Precipice, Don/Charlie/Coop, Numb3rs
Title: Precipice
Authors: penguingal and schnaucl
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Don/Charlie/Coop
Warnings: The usual
Disclaimer: Not ours
Feedback: Is still made of awesome
A/N: HAPPY SLASHIVERSARY MY LOVE! It was almost two years ago exactly that Cyn and I posted our first co-written fic together. And a long, storied career began. Here's to another year of great slash. The next part of Triangulation as promised in the notes to "Absent Lovers." Enjoy!
Charlie slept fitfully after Don left. He finally gave up trying to sleep a little after nine and just lay in Don's bed, feeling lonely. Finally he sighed and picked up the phone to call Billy.
Billy was already at the office when his phone rang, the caller ID showing Don's number. He figured it must be Charlie calling from the apartment and he took a deep breath before answering the phone. Deep down, he wasn't really sure where he stood with Charlie, and he was almost afraid to find out. "Hey, Charlie," Billy answered, a soft smile in his voice.
"Hey Billy. How are you?"
"I'm okay," Billy said. "I'm a little worried about Don. How are you?"
"Why? What's going on with Don? I thought this was just some training thing."
"It is," Billy hastened to reassure him. "But it's never good to go into anything pissed off, especially not as pissed off as he was when he called me last night. I know he was looking forward to spending some time with you."
"Yeah, I was looking forward to it, too."
Billy winced silently, knowing Charlie hadn't meant for the comment to sting, but it had. He cleared his throat. "Do you want to come over tonight and have some dinner? Or we could go out and grab something. Unless..." he paused, "unless you'd prefer to be alone?"
"No, dinner sounds good. Just give me a call when you leave the office. And I should warn you, I'm still jet lagged."
"I have a couple good food cures for that," Billy said. "I'll see you later tonight, then." He hung up the phone and turned back to the work on his desk, unconsciously training one eye on the clock.
Charlie was still feeling out of sorts. He didn't particularly want to see Billy, but he'd promised Don. And maybe it would be better than seeing them together anyway. What he really wanted to do was just hide in the garage. But he'd make the effort. And maybe once he saw Billy he'd feel better.
....
At long last, Billy was able to close the file he'd been reviewing and head out of the office. He hated prep work, but he knew it had to be done. Mostly, he was just grateful nothing had come up to make him have to cancel his date with Charlie. Instinctively, he felt that if he didn't see him tonight, chances were he wouldn't see him all week. There was nothing about that idea that appealed to him. As he promised, he picked up the phone and called Charlie, letting him know he was heading out and that he'd stop at the store on his way home. "Anything in particular that you want?"
"Whatever will cure the jetlag."
"You got it."
He arrived at the apartment with all the makings of a truly spectacular salad and several bottles of ice cold water. Charlie wasn't there yet, so he set about making dinner and setting the table, humming lightly to himself to fill the empty space.
Charlie took a deep breath and knocked lightly on Billy's door.
Billy answered the door, his face instantly splitting into a large smile to see Charlie. Broken and upset, he still loved him. "Hey, Charlie," he said, drawing him inside and planting a chaste kiss on his lips.
"I made us a salad. Nothing better for jet lag than rehydrating. Do you want to eat in the kitchen or on the sofa?"
"Kitchen. How've you been?"
"Okay," he answered, shrugging. He grabbed the water out of the fridge and placed the bowl of salad on the table. He avoided looking at Charlie as he replied. "I thought about you a lot this weekend. How integral you are to this relationship, how important you are to me. And I worry that my time with Don ended up doing irreparable damage to it."
It was clear that Charlie was holding himself in tight control, saying as little as possible to just get through whatever time he was going to spend at Billy's. And Billy didn't know how much of this cold and distant Charlie he could stand.
Charlie opened his mouth, hesitated and sighed. "I don't know what to say. I wish I did. I wish I was more okay with all this."
Absently, Billy pushed his food around on his plate. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Charlie. Every time we take a step forward, it feels like we're right on the edge of having the whole thing fall apart. I just don't get it. I've never begrudged you and Don your time together. Why can't you do the same for me? What are you so fucking scared of?"
"What do you think?" Charlie snapped. "I'm scared he's going to leave me! First of all, he's my own brother and even if he doesn't talk about it, I know that bothers him. He has a history with you. I know he'd much rather have had someone like you as his brother when he was growing up. Someone who was into what he was into and good at what he was good at. Someone he didn't have to walk to school because otherwise his kid brother would get beat up. And you know, I'm sorry if I'm not good at this, okay? I'm sorry if I'm insecure and needy. But this thing with Don is the first relationship I've ever had. And I love you, Billy, I do, but it didn't feel all that great knowing that I wasn't enough, okay?"
Billy recoiled as if he'd been physically slapped, the full realization of what was going on in Charlie's head stunning him. "My God, Charlie..." he breathed, his voice soft now. "I had no idea how deep this went for you."
He looked at Charlie, his arms wrapped tightly around himself in deep misery, and instinctively he drew him close, holding him in a tight embrace. "I am so sorry," he said, pressing a kiss into his curls, tears stinging his eyes. "For whatever pain I caused you, I am so sorry. And I know it doesn't make much difference for me to say it, but you have to know, Don has always loved you. Even when you weren't talking, he was so proud of you, his genius brother. If it came down to a choice between you and me, you'd win every time, no contest. I could leave tomorrow, and he'd be pissed and hurt and he'd fight it, but he'd be okay in the end as long as he had you. He'd never survive losing you. His whole life, all he's ever wanted is for you to be safe and happy."
He held Charlie a little tighter, his voice hitching and watery. "I don't want this to end. I don't want to go, but the one thing I've always wanted to protect is what you and Don have together. You two are so beautiful it physically hurts. I never meant for any of this to happen, to fall in love again, to fall for you, to move here. It was just supposed to be some fun on the side for all of us. But if it's what you need to be truly happy, I'll go."
"I don't want you to go," Charlie said, holding on just as tightly. "I just--I wish I were okay and I wish it didn't hurt and I wish I wasn't so fucking scared."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked softly, pressing gentle kisses to Charlie's cheeks and forehead. He sounded just as frustrated as Billy had felt a few moments ago. "Maybe--maybe we can take this week for ourselves. Maybe if we work on the relationship between you and me, it'll reduce those fears? I don't think we really know each other, despite the fact that we've been together for over a year now."
Charlie nodded. "Sometimes it feels like--well, we love each other, but we're both really here for Don."
Reluctantly, Billy nodded. He hated to admit that what Charlie said held any truth, but he knew Don backwards and forwards. He was never quite sure of Charlie. "I know. But I do love you Charlie. Even in the middle of your insecurities, I love you. I want to know you as well as I know Don. I want us to be intimate... not just have sex."
Charlie nodded and took a breath. He wasn't sure why the idea scared him. Don well--Don had been more of a known quantity, even if he'd always wanted to know more than he already knew. And maybe deep down he was still afraid Billy wouldn't like him all that much for the same reasons he was afraid Don wouldn't like him.
Billy ducked his head and got Charlie's eyes. "Talk to me," he urged him quietly. "I want to know what you're thinking. All of it. You know I'm not someone who opens themselves easily, but if you try, I promise to try, too."
He bit his lip and looked at his lover. He'd give anything for this to work because even he knew, if it didn't, they would have to end it. They couldn't keep going like this. It wasn't healthy for any of them.
Charlie winced and nodded. "What if you don't like me?"
Smiling, Billy stroked a hand through Charlie's hair, but he didn't try to make light of the comment. "I already like you a lot," he said honestly. "In fact, I liked you the first time I met you, did I ever tell you that?"
"No, you didn't. I--I wasn't even sure you'd really noticed me."
Billy returned to his food, but he kept close to Charlie, needing the reassurance of proximity as much as he probably needed to give it. "I did. You were so passionate and curious and you just jumped right in to try and make it easier for me and Don. You have a--a charm about you. It's unconventional, but I did notice. And when I returned, I was really glad you were able to work with me again. Plus, you enjoyed my stories." He dropped him a wink.
Charlie laughed shakily. "I do enjoy your stories. Don never tells me anything. And I like to hear about you, too."
Absently, Billy ran a hand up and down Charlie's back, soothing him. "Eat something," he urged. "I got chocolate mousse cake for dessert."
After a short pause, he continued. "I guess there's really not much you know about me, is there? At least before Don came into my life. Was there something in particular you wanted to know?"
"What's your family like?"
"I don't have one anymore," Billy answered quietly. "Growing up it was just me and Mom. We lost my dad when I was a kid. And I don't think my mom's family wanted her to marry my father, so after he was gone, we just kind of stuck to ourselves. We moved around a lot, but she always made it exciting somehow, which is probably why I took to Fugitive Recovery like a duck to water. She died not too long before I met Don.
She was beautiful, too, Charlie. I get my hair and my eyes from her. My temper, too." He smiled. "She didn't say it a lot, but I knew she loved me, was proud of me. But now it's just me."
"God, Billy," Charlie said, throat tight. He pulled Billy into a tight hug. "How are you--?"
A little surprised, Billy hugged him back. "How am I what?" he asked.
"How could you even think about letting us go if you'd be so alone?"
"I've never really had a problem with alone," Billy replied. "Besides, the FBI has been home and family for a long time. It was all I had before you and Don. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back to that life if I don't have to, not after knowing how good it can be with you two. But I'd rather choose to leave than have my being here tear us apart."
"I don't want you to go. I want to find a way to make this work."
"Then we will," Billy said, putting his hand on the side of Charlie's face and coaxing his eyes up to meet his. "Because if there's anything I've learned, stubbornness is an Eppes-family characteristic."
"You got that right."
