Fic: In Another's Eyes (Chapter 2)
Title: In Another’s Eyes
Fandom: The Avengers (AU-Cinematic Universe)
Characters: Antonia “Toni” Stark, Steve Rogers, others.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Toni/Steve
Warnings: None for this chapter
Summary: A stalker is targeting Toni, which skews how she sees herself and how she allows others to see her.
Notes: If you follow me on twitter, you may have seen me talking about Playlist 42, which is introduced in this chapter. If you're interested, it can be found here on YouTube.
Chapter Two:
Toni told them everything and regretted it. Only because she wasn’t wearing her suit when she punched out Clint Barton for telling her “That’s what you get for being such a cock tease.” If she’d had her suit, there would be a new Clint-shaped hole in the conference room wall, rather than him merely on the floor with a broken nose.
“She broke my fucking nose!” Clint yelled, his hand trying to catch the blood dripping from his face.
“Pity it wasn’t your neck,” Toni hissed as she walked towards the door.
“We’re not done here, Stark!” she heard Fury call after her.
“Yes we are!” she sang back, getting on the first open elevator she could find. Her plan was to collapse in a heap in the corner and stay there until she got to the basement garage, composing herself just as the door open and she was able to escape to a car. She couldn’t remember if she had a car in the garage today or not. She would hail a cab if she could, take the bus if she had too. Right now, she just wanted to get the hell away from everyone, especially Clint Barton and his stupid, bleeding face.
Of course, Captain America and his stupid, pretty face had to get into the elevator behind her, just in time to see her slide to the floor.
“Fuck off,” she said coldly, pointing to the now closing door. “Let me have my nervous breakdown in peace. Go away.”
“Are you alright?” Damn him and his stupid nice voice and clear concern for her wellbeing.
“I am not. I’m very far from alright. Alright and I are not even in the same universe anymore because someone kidnapped me for the soul purpose of chaining me to a pipe and getting into my pants. It wasn’t Loki because he maintains the delusion that being a woman, I’m the best person to hold hostage; it wasn’t Doom because of whatever reason Doom tends to have…” She was shaking again. “It wasn’t even some random attack, it… Jesus Christ, will you just go away now?”
She didn’t expect him to go away; the Boy Scout in him would never allow that. Toni also didn’t expect him to sit down next to her and rest his arm over her shoulders; nor did she expect herself not to flinch. She fought the tears coming to her eyes, thinking of what her father would say if he could see her right now. Thirty-six years old and holding back tears in an elevator. Howard wouldn’t care about the reason, he wouldn’t care that someone… he just wouldn’t care.
“I’m taking you home, Toni,” Steve said, rousing her from her thoughts. “Director Fury’s orders; based on what you’ve said, it’s quite obvious that you have a very determined stalker who plans on a return engagement. I’m staying with you until he’s caught.”
“I don’t need a babysitter, Cap” she said flatly.
“You also don’t need to be staying in that huge house all by yourself.”
“I’m not by myself. I have Jarvis.” She could somehow hear Steve rolling his eyes at her.
“Jarvis is a computer program, Toni. He’s not going to be much help if this guy breaks into your house.”
“Well, not right now he won’t. Let me down in my workshop for a couple days and you’ll be able to leave Jarvis in charge of an entire prison.”
“You’re not going to your workshop,” Steve informed her. “You’re going home, getting a shower and getting some rest.” He looked down at her, directly into her eyes. The elevator stopped and Steve got to his feet, picking her up once again. “Let’s get you home.” Toni hoped no one was looking at her, because she was completely unable to hide the fact she was blushing.
True to his word, Steve took Toni home. They took the motorcycle he’d bought recently, an updated version of the bike he had ridden back in the 40s. He wouldn’t take no for an answer when he told her to warp her arms tight around his waist as they rode. She was okay with that; his body was warm against hers and she realized that she felt safe for the first time in ages.
