Like To Stay In Heaven But The Rules Are Too Tough 9/? (FIC)
Title: Like To Stay In Heaven But The Rules Are Too Tough 9/?
Rating: PG
Pairing and Characters: Dean/Cas, Sam, Bobby
Spoilers: Everything through 7x10
Warnings: Spoilers for everything through "Death's Door." If you don't want to be spoiled don't read.
Word Count: ~4,600 (this chapter)
Summary: Dean doesn't let Cas go, but someone else has a big change planned for Castiel. Can he handle what God has planned for him?
This Chapter: Follows right after the last. Although the episode follows Bobby, this is more of what happens with the others.
Notes: I'm thinking this will definitely turn into a monster that follows the whole season. *This episode ended in a way that torked me off so I had to end it with the same kind of cliff hanger. Sorry*
Previous Chapter
“Bobby,” Sam held up Bobby’s head, “hold on.”
“Is he dead?” Dean was gripping the wheel with white knuckles.
“I’m checking.” Sam held a towel against the wound and checked for a pulse.
Cas felt his heart pounding. He hadn’t thought Bobby would be the one to get hurt. He watched as Sam and Dean panicked.
“IS HE DEAD?!” Cas jumped at the outburst from Dean.
“JUST DRIVE DEAN!”
“YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO ME SAM!”
Cas turned forward and closed his eyes. This couldn’t be happening. Dean pulled out his phone.
“He’s breathing. He has a pulse.” Sam sighed in a small relief and sat Bobby up more against him.
“Keep him upright.” Dean was dialing the operator. “Stop the bleeding.” He looked back at Sam.
“I’m not an idiot Dean.” Sam was panicked and scared and it came through in his voice. “I know first aid for a freakin bullet to the head.”
“I need the nearest trauma center.” Dean sounded out of breath. Cas covered his eyes and turned away from Dean. He wanted to take back his decision. He wanted to save Bobby. “What’s the address?!” After getting the address, Dean put the phone on the seat and pushed the gas pedal. “Hang in there Bobby.”
The van whipped around the next corner and sped to the hospital.
Bobby was taken into the hospital quickly by the attendants. The three of them followed close behind as he was rolled into a room and staff from all sides ran in to help. They stood helplessly in the doorway as the nurses worked to stabilize an unconscious Bobby. Sam stepped forward. “What’s happening? Please just tell us…”
“Get them out of here.” A doctor by Bobby’s side waved a nurse over.
The nurse stepped away and pushed Sam back lightly. “Sir, you need to stay out of the way.” She pushed all three of them through the doorway.
“He’s our uncle.” Dean pointed in with a worried look.
“You’ve got to stay back.”
“What are they doing?” Sam looked close to running back to Bobby’s side.
“We need to get him stabilized.”
“When are you gonna take the bullet out?” Cas watched the staff work as Dean took a small step forward.
“If we can get the swelling down, if it’s in a place we can get to, if…”
“If he even lives that long.” Sam finished for the small nurse. Dean shot him a shocked look. She nodded lightly before pulling the privacy sheet closed in front of them.
Cas was standing close behind Dean, he laid a hand on his arm before Dean turned sharply toward Sam. “What do you mean, if he lives that long?”
“Dean.”
“He’s not gonna die Sam.” Dean shushed any further argument and pushed past Cas and walked off. Sam looked back at the room, tears forming in his eyes.
“How much of a chance does he have?”
Sam shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know if he’ll make it this time Cas.”
About twenty minutes later, the doctor came out of the room and sighed. Dean had come back and was standing silently beside his brother and husband. He walked up to the group. “He’s stable for now.” Dean let out a relieved breath. “We just have to see.” They all nodded and the doctor moved off.
Dean turned to look at Sam who was leaning on the windowsill behind him. Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and he turned red eyes to him and tried to give a smile. Cas put his forehead on his shoulder and wished he could do more to help. “Cas,” Dean turned to him, “could you get me something?”
“Of course. What do you need?” Cas was eager for any way to help.
“Some coffee would be nice.”
“Okay.” Their fingers entwined briefly as Cas stepped back. He looked to Sam, “Can I get anything for you Sam?” Sam shook his head. Cas nodded and walked off for the cafeteria.
When Cas came back, he found Dean standing in the hallway chewing on his nails. His eyes were hard and closed off. He could tell that Dean was trying to hold in everything he was feeling. He knows that he wanted to scream and shout and fight what was happening anyway he could. Cas moved to his side and stood silently for a minute before holding out his coffee. Dean took it with a small smile. “Thanks.”
Cas nodded as he sipped his own cup. “Where’s Sam?” Cas looked up and down the hallway.
“The chapel.” Dean gave a bitter laugh. “For whatever good that will do.”
“You might be surprised.”
“What?” Dean looked at Cas.
“Nothing.” Cas dropped his hand. “So, any news?” Cas nodded toward Bobby’s room.
Dean shook his head. “No.” He chewed his nails again. “I feel like I’m going nuts just standing here.” Dean moved from the wall and paced in front of Cas. “We should have never left him. We should have all gone to the van together. Then maybe…” Dean closed his eyes and gave a sad smile. “Times like this make me wish you were still an angel.” Cas looked up, a chill ran through his chest. “You could have fixed him.” Dean ran his hands over his face before taking another drink.
“I’m sorry Dean.”
Dean opened his eyes. “Don’t apologize Cas. This isn’t your fault.”
“It’s not yours either Dean.” He got a snort in response. Cas watched Dean for a moment, trying to decide if he wanted to tell Dean yet or not. “Dean, would you be upset if I chose to be this way?”
Dean stopped in front of him. “What? What are you talking about?”
“Say that I was offered a chance to be an angel and chose to be human.”
Dean looked confused. “I don’t think I understand the question. You didn’t choose. God is punishing you, right?”
Cas nodded. “The first time, yes.”
“How many times has this happened?” Dean asked sarcastically.
Cas bit his lip for a moment. He didn’t know how Dean was going to react, especially right now. “You remember when I was asleep in the van?” Dean nodded. “I had a dream. God came to me in a dream.”