They passed the rest of the meal talking quietly, easing into a steady flow of conversation. Once the plates were mostly clear, Billy looked at Charlie. "Do you want to hang out for a little while? I rented a couple movies and I have dessert."
"I'd like that."
"Good," Billy said. He scraped the plates and dumped them into the sink to be cleaned later. Then he cut a big slice of mousse cake for them to share and took it out to the living room. Charlie was standing in the living room looking at the sofa like he was unsure where to sit.
Coming up to his shoulder, Billy indicated the cake. "I thought we could share."
He sat down to one side, allowing Charlie to decide where and how close he wanted to sit. With Don there, all three of them would have cuddled together, trading soft touches until they became more heated and one or more demanded to move things into the bedroom. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure when the last time was he watched a movie all the way through with them. But he didn't want to push anything now. This was new territory between them and it was maybe best to keep things moving slowly.
Charlie hesitated a moment longer, then sat down next to Billy.
He put the cake on the table and handed Charlie a fork. He had a comedy and an action movie on hand, and decided easily that the comedy would be best. It was some light British thing and he hoped the tone of it would help lighten the mood. Completely unbidden, memories of the last time he and Charlie had been alone, how good it had felt to have his warm body squirming in his lap, floated to him and he battled them back down again. Now was not the time for those thoughts, not while things were still so delicate between them. Taking a deep breath, he returned to the sofa, mindful of how close he was sitting.
"Did Don ever tell you what it was like, growing up?" Charlie asked quietly not too long after the movie started.
"He didn't talk much about it," Billy said. "I know he always felt... responsible for you. He wanted you to be safe and protected."
"He did? We weren't--close, growing up. Most of the time I don't think he even liked me all that much."
Billy stroked a hand down Charlie's back. "I don't know anything about siblings first hand, but I imagine that tripping over each other and getting in each other's way comes with the territory. But even if you don't say it, you love each other. You and Don... you had some unique challenges as kids. Whatever Don's feelings were then... I have to believe they've been totally obliterated by the feelings he has for you now." He paused.
"Did I ever tell you about the only other time I've seen Don cry than the night you got together? Your mom had written to tell him about some speech or presentation or award or something... he read it and reread it over and over. He was so proud of you and he hated that he couldn't be there to see it."
"He did what? I always thought--I mean, he hated going to those things."
"Things change, Charlie. You grow up and grow older and the things that seemed important when you were 18 don't matter anymore. All he wanted to do was to be there to support his baby brother. And looking back on it now... it's not that far of a leap to imagine that he might have acted less than friendly because he was already experiencing feelings that he had no idea what to do with or how to name." Billy swallowed hard.
"The truth is, even when he was with me back then, even as he was falling in love with me, deep down he was already in love with you. He just didn't know it. So you see, it wasn't you that wasn't enough for Don. It was me." His breath hitched a little and he put down his fork, sitting back against the sofa and blinking against the sudden tears pricking his eyes.
"Billy," Charlie said, voice rough with emotion. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." He reached out and held Billy tightly. "I'm sorry." Billy must be just as scared that Don would leave him, too.
He wrapped his arms around Charlie, clinging to him for a long moment. When they broke apart, he wiped at his eyes to clear the moisture that had built up. "I never blamed him. Or you. And I never expected that you and Don would love me the way you do. It's such a gift to me to have you in my life, Charlie. Because I understand now... I understand what drew him to you, why he needs you so desperately." One arm was still around Charlie's waist and he used it to draw him close into a long, tender, deep kiss.
Charlie held Billy tightly and returned the kiss equally tenderly. He was freshly resolved to love Billy as best he could, give him the home he hadn't had for a long time.
"I'm sorry," Billy said softly as the kiss broke. "We were supposed to be talking about you and finding ways to deal with your fears and here I just monopolized the whole thing. But I guess... all of my cards are on the table now. So tell me, what do you need from me?"
"No, I--Billy, this was good for me. To learn about you. I didn't realize--"
"Didn't realize what?" Billy urged gently. He'd just laid his heart bare; he wasn't about to let Charlie start a sentence and not finish it.
"That you might be as scared as I am. And with reason."
Billy blinked a little, but he nodded. "I am scared. But it's not just of Don leaving." He took Charlie's hand. "I'm scared that you'll decide this is too much effort and pain and leave. I don't want to lose you Charlie."
"I don't want to lose you either. Billy, I--I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry I'm not better at all this. That I don't know instinctively what to do because I know I'm hurting you and I don't want that. I don't want you to hurt or Don to hurt or any of us--I just want us all to be--safe. Loved. Happy."
"I know," Billy said, wrapping his arm around Charlie's shoulders and holding him close. "And I'm not unhappy. And I feel more loved than I ever have. We just have to remember to be patient with each other and talk about as much as we can."
The credits on the movie were rolling and Billy picked up the remote and turned the TV off. "Did you want to stay? You don't have to, but I'd like you to. And... I thought maybe tomorrow night, I could take you out to dinner. On a date."
"Yeah. I'd really like both those things. I think--I think dating would be good for me. I know we have to be careful but--I think it could be good for us."
"I think so, too," Billy said, drawing Charlie forward into a long, deep kiss. He was grateful he wouldn't have to be alone in bed tonight. Glad as he was to have cleared some of the air, he still felt raw and exposed. It wasn't a feeling he generally liked. "I'll just close everything down out here, if you want to go get ready for bed?"
"Sure. Are we okay?" he asked, reaching out to caress Billy's cheek.
Billy pressed Charlie's hand to his cheek, turning his head a little to kiss the inside of his wrist. "We are. And I think we're about to get a lot better."
Charlie smiled and relaxed a little. "Don't be too long."
"I won't," Billy promised. He watched Charlie head into the bedroom and then set about making sure the doors were locked, the food was put away, and the lights were out. He was smiling, slowly starting to feel more relaxed, and in the back of his mind he was planning his date with Charlie.
The lamp on his side of the bed was the only light in the room when he slipped in, and Charlie was already under the sheets. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed in next to him, gathering him in his arms.
Charlie curled up next to him and hesitantly lay his head on Billy's chest.
"Good night, Imp," Billy said, pressing a kiss into Charlie's hair and tightening his arm around his shoulders. "I love you."
"Good night, Billy. I love you, too."
....
Billy's alarm went off bright and early, as usual, the next morning. With a groan, he reached over and hit the snooze button, spooning back up against Charlie. When it sounded again, he couldn't ignore it. Forcing his eyes open, he shut the alarm off and kissed Charlie's shoulder before slipping out of bed.
Charlie groaned and fumbled sleepily for Billy.
"Billy?" Charlie mumbled.
"Right here, buddy," Billy said from the closet as he picked out his clothes for the day. He wandered back over to the bed and claimed Charlie's lips in a deep kiss. "Sleep a little longer. I'll nudge you when I'm out of the shower."
"Kay." Charlie closed his eyes and rolled over again.
Smirking, Billy puttered around the room for a few minutes before slipping into the shower. The warm water felt good and helped wake him up enough to form a plan for the evening. He dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist, climbing back into bed with Charlie. Slowly, he kissed him awake, leaning down to nibble on Charlie's ear and whisper, "I have a plan for our date tonight. Want to hear it?" His voice was soft and husky, low and seductive.
Charlie shivered. "Yes, please."
He stroked his hands teasingly over Charlie's skin as he spoke. "There's this bistro I know, very quiet and discreet. Not quite casual, but not dressy either. Give me a chance to see you in dress pants and a suit jacket. We could go there, have some wine and good food, let our hands wander, tease each other. And then I can bring you back here, light some candles, and see where the rest of the night takes us. What do you think?"
"I'd like that. I enjoy any opportunity to see you all dressed up. And to tell you the truth, I kind of like dressing up sometimes. But don't tell Don."
Billy chuckled. "Okay. Why not?"
"He'd laugh. What? He would!"
Billy chuckled again. "I promise, I won't tell him. It'll be our little secret." He kissed him softly again before reluctantly pushing himself out of bed. "Is meeting me here at 7:00 okay for you?"
"Sure. Can I stay here for a while?" he asked shyly.
"Of course. Stay as long as you like." He threw on his jeans and a t-shirt, realizing how late he was about to be. He'd come home and dress for Charlie later. Kissing him one last time, he dashed from the apartment.
Charlie closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He was used to staying by himself when Don and Billy left for work and he didn't have class, but somehow it was different, more intimate, when Don was never there to start with.
Billy's phone at his desk was ringing as he walked in and he picked it up hurriedly. "Cooper."
"Hey," came Don's voice, sounding tired and worn out.
"Hey!" Billy said, sitting down quickly. "How are things going?"
"Not bad. Tiring. How're things there?"
"Getting better. We talked about a bunch of stuff last night. We're going on a date tonight," he said, dropping his voice. "He'll want to hear from you, too."
"He's my next call. I only have a few minutes and I wanted a sit rep first."
"Man, they really are working you too hard," Billy smirked. "We're good. Go call him."
"Thanks, partner. You."
"You, too." Don hung up the phone and quickly dialed Charlie's cell phone, hoping he was awake enough to answer it.
Charlie glanced at the caller ID before he opened his phone. "Don? Hey, is everything okay?"
"Hey, buddy. Everything's fine. I just missed you and wanted to check in. Unfortunately, I only have a couple minutes. How's it going?"
"Good. Things are good, I think. I miss you though."
"I'll be home soon, buddy. I think about you all the time. Are you and Billy planning anything special while I'm away?"
"We uh--we're going on a date tonight," he said hesitantly. He knew Don would probably approve, but it still felt a little like a betrayal.
