{oneshot} f(x) = (gem)^2 + 22 PG-13
f(x) = (gem)^2 + 22
Summary - Krystal knows she’s a good friend to Amber, because she protects her from her sister. But who will protect her from herself?
Disclaimer - f(x) and SNSD are owned by SM Entertainment. All idols mentioned are their own persons and in no way abide by what I’ve written. I am in no way profiting from Amber’s sexy ways.
Warning - girlxgirl, possible OOCness
A/N - I would like to warn SNSD fans that I know little of SNSD and its members, therefore Jessica turned out a little one-dimensional. I also sort of think Amber is frigging perfect, and Krystal is somewhere in the middle, so even more bias there. I wanted to write something that implied a lot of rivalry and naughty thoughts, but is purposely obscured for the sake of their publicity. Lots of character studies and awkward fluff involved. Hope you like it!
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When f(x) releases their version of Chocolate Love, Krystal can’t help but watch the minute flickers of Jessica’s expression as she studies the screen. Like a hawk with mascara, she can see every weak spot, every faulty step, and marks it as her prey.
“It’s good, dong-saeng,” she says sweetly after watching about half of it, and then closes the window. “It’s like a little boy’s version of our video.”
Krystal blinks. “Little boy?” Her anger flares momentarily, ready for biting remarks about Amber.
“Oh, you know,” Jessica says off-handedly, “Sonyeo Sidae wears dresses, heels. We’re grown ladies. f(x) looks kind of like little girls with baby fat and mud. Little boy, see?” Suddenly, she looks up momentarily to see Krystal scrunching up her nose in annoyance. “Stop that!” she chastises. “How many times do I have to tell you? You’ll make your nose look bigger than it already is.”
Krystal leaves Jessica and her stick-thin nose. She doesn’t see what’s so special about it anyway, aside from the fact that it looks exactly like her stick-thin body.
-
Amber tells the tabloids she likes boys.
And that’s true, partially. But Krystal coaxes the whole truth out later, the one that involves the girlfriend she’s left behind in the US, the one that she regrets but not enough to take it back.
A part of her feels honored that Amber tells her and not Victoria. The two are close for their Chinese and their dancing, but she and Krystal share something called English, the most powerful language in the world. They talk about it because Amber has chosen to shut out her personal life, for now at least, to focus on her career. No more LA, no more idle English, and most importantly, no more girls.
“Thanks for listening,” Amber sighs tiredly, holding her pillow to her chest. She’s not used to hiding things from people, but now’s the time to learn. “I hope you won’t tell anyone.”
“I promise I won’t,” Krystal says, and that’s true, partially. Even she can’t stop people from making assumptions.
-
video inspiration
Amber spends her days somewhere between dance practice and constant confusion. She thought she knew who she was, acting and dressing like no one else but herself. But now there’s a thing called public image, and she has suddenly has to prioritize. She’s told to be more girly at first, but then is urged to exaggerate her boyish swagger. She imitates the Korean laugh but sometimes lets out an open-mouthed, all-American chortle by accident. She tries with all her might to smile that shy, modest smile that Krystal pulls off so naturally. Somehow, she ends up talking like she’s back on the streets when she switches to English.
What am I doing here? She asks herself, and her cropped hair, and her newly dyed blonde locks. She tries to shake the stress out of her hair and curl the corners of her mouth into an easy-going smile. There is nothing she hates about being a gem to the public eye, she just wishes they’d stop fucking with her look.
What am I doing here? I love to rap. I love to dance. I love music. That’s why I have to stay.
-
I love to be talented.
Not many people know Krystal would’ve been recruited first, if only her parents had let her. The only advantage Jessica has is age, which in itself is a huge advantage. Krystal doesn’t want to sound bitter, and maybe a little cheated, so she always stops herself from saying anything before she’s too late.
She smiles, pulls her hair back, and keeps working instead.
Not many people know, but Krystal is the faster learner. Jessica is allowed to deny it when it comes to English and dancing, but not with ice skating. Though she wobbles on the rink at first and is gripped by the fear of spraining her ankles, Krystal is determined to prove that she is an excellent student.
“What do you mean, you won’t do basics?” Her trainer demands, staring at her in disbelief.
“Basics are basic. Teach me something worthwhile.” Krystal doesn’t know why he’s halting her training. Can’t he see she has a high learning curve? Can’t he see how talented she is?
I love melody. I love beauty. I love the power that melody and beauty give me.
-
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The small moments she has time to spend with her sister nowadays are precious, but poisonous. They are times when they smile sweetly at the camera and hug like the old days, except without the hair-pulling and skin-pinching of the old days. Krystal loves her sister, in a nominal way, but pragmatically she tries to stay away from her.
There is something dangerous about her, after all.