He carried her into the house like she was somehow broken-in all actuality, she probably was-and didn’t put her down until he had reached her master bedroom; had he not been such a prude, he probably would have carried her straight into the bathroom and put her in the shower. She hears him say something about dinner (oh dear god, please don’t let him think about cooking; Fury’s still fixing the Avenger HQ kitchen from when he tried to make pancakes) and that she should take her time. She just nodded and headed to the bathroom.
She feels sick, but she manages to hold it back as she shuts the door. She doesn’t lock it, knowing that if Cap even thinks she might be in trouble, he’ll break the door down. He’s done it before; Toni’s lab at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ needed a new wall following his belief that she was trapped under the car she was working on. She knows it’s nothing personal; most days Cap can’t even look at her, let alone care about her. He’s just in the mindset that every woman who isn’t Peggy Carter needs to be protected. Natasha humored him the first time; the second time, she proceeded to shoot someone she wasn’t even looking at while telling Cap that his assistance in that regard would no longer be needed. Cap didn’t try to rescue Natasha ever again.
“Jarvis,” she said softly. “Start playlist 42, please?”
“Considering Captain Roger’s tastes tonight, Miss?” came the reply. If Toni didn’t know better, she’d think there was a hint of amusement in there.
“Just in here, Jarvis; Captain Rogers can pick his own music if he wants.”
“Very good, Miss.” Toni slid out of her clothes, wincing a little as she moved. Her muscles were stiff from her trek earlier, just before the… incident. It would be some time before she could call it what is was…
Playlist 42 began playing as Toni turned on the water and stepped underneath. It was a list of 42 songs that no one would expect her to even listen to, let alone enjoy; they were her personal answers to the mystery of life, the universe and everything. She only listened to it alone and always had Jarvis play it on shuffle so she never heard the songs the same way twice. These were songs she could sing too; let’s face facts here, girls just were not meant to sing along with Tool’s “Prison Sex”. She also didn’t like singing in front of people. That’s why Playlist 42 was not public knowledge.
And tonight, Playlist 42 was a sadistic son of a bitch.
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
My words will warm and calm you.
Fucking John Barrowman and his god-like voice. Toni leaned back against the wall letting the water fall down on her face, as if it would somehow wash away the thoughts in her head. Thoughts of Cap; of her with Cap; of them together, in bed, kissing, cuddling, fucking… her eyes shot open when she realized where one of her hands had ended up during that last thought. Steve staying with her was not going to work well.
The playlist continues to be difficult; ‘You Sang to Me’, ‘Just Feel Better’, ‘I Want Love’, fucking ‘Daughters’… it was like the playlist was trying to bring up all of her issues at once. The problems with her dad, her own insecurities… the feelings she had for Cap, whatever they were. God, where the hell did they even come from? She didn’t have them before today… did she? And if she did, what exactly was she going to do about it? Captain America liked Iron Man, but Steve Rogers hated Toni Stark and that’s just the way it was… wasn’t it?
The song has changed again, Toni realizes. By now, her eyes are hidden by her arm, which is resting against the glass of the shower wall. The water’s turned cold, but she can’t bring herself to care. She just stands there, shivering, listening. Jeff Buckley; his timbre haunts her, it always has. She first heard this song in ’94; 18 years old, drunk out of her mind, glad her parents aren’t there to see it. God knows, to this day she can’t remember why she’d gotten that drunk. All she remembers is lying on the floor of her bedroom and hearing the song play. Just like she had all those years ago, she could feel herself crying. This time, however, she could also hear herself singing along.
“I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you? Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah…”
She knows the song by heart by now. It’s popular, been remade many times, but this will always be her version. Because no other version makes her cry like this. No other version breaks her when she gets to “it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”. No other version has ends with her lying on the floor of her shower, crying.
She hears something as the song ends. She looks up and thinks she sees the bathroom door move slightly.
“Jarvis?” she asks as she gets to her feet, turning off the water and wiping tears from her eyes. “Was someone just in here?”
“No, Miss Stark,” he replied; as far as she knew, he was unable to lie to her. She’d programed him that way. “Captain Rogers is in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to warm up a pizza.” She shook her head.