"That's good, Chuck," Don said, smiling a little. "Make sure he takes you somewhere good or he'll answer to me. And when I get back... I'd like to take you for our own date. I'm sorry. I have to get going... You."
"You too. Just--keep yourself safe, okay?"
"I will. Promise."
Charlie could almost hear the wink Don gave the telephone before he hung up.
....
Billy passed most of the day quietly, chasing down leads for some on- going cases. He wanted to give Charlie something to start out their date, but he didn't know what. He thought flowers would be too girly--maybe a new box of chalk. It was past 6:00 when he realized he'd been staring at the same spot on the computer screen for the past 10 minutes. Closing down, he gathered his things and headed for his apartment, hoping to get there before Charlie.
....
Charlie managed to get a little more sleep at Billy's then went home to do some work in the garage. He often found himself distracted by thoughts of Don and Billy.
....
Stopping by the nearest office supply store, Billy settled on a 3-pack of chalk as a pre-date gift for Charlie, the thick dustless kind that he liked. From somewhere in the back of a drawer, he managed to unearth a red ribbon to tie around it. With that done, he proceeded to stand in front of his closet, looking disdainfully at his options. In the end he settled on a navy blue suit and a light blue button-down shirt, deciding there was no need for a tie.
Charlie knocked lightly on Billy's door. It was only after he arrived that he realized he should have brought something. But what would he bring anyway? Billy wouldn't like flowers. And a box of ammunition just said all the wrong things.
Fixing his shirt once more, Billy grinned as he opened the door, ushering Charlie in. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this giddy. "Hi," he said, pulling Charlie in for a soft hello kiss.
"Hi," Charlie murmured. "You look really nice." It was true. Billy Cooper cleaned up real nice.
He ducked his head and smiled. "Thanks. You look great, too. I, um... I got you something." Picking up the box he handed it shyly to Charlie. "I thought it'd be--useful." He shrugged.
"Thank you," Charlie said, genuinely touched. "I wanted to get you something, but I wasn't sure..."
"It's okay," Billy said, caressing Charlie's jaw. "I'm not at all an easy guy to get a little something for. But a bottle of something, like smooth whiskey or a decent wine, is nice. Since this is about getting to know each other better," he added hastily. He rubbed the back of his neck, worried that had come out wrong. "I... I guess we should get going."
"Hey," Charlie said gently. "That's good to know. I'd like to know what you like."
Smiling, Billy took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be. It's strange to think, I know your body so well I can predict your reactions and yet this is our first date." He took Charlie's hand. "I'm really looking forward to the rest of it."
"Me too," Charlie said, smiling at him softly.
"Good. We should go. We don't want to be late for our table." He squeezed Charlie's hand and held the door open for him. They walked quietly to the car together.
Charlie smiled and slid in. "How was your day?"
"Not bad," Billy said, climbing into the other side and pulling out of the parking space. "Quiet mostly. Don called to check in. It was good to hear his voice."
"Yeah, it was. He called me too. I--I wasn't sure if we were supposed to mention him or not," Charlie confessed. "I'm not sure what the rules are."
"I'm not sure there are rules for this kind of thing," Billy said wryly. "We'll just have to make it up as we go along. Don's a big part of us both. I think it's natural that he'd come up in conversation, and it's okay to acknowledge how much we miss him. While you were away, Don and I both missed you a lot and we said so to each other."
Charlie reached over and squeezed Billy's knee. "He sounded tired, but I think he's glad we're doing this. I'm glad we're doing this."
"Me too," Billy said, placing his hand over Charlie's on his knee. "I love you so much. And I think you're right, Don is glad we're doing this."
He pulled into a secluded parking lot and tugged at Charlie's sleeve, pulling him over for a long kiss.
Charlie returned his kiss tenderly at first, then with increased passion.
Groaning softly, Billy kissed him thoroughly and then pulled back, his thumb caressing his jaw. "Thank you," he murmured. "We should go in."
"Yeah," Charlie agreed, squeezing Billy's knee.
They walked together into the small bistro, staying close to each other but trying to maintain a certain distance. A well-dressed man greeted them, shaking Billy's hand enthusiastically and showing them to their table. He instructed their waiter to give them the best service and then left them alone.
"I helped him out once when I was through here back in the day. He's always asking me to come by for a visit," Billy supplied, with a shrug. "I hope you like it."
"I'm sure I will. Anything in particular you recommend?"
Billy shook his head, but his hand found Charlie's knee under the table. "Just make sure to save some room for dessert."
"I will," Charlie promised. "So what do you like to do on dates?"
Half a wicked grin pulled at Billy's lips, but he forced himself to push those thoughts aside and answer Charlie's question seriously. "Talk mostly," he said, "about anything. Dating is about opening yourself up to share your life, which is probably why, aside from you and Don, I haven't dated much."
"So you and Don dated? What was that like? If you don't mind saying," he added hastily. He was curious, but he also understood that there were probably things that Don and Billy wanted to keep to themselves.
"Don and I never really dated when we were first together," he clarified. "Unless you count dinners in the truck while sitting on some guy's house waiting for a fugitive to show up. But a quiet beer together after a hunt or sitting around the motel room and talking, that'd feel like a date now and then. You have to understand, he and I were partners first and... something else second. Neither of us understood then how much we loved each other, how deep it went. Looking back on it now, I have no idea what kept me from telling him what I felt for him, and I kick myself for it. Now, I have another chance. And I still consider those early dinners together, when we just started exploring this between the three of us, dates."
"Yeah, I guess they were," he said after a moment. "I'm glad we're doing some one-on-one dating though. So tell me something about yourself you think I should know. Or wish I knew."
"I hate peas," Billy said with a smile.
Charlie laughed. "Good to know."
"God it is good to hear that laugh," Billy said quietly, taking Charlie's hand. He locked eyes with him for a long moment, the wave of deep, genuine affection making his heart jump into his throat.
"I've never told anyone this," he said almost suddenly. "Don doesn't even know. My father was shot to death in a convenience store hold-up gone bad... and I was there. I didn't see it happen, but I heard it. And I did see the guy, but they never found him. Twenty years later, I was running him down in Fugitive Recovery. Got the shock of my life when I caught him. Don pestered me for days, but I never told him what was bothering me. A week later, and they added the murder of my father to his charges. Bastard went away for life." He paused, taking a long drink of water. "He's the reason why I became a fed."
"I--Jesus, Billy." He reached for him and held him tightly, surprised at the sudden stinging in his eyes. "Jesus." He didn't know what to say, what to do, he just wanted to make Billy stop hurting.
Billy clung to him for a long moment, the warmth of Charlie's body making him feel loved and cared for. "Hey, it's okay," he said finally, squeezing Charlie once more and then pulling back. "I mean, I'm okay. Putting the bastard who killed him away closed the door on that part of my life, and I think my Dad would be proud of me." He looked Charlie in the eyes and gave him a smile.
"Your turn. Tell me something you think I should know or wish I knew."
"I'm sure he's very proud of you," Charlie said hoarsely. He wasn't ready to let go just yet. The more he learned about Billy, the more amazed he was that he was as well adjusted as he was.
"Thanks," he said, his smile growing wider. He let Charlie hold him as long as he wanted. It felt good to have someone want to protect him and make everything better.
Eventually, they slid apart as the waiter approached, and they placed their orders. When he had gone again, Billy nudged Charlie gently with his foot. "Come on, your turn."
"Sometimes--sometimes I wish I was more normal. And I wonder how things would have been different, if I was."
"It couldn't have been easy for you growing up, always being the youngest," Billy said, taking Charlie's hand. "But Don and I love you exactly the way you are."
"But do you think he'd be in love with me if I couldn't do math the way I can? I couldn't help him on cases, but maybe we'd have been friends growing up."
"I can't say for sure, Charlie," Billy said, turning his thoughts over. "But if you had been friends growing up, Don might have turned out different, too. And that Don might never have loved that Charlie at all, or if he did, he might not have been brave enough to act on those feelings... And this is starting to sounds like an episode of Star Trek."
"Yeah. I suppose it doesn't really matter."
"I think it's natural for people to look back on their lives and wonder," Billy acknowledged. "But what's really important at the moment is that you're loved."
"I am loved. And in love."
"I'm glad," Billy said, kissing Charlie softly. They settled into their dinner and their conversation, trading stories of their past and talking quietly.
Toward the end of the meal, Billy took his hand again. "Are you having a good time?"
"I am. Are you?"
"Definitely." He stroked the inside of Charlie's wrist, a soft, simple gesture of affection, but one he hoped would spark arousal, too.
Charlie shivered. "You ready to go home?"
"Yeah," Billy said, his voice dipping into his most husky and suggestive. It had been far too long since he'd been with Charlie, and he was starting to feel it.
After he paid the bill and thanked the owner, they made their way to the car, Billy keeping an arm tight around Charlie's waist. "You're simply amazing, you know that?" he murmured in his ear.
"I am?" Charlie asked, pleased.
"Yes, you are," Billy confirmed. "And in case I didn't say it, you look wonderful tonight." He pressed Charlie lightly against the side of his SUV, leaning in to kiss him, deep and passionate.
Charlie moaned and returned the kiss just as hungrily.
Smiling, Billy pulled back and caressed Charlie's cheek, a promise for more once they were home. He climbed into the driver's side of the SUV, reminding himself to stay within the legal speed limit as he drove.
"It's different this time, isn't it?" Charlie said suddenly.
"What do you mean different?" Billy asked, glancing worriedly at Charlie.
"Just--different. Than when we were in the moment. Not bad," he added hastily. "I just--what do you want, when we get back? Tender or rougher?"
Relaxing again, Billy took Charlie's hand and squeezed it. "It is different... better. And I promised you candlelight when we get back, so I think something soft and tender would be wonderful."
