’s nothing more to talk about,” my father concluded.
We exited the briefing room, some with brighter faces than others. Mine must’ve been a sight, I’m sure. Not only did I argue with Pepa, but it was pathetic that this argument was the most substantial words I’d shared with my wife in the last month. Well, the substance was resentment, but that was still more than all the other empty words.
I went straight back to my lab without first going to the storage room, I just didn’t feel like it anymore. The reason I always went to my lab was so that I wouldn’t see her…and the one time I do leave, as luck would have it, I got pulled into a briefing.
Before I could take new samples of the cartilege, someone knocked at the door and walked in without waiting for a response. It was Sara. Great, just what I needed.
“Silvia, can we talk?”
“No.”
I couldn’t be any clearer than that.
“Tita, please, it’s killing me to be like this you.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
Crystal fucking clear. I just wanted her to leave me in peace.
“I’m sorry, okay?” She wasn’t going to leave me alone…well, if she wanted to talk, we’d talk, but with complete honesty. “I was just trying to help.”
“Let’s see, Sara, to be able to help, you have to know how to, and if you don’t, you keep your little mouth shut, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Joder, Pepa didn’t do anything.”
I dropped the scalpel and took off my gloves.
“No, no, eh? Don’t come to me trying to defend Pepa.”
“But you know I’m right…”
“Look, you don’t understand anything, okay? You wanted to apologize? Okay, you have. But now don’t start bringing up things about my marriage because you don’t know anything, Sara. You have no fucking clue why Pepa and I are like this.”
“I know enough. Do you remember that you and Pepa used to tell me everything?”
“And that’s how things ended up as they are.”
“Come on, now you’re saying it’s my fault,” she said sarcastically, raising her hands and gesturing for me to stop. “Just what I needed.”
“No, it’s not your fault…we’ve been dragging this out since Pepa was pregnant, but you were the trigger. Coño, Sara! You were encouraging my wife to hide what happened with Aitor!”
“You also had your doubts with David, didn’t you? And you didn’t tell her about that.”
“I never hooked up with him!”
“And neither did Pepa!”
“Stop fucking defending her for once! You’re the last person who should be giving this kind of advice! You’re a spoiled child who went straight from fucking up everybody’s life by getting involved with Lucas to cheating on him at the first opportunity with Aitor, and then you left him to go back to Lucas again! Do you think that people are just toys!? Grow up, Sara!”
I finally shut up. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I didn’t need to throw that in her face right now. Hell, it was hard enough to have things so bad between Pepa and I to go and mess things up with Sara, who had always been my support.
With a few seconds of time to think, I realized that I could lose her, too, and it scared me. Everyone had been leaving my side, tired of me, and now I knew why.
I looked at her in regret and sighed, leaning against the counter. I covered my face with one hand and felt like I was going to cry again.
“I’m sorry,” I told her. “I’m stressed out, I have a lot of built-up tension and…I’m a jackass.”
“Very much so,” she added. But she didn’t seem too angry.
She sat down across from me and looked at me for a few long seconds.
“You feel awful, don’t you?” I nodded. I couldn’t talk or the tears would escape. “It must be horrible.”
“I feel like shit,” I mumbled. And, like I thought, the tears started to make their way out. “Leaving work means it’s time for me to go home, and knowing that she’ll be there, that we have to pretend in front of Noah…and that’s another thing…Noah. It’s really affecting her to see us like this and I…I don’t know what to do anymore, sobrina, I swear I just don’t know what to do.”
Sara rose from her seat and hugged me. I didn’t have the energy to be angry at her anymore, and I needed someone to hold me. I leaned my head on her shoulder and she hugged me tighter.
“Noah’s being affected by seeing you both suffer like this. Trying to hide it won’t work and I think that…well, I’m not trying to influence you to do anything, okay? I only think that…if there’s nothing there anymore…that you two need to end things.”
I pulled her tighter. I also knew that that was the solution, but it still seemed so extreme and just the sound of it was painful.
“Yes, I’ve thought of that, too…but I’m not sure…I only know that the time I asked for was for us to live apart, to figure out what we feel without being together…But I see her every day, Sara. And now that it’s been three months, I’ve thought about going out again, searching again….living again…but then I feel so guilty so when I forget about Pepa.”
My niece pulled away from me and I tried to dry my tears. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“Tita, do…do you love Pepa?” She didn’t need to ask, I nodded without having to think twice. “No, maybe I need to reword the question. Are you in love with her?”