“Excuse me? God visited your dreams?” Cas nodded. “Why?”
“He told me that I had earned my wings back and I could be an angel again.”
“And you chose this? Why? Why would anybody choose to be human?”
“Anna did. You know her reasons for it. Mine were similar.” Dean thought back to his conversation with Anna in Bobby’s junkyard. “I know what it’s like to be an angel. I know what it’s like to be human. I couldn’t live as an angel after being human.” Dean tilted his head. He gave him a surprised look. “I have you Dean. I don’t want anything more. I knew I would lose you if I took my wings.”
“So,” Dean’s voice was shaking slightly, “you would rather suffer with me as a human than live forever as an angel?” Cas nodded. “Wow,” Dean smiled, “I thought you were dumb before.”
Cas smiled. “You’re not upset? I would have been able to heal Bobby or even prevent this from happening.”
“I’m not upset.” Dean tossed his empty coffee cup into the trash nearby. “It’s not like you knew this would happen.” He moved over to stand beside Cas.
He looked at his cup. His brain told him to not say another word, but Cas never wanted to lie or hide anything from Dean. His voice was quiet, “I did know.”
Dean looked at him like he had misheard. “What?”
“God told me that someone close to me would possibly die soon. I didn’t know who or when.”
Dean walked around to face him. “It shouldn’t matter who Cas. What if it had been me or Sam?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You chose knowing that one of us would die?”
“I didn’t know for sure.”
Dean grabbed Cas’ arms angrily, “You didn’t know for sure? God was right in front of you and you didn’t know?”
“Dean, I’m sorry.” Cas felt his insides twist as Dean’s face turned angry.
Dean shook Cas violently. “I don’t believe you! How could you do that?” Cas’ face twisted as he tried to hold back tears. Dean leaned in, gripping Cas’ arms even tighter. “If Bobby dies,” Dean looked at Cas with wrathful eyes, “I’ll never forgive you.” He pushed Cas back roughly, crashing him into the wall. He turned and stormed out of the room.
Cas put his face in his hands and finally let his tears fall. His shoulders shook as he cried loudly. This was everything he had feared would happen. Bobby was like a father to Dean and he feels like Cas has damned him to death. Not knowing what else to do, Cas moved down the hall and followed the signs toward the chapel.
He pushed open the small chapel’s doors. Sam was the only one sitting in the small room. There were only a few rows of pews and Sam was sitting in the front, head bowed down. Cas stepped in and let the doors fall shut behind him. He hesitated, not knowing what exactly what he wanted to do. He let out a small sob that he couldn’t control.
Sam looked up and glanced over his shoulder. He did a double take when he realized it was Cas who had made that noise. “Cas?” Sam stood and turned toward him. “What’s wrong?”
Cas had managed to compose himself as he walked over, but now he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His guilt over his decision cracked his ability to keep his sadness in. He dropped his head and covered his face, letting his tears fall and his shoulders slump.
“Cas.” Sam rushed forward and laid a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “What…” If Dean had been with him, Sam would have thought something happened with Bobby but alone Sam knew what had happened. “What did he do now?” Sam sighed at his stupid brother. It was just like him to push away the one person who could actually help him right now. Cas just made a miserable sound and hunched into himself. Sam felt like he had been punched. “Cas, I’m sorry.” Sam straightened Cas a little before pulling him into a tight hug. Cas stiffened briefly but soon relaxed and cried into Sam’ shirt. “Tell me what happened.”
Sam had been searching the hospital with an irritated determination. It took him ten minutes, but he finally found Dean on the roof. He was leaning over the edge and watching the traffic with a blank stare. Sam slammed the access door behind him making Dean jump. He stormed over to Dean with a withering glare. “What the Hell is wrong with you?!” Sam pushed Dean’s shoulder with only a small amount of force compared to what he wanted to do.
“What?”
“How could you do that to Cas?”
Dean raised his eyebrows. “How could I? Do you know what he did?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, he told me everything Dean. You’re the jackass here. He gave up everything to be with you. He feels guilty as Hell and he shouldn’t.” Dean huffed and started to respond. “No!” Dean shut his mouth. “You need to realize why Cas did what he did and get over it. He is your husband, your soulmate and you know it.”
“Sam, if Bobby dies…”
“It won’t be his fault. Stop blaming him for something none of us have control over.” Sam stepped back. “He’s in the chapel,” he turned and moved toward the door, “if you even care.” Sam started down the stairs and left Dean to his thoughts.
Dean looked back over the building. The sun was rising, coloring the sky in pale blue. He knew Sam was right, just like he knew this wasn’t Cas’ fault, but he didn’t understand why Cas would do what he did. He didn’t know why he wanted to be human. Dean knew what he needed to do. He left for the stairs.
Dean hesitated outside the chapel doors. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was going to say or how Cas would react, but he had to do something. Bracing himself, he pushed the small doors open and stepped into the small room. Cas was sitting in the second row near the aisle. Dean walked up slowly and sat in the row behind him. He noticed how Cas stiffened when he heard him sit.
“Cas,” Dean shifted on the hard pew, “I’m sorry.” Cas didn’t move. Dean scooted forward and put a hand on Cas’ right shoulder. Cas stiffened even more, like he was made of stone. Dean pushed lightly, trying to loosen him up a little. “You know how I am, especially right now. This isn’t your fault. I mean, you didn’t shoot him.” Dean moved his hand to the back of Cas’ neck, lightly massaging him. “It’s just…It’s my problem. I don’t understand your position. I wish I could.”
Cas stood suddenly and turned to face Dean. His face was blank but his eyes were hard and dark. “You know what Dean,” his voice was quiet and sharp, “I’m sick of explaining everything I do to everyone. I am my own person. I make my own decisions. They may seem selfish but after the long life I’ve lived I think I earned the right to be selfish.” Dean’s mouth fell open slightly. Cas took a shaky breath before softening a little. “Dean,” he leaned on the pew, “I love you.” Dean looked away. Cas turned his face back with a hand. “I know you don’t like to hear it, or you don’t believe it, but I did this for you. I did it to be with you.”