"I'd like that."
The rest of the ride was peaceful and quiet, a warmth and affection spreading over them both. For Billy's part, he couldn't wait to slowly slide Charlie's tie open and work at the buttons of his shirt. The advantage of being tender was the delicious anticipation, building and building until it swamped everything in its path.
When they reached his apartment again, Billy kept Charlie close as they made their way inside, reveling in the warmth of his body. Without turning on the lights, he shut and locked the door and drew Charlie into the bedroom, depositing him in the center as he shifted to light the candles he'd placed there earlier. Once lit, they cast a gentle glow on the bed, making everything seem a little softer around the edges.
"Come here," Billy urged softly, standing near the edge of the bed.
Charlie did as he was requested, feeling oddly shy. "This is--thank you, Billy," he murmured, reaching out to caress his cheek.
"I'd do anything for you," Billy said quietly, nuzzling into Charlie's touch. He reached out, grasping Charlie's tie and pulling at the knot to slide it open. "I love you so much."
Charlie shivered. "I love you, too, Billy. I really do."
"I'm glad." He leaned in, placing a line of kisses along Charlie's jaw running to the spot behind his ear as he tossed the tie aside and started to work on the buttons of his shirt. Licking and nipping, he worked his way down Charlie's neck. He slipped one hand into the half-open shirt and looked Charlie in the eye again as he caressed his skin. "Tell me what you want tonight, Charlie."
"I--you," he said softly. "Slow and sweet."
Nodding, Billy walked him backwards to the bed, following him down onto it, both of them instinctively toeing off their shoes as they landed. He entwined their mostly still-clothed bodies together, doing nothing more than kissing for a long time. They rolled easily on the mattress, shifting positions of dominance over and over until Billy was breathless with passion and pressing Charlie firmly down. He made defeat of the last of Charlie's buttons and blazed a line of kisses down his chest until he came to Charlie's belt, immediately setting to slowly drawing it open, too.
Charlie moaned softly and spread his legs. He worked at Billy's shirt, kissing whatever exposed skin he could reach. "Billy," he groaned.
"Charlie," Billy moaned in reply. He slipped his hand into Charlie's now unzipped pants, caressing his cock through his underwear, the soft rustle of fabric mixing easily with their mingled grunts and moans of pleasure. "You are so lovely... so delicious," he murmured, kissing Charlie again deeply.
Charlie whimpered, hips pushing up into Billy's hand. "More."
Normally, he'd make Charlie beg for what he wanted, but tonight wasn't about power or dominance. It was about connecting as truly and as deeply as they could. So instead, Billy wrapped his hands in the waist of Charlie's pants and underwear, easing them both down his legs. He kissed the head of Charlie's cock before wrapping a hand around him and stroking him firmly.
Charlie's breath caught as he once again focused on all the little differences between Don's touch and Billy's. Both had strong hands, and calluses. But the calluses were in different places and the ways they touched him not quite the same. He pushed up into Billy's hand eagerly.
Unable to resist, and not needing to maintain a veneer of self-control, Billy lowered his head to suck Charlie into his mouth. He could almost hear Don's encouraging moan, but he pushed that thought aside, focusing entirely on the man with him now. The taste of Charlie always sent blood surging through his veins, and after long minutes of licking and sucking, his tongue exploring every inch of the flesh filling his mouth, the material of his pants grew uncomfortably constricting.
Making his way back up the bed, he kissed Charlie deeply and rolled him again so he was straddling his hips, giving him full access to his body. His trapped erection rubbed maddeningly against the cleft of Charlie's ass, and he groaned in frustrated desire.
"It's okay Billy. I'm going to take care of you," Charlie murmured.
"I know you will, Angel," Billy said, caressing Charlie's face. He bit his lip as he realized what he'd just said, wondering if the term of endearment had been too much. So far, he'd always just co-opted Don's or limited himself to appropriate uses of "Imp." But both names seemed wrong for the mood of the night.
"I'm no angel," Charlie said softly, giving Billy a gentle kiss. "But I could be your love--if--if you wanted."
"I'd like that very very much," Billy replied, pulling Charlie down for another kiss.
Charlie returned his kiss then carefully stripped Billy's pants off. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too," Billy said, groaning as his cock was freed. "Mmm, Charlie." He reached for him again, pulling him down into a fierce kiss and gasping as their cocks brushed against each other.
Charlie moaned and wrapped his legs around Billy's. "Show me, Billy. Show me how you love me."
He reached for the lubricant before rolling Charlie under him again and kissing him deeply. Once his fingers were slicked, he slipped two slowly into Charlie, letting him feel the slide of every inch as much as to give him pleasure as to prep him. He twisted them carefully, sliding them in and out and finally crooking them to prod at his prostate. "Feel good, my love?"
"Yes," he hissed. "Oh God, Billy." He moaned and fastened his lips on the junction between neck and shoulders. He sucked hard, wanting to leave his own mark.
Billy winced and then moaned at the small bite of pain that Charlie's mark caused. Arousal spun through him, but he reminded himself to slow down as much as he could. Nothing could have prevented him from slipping a third finger deep into Charlie, his hand moving into him faster now as he licked and nibbled on whatever skin he could.
Charlie pressed back against Billy's fingers and moaned with pleasure. He kissed his neck, and tugged him down to plunder his mouth. It was difficult to remember to go slow, to make it last.
"God, Charlie," Billy moaned, feeling him tighten around his fingers. "Love you so much. Love everything about you, the way you feel, taste... wanna be inside you."
Charlie reached up and stroked Billy's cheek. "Please," he said softly.
Gently, Billy slipped his fingers free, soothing Charlie's whimper with a long kiss. He took a beat, but no longer, to slick his cock before nudging against Charlie's entrance. Anticipation settled in his stomach, despite the fact he knew exactly how Charlie would feel around him; it seemed like everything was made new by the simple fact that it was just the two of them. Rolling his hips, he pushed steadily into Charlie.
Charlie cried out, automatically moving with Billy, trying to give him as much pleasure as he was being given. It was different, somehow, without Don watching or touching him, holding his hand.
"Fuck, Charlie," Billy moaned, pulling most of the way out and sliding back in again. He set an even rhythm, just slow enough to draw it out, but not so slow he'd be driving them both crazy.
"So amazing," he grunted. "God, I love you."
"Love you, too." He kissed Billy fiercely, hands exploring the smooth expanse of skin at his back.
Billy let the hand that wasn't braced against the bed roam along Charlie's skin as he thrust, incrementally increasing his pace until he was pushing hard and fast into Charlie, panting against his skin. His hand caressed Charlie's chest as it moved down his body to wrap around his cock.
Charlie groaned as Billy raised his pleasure higher. "Yes please, Billy please," he gasped.
He started stroking Charlie firmly, in time to his increasingly urgent thrusts, wanting to send him over the edge first.
Charlie held on for as long as he could but eventually he came with a startled cry.
"Charlie!" Billy practically yelped as his orgasm followed close on Charlie's. He shuddered through the aftershocks and took a long moment to catch his breath before slipping as gently as possible from Charlie and stretching out next to him. "That was amazing."
Charlie shuddered and held onto Billy tightly. He wasn't ready to talk just yet.
Wrapping his arms around Charlie, Billy held him close, just doing his best to soothe him and help him come down from the experience. "Okay, my love?" he whispered.
"Better than," he whispered back. He still held tightly, burying his face in Billy's chest.
Billy stroked Charlie's curls softly, unsure what exactly this reaction meant. He figured he would be feeling some sense of betrayal of Don the way Don had felt a betrayal of Charlie. But he didn't know what to say, so he simply waited for Charlie to find his voice again.
He wasn't ready to think about Don just yet so he kept his eyes closed and murmured, "How are you?"
"Much better than fine," he said, rubbing Charlie's arm and giving him a brief squeeze. He smiled broadly, knowing Charlie would hear it more than see it. "And very much in love with you."
"I love you, too," Charlie said softly. "It's going to be hard for him. Don. Like it was hard for you. And for me."
"I know," Billy said, pressing a kiss into Charlie's curls. "But we'll help him through it. We all have to help each other. And I know this won't be easy... but it'll get better. I have to believe that it will."
"I believe you."
Billy tilted Charlie's chin up and kissed him softly. "I'm glad." He checked the clock by the bed. "Don's probably still awake... it's okay if you want to call him. I know you must be missing him."
"Thanks, but--this should be about us. Unless you want to call him? That'd be okay."
Billy smiled. "No, I think you're right. It was good to hear from Don earlier today, but right now I just want to be with you. He'll call us if he needs to."
....
Don rubbed his eyes and put down the papers he'd been looking at. He glanced at the clock. Billy and Charlie probably weren't asleep by now, but he rejected the idea of calling. He hoped that their date had gone well, and he didn't want to interrupt anything. An image of Billy and Charlie together flitted across his mind, but he pushed it away. He already missed them too much, Charlie especially, and he didn't want jealousy to make it worse. God he wanted to be home.
....
"We can plan his homecoming tomorrow," Charlie said.
"I think that's a great idea," Billy said, snuggling down into the mattress and stroking Charlie's hair. "Do you have a busy week the rest of the week?"
"Not too bad. How about you?"
"Pretty light, barring anything unusual happening. I'm looking forward to getting to spend some of it continuing to get to know you better." Billy smiled and kissed Charlie deeply.
"Me too."
Smiling, Billy caressed Charlie's face and kissed him again. He got out of bed just long enough to blow out the candles. Slipping back into bed, he tucked Charlie against his side. "Sleep well, my love," he murmured, wrapping his arms securely around him. His eyes slipped closed, and he drifted off into peaceful, contented sleep, reveling in the warm and loved feeling of being wrapped up with one of the two men he was lucky enough to have as his own.