“Tell him to stop. I’ll be out in a moment.”
Fandom: The Avengers (AU-Cinematic Universe)
Characters: Antonia “Toni” Stark, Steve Rogers, others.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Toni/Steve
Warnings: None for this chapter
Summary: A stalker is targeting Toni, which skews how she sees herself and how she allows others to see her.
Notes: If you follow me on twitter, you may have seen me talking about Playlist 42, which is introduced in this chapter. If you're interested, it can be found here on YouTube.
Chapter Two:
Toni told them everything and regretted it. Only because she wasn’t wearing her suit when she punched out Clint Barton for telling her “That’s what you get for being such a cock tease.” If she’d had her suit, there would be a new Clint-shaped hole in the conference room wall, rather than him merely on the floor with a broken nose.
“She broke my fucking nose!” Clint yelled, his hand trying to catch the blood dripping from his face.
“Pity it wasn’t your neck,” Toni hissed as she walked towards the door.
“We’re not done here, Stark!” she heard Fury call after her.
“Yes we are!” she sang back, getting on the first open elevator she could find. Her plan was to collapse in a heap in the corner and stay there until she got to the basement garage, composing herself just as the door open and she was able to escape to a car. She couldn’t remember if she had a car in the garage today or not. She would hail a cab if she could, take the bus if she had too. Right now, she just wanted to get the hell away from everyone, especially Clint Barton and his stupid, bleeding face.
Of course, Captain America and his stupid, pretty face had to get into the elevator behind her, just in time to see her slide to the floor.
“Fuck off,” she said coldly, pointing to the now closing door. “Let me have my nervous breakdown in peace. Go away.”
“Are you alright?” Damn him and his stupid nice voice and clear concern for her wellbeing.
“I am not. I’m very far from alright. Alright and I are not even in the same universe anymore because someone kidnapped me for the soul purpose of chaining me to a pipe and getting into my pants. It wasn’t Loki because he maintains the delusion that being a woman, I’m the best person to hold hostage; it wasn’t Doom because of whatever reason Doom tends to have…” She was shaking again. “It wasn’t even some random attack, it… Jesus Christ, will you just go away now?”
She didn’t expect him to go away; the Boy Scout in him would never allow that. Toni also didn’t expect him to sit down next to her and rest his arm over her shoulders; nor did she expect herself not to flinch. She fought the tears coming to her eyes, thinking of what her father would say if he could see her right now. Thirty-six years old and holding back tears in an elevator. Howard wouldn’t care about the reason, he wouldn’t care that someone… he just wouldn’t care.
“I’m taking you home, Toni,” Steve said, rousing her from her thoughts. “Director Fury’s orders; based on what you’ve said, it’s quite obvious that you have a very determined stalker who plans on a return engagement. I’m staying with you until he’s caught.”
“I don’t need a babysitter, Cap” she said flatly.
“You also don’t need to be staying in that huge house all by yourself.”
“I’m not by myself. I have Jarvis.” She could somehow hear Steve rolling his eyes at her.
“Jarvis is a computer program, Toni. He’s not going to be much help if this guy breaks into your house.”
“Well, not right now he won’t. Let me down in my workshop for a couple days and you’ll be able to leave Jarvis in charge of an entire prison.”
“You’re not going to your workshop,” Steve informed her. “You’re going home, getting a shower and getting some rest.” He looked down at her, directly into her eyes. The elevator stopped and Steve got to his feet, picking her up once again. “Let’s get you home.” Toni hoped no one was looking at her, because she was completely unable to hide the fact she was blushing.
True to his word, Steve took Toni home. They took the motorcycle he’d bought recently, an updated version of the bike he had ridden back in the 40s. He wouldn’t take no for an answer when he told her to warp her arms tight around his waist as they rode. She was okay with that; his body was warm against hers and she realized that she felt safe for the first time in ages.