-
Korean girls like pretty boys. It just so happens Amber is pretty, and looks like a boy. The combination doesn’t quite meet the criteria, but it’s somehow enough to make most girls fall at her feet the moment she comes on stage. Androgyny has a guilty allure, so their clever stylists dabble and play with Amber’s tomboy look until it reaches that dazzling, pretty boy perfection that girls crave, but with a twist.
Krystal has known about Amber’s popularity for a long time. That doesn’t stop her from blanching at the sight of Jessica napping on Amber’s shoulder on the dressing room couch. She shakes her sister awake urgently.
“Unnie? What are you doing?” she demands, her voice sounding strangely shrill. Amber, suddenly noticing her presence, takes off her headphones and looks at her curiously.
When Jessica finally awakes, she slaps away Krystal’s hand. “Stop that,” she snaps, glaring at Krystal, “Rude girl, leave your unnie alone.
“But-” Krystal says wildly.
“Fuzzy hoodie,” Jessica says. It’s the only explanation she offers as she promptly falls back asleep on Amber, who smiles at Krystal nervously.
“She’s jetlagged, I think she needs some rest before filming,” Amber says. She doesn’t look too bothered, but Krystal can see she’s stiff as a board. Whether it’s from sitting still for too long or just because it’s Jessica, Krystal isn’t sure. She voices her concern, only to hear, “It’s cool, I’m glad to help out. It’s kinda admirable that she works so hard.”
“I work hard too,” Krystal almost says aloud. Instead, she stiffly says, “nice hoodie,” and walks away.
-
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Krystal compliments Victoria for her grace, Luna for her voice, and Sulli for her prettiness. It’s not in her place to say that actually, Sulli is a bit of a brat, or that she thinks Luna can be a bit stupid sometimes. Krystal keeps their private life private and their work relationships professional.
But her feelings about Victoria are much harder to hide, what with the beauty, the sweetness, and the utter perfection that she embraces day in and day out without so much of a shadow of complaint. She always thought it was her job to be the long-legged, long-haired beauty. How is she supposed to compete against a Chinese contortionist?
Jessica has to put up with eight times the competition she has, and that offers Krystal some small consolation, but even then she seems to be able to find a spotlight for herself. There’s no stopping it. Jessica is the original, and Krystal can’t forgive herself for making f(x) the little sister group to SNSD.
At least Amber thinks she’s perfect.
-
Jessica usually makes a point of despising in-band relationships fans create. The couple names, the posters, the gossip. She complains that they “blow simple friendship out of proportion” and “why should they be so gross, anyway?”. Krystal wonders if it’s her squeamish attitude toward homosexuality, or just her hatred for anything out of the ordinary. Whatever it is, it seems to disappear whenever she’s around Amber.
Krystal watches with narrowed eyes. Amber gets along with nearly every English-speaking idol, though with Jessica that usually means she’s on hand-shaking terms only. More recent times beg to differ, however, and now that Jessica has gotten hold of Amber’s left arm and labeled it hers, it’s time to interfere.
“Unnie-oppa,” Krystal greets sweetly, not missing the gleam in her sister’s eyes as she turns around to face her, “will you help me with my rubik’s cube? I can’t do it as well as you can.”
“Um…” Amber grins at her, but glances at Jessica unsurely as she clutches his arm.
“Sure,” Jessica answers, making it clear that she would answer for Amber. She turns to the lady in question. “Be stern with Krystal, even if you tell her how to do it the right way she’ll be stubborn and think only her way is right.”
“That’s not true!” Krystal glares, ready for a fight, but Amber already has an arm around her and is steering her away at a pace that’s just politely short of being rushed. Jessica observes the two walk away, perfectly-shaped eyes glimmering with faint amusement.
“Thanks,” Amber mutters when they are out of earshot. “So how about that rubik’s cube?”
Krystal smiles mischievously. “What rubik’s cube?”
Amber blinks, and then laughs out loud. The fact that she sounds so relieved makes Krystal relieved. “Good one,” she says, shaking her head, “it’s just…wow, your sister…well, how ‘bout I teach you anyway? You can use mine.”
Krystal loves a challenge but hates a puzzle. That’s why she can never figure Jessica out, or rubik’s cubes for that matter.
-
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Krystal makes a point of being nice to Amber when it comes to Korean interviewers. She still remembers her earlier days when she just arrived to Korea, that ugly feeling that you’re a foreigner and rather exotic but everyone still eagerly expects you to slip up in that stupid American way. Amber takes it well though, better than Krystal, because she doesn’t beat herself up every time she makes another Korean mistake. She simply laughs in a way that brightens Krystal’s day after hours of sweaty rehearsals and rushed showers.
“I’m used to messing up languages, you know?” Amber says after she accidentally calls herself a pumpkin. “My parents make fun of my Chinese all the time. It’ll get better with time.”
“You just have to talk to me in Korean every day,” Krystal lectures. “I’m done speaking to you in English.”
“Yes ma’am!”