Authors: penguingal and schnaucl
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Don/Charlie/Coop
Warnings: The usual
Disclaimer: Not ours
Feedback: Is still made of awesome
A/N: HAPPY SLASHIVERSARY MY LOVE! It was almost two years ago exactly that Cyn and I posted our first co-written fic together. And a long, storied career began. Here's to another year of great slash. The next part of Triangulation as promised in the notes to "Absent Lovers." Enjoy!
Charlie slept fitfully after Don left. He finally gave up trying to sleep a little after nine and just lay in Don's bed, feeling lonely. Finally he sighed and picked up the phone to call Billy.
Billy was already at the office when his phone rang, the caller ID showing Don's number. He figured it must be Charlie calling from the apartment and he took a deep breath before answering the phone. Deep down, he wasn't really sure where he stood with Charlie, and he was almost afraid to find out. "Hey, Charlie," Billy answered, a soft smile in his voice.
"Hey Billy. How are you?"
"I'm okay," Billy said. "I'm a little worried about Don. How are you?"
"Why? What's going on with Don? I thought this was just some training thing."
"It is," Billy hastened to reassure him. "But it's never good to go into anything pissed off, especially not as pissed off as he was when he called me last night. I know he was looking forward to spending some time with you."
"Yeah, I was looking forward to it, too."
Billy winced silently, knowing Charlie hadn't meant for the comment to sting, but it had. He cleared his throat. "Do you want to come over tonight and have some dinner? Or we could go out and grab something. Unless..." he paused, "unless you'd prefer to be alone?"
"No, dinner sounds good. Just give me a call when you leave the office. And I should warn you, I'm still jet lagged."
"I have a couple good food cures for that," Billy said. "I'll see you later tonight, then." He hung up the phone and turned back to the work on his desk, unconsciously training one eye on the clock.
Charlie was still feeling out of sorts. He didn't particularly want to see Billy, but he'd promised Don. And maybe it would be better than seeing them together anyway. What he really wanted to do was just hide in the garage. But he'd make the effort. And maybe once he saw Billy he'd feel better.
....
At long last, Billy was able to close the file he'd been reviewing and head out of the office. He hated prep work, but he knew it had to be done. Mostly, he was just grateful nothing had come up to make him have to cancel his date with Charlie. Instinctively, he felt that if he didn't see him tonight, chances were he wouldn't see him all week. There was nothing about that idea that appealed to him. As he promised, he picked up the phone and called Charlie, letting him know he was heading out and that he'd stop at the store on his way home. "Anything in particular that you want?"
"Whatever will cure the jetlag."
"You got it."
He arrived at the apartment with all the makings of a truly spectacular salad and several bottles of ice cold water. Charlie wasn't there yet, so he set about making dinner and setting the table, humming lightly to himself to fill the empty space.
Charlie took a deep breath and knocked lightly on Billy's door.
Billy answered the door, his face instantly splitting into a large smile to see Charlie. Broken and upset, he still loved him. "Hey, Charlie," he said, drawing him inside and planting a chaste kiss on his lips.
"I made us a salad. Nothing better for jet lag than rehydrating. Do you want to eat in the kitchen or on the sofa?"
"Kitchen. How've you been?"
"Okay," he answered, shrugging. He grabbed the water out of the fridge and placed the bowl of salad on the table. He avoided looking at Charlie as he replied. "I thought about you a lot this weekend. How integral you are to this relationship, how important you are to me. And I worry that my time with Don ended up doing irreparable damage to it."
It was clear that Charlie was holding himself in tight control, saying as little as possible to just get through whatever time he was going to spend at Billy's. And Billy didn't know how much of this cold and distant Charlie he could stand.
Charlie opened his mouth, hesitated and sighed. "I don't know what to say. I wish I did. I wish I was more okay with all this."
Absently, Billy pushed his food around on his plate. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Charlie. Every time we take a step forward, it feels like we're right on the edge of having the whole thing fall apart. I just don't get it. I've never begrudged you and Don your time together. Why can't you do the same for me? What are you so fucking scared of?"
"What do you think?" Charlie snapped. "I'm scared he's going to leave me! First of all, he's my own brother and even if he doesn't talk about it, I know that bothers him. He has a history with you. I know he'd much rather have had someone like you as his brother when he was growing up. Someone who was into what he was into and good at what he was good at. Someone he didn't have to walk to school because otherwise his kid brother would get beat up. And you know, I'm sorry if I'm not good at this, okay? I'm sorry if I'm insecure and needy. But this thing with Don is the first relationship I've ever had. And I love you, Billy, I do, but it didn't feel all that great knowing that I wasn't enough, okay?"
Billy recoiled as if he'd been physically slapped, the full realization of what was going on in Charlie's head stunning him. "My God, Charlie..." he breathed, his voice soft now. "I had no idea how deep this went for you."
He looked at Charlie, his arms wrapped tightly around himself in deep misery, and instinctively he drew him close, holding him in a tight embrace. "I am so sorry," he said, pressing a kiss into his curls, tears stinging his eyes. "For whatever pain I caused you, I am so sorry. And I know it doesn't make much difference for me to say it, but you have to know, Don has always loved you. Even when you weren't talking, he was so proud of you, his genius brother. If it came down to a choice between you and me, you'd win every time, no contest. I could leave tomorrow, and he'd be pissed and hurt and he'd fight it, but he'd be okay in the end as long as he had you. He'd never survive losing you. His whole life, all he's ever wanted is for you to be safe and happy."
He held Charlie a little tighter, his voice hitching and watery. "I don't want this to end. I don't want to go, but the one thing I've always wanted to protect is what you and Don have together. You two are so beautiful it physically hurts. I never meant for any of this to happen, to fall in love again, to fall for you, to move here. It was just supposed to be some fun on the side for all of us. But if it's what you need to be truly happy, I'll go."
"I don't want you to go," Charlie said, holding on just as tightly. "I just--I wish I were okay and I wish it didn't hurt and I wish I wasn't so fucking scared."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked softly, pressing gentle kisses to Charlie's cheeks and forehead. He sounded just as frustrated as Billy had felt a few moments ago. "Maybe--maybe we can take this week for ourselves. Maybe if we work on the relationship between you and me, it'll reduce those fears? I don't think we really know each other, despite the fact that we've been together for over a year now."
Charlie nodded. "Sometimes it feels like--well, we love each other, but we're both really here for Don."
Reluctantly, Billy nodded. He hated to admit that what Charlie said held any truth, but he knew Don backwards and forwards. He was never quite sure of Charlie. "I know. But I do love you Charlie. Even in the middle of your insecurities, I love you. I want to know you as well as I know Don. I want us to be intimate... not just have sex."
Charlie nodded and took a breath. He wasn't sure why the idea scared him. Don well--Don had been more of a known quantity, even if he'd always wanted to know more than he already knew. And maybe deep down he was still afraid Billy wouldn't like him all that much for the same reasons he was afraid Don wouldn't like him.
Billy ducked his head and got Charlie's eyes. "Talk to me," he urged him quietly. "I want to know what you're thinking. All of it. You know I'm not someone who opens themselves easily, but if you try, I promise to try, too."
He bit his lip and looked at his lover. He'd give anything for this to work because even he knew, if it didn't, they would have to end it. They couldn't keep going like this. It wasn't healthy for any of them.
Charlie winced and nodded. "What if you don't like me?"
Smiling, Billy stroked a hand through Charlie's hair, but he didn't try to make light of the comment. "I already like you a lot," he said honestly. "In fact, I liked you the first time I met you, did I ever tell you that?"
"No, you didn't. I--I wasn't even sure you'd really noticed me."
Billy returned to his food, but he kept close to Charlie, needing the reassurance of proximity as much as he probably needed to give it. "I did. You were so passionate and curious and you just jumped right in to try and make it easier for me and Don. You have a--a charm about you. It's unconventional, but I did notice. And when I returned, I was really glad you were able to work with me again. Plus, you enjoyed my stories." He dropped him a wink.
Charlie laughed shakily. "I do enjoy your stories. Don never tells me anything. And I like to hear about you, too."
Absently, Billy ran a hand up and down Charlie's back, soothing him. "Eat something," he urged. "I got chocolate mousse cake for dessert."
After a short pause, he continued. "I guess there's really not much you know about me, is there? At least before Don came into my life. Was there something in particular you wanted to know?"
"What's your family like?"
"I don't have one anymore," Billy answered quietly. "Growing up it was just me and Mom. We lost my dad when I was a kid. And I don't think my mom's family wanted her to marry my father, so after he was gone, we just kind of stuck to ourselves. We moved around a lot, but she always made it exciting somehow, which is probably why I took to Fugitive Recovery like a duck to water. She died not too long before I met Don.
She was beautiful, too, Charlie. I get my hair and my eyes from her. My temper, too." He smiled. "She didn't say it a lot, but I knew she loved me, was proud of me. But now it's just me."
"God, Billy," Charlie said, throat tight. He pulled Billy into a tight hug. "How are you--?"
A little surprised, Billy hugged him back. "How am I what?" he asked.
"How could you even think about letting us go if you'd be so alone?"
"I've never really had a problem with alone," Billy replied. "Besides, the FBI has been home and family for a long time. It was all I had before you and Don. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back to that life if I don't have to, not after knowing how good it can be with you two. But I'd rather choose to leave than have my being here tear us apart."
"I don't want you to go. I want to find a way to make this work."
"Then we will," Billy said, putting his hand on the side of Charlie's face and coaxing his eyes up to meet his. "Because if there's anything I've learned, stubbornness is an Eppes-family characteristic."
"You got that right."