Dean closed his eyes. He couldn’t hear this or see Cas’ wide earnest eyes. Cas leaned forward more and rested their foreheads together. Dean involuntarily turned his body to face Cas.
“I always loved you in some way Dean.” Cas’ voice was a low whisper. “From the first moment I rebuilt you and touched your soul in Hell.” Cas moved his right hand to Dean’s left shoulder, fitting his hand perfectly into the print seared into Dean’s skin. Dean shuddered when Cas gripped his shoulder tighter. “That’s why this mark is here. I didn’t mean to, but I claimed you when I raised you. From that moment on, you were mine. I will not lose you Dean.”
Dean let out a small laugh. “A little possessive huh?” Dean’s breath hitched when Cas gripped him again.
“Yes.” Cas practically growled against Dean’s lips before pushing forward and kissing him with all the possession he felt. Dean cupped Cas’ face and pulled him closer. Cas let a hand fall to Dean’s jacket and pulled the rough fabric.
Dean pushed off the pew and stood, their lips still locked. Cas weaved his fingers through Dean’s hair and kissed him deeper. Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Cas like he was holding on for his life.
They broke apart for air, heads still resting together. Dean nuzzled Cas’ neck and kissed the warm flesh exposed above his shirt. Cas smiled. “Dean, we’re in a chapel.” Dean let his fingers curl around Cas’ belt loops and pushed his hips against him.
“So?” Dean nipped Cas’ neck gently.
Cas laughed quietly before pushing Dean back a little. They shared a look, a conversation without words. They understood each other then. Even if they could never explain it, they knew the other’s motivations and actions as well as their own. Cas stepped back and pulled Dean’s arm toward the door. “Come on, we should check on Bobby.”
Dean nodded and let himself be pulled out the door. They walked down the halls together back to Bobby’s room. Sam was standing by the nurse’s station looking a little irritated and worried. He saw them coming and turned to meet them. “So, you two okay?”
Dean and Cas shared a short look before turning back to Sam. “Yeah.” Dean shrugged. “Any news?”
Sam shook his head. “No, nothing yet.”
Cas saw the doctor attending Bobby making his way to them. “Maybe we’re about to get some.” Cas pointed to the approaching doctor. Sam turned and Dean moved up to meet him.
“So there’s nothing else we can do?”
The man stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry. We’ll just have to wait and see if the swelling goes down.”
Dean crossed his arms. “How long?”
The doctor shook his head. “It’s hard to say in cases like this.”
“He’s lasted this long. That’s something right?”
“Well, yes,” the doctor seemed hesitant, “listen the bullet didn’t shatter. Only one hemisphere of his brain was damaged. These are all positive things, but I don’t want to give you false hope here. He’s far from out of the woods. Most of the time in cases like this…”
“They die.” Sam finished the sentence.
The doctor nodded slightly. “It comes down to him. I’ll keep you updated.” The boys nodded as the doctor walked away. They stood in silence a moment sending a silent prayer for Bobby to stay strong.
“Excuse me.” A voice behind them made the three men turn to see a short man in a suit standing behind them. “Sorry to interrupt. Is one of you Robert Singer’s next of kin?”
Sam and Cas glanced at each other before looking to Dean. He nodded and stepped forward. “Yeah, I am.”
“Could I talk to you for a second?”
“Yeah, sure.” Dean walked down the hall with the man. Cas watched him go before turning to Sam.
“How are you holding up Sam?”
“I’m…okay I guess.” Sam gave a half smile. “I just wish there was something we could do.” Cas saw Sam trace the scar on his left hand as he stared off blankly.
“Me too.”
Sam turned his full attention back to Cas. “So is everything okay between you two?” Sam gestured down the hall where Dean was talking to the suited man.
Cas nodded. “We’re fine.” He looked at Dean, seeing him start to take a defensive stance. “We understand each other. Don’t worry about us.” Dean seemed to be arguing with the man now. Cas was starting to worry.
Sam nodded. Then Dean’s voice carried up the hallway. “Do your jobs! SAVE HIM!”
“Oh crap.” Sam had really hoped that Cas had calmed him down a little, but this man seemed to have riled him up again. Then Dean suddenly punched the wall beside the man’s head, breaking the glass of the directory hanging there.
“Dammit.” Cas took off to stop Dean from hurting someone or himself. He could hear Dean as he got closer.
“Walk away from me. NOW!” The poor man took off and passed Cas in the hall. Dean saw Cas coming and turned to leave through the front doors beside him.
“Dean.” Dean pushed the door open and didn’t slow down as Cas called for him. “Dean wait.” Cas quickly followed Dean outside. “Dean.”
Dean was shaking his right hand. Blood was running from his knuckles. Cas took hold of his arm and pulled him to a stop as he tried to get away. “Dean, stop.” Cas threw him a look that froze Dean in his tracks. He pulled Dean’s injured hand up to see the damage. His knuckles were split open from the glass and bleeding. It wasn’t too bad. Cas gently felt the cuts to see if any glass remained in his skin.
Dean hissed at the touch. “Ow.”
“Suck it up.” Cas looked closer, seeing a small piece of glass lodged in a knuckle. “What happened?”
“He asked me about freakin organ donation.” He hissed again as Cas pulled the glass out of his hand. “Why is everyone talking like Bobby is already dead? He’s not gonna die.” Dean let out a pained noise as Cas roughly pulled another piece of glass out. He turned his head away and saw a black car parked in front of the hospital. His face turned to stone and he pulled his hand away from Cas and walked to the car.
“Dean, what are you…?” Cas threw his hands up as Dean knocked on the car window.
“Dick! I know you’re in there. Come on out you dick.” The window rolled down to reveal Dick Roman sitting contently in the back seat. Cas could see him and hurried to stand by Dean. “You come here to finish the job?” Dick smiled. Cas moved up behind him as Dean stood back and raised his voice. “Well come on,” Dean opened his arms, “right here right now out in the open. You and me, Dick Roman.”