It’s in her mock soldier voice, and with her leather jacket and cropped black hair, Krystal can’t help but blush just a little at the edges of her cheeks. “You know,” she says, “your look really suits you.”
Amber raises her eyebrows. “You tell me that, like, everyday.”
“But it does!”
Krystal can’t count the number of times she’s complimented Amber, but she merely snorts in response. “You’ve been away from America for too long. There are girls like me all over the place. I’m nothing special.”
-
What band do you think you’d be in, if f(x) didn’t exist?
It’s a treasonous question, but the girls are all feeling a little naughty tonight. They eat pizza and orange soda for dinner instead of white chicken and water and have an old Chinese movie playing in the background. Krystal comes over and they gather in a circle, musing over their secret idol desires.
“You remind me of BoA sometimes,” Krystal informs Luna. “Small, but such a powerful voice. If she ever had a band, you would be in it.”
It’s the compliment of a lifetime and Luna is thrilled, so she doesn’t dare say what she was thinking (it’s so obvious you’re an SNSD girl). Instead, she scrambles with her memories of long hours on youtube, studying the charm of successful girl groups, and says, “Ah!”
“ARH!” Amber echoes.
“No, Ah! After School’s debut single. They had an athletic, but still girly look. I think that would suit you.”
Krystal smiles, appearing to agree, and Luna and Victoria exchange relieved glances (good save). Sometimes Luna can’t believe how obvious she is.
Sulli is unanimously voted a Kara girl, despite her protests that she secretly wishes she could be in T-ara, and Victoria is placed in Miss A, partially for dance and partially for flexibility but mostly for the Chinese girls with whom she can finally take freely. It’s only Amber who ends up alone and out of place. Krystal feels strange placing Amber, as if she’s banishing her to a faraway kingdom she doesn’t want to go.
“What about 4minute?”
Amber shrugs. “They’re pretty chill.”
“2NE1 is very American.”
“Yeah, I like ‘em.”
Her lack of enthusiasm is slightly off-putting. “Are there any American bands you’d like to join?” Sulli asks in an obvious attempt to stick Amber somewhere she would fit.
“Bands in America kinda died with the nineties,” Amber laughs. “I’m with f(x) all the way guys, I’ll still be here all alone when you leave for your own girl groups.”
Everyone else smiles and takes it for loyalty. Krystal is the only one secretly worrying that all this time, Amber would’ve preferred to be a solo artist.
-
“You go to the gym now?” Krystal asks in disbelief. “With Amber and Yuri?”
“I’m getting fat,” Jessica says petulantly, shaking her nonexistent arm flab in Krystal’s face. “And besides, Amber is a great trainer.”
“Yuri is a great trainer,” Krystal reminds her. Keep your own band members, she tries to say with not-so-innocent-anymore eyes, this one’s mine.
“Yuri always goes with Amber,” Jessica says, completely oblivious to Krystal’s telepathic attempts. “It’s not like she’s someone I can avoid. Amber is all over the place with everybody.”
Krystal’s lips tighten ever so slightly, but within the second she composes herself. “You’re right,” she says reasonably, “Amber has a lot of fangirls. I guess even you can’t resist.”
Jessica blinks, and then snorts in a way that sounds too strange dressed up in her high, feminine voice. “I’m not her fangirl,” she says, as if it’s ridiculous, as if she hasn’t noticed all the arm-clinging and giggling backstage. As if she’s not making Amber blush nervously on purpose. “She’s practically my fangirl. She even gets me water and towels after.”
“She what?”
“I know, so sweet right?” Jessica laughs, but Krystal has a hunch she’s probably omitting the fact that she makes Amber fetch her things like a page boy. “You can join us,” she continues cheerfully, “and we’ll finally see who has better abs.”
“But we already know I do,” Krystal jokes, smiling in that fake way that’s painfully like her sister’s, but she can’t help it. “I don’t need Amber there to tell me that.”
Jessica rolls her eyes. “You always need someone to tell you how good you are.”
-
Amber might be a great friend, but she’s shit at relationships. Krystal gets this from probing deeper and deeper into her past through eager eyes and airplane chats. Finally, Amber admits that yeah, she might’ve tried dating her best guy friend at one time, but she kept forgetting he was her boyfriend, not a bro. And then there was the boy three years older who mistook Amber’s masculinity for something else.
“And I’m like, just because I look like a guy, doesn’t mean I masturbate three times a day or pee in the shower!” Amber says exasperatedly while Krystal rolls in her seat with laughter. “I couldn’t believe it! What do I say? I’m sorry oppa, but I really don’t wanna do those things with you? And,” she pauses for a heartbeat, but Krystal has always assured her that she can tell her anything, “and I’m no good at dating girls either. They expect me to get them flowers and go out of my way to do something impressive.”
“Maybe they expect that from you.”