This one was more difficult. I wanted to separate from her, to stop suffering…but at the same time, I wanted to separate from her so I could come back with a renewed desire and, if I hated seeing her in the house, it was because I knew I couldn’t kiss her or touch her. I just wasn’t sure, and Sara saw my uncertainty.
“I don’t know,” I simply said.
“And what are you thinking about doing?”
“I don’t know that either. But…Pepa and I are not children. Being together, separating, getting back together…it’s impossible. If we make the decision to separate, that’ll be it.”
“So then?”
I clenched my hands and lowered my gaze to the floor and sighed.
“If we get divorced, I’ll move on. I can’t go on like this.”
“Are you telling me that you’re going to get a divorce....”
“I don’t know, Sara! I don’t know!”
She lifed my face and gave me one last hug.
“Okay, okay. But let me give you one more piece of advice that has nothing to do with Pepa or your relationship or anything…smile. But really smile. Go out, enjoy yourself, leave Noah with her friends or with me sometime and have fun, tita. Let Noah see you doing well. And if the little one is happy, everyone will feel better.”
I smiled in gratitute for the advice. I nodded decidedly and gave her a kiss.
After a few more minutes of idle conversation centering on Noah and her trouble-making, I said goobye to my niece at the doorway of the lab. I saw David leaning against the wall of the hallway out front, concentrating on some papers that surely had to do with the infiltration. I leaned against the doorway, looking at him thoughtfully. It wasn’t such a bad idea. I didn’t have to go looking for a personal relationship, going out with friends would be enough.
“David,” I called. He lifted his head and smiled. “Where shall we go for dinner?”(*)
________________________________________________________________________
Belenuski posted these spoilers after this last part...thought y'all might like to read them, too. ;-) Oh! But they're not in order, kay?
Approximately…
“Pepa looked at her right hand and raised it to Silvia so she could also see it. She took the ring off her finger and left it on the table.
“It’s over,” she said, attempting to keep her voice from breaking.
“It’s over,” Silvia accepted, holding back the tears.
“David’s asked me to marry him…and I said yes.”
“Why do I have two mommies?”
“Do you not want to have to mommies?”
“I do, but Dani said if you don’t have a mommy and a daddy, you’re not a family.”
“Well, Dani is wrong, and you know why?” The girl shook her head ‘no’. “Because a family is a group of people who love each other and protect each other. And you love us, right?” Now the little one nodded. “And we love you.”
“But you don’t love mamá.”
Pepa felt a sharp pang in her heart. She didn’t question what she would say, it’s what she really felt.
“I do love mamá.”
Pepa couldn’t take it anymore and she kissed her tenderly. That tenderness quickly escalated into passion thanks to Silvia who pushed her ex-wife forcefully onto the bed. It didn’t matter to her that she was with David, it didn’t matter to her if she fucked things up again, and it didn’t matter to her if she suffered after this. The only thing she wanted was to enjoy her, her body. And Pepa didn’t seem like she was going to refuse when, in between savage kisses, she started to lower Silvia’s pants.
Links to the original story:
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8481210-por-si-eramos-pocos-01-11-09-23-40/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8680673-por-si-eramos-pocos-ii-28-11-09-21-35/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8848739-por-si-eramos-pocos-iii-14-02-10-0-55-finalizado/
Rating: PG-13
NB: Sorry for the long wait, y'all, but here's the next part!
May 27th
Silvia
(*) The three worst months of my life, by far. I never imagined it could hurt so much to see Pepa around the house and not even be able to say a word to each other. There wasn’t anger, it was more discomfort. Discomfort and sadness. Every night, I stopped to try and find the reasons for our bad luck, and every night I cried when I couldn’t find those reasons. Did it really have to be so difficult?
But that wasn’t even the worst. The worst was feeling that the love was disappearing faster and faster. I can’t quite explain it, but I no longer see my future beside Pepa, and that saddens me. Although, if it made me sad, it was because I loved her, and if I loved her…a mess, you see. My head is one big mess that I just can’t clear up.
Thinking about all this, I walked out of the lab with the folders from the last case that had been handed to me. It wasn’t terribly important, but it seemed like it could have a connection with something bigger. To verify my suspicion, I went to the storage room to look for some blood samples that we found at another scene so I could compare them. I walked down the hallway until I reached the elevator. Someone had just walked in before me, so before the door could close completely, I swung it back open. I found my niece standing inside, looking at some papers. She lifted her head, and though we shared a few tense seconds, she softened her expression and smiled widely at me. But no, that wasn’t enough to assuage me. As I had been doing for the past three months, I ignored her and walked out of the elevator without giving her a second glance.