A small crowd had gathered and pulled out their phones to take pictures. Dick smiled again and nodded. “See? Deciding to jump a famous guy isn’t all upside. You can kill me right now, if you want to see it online.”
Dick was smiling as if Dean was really amusing. “You should go check on that friend of yours. He can’t be feeling too frisky right about now. I’m a very good shot.” His smile seemed painted on his face.
Dean moved closer to the car and lowered his voice. “We’re coming for you. And not just to hurt you, to kill you. You understand me?”
“Come on Dean, I can’t be killed.”
“You’re gonna wish you could then.”
Dick laughed. “That’s some conviction. You’d really crush it on the motivational circuit.”
“You’re either laughing because you’re scared or because you’re stupid. I’ll see you soon Dick.” Dean pushed off the car and walked back to the hospital. Cas shared a short look with Dick who gave him a smile before turning to follow Dean back into the building.
When they got back inside, Cas pulled Dean toward the bathroom. “Let’s clean up your hand.” Cas pushed the door open and led Dean to the sinks. He ran cool water and put Dean’s hand under.
“I can do it myself.”
Cas let go and stepped back. “Okay.” He watched Dean clean and dry his hand. It didn’t look too bad. He decided not to bandage it at all. They were silent, not wanting to bring up anything that would set off any more tempers.
When Dean was done he left for Bobby’s room, knowing Cas would follow. They found Sam leaning against the windowsill again looking tense and nervous. He stood when he saw them coming. “What’d that guy want?”
“Nothin.” Dean lied. Cutting off Cas before he could tell Sam. Cas wasn’t sure why. “Dick Roman was out there.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “What? What happened?”
“Nothing for now. Just a staring contest. That was about it.” Dean looked at Bobby. “What’s the update?”
“Swelling’s down a little. They took him off sedation. Apparently he started fighting his tubes so they pulled them out. He’s breathing on his own.”
“That’s good right?” Dean glanced at Cas.
Sam looked at him. “Yeah, doctor said best case scenario.”
“Alright so when are they gonna take the bullet out?” Dean could feel a small hope building in his chest.
“Dean,” Sam looked down, “they’re not even gonna try that, not yet.”
“What does that mean?”
“The word is abrading I think.”
“English.”
“Cutting out the dead brain tissue. That’s if the doctor even thinks it’s worth the risk.” Dean gave a worried look toward Bobby. Sam looked at Cas and then back to Dean. “Can I talk to you,” Sam looked at Cas again, “alone?”
Dean looked back at Cas with a questioning look. Cas nodded. “Yeah, you two go. I’ll be here.” Cas moved a little closer to the room as the brothers walked a few feet away.
Dean followed Sam. When Sam stopped Dean held out his arms. “What? Talk about what?”
Sam turned to face him. “You know what.”
It took a second but realization finally hit Dean. “No, we’re not gonna have that conversation.”
“We need to.”
“He’s not gonna die.”
“He might.”
“Sam.”
“Dean, listen we need to brace ourselves.”
“Why?”
“Because this is real.” They looked at each other. Wanting the other to come around to their way of thinking.
Dean felt himself losing some control inside. “What do you want to do? You wanna hug and say we made it through it when dad died?” Sam looked like he was losing it a little too. “We’ve been through enough.” Dean pushed past Sam and left with no particular goal in mind. He just knew he needed to get out of the area.
Sam ran a hand through his hair and sat on a small chair behind him. He wasn’t taking this much better than Dean but he felt like he had to keep it together. Dean was the one that always flew off the handle. There had to be one stable person right? He pushed a thumb into his scar on his hand, wishing for once that this was all a dream. He didn’t want this to be real. But it was.
Cas thought about going after Dean but decided it best to give him some space. He stayed close to Bobby’s room, wishing he could do anything helpful. In all his existence he hadn’t felt more helpless than he did at this moment.
A couple hours later, Dean had come back and the three of them were waiting outside the room when a nurse walked by talking about prepping Bobby. Sam moved to intercept her. “Wait, wait, what’s happening?”
“He’s showing signs of responsiveness. We’re taking him out for surgery. If you want to see him, I’d squeeze in there quick.”
Sam and Dean shared hopeful looks and followed the nurse into the room. Cas followed behind. Sam and Dean moved to the left side of the bed, Cas moved to the right side. None of them knew what to do or say. They stood quietly.
“Sorry,” the nurse was standing in the doorway, “we need to get moving.”
Sam nodded. “Right, yeah.” Sam looked at Bobby, “Hey, uh, Bobby,” Sam picked up Bobby’s hand, “just…thanks. For everything.” He put his hand back down. Dean’s eyes fell and Cas watched Bobby’s face hoping to see some response.
“Alright. Please step back.”
The three of them moved back when Sam jumped. Bobby’s hand had come back up and was reaching for him. Bobby’s eyes opened slowly. “Wait, stop.” Sam held out an arm. Dean stopped and saw Bobby moving. Cas smiled. “His eyes are opening.”
“Bobby.” Dean moved up closer. Cas leaned closer. Bobby pulled off his breathing mask. Sam took his hand. Cas laid a hand on his arm. He seemed to be struggling to say something. “Don’t talk. Don’t talk.” Dean looked around the room frantically. “A pen.” Dean looked and found a sharpie on the chart hanging on the bed. He handed it to Bobby. “Here. What is it?”
Bobby pulled the cap off and opened Sam’s hand. He wrote out a set of numbers. Sam looked at his hand with a questioning look. Bobby was breathing hard, trying to speak. They all leaned in closer to hear. “Idjits.” Bobby gave a small tired smile. Cas smiled and looked at Sam and Dean. Bobby’s head fell back and his heart monitor flat lined.
“Bobby?” Dean gripped the bed rails tight. “Hey.”
The nurse moved forward and called out the door, “Call a code, trauma room!” The three of them were pushed out by the oncoming medical staff. They stood outside the room as nurses and doctors ran by and attempted to revive Bobby.
Time seemed to slow as they watched them work. This couldn’t happen. He had been getting better. The sound of the heart monitor was like a siren in their ears. Dean closed his eyes and prayed for Bobby to hang in there. He couldn’t lose him.