“Maybe it’s stupid,” Amber sighs. “My first boyfriend wanted me to be more girly for him, and my only girlfriend wanted me to be the man. Why does it always have to be the macho man and the princess? Why can’t it just be two people who like to hang out all the time?”
“Because that’s friendship,” Krystal reminds her. “A relationship is different.”
“But why?”
“It just is,” Krystal says, giggling because she feels like she’s talking to a little kid. “Why do you think I switch between calling you ‘unnie’ and ‘oppa’?”
“…I don’t know, why do you?”
Krystal realizes then that she didn’t mean to say it out loud, in fact, she didn’t even mean to say it in her head, ever. She hasn’t noticed that Amber switches in and out of her sight as a good friend one day but a sweet boyfriend the next. She panics. “Because it’s too much work saying unnie-oppa all the time!”
Amber stares at her, and then covers her mouth to laugh a Korean laugh. “You’re weird.”
Krystal sighs and looks out the small window. “Yeah. I know.”
-
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She’s itching to tell her to stay away from her sister, but that might be intruding just a bit too much on Amber’s personal life. Krystal sees something very destructive about Amber being around Jessica too much, who blatantly ignores her one day but coddles her the next. Krystal knows Amber’s intimidated by her, but that doesn’t mean she has to listen to everything she says.
“So who do you think is the prettiest SNSD member?” the interviewer says out of nowhere.
Krystal resists the urge to roll her eyes and says jokingly, “my sister of course; if I didn’t pick her she’d scold me.” They laugh and go through the band members one by one. Krystal stares at her shoes as she waits for Amber’s turn. There is a glaring fear that she will choose Jessica.
“I think Yuri,” Amber says without hesitation. Krystal looks up.
“Oh? Why? Is it because she’s your friend?”
Amber laughs on cue. “She’s just good-looking. I like how you can really see her personality from her looks. If I were more girly, I’d want to look like her.”
“Ah, I see. Doesn’t Krystal resemble Yuri?”
“I can see that,” Amber smiles charmingly, and leaves it at that. Krystal smirks, now knowing that even with that vice grip Jessica keeps on people, she doesn’t always get her way.
-
Jessica has heard a lot of stupid things in her life, and most of them come from Krystal.
“What?”
“You heard me,” Krystal says venomously, looking as if the stress she’s been locking up in her chest all week has come back to slap her in the face. “You like Amber. You like like Amber. You want her to call you noona and put her arm around you and fall in love with you. What’s wrong with you? Why are you so cruel?”
It doesn’t matter if Krystal is half right, because Jessica is completely right. “Shut up,” she says coldly, “I don’t even think Amber is that pretty. She’s just a boy-wannabe. She’s like my little brother.”
The words are like fire and ice at the same time, comforting but in a dreadful way. Krystal wipes away imaginary tears that aren’t that imaginary anymore, taking the time to calm down slightly. “Amber is pretty,” she says stubbornly, but admitting, “she’s also a great brother.”
Jessica raises an eyebrow. “She’s not your brother.”
There’s something snake-like about how that statement slithers into Krystal’s system and grabs onto her inner desires, with Jessica’s probing eyes all over it. It couldn’t mean that, right? After all, a brother and a brother-in-law are two different things, and Jessica usually never mixes these things up. Krystal bites her lip under her sister’s inquisitive stare.
Krystal waits for it, but it never comes. Jessica doesn’t say I knew she liked girls nor why are you so jealous of me, do you like her? Not another sound comes out of Jessica’s mouth, because some things are better left unsaid.
-
video inspiration
It’s after midnight when Amber hears her phone ring and sees Krystal’s face flashing on the screen. She picks it up without thinking. “Sup Krystal!” she says, “I’m sorer than an octopus on land right now!”
Normally, Krystal snorts at the weird things Amber always says on the phone. But when nothing but soft sniffles comes through, she quickly sobers. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Krystal says in reply, her voice slightly unsteady. “It’s just…sorry, can I sleep over? I know it’s late and last minute-”
“Yeah,” Amber says quickly, “no problem. Do you wanna tell me what’s bothering you, or?”
But Krystal has already hung up. Amber stares at her silent phone, knowing there would only be one reason for Krystal to cry. Though why it would bother her at this time, Amber wouldn’t know. She’s not oblivious, she knows Jessica can’t stand her but her curiosity is enough to make her flirt innocently with SNSD lashes and smiles. She also knows that Krystal can be oddly protective of her when Jessica gets involved. Amber entertained the idea at first, but decided that the last thing she wants to do is to ruin a great friendship with another failed relationship.
But she also figures the least she can do is cuddle with Krystal until the crying stops. It’s late and all she wants to do is snuggle up against a human pillow. When morning enters the windows, Amber can see Krystal’s sleeping face, her pretty features, the tears dried on her cheeks. It’s really, really nice. She sighs. “Maybe in another lifetime,” she murmurs, and then gets up for another day at work.