The fight between Pepa and I had had more consequences than just our “break-up”, or whatever it was.
One of the things, for example, was that I had stopped speaking to Sara. Though I wasn’t mad with Pepa, my anger at my niece still hadn’t disappeared. I felt very disappointed in the fact that she knew everything and hadn’t told me. Fuck, my wife had messed around with someone else and on top of that, Sara encouraged her to keep it from me. And then there was Aitor. Neither one of us had spoken to him. Pepa would spare him a few words every now and then, but for me, it was like he didn’t even exist. A little bit of hate, a bit of discomfort, and a bit of resentment all added together with my inability to understand his obsession with getting in the middle of other people’s marriages, and this was enough to keep me from wanting to even look him in the face. But he never approached me either, and sincerely, that was for the best.
With David…well, it was strange. My questions and doubts about him had disappeared for the mere reason that I hadn’t had time to think about anything outside of Noah or the fact that the woman that I was currently fighting with was still living with me.
Still, I can’t say that the guy wasn’t trying, and though I didn’t see it as anything more since I hadn’t gotten over Pepa - which I insist is only because she was still in the house - I admit that he was the only one who cheered me up at work. Not like before, since I had stopped going out with him during my breaks in an effort to focus on work and forget about my problems, but it was comforting to know that there was someone in the precinct who wouldn’t bother me with their words.
Precisely at that moment, as I was finally reaching the storage room, I heard his voice calling me from below.
“Silvia, meeting in the briefing room.”
“Okay, I’m on my way.”
“And another thing,” he climbed the stairs, two steps at a time, until he reached me at the top. He approached me as if nothing had happened, wearing an expression of happiness…not like the others who all seemed uncomfortable around me, afraid to say something wrong and upset me. “How are you?”
“Eh…good, why?”
“You haven’t left the lab all morning, you’re looking thinner, you have bags under your eyes and your face has lost its shine.”
“You notice everything.”
“I’m a criminalist, it’s my job. And as for outside of work…let’s just say I’m starting to forget what your smile lookes like, and that’s even considering that something so pretty is hard to forget…” I looked him in the eyes and smiled before shaking my head at him, indicating that I didn’t want him to say any more silly nonsense. “There it is, I’ve missed it.”
“You’re crazy,” I told him as I gently hit him on the arm. “But if you’re so smart, you’d already know that all I need is time to clear my head and figure out what to do with Pepa and Noah and…with everything.”
He looked at me with a sad smile, giving me a bit of support.
“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”
That caught me by surprise. Hell, I liked that he treated me like nothing was out of the ordinary…but that didn’t mean he had to go so far.
“David! Do you not understand what ‘I need time’ means?”
“And do you not understand what ‘dinner’ means? Silvia, I’m not asking with ulterior motives, I want to have dinner with you as two friends who can talk about your problems. If you get them out, you’ll feel better.”
I rolled my eyes and looked off into the distance to think. It wasn’t such a bad idea. Now that I wasn’t thinking about David as something more, I could maybe find an important support in him. I wasn’t sure what to tell him…I wanted to get out for a bit of fresh air, but I also didn’t want to start walking away from the fight, the fight to be happy with Pepa. Something still connected me to her, and it wasn’t just our daughter.
“Let me think about it, okay?”
David nodded in resignation and lifted his gaze. He pointed at the police who were heading towards the briefing room and we both started walking that way together. I couldn’t go around crying for the rest of my life, even if I felt like I wanted to die. And that’s just how I felt every time I was at home. Maybe that’s why I’ve been spending so much time at work. It was my way of losing myself in other things.
The meeting lasted for half an hour, more or less. They spoke of Alec, the boss at the brothel that I went into undercover. It upset my stomach just thinking about it. Alec and his group were now working in Asturias, and we had received word that they would be going to Segovia in about 15 days.
They spoke of infiltrations, of hotels and protocols, but nothing was concrete. Then, Gonzalo arrived with an exact location and things changed. Orders were reviewed, and this time, yes, they asked for volunteers to go undercover. It was a case that included a large group of people, so it would also be a large group who had to go.
“It’s already been decided that Aitor, Gonzalo, and Sara are going,” my father said. It seemed that he had spoken with the three earlier. “But we need more.”
I thought about it. An infiltration, action, and a few days away from Noah and Pepa. I liked the idea of not having my daughter at my side for a little while, to rest from the duties of being a mother. But no. It wasn’t my intention to abandon Pepa alone with the girl, it wouldn’t be fair.
The murmuring of the crowd trying to decide who would go continued and then I heard Pepa, who was sitting in front of me, talk to Aitor.