Next chapter
Rating: PG
Pairing and Characters: Dean/Cas, Sam, Bobby
Spoilers: Everything through 7x10
Warnings: Spoilers for everything through "Death's Door." If you don't want to be spoiled don't read.
Word Count: ~4,600 (this chapter)
Summary: Dean doesn't let Cas go, but someone else has a big change planned for Castiel. Can he handle what God has planned for him?
This Chapter: Follows right after the last. Although the episode follows Bobby, this is more of what happens with the others.
Notes: I'm thinking this will definitely turn into a monster that follows the whole season. *This episode ended in a way that torked me off so I had to end it with the same kind of cliff hanger. Sorry*
Previous Chapter
“Bobby,” Sam held up Bobby’s head, “hold on.”
“Is he dead?” Dean was gripping the wheel with white knuckles.
“I’m checking.” Sam held a towel against the wound and checked for a pulse.
Cas felt his heart pounding. He hadn’t thought Bobby would be the one to get hurt. He watched as Sam and Dean panicked.
“IS HE DEAD?!” Cas jumped at the outburst from Dean.
“JUST DRIVE DEAN!”
“YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO ME SAM!”
Cas turned forward and closed his eyes. This couldn’t be happening. Dean pulled out his phone.
“He’s breathing. He has a pulse.” Sam sighed in a small relief and sat Bobby up more against him.
“Keep him upright.” Dean was dialing the operator. “Stop the bleeding.” He looked back at Sam.
“I’m not an idiot Dean.” Sam was panicked and scared and it came through in his voice. “I know first aid for a freakin bullet to the head.”
“I need the nearest trauma center.” Dean sounded out of breath. Cas covered his eyes and turned away from Dean. He wanted to take back his decision. He wanted to save Bobby. “What’s the address?!” After getting the address, Dean put the phone on the seat and pushed the gas pedal. “Hang in there Bobby.”
The van whipped around the next corner and sped to the hospital.
Bobby was taken into the hospital quickly by the attendants. The three of them followed close behind as he was rolled into a room and staff from all sides ran in to help. They stood helplessly in the doorway as the nurses worked to stabilize an unconscious Bobby. Sam stepped forward. “What’s happening? Please just tell us…”
“Get them out of here.” A doctor by Bobby’s side waved a nurse over.
The nurse stepped away and pushed Sam back lightly. “Sir, you need to stay out of the way.” She pushed all three of them through the doorway.
“He’s our uncle.” Dean pointed in with a worried look.
“You’ve got to stay back.”
“What are they doing?” Sam looked close to running back to Bobby’s side.
“We need to get him stabilized.”
“When are you gonna take the bullet out?” Cas watched the staff work as Dean took a small step forward.
“If we can get the swelling down, if it’s in a place we can get to, if…”
“If he even lives that long.” Sam finished for the small nurse. Dean shot him a shocked look. She nodded lightly before pulling the privacy sheet closed in front of them.
Cas was standing close behind Dean, he laid a hand on his arm before Dean turned sharply toward Sam. “What do you mean, if he lives that long?”
“Dean.”
“He’s not gonna die Sam.” Dean shushed any further argument and pushed past Cas and walked off. Sam looked back at the room, tears forming in his eyes.
“How much of a chance does he have?”
Sam shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know if he’ll make it this time Cas.”
About twenty minutes later, the doctor came out of the room and sighed. Dean had come back and was standing silently beside his brother and husband. He walked up to the group. “He’s stable for now.” Dean let out a relieved breath. “We just have to see.” They all nodded and the doctor moved off.
Dean turned to look at Sam who was leaning on the windowsill behind him. Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and he turned red eyes to him and tried to give a smile. Cas put his forehead on his shoulder and wished he could do more to help. “Cas,” Dean turned to him, “could you get me something?”
“Of course. What do you need?” Cas was eager for any way to help.
“Some coffee would be nice.”
“Okay.” Their fingers entwined briefly as Cas stepped back. He looked to Sam, “Can I get anything for you Sam?” Sam shook his head. Cas nodded and walked off for the cafeteria.
When Cas came back, he found Dean standing in the hallway chewing on his nails. His eyes were hard and closed off. He could tell that Dean was trying to hold in everything he was feeling. He knows that he wanted to scream and shout and fight what was happening anyway he could. Cas moved to his side and stood silently for a minute before holding out his coffee. Dean took it with a small smile. “Thanks.”
Cas nodded as he sipped his own cup. “Where’s Sam?” Cas looked up and down the hallway.
“The chapel.” Dean gave a bitter laugh. “For whatever good that will do.”
“You might be surprised.”
“What?” Dean looked at Cas.
“Nothing.” Cas dropped his hand. “So, any news?” Cas nodded toward Bobby’s room.
Dean shook his head. “No.” He chewed his nails again. “I feel like I’m going nuts just standing here.” Dean moved from the wall and paced in front of Cas. “We should have never left him. We should have all gone to the van together. Then maybe…” Dean closed his eyes and gave a sad smile. “Times like this make me wish you were still an angel.” Cas looked up, a chill ran through his chest. “You could have fixed him.” Dean ran his hands over his face before taking another drink.
“I’m sorry Dean.”
Dean opened his eyes. “Don’t apologize Cas. This isn’t your fault.”
“It’s not yours either Dean.” He got a snort in response. Cas watched Dean for a moment, trying to decide if he wanted to tell Dean yet or not. “Dean, would you be upset if I chose to be this way?”
Dean stopped in front of him. “What? What are you talking about?”
“Say that I was offered a chance to be an angel and chose to be human.”
Dean looked confused. “I don’t think I understand the question. You didn’t choose. God is punishing you, right?”
Cas nodded. “The first time, yes.”
“How many times has this happened?” Dean asked sarcastically.
Cas bit his lip for a moment. He didn’t know how Dean was going to react, especially right now. “You remember when I was asleep in the van?” Dean nodded. “I had a dream. God came to me in a dream.”
“Excuse me? God visited your dreams?” Cas nodded. “Why?”