Summary - Krystal knows she’s a good friend to Amber, because she protects her from her sister. But who will protect her from herself?
Disclaimer - f(x) and SNSD are owned by SM Entertainment. All idols mentioned are their own persons and in no way abide by what I’ve written. I am in no way profiting from Amber’s sexy ways.
Warning - girlxgirl, possible OOCness
A/N - I would like to warn SNSD fans that I know little of SNSD and its members, therefore Jessica turned out a little one-dimensional. I also sort of think Amber is frigging perfect, and Krystal is somewhere in the middle, so even more bias there. I wanted to write something that implied a lot of rivalry and naughty thoughts, but is purposely obscured for the sake of their publicity. Lots of character studies and awkward fluff involved. Hope you like it!
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When f(x) releases their version of Chocolate Love, Krystal can’t help but watch the minute flickers of Jessica’s expression as she studies the screen. Like a hawk with mascara, she can see every weak spot, every faulty step, and marks it as her prey.
“It’s good, dong-saeng,” she says sweetly after watching about half of it, and then closes the window. “It’s like a little boy’s version of our video.”
Krystal blinks. “Little boy?” Her anger flares momentarily, ready for biting remarks about Amber.
“Oh, you know,” Jessica says off-handedly, “Sonyeo Sidae wears dresses, heels. We’re grown ladies. f(x) looks kind of like little girls with baby fat and mud. Little boy, see?” Suddenly, she looks up momentarily to see Krystal scrunching up her nose in annoyance. “Stop that!” she chastises. “How many times do I have to tell you? You’ll make your nose look bigger than it already is.”
Krystal leaves Jessica and her stick-thin nose. She doesn’t see what’s so special about it anyway, aside from the fact that it looks exactly like her stick-thin body.
-
Amber tells the tabloids she likes boys.
And that’s true, partially. But Krystal coaxes the whole truth out later, the one that involves the girlfriend she’s left behind in the US, the one that she regrets but not enough to take it back.
A part of her feels honored that Amber tells her and not Victoria. The two are close for their Chinese and their dancing, but she and Krystal share something called English, the most powerful language in the world. They talk about it because Amber has chosen to shut out her personal life, for now at least, to focus on her career. No more LA, no more idle English, and most importantly, no more girls.
“Thanks for listening,” Amber sighs tiredly, holding her pillow to her chest. She’s not used to hiding things from people, but now’s the time to learn. “I hope you won’t tell anyone.”
“I promise I won’t,” Krystal says, and that’s true, partially. Even she can’t stop people from making assumptions.
-
video inspiration
Amber spends her days somewhere between dance practice and constant confusion. She thought she knew who she was, acting and dressing like no one else but herself. But now there’s a thing called public image, and she has suddenly has to prioritize. She’s told to be more girly at first, but then is urged to exaggerate her boyish swagger. She imitates the Korean laugh but sometimes lets out an open-mouthed, all-American chortle by accident. She tries with all her might to smile that shy, modest smile that Krystal pulls off so naturally. Somehow, she ends up talking like she’s back on the streets when she switches to English.
What am I doing here? She asks herself, and her cropped hair, and her newly dyed blonde locks. She tries to shake the stress out of her hair and curl the corners of her mouth into an easy-going smile. There is nothing she hates about being a gem to the public eye, she just wishes they’d stop fucking with her look.
What am I doing here? I love to rap. I love to dance. I love music. That’s why I have to stay.
-
I love to be talented.
Not many people know Krystal would’ve been recruited first, if only her parents had let her. The only advantage Jessica has is age, which in itself is a huge advantage. Krystal doesn’t want to sound bitter, and maybe a little cheated, so she always stops herself from saying anything before she’s too late.
She smiles, pulls her hair back, and keeps working instead.
Not many people know, but Krystal is the faster learner. Jessica is allowed to deny it when it comes to English and dancing, but not with ice skating. Though she wobbles on the rink at first and is gripped by the fear of spraining her ankles, Krystal is determined to prove that she is an excellent student.
“What do you mean, you won’t do basics?” Her trainer demands, staring at her in disbelief.
“Basics are basic. Teach me something worthwhile.” Krystal doesn’t know why he’s halting her training. Can’t he see she has a high learning curve? Can’t he see how talented she is?
I love melody. I love beauty. I love the power that melody and beauty give me.
-
video inspiration
The small moments she has time to spend with her sister nowadays are precious, but poisonous. They are times when they smile sweetly at the camera and hug like the old days, except without the hair-pulling and skin-pinching of the old days. Krystal loves her sister, in a nominal way, but pragmatically she tries to stay away from her.
There is something dangerous about her, after all.