They passed the rest of the meal talking quietly, easing into a steady flow of conversation. Once the plates were mostly clear, Billy looked at Charlie. "Do you want to hang out for a little while? I rented a couple movies and I have dessert."
"I'd like that."
"Good," Billy said. He scraped the plates and dumped them into the sink to be cleaned later. Then he cut a big slice of mousse cake for them to share and took it out to the living room. Charlie was standing in the living room looking at the sofa like he was unsure where to sit.
Coming up to his shoulder, Billy indicated the cake. "I thought we could share."
He sat down to one side, allowing Charlie to decide where and how close he wanted to sit. With Don there, all three of them would have cuddled together, trading soft touches until they became more heated and one or more demanded to move things into the bedroom. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure when the last time was he watched a movie all the way through with them. But he didn't want to push anything now. This was new territory between them and it was maybe best to keep things moving slowly.
Charlie hesitated a moment longer, then sat down next to Billy.
He put the cake on the table and handed Charlie a fork. He had a comedy and an action movie on hand, and decided easily that the comedy would be best. It was some light British thing and he hoped the tone of it would help lighten the mood. Completely unbidden, memories of the last time he and Charlie had been alone, how good it had felt to have his warm body squirming in his lap, floated to him and he battled them back down again. Now was not the time for those thoughts, not while things were still so delicate between them. Taking a deep breath, he returned to the sofa, mindful of how close he was sitting.
"Did Don ever tell you what it was like, growing up?" Charlie asked quietly not too long after the movie started.
"He didn't talk much about it," Billy said. "I know he always felt... responsible for you. He wanted you to be safe and protected."
"He did? We weren't--close, growing up. Most of the time I don't think he even liked me all that much."
Billy stroked a hand down Charlie's back. "I don't know anything about siblings first hand, but I imagine that tripping over each other and getting in each other's way comes with the territory. But even if you don't say it, you love each other. You and Don... you had some unique challenges as kids. Whatever Don's feelings were then... I have to believe they've been totally obliterated by the feelings he has for you now." He paused.
"Did I ever tell you about the only other time I've seen Don cry than the night you got together? Your mom had written to tell him about some speech or presentation or award or something... he read it and reread it over and over. He was so proud of you and he hated that he couldn't be there to see it."
"He did what? I always thought--I mean, he hated going to those things."
"Things change, Charlie. You grow up and grow older and the things that seemed important when you were 18 don't matter anymore. All he wanted to do was to be there to support his baby brother. And looking back on it now... it's not that far of a leap to imagine that he might have acted less than friendly because he was already experiencing feelings that he had no idea what to do with or how to name." Billy swallowed hard.
"The truth is, even when he was with me back then, even as he was falling in love with me, deep down he was already in love with you. He just didn't know it. So you see, it wasn't you that wasn't enough for Don. It was me." His breath hitched a little and he put down his fork, sitting back against the sofa and blinking against the sudden tears pricking his eyes.
"Billy," Charlie said, voice rough with emotion. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." He reached out and held Billy tightly. "I'm sorry." Billy must be just as scared that Don would leave him, too.
He wrapped his arms around Charlie, clinging to him for a long moment. When they broke apart, he wiped at his eyes to clear the moisture that had built up. "I never blamed him. Or you. And I never expected that you and Don would love me the way you do. It's such a gift to me to have you in my life, Charlie. Because I understand now... I understand what drew him to you, why he needs you so desperately." One arm was still around Charlie's waist and he used it to draw him close into a long, tender, deep kiss.
Charlie held Billy tightly and returned the kiss equally tenderly. He was freshly resolved to love Billy as best he could, give him the home he hadn't had for a long time.
"I'm sorry," Billy said softly as the kiss broke. "We were supposed to be talking about you and finding ways to deal with your fears and here I just monopolized the whole thing. But I guess... all of my cards are on the table now. So tell me, what do you need from me?"
"No, I--Billy, this was good for me. To learn about you. I didn't realize--"
"Didn't realize what?" Billy urged gently. He'd just laid his heart bare; he wasn't about to let Charlie start a sentence and not finish it.
"That you might be as scared as I am. And with reason."
Billy blinked a little, but he nodded. "I am scared. But it's not just of Don leaving." He took Charlie's hand. "I'm scared that you'll decide this is too much effort and pain and leave. I don't want to lose you Charlie."
"I don't want to lose you either. Billy, I--I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry I'm not better at all this. That I don't know instinctively what to do because I know I'm hurting you and I don't want that. I don't want you to hurt or Don to hurt or any of us--I just want us all to be--safe. Loved. Happy."
"I know," Billy said, wrapping his arm around Charlie's shoulders and holding him close. "And I'm not unhappy. And I feel more loved than I ever have. We just have to remember to be patient with each other and talk about as much as we can."
The credits on the movie were rolling and Billy picked up the remote and turned the TV off. "Did you want to stay? You don't have to, but I'd like you to. And... I thought maybe tomorrow night, I could take you out to dinner. On a date."
"Yeah. I'd really like both those things. I think--I think dating would be good for me. I know we have to be careful but--I think it could be good for us."
"I think so, too," Billy said, drawing Charlie forward into a long, deep kiss. He was grateful he wouldn't have to be alone in bed tonight. Glad as he was to have cleared some of the air, he still felt raw and exposed. It wasn't a feeling he generally liked. "I'll just close everything down out here, if you want to go get ready for bed?"
"Sure. Are we okay?" he asked, reaching out to caress Billy's cheek.
Billy pressed Charlie's hand to his cheek, turning his head a little to kiss the inside of his wrist. "We are. And I think we're about to get a lot better."
Charlie smiled and relaxed a little. "Don't be too long."
"I won't," Billy promised. He watched Charlie head into the bedroom and then set about making sure the doors were locked, the food was put away, and the lights were out. He was smiling, slowly starting to feel more relaxed, and in the back of his mind he was planning his date with Charlie.
The lamp on his side of the bed was the only light in the room when he slipped in, and Charlie was already under the sheets. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed in next to him, gathering him in his arms.
Charlie curled up next to him and hesitantly lay his head on Billy's chest.
"Good night, Imp," Billy said, pressing a kiss into Charlie's hair and tightening his arm around his shoulders. "I love you."
"Good night, Billy. I love you, too."
....
Billy's alarm went off bright and early, as usual, the next morning. With a groan, he reached over and hit the snooze button, spooning back up against Charlie. When it sounded again, he couldn't ignore it. Forcing his eyes open, he shut the alarm off and kissed Charlie's shoulder before slipping out of bed.
Charlie groaned and fumbled sleepily for Billy.
"Billy?" Charlie mumbled.
"Right here, buddy," Billy said from the closet as he picked out his clothes for the day. He wandered back over to the bed and claimed Charlie's lips in a deep kiss. "Sleep a little longer. I'll nudge you when I'm out of the shower."
"Kay." Charlie closed his eyes and rolled over again.
Smirking, Billy puttered around the room for a few minutes before slipping into the shower. The warm water felt good and helped wake him up enough to form a plan for the evening. He dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist, climbing back into bed with Charlie. Slowly, he kissed him awake, leaning down to nibble on Charlie's ear and whisper, "I have a plan for our date tonight. Want to hear it?" His voice was soft and husky, low and seductive.
Charlie shivered. "Yes, please."
He stroked his hands teasingly over Charlie's skin as he spoke. "There's this bistro I know, very quiet and discreet. Not quite casual, but not dressy either. Give me a chance to see you in dress pants and a suit jacket. We could go there, have some wine and good food, let our hands wander, tease each other. And then I can bring you back here, light some candles, and see where the rest of the night takes us. What do you think?"
"I'd like that. I enjoy any opportunity to see you all dressed up. And to tell you the truth, I kind of like dressing up sometimes. But don't tell Don."
Billy chuckled. "Okay. Why not?"
"He'd laugh. What? He would!"
Billy chuckled again. "I promise, I won't tell him. It'll be our little secret." He kissed him softly again before reluctantly pushing himself out of bed. "Is meeting me here at 7:00 okay for you?"
"Sure. Can I stay here for a while?" he asked shyly.
"Of course. Stay as long as you like." He threw on his jeans and a t-shirt, realizing how late he was about to be. He'd come home and dress for Charlie later. Kissing him one last time, he dashed from the apartment.
Charlie closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He was used to staying by himself when Don and Billy left for work and he didn't have class, but somehow it was different, more intimate, when Don was never there to start with.
Billy's phone at his desk was ringing as he walked in and he picked it up hurriedly. "Cooper."
"Hey," came Don's voice, sounding tired and worn out.
"Hey!" Billy said, sitting down quickly. "How are things going?"
"Not bad. Tiring. How're things there?"
"Getting better. We talked about a bunch of stuff last night. We're going on a date tonight," he said, dropping his voice. "He'll want to hear from you, too."
"He's my next call. I only have a few minutes and I wanted a sit rep first."
"Man, they really are working you too hard," Billy smirked. "We're good. Go call him."
"Thanks, partner. You."
"You, too." Don hung up the phone and quickly dialed Charlie's cell phone, hoping he was awake enough to answer it.
Charlie glanced at the caller ID before he opened his phone. "Don? Hey, is everything okay?"
"Hey, buddy. Everything's fine. I just missed you and wanted to check in. Unfortunately, I only have a couple minutes. How's it going?"
"Good. Things are good, I think. I miss you though."
"I'll be home soon, buddy. I think about you all the time. Are you and Billy planning anything special while I'm away?"
"We uh--we're going on a date tonight," he said hesitantly. He knew Don would probably approve, but it still felt a little like a betrayal.
"That's good, Chuck," Don said, smiling a little. "Make sure he takes you somewhere good or he'll answer to me. And when I get back... I'd like to take you for our own date. I'm sorry. I have to get going... You."