“He told me that I had earned my wings back and I could be an angel again.”
“And you chose this? Why? Why would anybody choose to be human?”
“Anna did. You know her reasons for it. Mine were similar.” Dean thought back to his conversation with Anna in Bobby’s junkyard. “I know what it’s like to be an angel. I know what it’s like to be human. I couldn’t live as an angel after being human.” Dean tilted his head. He gave him a surprised look. “I have you Dean. I don’t want anything more. I knew I would lose you if I took my wings.”
“So,” Dean’s voice was shaking slightly, “you would rather suffer with me as a human than live forever as an angel?” Cas nodded. “Wow,” Dean smiled, “I thought you were dumb before.”
Cas smiled. “You’re not upset? I would have been able to heal Bobby or even prevent this from happening.”
“I’m not upset.” Dean tossed his empty coffee cup into the trash nearby. “It’s not like you knew this would happen.” He moved over to stand beside Cas.
He looked at his cup. His brain told him to not say another word, but Cas never wanted to lie or hide anything from Dean. His voice was quiet, “I did know.”
Dean looked at him like he had misheard. “What?”
“God told me that someone close to me would possibly die soon. I didn’t know who or when.”
Dean walked around to face him. “It shouldn’t matter who Cas. What if it had been me or Sam?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You chose knowing that one of us would die?”
“I didn’t know for sure.”
Dean grabbed Cas’ arms angrily, “You didn’t know for sure? God was right in front of you and you didn’t know?”
“Dean, I’m sorry.” Cas felt his insides twist as Dean’s face turned angry.
Dean shook Cas violently. “I don’t believe you! How could you do that?” Cas’ face twisted as he tried to hold back tears. Dean leaned in, gripping Cas’ arms even tighter. “If Bobby dies,” Dean looked at Cas with wrathful eyes, “I’ll never forgive you.” He pushed Cas back roughly, crashing him into the wall. He turned and stormed out of the room.
Cas put his face in his hands and finally let his tears fall. His shoulders shook as he cried loudly. This was everything he had feared would happen. Bobby was like a father to Dean and he feels like Cas has damned him to death. Not knowing what else to do, Cas moved down the hall and followed the signs toward the chapel.
He pushed open the small chapel’s doors. Sam was the only one sitting in the small room. There were only a few rows of pews and Sam was sitting in the front, head bowed down. Cas stepped in and let the doors fall shut behind him. He hesitated, not knowing what exactly what he wanted to do. He let out a small sob that he couldn’t control.
Sam looked up and glanced over his shoulder. He did a double take when he realized it was Cas who had made that noise. “Cas?” Sam stood and turned toward him. “What’s wrong?”
Cas had managed to compose himself as he walked over, but now he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His guilt over his decision cracked his ability to keep his sadness in. He dropped his head and covered his face, letting his tears fall and his shoulders slump.
“Cas.” Sam rushed forward and laid a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “What…” If Dean had been with him, Sam would have thought something happened with Bobby but alone Sam knew what had happened. “What did he do now?” Sam sighed at his stupid brother. It was just like him to push away the one person who could actually help him right now. Cas just made a miserable sound and hunched into himself. Sam felt like he had been punched. “Cas, I’m sorry.” Sam straightened Cas a little before pulling him into a tight hug. Cas stiffened briefly but soon relaxed and cried into Sam’ shirt. “Tell me what happened.”
Sam had been searching the hospital with an irritated determination. It took him ten minutes, but he finally found Dean on the roof. He was leaning over the edge and watching the traffic with a blank stare. Sam slammed the access door behind him making Dean jump. He stormed over to Dean with a withering glare. “What the Hell is wrong with you?!” Sam pushed Dean’s shoulder with only a small amount of force compared to what he wanted to do.
“What?”
“How could you do that to Cas?”
Dean raised his eyebrows. “How could I? Do you know what he did?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, he told me everything Dean. You’re the jackass here. He gave up everything to be with you. He feels guilty as Hell and he shouldn’t.” Dean huffed and started to respond. “No!” Dean shut his mouth. “You need to realize why Cas did what he did and get over it. He is your husband, your soulmate and you know it.”
“Sam, if Bobby dies…”
“It won’t be his fault. Stop blaming him for something none of us have control over.” Sam stepped back. “He’s in the chapel,” he turned and moved toward the door, “if you even care.” Sam started down the stairs and left Dean to his thoughts.
Dean looked back over the building. The sun was rising, coloring the sky in pale blue. He knew Sam was right, just like he knew this wasn’t Cas’ fault, but he didn’t understand why Cas would do what he did. He didn’t know why he wanted to be human. Dean knew what he needed to do. He left for the stairs.
Dean hesitated outside the chapel doors. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was going to say or how Cas would react, but he had to do something. Bracing himself, he pushed the small doors open and stepped into the small room. Cas was sitting in the second row near the aisle. Dean walked up slowly and sat in the row behind him. He noticed how Cas stiffened when he heard him sit.
“Cas,” Dean shifted on the hard pew, “I’m sorry.” Cas didn’t move. Dean scooted forward and put a hand on Cas’ right shoulder. Cas stiffened even more, like he was made of stone. Dean pushed lightly, trying to loosen him up a little. “You know how I am, especially right now. This isn’t your fault. I mean, you didn’t shoot him.” Dean moved his hand to the back of Cas’ neck, lightly massaging him. “It’s just…It’s my problem. I don’t understand your position. I wish I could.”
Cas stood suddenly and turned to face Dean. His face was blank but his eyes were hard and dark. “You know what Dean,” his voice was quiet and sharp, “I’m sick of explaining everything I do to everyone. I am my own person. I make my own decisions. They may seem selfish but after the long life I’ve lived I think I earned the right to be selfish.” Dean’s mouth fell open slightly. Cas took a shaky breath before softening a little. “Dean,” he leaned on the pew, “I love you.” Dean looked away. Cas turned his face back with a hand. “I know you don’t like to hear it, or you don’t believe it, but I did this for you. I did it to be with you.”