-
Korean girls like pretty boys. It just so happens Amber is pretty, and looks like a boy. The combination doesn’t quite meet the criteria, but it’s somehow enough to make most girls fall at her feet the moment she comes on stage. Androgyny has a guilty allure, so their clever stylists dabble and play with Amber’s tomboy look until it reaches that dazzling, pretty boy perfection that girls crave, but with a twist.
Krystal has known about Amber’s popularity for a long time. That doesn’t stop her from blanching at the sight of Jessica napping on Amber’s shoulder on the dressing room couch. She shakes her sister awake urgently.
“Unnie? What are you doing?” she demands, her voice sounding strangely shrill. Amber, suddenly noticing her presence, takes off her headphones and looks at her curiously.
When Jessica finally awakes, she slaps away Krystal’s hand. “Stop that,” she snaps, glaring at Krystal, “Rude girl, leave your unnie alone.
“But-” Krystal says wildly.
“Fuzzy hoodie,” Jessica says. It’s the only explanation she offers as she promptly falls back asleep on Amber, who smiles at Krystal nervously.
“She’s jetlagged, I think she needs some rest before filming,” Amber says. She doesn’t look too bothered, but Krystal can see she’s stiff as a board. Whether it’s from sitting still for too long or just because it’s Jessica, Krystal isn’t sure. She voices her concern, only to hear, “It’s cool, I’m glad to help out. It’s kinda admirable that she works so hard.”
“I work hard too,” Krystal almost says aloud. Instead, she stiffly says, “nice hoodie,” and walks away.
-
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Krystal compliments Victoria for her grace, Luna for her voice, and Sulli for her prettiness. It’s not in her place to say that actually, Sulli is a bit of a brat, or that she thinks Luna can be a bit stupid sometimes. Krystal keeps their private life private and their work relationships professional.
But her feelings about Victoria are much harder to hide, what with the beauty, the sweetness, and the utter perfection that she embraces day in and day out without so much of a shadow of complaint. She always thought it was her job to be the long-legged, long-haired beauty. How is she supposed to compete against a Chinese contortionist?
Jessica has to put up with eight times the competition she has, and that offers Krystal some small consolation, but even then she seems to be able to find a spotlight for herself. There’s no stopping it. Jessica is the original, and Krystal can’t forgive herself for making f(x) the little sister group to SNSD.
At least Amber thinks she’s perfect.
-
Jessica usually makes a point of despising in-band relationships fans create. The couple names, the posters, the gossip. She complains that they “blow simple friendship out of proportion” and “why should they be so gross, anyway?”. Krystal wonders if it’s her squeamish attitude toward homosexuality, or just her hatred for anything out of the ordinary. Whatever it is, it seems to disappear whenever she’s around Amber.
Krystal watches with narrowed eyes. Amber gets along with nearly every English-speaking idol, though with Jessica that usually means she’s on hand-shaking terms only. More recent times beg to differ, however, and now that Jessica has gotten hold of Amber’s left arm and labeled it hers, it’s time to interfere.
“Unnie-oppa,” Krystal greets sweetly, not missing the gleam in her sister’s eyes as she turns around to face her, “will you help me with my rubik’s cube? I can’t do it as well as you can.”
“Um…” Amber grins at her, but glances at Jessica unsurely as she clutches his arm.
“Sure,” Jessica answers, making it clear that she would answer for Amber. She turns to the lady in question. “Be stern with Krystal, even if you tell her how to do it the right way she’ll be stubborn and think only her way is right.”
“That’s not true!” Krystal glares, ready for a fight, but Amber already has an arm around her and is steering her away at a pace that’s just politely short of being rushed. Jessica observes the two walk away, perfectly-shaped eyes glimmering with faint amusement.
“Thanks,” Amber mutters when they are out of earshot. “So how about that rubik’s cube?”
Krystal smiles mischievously. “What rubik’s cube?”
Amber blinks, and then laughs out loud. The fact that she sounds so relieved makes Krystal relieved. “Good one,” she says, shaking her head, “it’s just…wow, your sister…well, how ‘bout I teach you anyway? You can use mine.”
Krystal loves a challenge but hates a puzzle. That’s why she can never figure Jessica out, or rubik’s cubes for that matter.
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Krystal makes a point of being nice to Amber when it comes to Korean interviewers. She still remembers her earlier days when she just arrived to Korea, that ugly feeling that you’re a foreigner and rather exotic but everyone still eagerly expects you to slip up in that stupid American way. Amber takes it well though, better than Krystal, because she doesn’t beat herself up every time she makes another Korean mistake. She simply laughs in a way that brightens Krystal’s day after hours of sweaty rehearsals and rushed showers.
“I’m used to messing up languages, you know?” Amber says after she accidentally calls herself a pumpkin. “My parents make fun of my Chinese all the time. It’ll get better with time.”
“You just have to talk to me in Korean every day,” Krystal lectures. “I’m done speaking to you in English.”
“Yes ma’am!”
