Methos/Firefly by Bard: I JUST GOT THE BEST PRESENT EVER.
Talk Like a Pirate Day ficlet by thetruebard
This is what thetruebard gave me to make me feel better about being sick. I was hoping he'd work on his in progress Methos/Firefly fic. He did. Sort of. By typing this right into the IM window....
(FYI, in this fic, Methos is going by "Silas".)
The men tied up in the cargo bay were pirates. Not in the classical sense--no long coats, parrots, or scraggly beards here--but in the "we will kill you and take everything you own without blinking" sense. They were also, fortunately, tied up, so Silas wasn't worried about consequences when he strode up to them. Mal had said to leave them be, but Mal was fixing the damage done in the firefight, so was just about everyone else. So Silas was very, very bored.
Which was why he'd been crouching across from the leader for fifteen minutes now, River at his side. Nothing spoken yet; the leader (a gigantic, balding man named Yen) was a master of the steely unrepentant glare. At minute seventeen, Silas gave an exasperated sigh and sat down with a thump. "Come on."
"Come on what?" Yen snapped.
"Arr," said River.
"We don't do that."
Silas frowned. Then he rose, put his hand on his hip, and pointed. "FIRST MATE!"
Long silence.
"...Aye?" asked River, peering up at him.
"How far above the ground be this boat?"
River stared, grinned, and jumped to her feet. "Fathoms, captain!"
"How fast is this boat going?" The pirates looked between one another. Yen, steely glare fading into confusion, tried to edge away.
"Boo yao ming duh soo doo, captain!"
"Watch these wastes of oxy, mate, I be gettin' somethin' important." River cracked a sharp salute and put her bare foot on Yang's shoulder, toes curling like a fist, keeping him right where he was. Silas wandered among the boxes until he found what he needed, then headed back, a sturdy lid in his hands.
"What the kao is that?" snarled Yen.
"This," said Silas, dragging it past them and putting it against the bay doors, "be a plank."
Silence. Then Silas' hand waved merrily over the big red button, helpfully labeled "OPEN DOORS."
"You wouldn't."
The roar of air was deafening, even with the doors open just a crack. Sunlight washed across the men and made Yen's bald head gleam.
Yen's eyes narrowed, while the other pirates' eyes did the opposite. Coldly, below the wind: "rr."
Silas put his hand to his ear, and the other pirates' gaze went from the slowly-opening door to their leader.
"Arr," snapped Yen.
"ARR!" yelled River.
"ARR," roared Silas.
"ARR!" Screamed Yen, the ship pitching wildly, the men sliding towards the doors--
--and slamming into them as they, quite abruptly, slid shut. Silas and River, surprised, looked up to see Mal at an override switch on the stairs.
"Them be prisoners," he said sternly. "Ya'll trying to get flogged?"
Then he stalked back towards the cockpit, muttering something in Chinese akin to I am surrounded by children.
In the ensuing silence, Silas rubbed the back of his head and spoke:
"Well, at least he knows what day it is."
thetruebard: The end.
pentapus: *CRIES LAUGHING*
*I'm told the Chinese means "life-risking speed" and "fuck", but was of course, translated using something akin to babelfish.
This is what thetruebard gave me to make me feel better about being sick. I was hoping he'd work on his in progress Methos/Firefly fic. He did. Sort of. By typing this right into the IM window....
(FYI, in this fic, Methos is going by "Silas".)
The men tied up in the cargo bay were pirates. Not in the classical sense--no long coats, parrots, or scraggly beards here--but in the "we will kill you and take everything you own without blinking" sense. They were also, fortunately, tied up, so Silas wasn't worried about consequences when he strode up to them. Mal had said to leave them be, but Mal was fixing the damage done in the firefight, so was just about everyone else. So Silas was very, very bored.
Which was why he'd been crouching across from the leader for fifteen minutes now, River at his side. Nothing spoken yet; the leader (a gigantic, balding man named Yen) was a master of the steely unrepentant glare. At minute seventeen, Silas gave an exasperated sigh and sat down with a thump. "Come on."
"Come on what?" Yen snapped.
"Arr," said River.
"We don't do that."
Silas frowned. Then he rose, put his hand on his hip, and pointed. "FIRST MATE!"
Long silence.
"...Aye?" asked River, peering up at him.
"How far above the ground be this boat?"
River stared, grinned, and jumped to her feet. "Fathoms, captain!"
"How fast is this boat going?" The pirates looked between one another. Yen, steely glare fading into confusion, tried to edge away.
"Boo yao ming duh soo doo, captain!"
"Watch these wastes of oxy, mate, I be gettin' somethin' important." River cracked a sharp salute and put her bare foot on Yang's shoulder, toes curling like a fist, keeping him right where he was. Silas wandered among the boxes until he found what he needed, then headed back, a sturdy lid in his hands.
"What the kao is that?" snarled Yen.
"This," said Silas, dragging it past them and putting it against the bay doors, "be a plank."
Silence. Then Silas' hand waved merrily over the big red button, helpfully labeled "OPEN DOORS."
"You wouldn't."
The roar of air was deafening, even with the doors open just a crack. Sunlight washed across the men and made Yen's bald head gleam.
Yen's eyes narrowed, while the other pirates' eyes did the opposite. Coldly, below the wind: "rr."
Silas put his hand to his ear, and the other pirates' gaze went from the slowly-opening door to their leader.
"Arr," snapped Yen.
"ARR!" yelled River.
"ARR," roared Silas.
"ARR!" Screamed Yen, the ship pitching wildly, the men sliding towards the doors--
--and slamming into them as they, quite abruptly, slid shut. Silas and River, surprised, looked up to see Mal at an override switch on the stairs.
"Them be prisoners," he said sternly. "Ya'll trying to get flogged?"
Then he stalked back towards the cockpit, muttering something in Chinese akin to I am surrounded by children.
In the ensuing silence, Silas rubbed the back of his head and spoke:
"Well, at least he knows what day it is."
thetruebard: The end.
pentapus: *CRIES LAUGHING*
*I'm told the Chinese means "life-risking speed" and "fuck", but was of course, translated using something akin to babelfish.