Dean closed his eyes. He couldn’t hear this or see Cas’ wide earnest eyes. Cas leaned forward more and rested their foreheads together. Dean involuntarily turned his body to face Cas.
“I always loved you in some way Dean.” Cas’ voice was a low whisper. “From the first moment I rebuilt you and touched your soul in Hell.” Cas moved his right hand to Dean’s left shoulder, fitting his hand perfectly into the print seared into Dean’s skin. Dean shuddered when Cas gripped his shoulder tighter. “That’s why this mark is here. I didn’t mean to, but I claimed you when I raised you. From that moment on, you were mine. I will not lose you Dean.”
Dean let out a small laugh. “A little possessive huh?” Dean’s breath hitched when Cas gripped him again.
“Yes.” Cas practically growled against Dean’s lips before pushing forward and kissing him with all the possession he felt. Dean cupped Cas’ face and pulled him closer. Cas let a hand fall to Dean’s jacket and pulled the rough fabric.
Dean pushed off the pew and stood, their lips still locked. Cas weaved his fingers through Dean’s hair and kissed him deeper. Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Cas like he was holding on for his life.
They broke apart for air, heads still resting together. Dean nuzzled Cas’ neck and kissed the warm flesh exposed above his shirt. Cas smiled. “Dean, we’re in a chapel.” Dean let his fingers curl around Cas’ belt loops and pushed his hips against him.
“So?” Dean nipped Cas’ neck gently.
Cas laughed quietly before pushing Dean back a little. They shared a look, a conversation without words. They understood each other then. Even if they could never explain it, they knew the other’s motivations and actions as well as their own. Cas stepped back and pulled Dean’s arm toward the door. “Come on, we should check on Bobby.”
Dean nodded and let himself be pulled out the door. They walked down the halls together back to Bobby’s room. Sam was standing by the nurse’s station looking a little irritated and worried. He saw them coming and turned to meet them. “So, you two okay?”
Dean and Cas shared a short look before turning back to Sam. “Yeah.” Dean shrugged. “Any news?”
Sam shook his head. “No, nothing yet.”
Cas saw the doctor attending Bobby making his way to them. “Maybe we’re about to get some.” Cas pointed to the approaching doctor. Sam turned and Dean moved up to meet him.
“So there’s nothing else we can do?”
The man stopped and sighed. “I’m sorry. We’ll just have to wait and see if the swelling goes down.”
Dean crossed his arms. “How long?”
The doctor shook his head. “It’s hard to say in cases like this.”
“He’s lasted this long. That’s something right?”
“Well, yes,” the doctor seemed hesitant, “listen the bullet didn’t shatter. Only one hemisphere of his brain was damaged. These are all positive things, but I don’t want to give you false hope here. He’s far from out of the woods. Most of the time in cases like this…”
“They die.” Sam finished the sentence.
The doctor nodded slightly. “It comes down to him. I’ll keep you updated.” The boys nodded as the doctor walked away. They stood in silence a moment sending a silent prayer for Bobby to stay strong.
“Excuse me.” A voice behind them made the three men turn to see a short man in a suit standing behind them. “Sorry to interrupt. Is one of you Robert Singer’s next of kin?”
Sam and Cas glanced at each other before looking to Dean. He nodded and stepped forward. “Yeah, I am.”
“Could I talk to you for a second?”
“Yeah, sure.” Dean walked down the hall with the man. Cas watched him go before turning to Sam.
“How are you holding up Sam?”
“I’m…okay I guess.” Sam gave a half smile. “I just wish there was something we could do.” Cas saw Sam trace the scar on his left hand as he stared off blankly.
“Me too.”
Sam turned his full attention back to Cas. “So is everything okay between you two?” Sam gestured down the hall where Dean was talking to the suited man.
Cas nodded. “We’re fine.” He looked at Dean, seeing him start to take a defensive stance. “We understand each other. Don’t worry about us.” Dean seemed to be arguing with the man now. Cas was starting to worry.
Sam nodded. Then Dean’s voice carried up the hallway. “Do your jobs! SAVE HIM!”
“Oh crap.” Sam had really hoped that Cas had calmed him down a little, but this man seemed to have riled him up again. Then Dean suddenly punched the wall beside the man’s head, breaking the glass of the directory hanging there.
“Dammit.” Cas took off to stop Dean from hurting someone or himself. He could hear Dean as he got closer.
“Walk away from me. NOW!” The poor man took off and passed Cas in the hall. Dean saw Cas coming and turned to leave through the front doors beside him.
“Dean.” Dean pushed the door open and didn’t slow down as Cas called for him. “Dean wait.” Cas quickly followed Dean outside. “Dean.”
Dean was shaking his right hand. Blood was running from his knuckles. Cas took hold of his arm and pulled him to a stop as he tried to get away. “Dean, stop.” Cas threw him a look that froze Dean in his tracks. He pulled Dean’s injured hand up to see the damage. His knuckles were split open from the glass and bleeding. It wasn’t too bad. Cas gently felt the cuts to see if any glass remained in his skin.
Dean hissed at the touch. “Ow.”
“Suck it up.” Cas looked closer, seeing a small piece of glass lodged in a knuckle. “What happened?”
“He asked me about freakin organ donation.” He hissed again as Cas pulled the glass out of his hand. “Why is everyone talking like Bobby is already dead? He’s not gonna die.” Dean let out a pained noise as Cas roughly pulled another piece of glass out. He turned his head away and saw a black car parked in front of the hospital. His face turned to stone and he pulled his hand away from Cas and walked to the car.
“Dean, what are you…?” Cas threw his hands up as Dean knocked on the car window.
“Dick! I know you’re in there. Come on out you dick.” The window rolled down to reveal Dick Roman sitting contently in the back seat. Cas could see him and hurried to stand by Dean. “You come here to finish the job?” Dick smiled. Cas moved up behind him as Dean stood back and raised his voice. “Well come on,” Dean opened his arms, “right here right now out in the open. You and me, Dick Roman.”
A small crowd had gathered and pulled out their phones to take pictures. Dick smiled again and nodded. “See? Deciding to jump a famous guy isn’t all upside. You can kill me right now, if you want to see it online.”