"You too. Just--keep yourself safe, okay?"
"I will. Promise."
Charlie could almost hear the wink Don gave the telephone before he hung up.
....
Billy passed most of the day quietly, chasing down leads for some on- going cases. He wanted to give Charlie something to start out their date, but he didn't know what. He thought flowers would be too girly--maybe a new box of chalk. It was past 6:00 when he realized he'd been staring at the same spot on the computer screen for the past 10 minutes. Closing down, he gathered his things and headed for his apartment, hoping to get there before Charlie.
....
Charlie managed to get a little more sleep at Billy's then went home to do some work in the garage. He often found himself distracted by thoughts of Don and Billy.
....
Stopping by the nearest office supply store, Billy settled on a 3-pack of chalk as a pre-date gift for Charlie, the thick dustless kind that he liked. From somewhere in the back of a drawer, he managed to unearth a red ribbon to tie around it. With that done, he proceeded to stand in front of his closet, looking disdainfully at his options. In the end he settled on a navy blue suit and a light blue button-down shirt, deciding there was no need for a tie.
Charlie knocked lightly on Billy's door. It was only after he arrived that he realized he should have brought something. But what would he bring anyway? Billy wouldn't like flowers. And a box of ammunition just said all the wrong things.
Fixing his shirt once more, Billy grinned as he opened the door, ushering Charlie in. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this giddy. "Hi," he said, pulling Charlie in for a soft hello kiss.
"Hi," Charlie murmured. "You look really nice." It was true. Billy Cooper cleaned up real nice.
He ducked his head and smiled. "Thanks. You look great, too. I, um... I got you something." Picking up the box he handed it shyly to Charlie. "I thought it'd be--useful." He shrugged.
"Thank you," Charlie said, genuinely touched. "I wanted to get you something, but I wasn't sure..."
"It's okay," Billy said, caressing Charlie's jaw. "I'm not at all an easy guy to get a little something for. But a bottle of something, like smooth whiskey or a decent wine, is nice. Since this is about getting to know each other better," he added hastily. He rubbed the back of his neck, worried that had come out wrong. "I... I guess we should get going."
"Hey," Charlie said gently. "That's good to know. I'd like to know what you like."
Smiling, Billy took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be. It's strange to think, I know your body so well I can predict your reactions and yet this is our first date." He took Charlie's hand. "I'm really looking forward to the rest of it."
"Me too," Charlie said, smiling at him softly.
"Good. We should go. We don't want to be late for our table." He squeezed Charlie's hand and held the door open for him. They walked quietly to the car together.
Charlie smiled and slid in. "How was your day?"
"Not bad," Billy said, climbing into the other side and pulling out of the parking space. "Quiet mostly. Don called to check in. It was good to hear his voice."
"Yeah, it was. He called me too. I--I wasn't sure if we were supposed to mention him or not," Charlie confessed. "I'm not sure what the rules are."
"I'm not sure there are rules for this kind of thing," Billy said wryly. "We'll just have to make it up as we go along. Don's a big part of us both. I think it's natural that he'd come up in conversation, and it's okay to acknowledge how much we miss him. While you were away, Don and I both missed you a lot and we said so to each other."
Charlie reached over and squeezed Billy's knee. "He sounded tired, but I think he's glad we're doing this. I'm glad we're doing this."
"Me too," Billy said, placing his hand over Charlie's on his knee. "I love you so much. And I think you're right, Don is glad we're doing this."
He pulled into a secluded parking lot and tugged at Charlie's sleeve, pulling him over for a long kiss.
Charlie returned his kiss tenderly at first, then with increased passion.
Groaning softly, Billy kissed him thoroughly and then pulled back, his thumb caressing his jaw. "Thank you," he murmured. "We should go in."
"Yeah," Charlie agreed, squeezing Billy's knee.
They walked together into the small bistro, staying close to each other but trying to maintain a certain distance. A well-dressed man greeted them, shaking Billy's hand enthusiastically and showing them to their table. He instructed their waiter to give them the best service and then left them alone.
"I helped him out once when I was through here back in the day. He's always asking me to come by for a visit," Billy supplied, with a shrug. "I hope you like it."
"I'm sure I will. Anything in particular you recommend?"
Billy shook his head, but his hand found Charlie's knee under the table. "Just make sure to save some room for dessert."
"I will," Charlie promised. "So what do you like to do on dates?"
Half a wicked grin pulled at Billy's lips, but he forced himself to push those thoughts aside and answer Charlie's question seriously. "Talk mostly," he said, "about anything. Dating is about opening yourself up to share your life, which is probably why, aside from you and Don, I haven't dated much."
"So you and Don dated? What was that like? If you don't mind saying," he added hastily. He was curious, but he also understood that there were probably things that Don and Billy wanted to keep to themselves.
"Don and I never really dated when we were first together," he clarified. "Unless you count dinners in the truck while sitting on some guy's house waiting for a fugitive to show up. But a quiet beer together after a hunt or sitting around the motel room and talking, that'd feel like a date now and then. You have to understand, he and I were partners first and... something else second. Neither of us understood then how much we loved each other, how deep it went. Looking back on it now, I have no idea what kept me from telling him what I felt for him, and I kick myself for it. Now, I have another chance. And I still consider those early dinners together, when we just started exploring this between the three of us, dates."
"Yeah, I guess they were," he said after a moment. "I'm glad we're doing some one-on-one dating though. So tell me something about yourself you think I should know. Or wish I knew."
"I hate peas," Billy said with a smile.
Charlie laughed. "Good to know."
"God it is good to hear that laugh," Billy said quietly, taking Charlie's hand. He locked eyes with him for a long moment, the wave of deep, genuine affection making his heart jump into his throat.
"I've never told anyone this," he said almost suddenly. "Don doesn't even know. My father was shot to death in a convenience store hold-up gone bad... and I was there. I didn't see it happen, but I heard it. And I did see the guy, but they never found him. Twenty years later, I was running him down in Fugitive Recovery. Got the shock of my life when I caught him. Don pestered me for days, but I never told him what was bothering me. A week later, and they added the murder of my father to his charges. Bastard went away for life." He paused, taking a long drink of water. "He's the reason why I became a fed."
"I--Jesus, Billy." He reached for him and held him tightly, surprised at the sudden stinging in his eyes. "Jesus." He didn't know what to say, what to do, he just wanted to make Billy stop hurting.
Billy clung to him for a long moment, the warmth of Charlie's body making him feel loved and cared for. "Hey, it's okay," he said finally, squeezing Charlie once more and then pulling back. "I mean, I'm okay. Putting the bastard who killed him away closed the door on that part of my life, and I think my Dad would be proud of me." He looked Charlie in the eyes and gave him a smile.
"Your turn. Tell me something you think I should know or wish I knew."
"I'm sure he's very proud of you," Charlie said hoarsely. He wasn't ready to let go just yet. The more he learned about Billy, the more amazed he was that he was as well adjusted as he was.
"Thanks," he said, his smile growing wider. He let Charlie hold him as long as he wanted. It felt good to have someone want to protect him and make everything better.
Eventually, they slid apart as the waiter approached, and they placed their orders. When he had gone again, Billy nudged Charlie gently with his foot. "Come on, your turn."
"Sometimes--sometimes I wish I was more normal. And I wonder how things would have been different, if I was."
"It couldn't have been easy for you growing up, always being the youngest," Billy said, taking Charlie's hand. "But Don and I love you exactly the way you are."
"But do you think he'd be in love with me if I couldn't do math the way I can? I couldn't help him on cases, but maybe we'd have been friends growing up."
"I can't say for sure, Charlie," Billy said, turning his thoughts over. "But if you had been friends growing up, Don might have turned out different, too. And that Don might never have loved that Charlie at all, or if he did, he might not have been brave enough to act on those feelings... And this is starting to sounds like an episode of Star Trek."
"Yeah. I suppose it doesn't really matter."
"I think it's natural for people to look back on their lives and wonder," Billy acknowledged. "But what's really important at the moment is that you're loved."
"I am loved. And in love."
"I'm glad," Billy said, kissing Charlie softly. They settled into their dinner and their conversation, trading stories of their past and talking quietly.
Toward the end of the meal, Billy took his hand again. "Are you having a good time?"
"I am. Are you?"
"Definitely." He stroked the inside of Charlie's wrist, a soft, simple gesture of affection, but one he hoped would spark arousal, too.
Charlie shivered. "You ready to go home?"
"Yeah," Billy said, his voice dipping into his most husky and suggestive. It had been far too long since he'd been with Charlie, and he was starting to feel it.
After he paid the bill and thanked the owner, they made their way to the car, Billy keeping an arm tight around Charlie's waist. "You're simply amazing, you know that?" he murmured in his ear.
"I am?" Charlie asked, pleased.
"Yes, you are," Billy confirmed. "And in case I didn't say it, you look wonderful tonight." He pressed Charlie lightly against the side of his SUV, leaning in to kiss him, deep and passionate.
Charlie moaned and returned the kiss just as hungrily.
Smiling, Billy pulled back and caressed Charlie's cheek, a promise for more once they were home. He climbed into the driver's side of the SUV, reminding himself to stay within the legal speed limit as he drove.
"It's different this time, isn't it?" Charlie said suddenly.
"What do you mean different?" Billy asked, glancing worriedly at Charlie.
"Just--different. Than when we were in the moment. Not bad," he added hastily. "I just--what do you want, when we get back? Tender or rougher?"
Relaxing again, Billy took Charlie's hand and squeezed it. "It is different... better. And I promised you candlelight when we get back, so I think something soft and tender would be wonderful."
"I'd like that."