It’s in her mock soldier voice, and with her leather jacket and cropped black hair, Krystal can’t help but blush just a little at the edges of her cheeks. “You know,” she says, “your look really suits you.”
Amber raises her eyebrows. “You tell me that, like, everyday.”
“But it does!”
Krystal can’t count the number of times she’s complimented Amber, but she merely snorts in response. “You’ve been away from America for too long. There are girls like me all over the place. I’m nothing special.”
-
What band do you think you’d be in, if f(x) didn’t exist?
It’s a treasonous question, but the girls are all feeling a little naughty tonight. They eat pizza and orange soda for dinner instead of white chicken and water and have an old Chinese movie playing in the background. Krystal comes over and they gather in a circle, musing over their secret idol desires.
“You remind me of BoA sometimes,” Krystal informs Luna. “Small, but such a powerful voice. If she ever had a band, you would be in it.”
It’s the compliment of a lifetime and Luna is thrilled, so she doesn’t dare say what she was thinking (it’s so obvious you’re an SNSD girl). Instead, she scrambles with her memories of long hours on youtube, studying the charm of successful girl groups, and says, “Ah!”
“ARH!” Amber echoes.
“No, Ah! After School’s debut single. They had an athletic, but still girly look. I think that would suit you.”
Krystal smiles, appearing to agree, and Luna and Victoria exchange relieved glances (good save). Sometimes Luna can’t believe how obvious she is.
Sulli is unanimously voted a Kara girl, despite her protests that she secretly wishes she could be in T-ara, and Victoria is placed in Miss A, partially for dance and partially for flexibility but mostly for the Chinese girls with whom she can finally take freely. It’s only Amber who ends up alone and out of place. Krystal feels strange placing Amber, as if she’s banishing her to a faraway kingdom she doesn’t want to go.
“What about 4minute?”
Amber shrugs. “They’re pretty chill.”
“2NE1 is very American.”
“Yeah, I like ‘em.”
Her lack of enthusiasm is slightly off-putting. “Are there any American bands you’d like to join?” Sulli asks in an obvious attempt to stick Amber somewhere she would fit.
“Bands in America kinda died with the nineties,” Amber laughs. “I’m with f(x) all the way guys, I’ll still be here all alone when you leave for your own girl groups.”
Everyone else smiles and takes it for loyalty. Krystal is the only one secretly worrying that all this time, Amber would’ve preferred to be a solo artist.
-
“You go to the gym now?” Krystal asks in disbelief. “With Amber and Yuri?”
“I’m getting fat,” Jessica says petulantly, shaking her nonexistent arm flab in Krystal’s face. “And besides, Amber is a great trainer.”
“Yuri is a great trainer,” Krystal reminds her. Keep your own band members, she tries to say with not-so-innocent-anymore eyes, this one’s mine.
“Yuri always goes with Amber,” Jessica says, completely oblivious to Krystal’s telepathic attempts. “It’s not like she’s someone I can avoid. Amber is all over the place with everybody.”
Krystal’s lips tighten ever so slightly, but within the second she composes herself. “You’re right,” she says reasonably, “Amber has a lot of fangirls. I guess even you can’t resist.”
Jessica blinks, and then snorts in a way that sounds too strange dressed up in her high, feminine voice. “I’m not her fangirl,” she says, as if it’s ridiculous, as if she hasn’t noticed all the arm-clinging and giggling backstage. As if she’s not making Amber blush nervously on purpose. “She’s practically my fangirl. She even gets me water and towels after.”
“She what?”
“I know, so sweet right?” Jessica laughs, but Krystal has a hunch she’s probably omitting the fact that she makes Amber fetch her things like a page boy. “You can join us,” she continues cheerfully, “and we’ll finally see who has better abs.”
“But we already know I do,” Krystal jokes, smiling in that fake way that’s painfully like her sister’s, but she can’t help it. “I don’t need Amber there to tell me that.”
Jessica rolls her eyes. “You always need someone to tell you how good you are.”
-
Amber might be a great friend, but she’s shit at relationships. Krystal gets this from probing deeper and deeper into her past through eager eyes and airplane chats. Finally, Amber admits that yeah, she might’ve tried dating her best guy friend at one time, but she kept forgetting he was her boyfriend, not a bro. And then there was the boy three years older who mistook Amber’s masculinity for something else.
“And I’m like, just because I look like a guy, doesn’t mean I masturbate three times a day or pee in the shower!” Amber says exasperatedly while Krystal rolls in her seat with laughter. “I couldn’t believe it! What do I say? I’m sorry oppa, but I really don’t wanna do those things with you? And,” she pauses for a heartbeat, but Krystal has always assured her that she can tell her anything, “and I’m no good at dating girls either. They expect me to get them flowers and go out of my way to do something impressive.”
“Maybe they expect that from you.”