He carried her into the house like she was somehow broken-in all actuality, she probably was-and didn’t put her down until he had reached her master bedroom; had he not been such a prude, he probably would have carried her straight into the bathroom and put her in the shower. She hears him say something about dinner (oh dear god, please don’t let him think about cooking; Fury’s still fixing the Avenger HQ kitchen from when he tried to make pancakes) and that she should take her time. She just nodded and headed to the bathroom.
She feels sick, but she manages to hold it back as she shuts the door. She doesn’t lock it, knowing that if Cap even thinks she might be in trouble, he’ll break the door down. He’s done it before; Toni’s lab at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ needed a new wall following his belief that she was trapped under the car she was working on. She knows it’s nothing personal; most days Cap can’t even look at her, let alone care about her. He’s just in the mindset that every woman who isn’t Peggy Carter needs to be protected. Natasha humored him the first time; the second time, she proceeded to shoot someone she wasn’t even looking at while telling Cap that his assistance in that regard would no longer be needed. Cap didn’t try to rescue Natasha ever again.
“Jarvis,” she said softly. “Start playlist 42, please?”
“Considering Captain Roger’s tastes tonight, Miss?” came the reply. If Toni didn’t know better, she’d think there was a hint of amusement in there.
“Just in here, Jarvis; Captain Rogers can pick his own music if he wants.”
“Very good, Miss.” Toni slid out of her clothes, wincing a little as she moved. Her muscles were stiff from her trek earlier, just before the… incident. It would be some time before she could call it what is was…
Playlist 42 began playing as Toni turned on the water and stepped underneath. It was a list of 42 songs that no one would expect her to even listen to, let alone enjoy; they were her personal answers to the mystery of life, the universe and everything. She only listened to it alone and always had Jarvis play it on shuffle so she never heard the songs the same way twice. These were songs she could sing too; let’s face facts here, girls just were not meant to sing along with Tool’s “Prison Sex”. She also didn’t like singing in front of people. That’s why Playlist 42 was not public knowledge.
And tonight, Playlist 42 was a sadistic son of a bitch.
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
My words will warm and calm you.
Fucking John Barrowman and his god-like voice. Toni leaned back against the wall letting the water fall down on her face, as if it would somehow wash away the thoughts in her head. Thoughts of Cap; of her with Cap; of them together, in bed, kissing, cuddling, fucking… her eyes shot open when she realized where one of her hands had ended up during that last thought. Steve staying with her was not going to work well.
The playlist continues to be difficult; ‘You Sang to Me’, ‘Just Feel Better’, ‘I Want Love’, fucking ‘Daughters’… it was like the playlist was trying to bring up all of her issues at once. The problems with her dad, her own insecurities… the feelings she had for Cap, whatever they were. God, where the hell did they even come from? She didn’t have them before today… did she? And if she did, what exactly was she going to do about it? Captain America liked Iron Man, but Steve Rogers hated Toni Stark and that’s just the way it was… wasn’t it?
The song has changed again, Toni realizes. By now, her eyes are hidden by her arm, which is resting against the glass of the shower wall. The water’s turned cold, but she can’t bring herself to care. She just stands there, shivering, listening. Jeff Buckley; his timbre haunts her, it always has. She first heard this song in ’94; 18 years old, drunk out of her mind, glad her parents aren’t there to see it. God knows, to this day she can’t remember why she’d gotten that drunk. All she remembers is lying on the floor of her bedroom and hearing the song play. Just like she had all those years ago, she could feel herself crying. This time, however, she could also hear herself singing along.
“I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you? Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah…”
She knows the song by heart by now. It’s popular, been remade many times, but this will always be her version. Because no other version makes her cry like this. No other version breaks her when she gets to “it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”. No other version has ends with her lying on the floor of her shower, crying.
She hears something as the song ends. She looks up and thinks she sees the bathroom door move slightly.
“Jarvis?” she asks as she gets to her feet, turning off the water and wiping tears from her eyes. “Was someone just in here?”
“No, Miss Stark,” he replied; as far as she knew, he was unable to lie to her. She’d programed him that way. “Captain Rogers is in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to warm up a pizza.” She shook her head.
“Tell him to stop. I’ll be out in a moment.”