Dick was smiling as if Dean was really amusing. “You should go check on that friend of yours. He can’t be feeling too frisky right about now. I’m a very good shot.” His smile seemed painted on his face.
Dean moved closer to the car and lowered his voice. “We’re coming for you. And not just to hurt you, to kill you. You understand me?”
“Come on Dean, I can’t be killed.”
“You’re gonna wish you could then.”
Dick laughed. “That’s some conviction. You’d really crush it on the motivational circuit.”
“You’re either laughing because you’re scared or because you’re stupid. I’ll see you soon Dick.” Dean pushed off the car and walked back to the hospital. Cas shared a short look with Dick who gave him a smile before turning to follow Dean back into the building.
When they got back inside, Cas pulled Dean toward the bathroom. “Let’s clean up your hand.” Cas pushed the door open and led Dean to the sinks. He ran cool water and put Dean’s hand under.
“I can do it myself.”
Cas let go and stepped back. “Okay.” He watched Dean clean and dry his hand. It didn’t look too bad. He decided not to bandage it at all. They were silent, not wanting to bring up anything that would set off any more tempers.
When Dean was done he left for Bobby’s room, knowing Cas would follow. They found Sam leaning against the windowsill again looking tense and nervous. He stood when he saw them coming. “What’d that guy want?”
“Nothin.” Dean lied. Cutting off Cas before he could tell Sam. Cas wasn’t sure why. “Dick Roman was out there.”
Sam’s eyes widened. “What? What happened?”
“Nothing for now. Just a staring contest. That was about it.” Dean looked at Bobby. “What’s the update?”
“Swelling’s down a little. They took him off sedation. Apparently he started fighting his tubes so they pulled them out. He’s breathing on his own.”
“That’s good right?” Dean glanced at Cas.
Sam looked at him. “Yeah, doctor said best case scenario.”
“Alright so when are they gonna take the bullet out?” Dean could feel a small hope building in his chest.
“Dean,” Sam looked down, “they’re not even gonna try that, not yet.”
“What does that mean?”
“The word is abrading I think.”
“English.”
“Cutting out the dead brain tissue. That’s if the doctor even thinks it’s worth the risk.” Dean gave a worried look toward Bobby. Sam looked at Cas and then back to Dean. “Can I talk to you,” Sam looked at Cas again, “alone?”
Dean looked back at Cas with a questioning look. Cas nodded. “Yeah, you two go. I’ll be here.” Cas moved a little closer to the room as the brothers walked a few feet away.
Dean followed Sam. When Sam stopped Dean held out his arms. “What? Talk about what?”
Sam turned to face him. “You know what.”
It took a second but realization finally hit Dean. “No, we’re not gonna have that conversation.”
“We need to.”
“He’s not gonna die.”
“He might.”
“Sam.”
“Dean, listen we need to brace ourselves.”
“Why?”
“Because this is real.” They looked at each other. Wanting the other to come around to their way of thinking.
Dean felt himself losing some control inside. “What do you want to do? You wanna hug and say we made it through it when dad died?” Sam looked like he was losing it a little too. “We’ve been through enough.” Dean pushed past Sam and left with no particular goal in mind. He just knew he needed to get out of the area.
Sam ran a hand through his hair and sat on a small chair behind him. He wasn’t taking this much better than Dean but he felt like he had to keep it together. Dean was the one that always flew off the handle. There had to be one stable person right? He pushed a thumb into his scar on his hand, wishing for once that this was all a dream. He didn’t want this to be real. But it was.
Cas thought about going after Dean but decided it best to give him some space. He stayed close to Bobby’s room, wishing he could do anything helpful. In all his existence he hadn’t felt more helpless than he did at this moment.
A couple hours later, Dean had come back and the three of them were waiting outside the room when a nurse walked by talking about prepping Bobby. Sam moved to intercept her. “Wait, wait, what’s happening?”
“He’s showing signs of responsiveness. We’re taking him out for surgery. If you want to see him, I’d squeeze in there quick.”
Sam and Dean shared hopeful looks and followed the nurse into the room. Cas followed behind. Sam and Dean moved to the left side of the bed, Cas moved to the right side. None of them knew what to do or say. They stood quietly.
“Sorry,” the nurse was standing in the doorway, “we need to get moving.”
Sam nodded. “Right, yeah.” Sam looked at Bobby, “Hey, uh, Bobby,” Sam picked up Bobby’s hand, “just…thanks. For everything.” He put his hand back down. Dean’s eyes fell and Cas watched Bobby’s face hoping to see some response.
“Alright. Please step back.”
The three of them moved back when Sam jumped. Bobby’s hand had come back up and was reaching for him. Bobby’s eyes opened slowly. “Wait, stop.” Sam held out an arm. Dean stopped and saw Bobby moving. Cas smiled. “His eyes are opening.”
“Bobby.” Dean moved up closer. Cas leaned closer. Bobby pulled off his breathing mask. Sam took his hand. Cas laid a hand on his arm. He seemed to be struggling to say something. “Don’t talk. Don’t talk.” Dean looked around the room frantically. “A pen.” Dean looked and found a sharpie on the chart hanging on the bed. He handed it to Bobby. “Here. What is it?”
Bobby pulled the cap off and opened Sam’s hand. He wrote out a set of numbers. Sam looked at his hand with a questioning look. Bobby was breathing hard, trying to speak. They all leaned in closer to hear. “Idjits.” Bobby gave a small tired smile. Cas smiled and looked at Sam and Dean. Bobby’s head fell back and his heart monitor flat lined.
“Bobby?” Dean gripped the bed rails tight. “Hey.”
The nurse moved forward and called out the door, “Call a code, trauma room!” The three of them were pushed out by the oncoming medical staff. They stood outside the room as nurses and doctors ran by and attempted to revive Bobby.
Time seemed to slow as they watched them work. This couldn’t happen. He had been getting better. The sound of the heart monitor was like a siren in their ears. Dean closed his eyes and prayed for Bobby to hang in there. He couldn’t lose him.
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