“Maybe it’s stupid,” Amber sighs. “My first boyfriend wanted me to be more girly for him, and my only girlfriend wanted me to be the man. Why does it always have to be the macho man and the princess? Why can’t it just be two people who like to hang out all the time?”
“Because that’s friendship,” Krystal reminds her. “A relationship is different.”
“But why?”
“It just is,” Krystal says, giggling because she feels like she’s talking to a little kid. “Why do you think I switch between calling you ‘unnie’ and ‘oppa’?”
“…I don’t know, why do you?”
Krystal realizes then that she didn’t mean to say it out loud, in fact, she didn’t even mean to say it in her head, ever. She hasn’t noticed that Amber switches in and out of her sight as a good friend one day but a sweet boyfriend the next. She panics. “Because it’s too much work saying unnie-oppa all the time!”
Amber stares at her, and then covers her mouth to laugh a Korean laugh. “You’re weird.”
Krystal sighs and looks out the small window. “Yeah. I know.”
-
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She’s itching to tell her to stay away from her sister, but that might be intruding just a bit too much on Amber’s personal life. Krystal sees something very destructive about Amber being around Jessica too much, who blatantly ignores her one day but coddles her the next. Krystal knows Amber’s intimidated by her, but that doesn’t mean she has to listen to everything she says.
“So who do you think is the prettiest SNSD member?” the interviewer says out of nowhere.
Krystal resists the urge to roll her eyes and says jokingly, “my sister of course; if I didn’t pick her she’d scold me.” They laugh and go through the band members one by one. Krystal stares at her shoes as she waits for Amber’s turn. There is a glaring fear that she will choose Jessica.
“I think Yuri,” Amber says without hesitation. Krystal looks up.
“Oh? Why? Is it because she’s your friend?”
Amber laughs on cue. “She’s just good-looking. I like how you can really see her personality from her looks. If I were more girly, I’d want to look like her.”
“Ah, I see. Doesn’t Krystal resemble Yuri?”
“I can see that,” Amber smiles charmingly, and leaves it at that. Krystal smirks, now knowing that even with that vice grip Jessica keeps on people, she doesn’t always get her way.
-
Jessica has heard a lot of stupid things in her life, and most of them come from Krystal.
“What?”
“You heard me,” Krystal says venomously, looking as if the stress she’s been locking up in her chest all week has come back to slap her in the face. “You like Amber. You like like Amber. You want her to call you noona and put her arm around you and fall in love with you. What’s wrong with you? Why are you so cruel?”
It doesn’t matter if Krystal is half right, because Jessica is completely right. “Shut up,” she says coldly, “I don’t even think Amber is that pretty. She’s just a boy-wannabe. She’s like my little brother.”
The words are like fire and ice at the same time, comforting but in a dreadful way. Krystal wipes away imaginary tears that aren’t that imaginary anymore, taking the time to calm down slightly. “Amber is pretty,” she says stubbornly, but admitting, “she’s also a great brother.”
Jessica raises an eyebrow. “She’s not your brother.”
There’s something snake-like about how that statement slithers into Krystal’s system and grabs onto her inner desires, with Jessica’s probing eyes all over it. It couldn’t mean that, right? After all, a brother and a brother-in-law are two different things, and Jessica usually never mixes these things up. Krystal bites her lip under her sister’s inquisitive stare.
Krystal waits for it, but it never comes. Jessica doesn’t say I knew she liked girls nor why are you so jealous of me, do you like her? Not another sound comes out of Jessica’s mouth, because some things are better left unsaid.
-
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It’s after midnight when Amber hears her phone ring and sees Krystal’s face flashing on the screen. She picks it up without thinking. “Sup Krystal!” she says, “I’m sorer than an octopus on land right now!”
Normally, Krystal snorts at the weird things Amber always says on the phone. But when nothing but soft sniffles comes through, she quickly sobers. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Krystal says in reply, her voice slightly unsteady. “It’s just…sorry, can I sleep over? I know it’s late and last minute-”
“Yeah,” Amber says quickly, “no problem. Do you wanna tell me what’s bothering you, or?”
But Krystal has already hung up. Amber stares at her silent phone, knowing there would only be one reason for Krystal to cry. Though why it would bother her at this time, Amber wouldn’t know. She’s not oblivious, she knows Jessica can’t stand her but her curiosity is enough to make her flirt innocently with SNSD lashes and smiles. She also knows that Krystal can be oddly protective of her when Jessica gets involved. Amber entertained the idea at first, but decided that the last thing she wants to do is to ruin a great friendship with another failed relationship.
But she also figures the least she can do is cuddle with Krystal until the crying stops. It’s late and all she wants to do is snuggle up against a human pillow. When morning enters the windows, Amber can see Krystal’s sleeping face, her pretty features, the tears dried on her cheeks. It’s really, really nice. She sighs. “Maybe in another lifetime,” she murmurs, and then gets up for another day at work.