“You’re going on the operation?” My wife asked. “Well, I’ll volunteer, too. Getting away from Noah for a few days would be nice. Don Lorenzo! I’ll go!” She exclaimed, getting the attention of my father who added her name to the list.
I see. Okay, I see how it is. Here I was thinking that I didn’t want to leave her alone, and she goes and takes the first opportunity to leave. Well, I didn’t like it, much less that she’d be going with Aitor. Fine if she wanted to fix her friendship with him since things had gotten so cold between them, but shit, I’d have to be an idiot to know that he’s kissed her and then act like it’s not a big deal that they’d be leaving to spend two days together in a hotel. So no, I didn’t like it one bit. I don’t know what spurred me, if it was jealousy or pride, but I raised my hand without realizing that David lifted his at the same time.
“I’ll go!” We both yelled out. And he wasn’t the only one who turned to look at me…Pepa did, too.
“And just who do you think we’re going to leave Noah with?” She asked. “I’d say that since I’m going, you need to stay with her.”
“Why don’t you stay and I go on the mission?”
“Well, because of what you’ve said before.”
“Clearly, thinking about me, like always. But what do you know about whether I want to go or not?”
“Look, if you two continue like this, neither one of you will go and that’s that,” Gonzalo spoke out, causing us to sigh.
“Let them both go, I’ll stay with Noah,” Paco said. He was worried about us, it was easy to tell.
“Then there’s nothing more to talk about,” my father concluded.
We exited the briefing room, some with brighter faces than others. Mine must’ve been a sight, I’m sure. Not only did I argue with Pepa, but it was pathetic that this argument was the most substantial words I’d shared with my wife in the last month. Well, the substance was resentment, but that was still more than all the other empty words.
I went straight back to my lab without first going to the storage room, I just didn’t feel like it anymore. The reason I always went to my lab was so that I wouldn’t see her…and the one time I do leave, as luck would have it, I got pulled into a briefing.
Before I could take new samples of the cartilege, someone knocked at the door and walked in without waiting for a response. It was Sara. Great, just what I needed.
“Silvia, can we talk?”
“No.”
I couldn’t be any clearer than that.
“Tita, please, it’s killing me to be like this you.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
Crystal fucking clear. I just wanted her to leave me in peace.
“I’m sorry, okay?” She wasn’t going to leave me alone…well, if she wanted to talk, we’d talk, but with complete honesty. “I was just trying to help.”
“Let’s see, Sara, to be able to help, you have to know how to, and if you don’t, you keep your little mouth shut, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Joder, Pepa didn’t do anything.”
I dropped the scalpel and took off my gloves.
“No, no, eh? Don’t come to me trying to defend Pepa.”
“But you know I’m right…”
“Look, you don’t understand anything, okay? You wanted to apologize? Okay, you have. But now don’t start bringing up things about my marriage because you don’t know anything, Sara. You have no fucking clue why Pepa and I are like this.”
“I know enough. Do you remember that you and Pepa used to tell me everything?”
“And that’s how things ended up as they are.”
“Come on, now you’re saying it’s my fault,” she said sarcastically, raising her hands and gesturing for me to stop. “Just what I needed.”
“No, it’s not your fault…we’ve been dragging this out since Pepa was pregnant, but you were the trigger. Coño, Sara! You were encouraging my wife to hide what happened with Aitor!”
“You also had your doubts with David, didn’t you? And you didn’t tell her about that.”
“I never hooked up with him!”
“And neither did Pepa!”
“Stop fucking defending her for once! You’re the last person who should be giving this kind of advice! You’re a spoiled child who went straight from fucking up everybody’s life by getting involved with Lucas to cheating on him at the first opportunity with Aitor, and then you left him to go back to Lucas again! Do you think that people are just toys!? Grow up, Sara!”
I finally shut up. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I didn’t need to throw that in her face right now. Hell, it was hard enough to have things so bad between Pepa and I to go and mess things up with Sara, who had always been my support.
With a few seconds of time to think, I realized that I could lose her, too, and it scared me. Everyone had been leaving my side, tired of me, and now I knew why.
I looked at her in regret and sighed, leaning against the counter. I covered my face with one hand and felt like I was going to cry again.
“I’m sorry,” I told her. “I’m stressed out, I have a lot of built-up tension and…I’m a jackass.”
“Very much so,” she added. But she didn’t seem too angry.
She sat down across from me and looked at me for a few long seconds.
“You feel awful, don’t you?” I nodded. I couldn’t talk or the tears would escape. “It must be horrible.”