The rest of the ride was peaceful and quiet, a warmth and affection spreading over them both. For Billy's part, he couldn't wait to slowly slide Charlie's tie open and work at the buttons of his shirt. The advantage of being tender was the delicious anticipation, building and building until it swamped everything in its path.
When they reached his apartment again, Billy kept Charlie close as they made their way inside, reveling in the warmth of his body. Without turning on the lights, he shut and locked the door and drew Charlie into the bedroom, depositing him in the center as he shifted to light the candles he'd placed there earlier. Once lit, they cast a gentle glow on the bed, making everything seem a little softer around the edges.
"Come here," Billy urged softly, standing near the edge of the bed.
Charlie did as he was requested, feeling oddly shy. "This is--thank you, Billy," he murmured, reaching out to caress his cheek.
"I'd do anything for you," Billy said quietly, nuzzling into Charlie's touch. He reached out, grasping Charlie's tie and pulling at the knot to slide it open. "I love you so much."
Charlie shivered. "I love you, too, Billy. I really do."
"I'm glad." He leaned in, placing a line of kisses along Charlie's jaw running to the spot behind his ear as he tossed the tie aside and started to work on the buttons of his shirt. Licking and nipping, he worked his way down Charlie's neck. He slipped one hand into the half-open shirt and looked Charlie in the eye again as he caressed his skin. "Tell me what you want tonight, Charlie."
"I--you," he said softly. "Slow and sweet."
Nodding, Billy walked him backwards to the bed, following him down onto it, both of them instinctively toeing off their shoes as they landed. He entwined their mostly still-clothed bodies together, doing nothing more than kissing for a long time. They rolled easily on the mattress, shifting positions of dominance over and over until Billy was breathless with passion and pressing Charlie firmly down. He made defeat of the last of Charlie's buttons and blazed a line of kisses down his chest until he came to Charlie's belt, immediately setting to slowly drawing it open, too.
Charlie moaned softly and spread his legs. He worked at Billy's shirt, kissing whatever exposed skin he could reach. "Billy," he groaned.
"Charlie," Billy moaned in reply. He slipped his hand into Charlie's now unzipped pants, caressing his cock through his underwear, the soft rustle of fabric mixing easily with their mingled grunts and moans of pleasure. "You are so lovely... so delicious," he murmured, kissing Charlie again deeply.
Charlie whimpered, hips pushing up into Billy's hand. "More."
Normally, he'd make Charlie beg for what he wanted, but tonight wasn't about power or dominance. It was about connecting as truly and as deeply as they could. So instead, Billy wrapped his hands in the waist of Charlie's pants and underwear, easing them both down his legs. He kissed the head of Charlie's cock before wrapping a hand around him and stroking him firmly.
Charlie's breath caught as he once again focused on all the little differences between Don's touch and Billy's. Both had strong hands, and calluses. But the calluses were in different places and the ways they touched him not quite the same. He pushed up into Billy's hand eagerly.
Unable to resist, and not needing to maintain a veneer of self-control, Billy lowered his head to suck Charlie into his mouth. He could almost hear Don's encouraging moan, but he pushed that thought aside, focusing entirely on the man with him now. The taste of Charlie always sent blood surging through his veins, and after long minutes of licking and sucking, his tongue exploring every inch of the flesh filling his mouth, the material of his pants grew uncomfortably constricting.
Making his way back up the bed, he kissed Charlie deeply and rolled him again so he was straddling his hips, giving him full access to his body. His trapped erection rubbed maddeningly against the cleft of Charlie's ass, and he groaned in frustrated desire.
"It's okay Billy. I'm going to take care of you," Charlie murmured.
"I know you will, Angel," Billy said, caressing Charlie's face. He bit his lip as he realized what he'd just said, wondering if the term of endearment had been too much. So far, he'd always just co-opted Don's or limited himself to appropriate uses of "Imp." But both names seemed wrong for the mood of the night.
"I'm no angel," Charlie said softly, giving Billy a gentle kiss. "But I could be your love--if--if you wanted."
"I'd like that very very much," Billy replied, pulling Charlie down for another kiss.
Charlie returned his kiss then carefully stripped Billy's pants off. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too," Billy said, groaning as his cock was freed. "Mmm, Charlie." He reached for him again, pulling him down into a fierce kiss and gasping as their cocks brushed against each other.
Charlie moaned and wrapped his legs around Billy's. "Show me, Billy. Show me how you love me."
He reached for the lubricant before rolling Charlie under him again and kissing him deeply. Once his fingers were slicked, he slipped two slowly into Charlie, letting him feel the slide of every inch as much as to give him pleasure as to prep him. He twisted them carefully, sliding them in and out and finally crooking them to prod at his prostate. "Feel good, my love?"
"Yes," he hissed. "Oh God, Billy." He moaned and fastened his lips on the junction between neck and shoulders. He sucked hard, wanting to leave his own mark.
Billy winced and then moaned at the small bite of pain that Charlie's mark caused. Arousal spun through him, but he reminded himself to slow down as much as he could. Nothing could have prevented him from slipping a third finger deep into Charlie, his hand moving into him faster now as he licked and nibbled on whatever skin he could.
Charlie pressed back against Billy's fingers and moaned with pleasure. He kissed his neck, and tugged him down to plunder his mouth. It was difficult to remember to go slow, to make it last.
"God, Charlie," Billy moaned, feeling him tighten around his fingers. "Love you so much. Love everything about you, the way you feel, taste... wanna be inside you."
Charlie reached up and stroked Billy's cheek. "Please," he said softly.
Gently, Billy slipped his fingers free, soothing Charlie's whimper with a long kiss. He took a beat, but no longer, to slick his cock before nudging against Charlie's entrance. Anticipation settled in his stomach, despite the fact he knew exactly how Charlie would feel around him; it seemed like everything was made new by the simple fact that it was just the two of them. Rolling his hips, he pushed steadily into Charlie.
Charlie cried out, automatically moving with Billy, trying to give him as much pleasure as he was being given. It was different, somehow, without Don watching or touching him, holding his hand.
"Fuck, Charlie," Billy moaned, pulling most of the way out and sliding back in again. He set an even rhythm, just slow enough to draw it out, but not so slow he'd be driving them both crazy.
"So amazing," he grunted. "God, I love you."
"Love you, too." He kissed Billy fiercely, hands exploring the smooth expanse of skin at his back.
Billy let the hand that wasn't braced against the bed roam along Charlie's skin as he thrust, incrementally increasing his pace until he was pushing hard and fast into Charlie, panting against his skin. His hand caressed Charlie's chest as it moved down his body to wrap around his cock.
Charlie groaned as Billy raised his pleasure higher. "Yes please, Billy please," he gasped.
He started stroking Charlie firmly, in time to his increasingly urgent thrusts, wanting to send him over the edge first.
Charlie held on for as long as he could but eventually he came with a startled cry.
"Charlie!" Billy practically yelped as his orgasm followed close on Charlie's. He shuddered through the aftershocks and took a long moment to catch his breath before slipping as gently as possible from Charlie and stretching out next to him. "That was amazing."
Charlie shuddered and held onto Billy tightly. He wasn't ready to talk just yet.
Wrapping his arms around Charlie, Billy held him close, just doing his best to soothe him and help him come down from the experience. "Okay, my love?" he whispered.
"Better than," he whispered back. He still held tightly, burying his face in Billy's chest.
Billy stroked Charlie's curls softly, unsure what exactly this reaction meant. He figured he would be feeling some sense of betrayal of Don the way Don had felt a betrayal of Charlie. But he didn't know what to say, so he simply waited for Charlie to find his voice again.
He wasn't ready to think about Don just yet so he kept his eyes closed and murmured, "How are you?"
"Much better than fine," he said, rubbing Charlie's arm and giving him a brief squeeze. He smiled broadly, knowing Charlie would hear it more than see it. "And very much in love with you."
"I love you, too," Charlie said softly. "It's going to be hard for him. Don. Like it was hard for you. And for me."
"I know," Billy said, pressing a kiss into Charlie's curls. "But we'll help him through it. We all have to help each other. And I know this won't be easy... but it'll get better. I have to believe that it will."
"I believe you."
Billy tilted Charlie's chin up and kissed him softly. "I'm glad." He checked the clock by the bed. "Don's probably still awake... it's okay if you want to call him. I know you must be missing him."
"Thanks, but--this should be about us. Unless you want to call him? That'd be okay."
Billy smiled. "No, I think you're right. It was good to hear from Don earlier today, but right now I just want to be with you. He'll call us if he needs to."
....
Don rubbed his eyes and put down the papers he'd been looking at. He glanced at the clock. Billy and Charlie probably weren't asleep by now, but he rejected the idea of calling. He hoped that their date had gone well, and he didn't want to interrupt anything. An image of Billy and Charlie together flitted across his mind, but he pushed it away. He already missed them too much, Charlie especially, and he didn't want jealousy to make it worse. God he wanted to be home.
....
"We can plan his homecoming tomorrow," Charlie said.
"I think that's a great idea," Billy said, snuggling down into the mattress and stroking Charlie's hair. "Do you have a busy week the rest of the week?"
"Not too bad. How about you?"
"Pretty light, barring anything unusual happening. I'm looking forward to getting to spend some of it continuing to get to know you better." Billy smiled and kissed Charlie deeply.
"Me too."
Smiling, Billy caressed Charlie's face and kissed him again. He got out of bed just long enough to blow out the candles. Slipping back into bed, he tucked Charlie against his side. "Sleep well, my love," he murmured, wrapping his arms securely around him. His eyes slipped closed, and he drifted off into peaceful, contented sleep, reveling in the warm and loved feeling of being wrapped up with one of the two men he was lucky enough to have as his own.