“I feel like shit,” I mumbled. And, like I thought, the tears started to make their way out. “Leaving work means it’s time for me to go home, and knowing that she’ll be there, that we have to pretend in front of Noah…and that’s another thing…Noah. It’s really affecting her to see us like this and I…I don’t know what to do anymore, sobrina, I swear I just don’t know what to do.”
Sara rose from her seat and hugged me. I didn’t have the energy to be angry at her anymore, and I needed someone to hold me. I leaned my head on her shoulder and she hugged me tighter.
“Noah’s being affected by seeing you both suffer like this. Trying to hide it won’t work and I think that…well, I’m not trying to influence you to do anything, okay? I only think that…if there’s nothing there anymore…that you two need to end things.”
I pulled her tighter. I also knew that that was the solution, but it still seemed so extreme and just the sound of it was painful.
“Yes, I’ve thought of that, too…but I’m not sure…I only know that the time I asked for was for us to live apart, to figure out what we feel without being together…But I see her every day, Sara. And now that it’s been three months, I’ve thought about going out again, searching again….living again…but then I feel so guilty so when I forget about Pepa.”
My niece pulled away from me and I tried to dry my tears. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“Tita, do…do you love Pepa?” She didn’t need to ask, I nodded without having to think twice. “No, maybe I need to reword the question. Are you in love with her?”
This one was more difficult. I wanted to separate from her, to stop suffering…but at the same time, I wanted to separate from her so I could come back with a renewed desire and, if I hated seeing her in the house, it was because I knew I couldn’t kiss her or touch her. I just wasn’t sure, and Sara saw my uncertainty.
“I don’t know,” I simply said.
“And what are you thinking about doing?”
“I don’t know that either. But…Pepa and I are not children. Being together, separating, getting back together…it’s impossible. If we make the decision to separate, that’ll be it.”
“So then?”
I clenched my hands and lowered my gaze to the floor and sighed.
“If we get divorced, I’ll move on. I can’t go on like this.”
“Are you telling me that you’re going to get a divorce....”
“I don’t know, Sara! I don’t know!”
She lifed my face and gave me one last hug.
“Okay, okay. But let me give you one more piece of advice that has nothing to do with Pepa or your relationship or anything…smile. But really smile. Go out, enjoy yourself, leave Noah with her friends or with me sometime and have fun, tita. Let Noah see you doing well. And if the little one is happy, everyone will feel better.”
I smiled in gratitute for the advice. I nodded decidedly and gave her a kiss.
After a few more minutes of idle conversation centering on Noah and her trouble-making, I said goobye to my niece at the doorway of the lab. I saw David leaning against the wall of the hallway out front, concentrating on some papers that surely had to do with the infiltration. I leaned against the doorway, looking at him thoughtfully. It wasn’t such a bad idea. I didn’t have to go looking for a personal relationship, going out with friends would be enough.
“David,” I called. He lifted his head and smiled. “Where shall we go for dinner?”(*)
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Belenuski posted these spoilers after this last part...thought y'all might like to read them, too. ;-) Oh! But they're not in order, kay?
Approximately…
“Pepa looked at her right hand and raised it to Silvia so she could also see it. She took the ring off her finger and left it on the table.
“It’s over,” she said, attempting to keep her voice from breaking.
“It’s over,” Silvia accepted, holding back the tears.
“David’s asked me to marry him…and I said yes.”
“Why do I have two mommies?”
“Do you not want to have to mommies?”
“I do, but Dani said if you don’t have a mommy and a daddy, you’re not a family.”
“Well, Dani is wrong, and you know why?” The girl shook her head ‘no’. “Because a family is a group of people who love each other and protect each other. And you love us, right?” Now the little one nodded. “And we love you.”
“But you don’t love mamá.”
Pepa felt a sharp pang in her heart. She didn’t question what she would say, it’s what she really felt.
“I do love mamá.”
Pepa couldn’t take it anymore and she kissed her tenderly. That tenderness quickly escalated into passion thanks to Silvia who pushed her ex-wife forcefully onto the bed. It didn’t matter to her that she was with David, it didn’t matter to her if she fucked things up again, and it didn’t matter to her if she suffered after this. The only thing she wanted was to enjoy her, her body. And Pepa didn’t seem like she was going to refuse when, in between savage kisses, she started to lower Silvia’s pants.
Links to the original story:
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8481210-por-si-eramos-pocos-01-11-09-23-40/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8680673-por-si-eramos-pocos-ii-28-11-09-21-35/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8848739-por-si-eramos-pocos-iii-14-02-10-0-55-finalizado/