SPN fic: The Open Invitation

[patita_fea]

Chapter One
futurefic, spoilers thru 3.16, particularly for "The Kids Are Alright"
Katie and Annette Doolittle, Ben and Lisa Braeden, Sam, Dean, OFCs
Rated R for language
Disclaimer:  They're all Kripke's, and I'm not profiting.
Note:  This is unbeta'd, and I would be very grateful for a fresh pair of eyes on the next few chapters.

Chapter One

December

Comments

[irnan]

Wow. Just... wow. Started out all heartwarming and hopeful, with Ben 'fighting the good fight' and all his family around him. The bit with the Winchester's FBI files was hilarious, and then an AGONIZING cliffhanger, damn you. That's why I don't read WIPs.

*bites nails waiting for more*

[patita_fea]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to read, and even more for the kind review.

So not sorry about the cliffhanger. Mine is an evil laugh.

[uisgich]

I really enjoyed this! There's not enough grown-up!Ben fic :)

I loved the episode and liked the references back to all the kids being piled in the Impala after they were rescued.

Can't wait to see where you take the story, and if you're still stuck for a beta, I'd be happy to look it over for you.

[patita_fea]

I don't know why I'm so attracted to the gritty details and missing moments in the SPN 'verse. It's probably a disease or something.

Thank you so much for the encouraging review and for the beta offer. May I take you up on that and send you Chapter Two?

[uisgich]

There are so many missing moments, I love it when an author is inspired to fill in the gaps :)

And of course you can!

My mail addy is torranach at gmail dot com

[patita_fea]

Oh! You are lovely!

Thanks very much. I'm gonna send it right over and start with the authorial fretting.

[seriously_sam]

I love Ben with a fiery passion, so I'm always pleased to find stories about him when he's older and all badass hunter. I can't wait to read more. :)

[patita_fea]

What's not to love about a scrappy suburban version of Dean? I mean, other than the appalling lack of muscle car, obviously.

So glad I could feed the fires of Ben!passion. Thanks very much for the feedback. :)

[turquoisetumult]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue this. I LOVE outsider POVs and you have this one down incredibly nicely! I can imagine Katie and Ben like this when they're grown up and it's really well-written. And, sorry, I'm a sucker for Daddy!Dean and a Sam that needs eyeglasses (and misplaces them! Oh, Sam! :D) Also, Dean's daughter is adorable. :)

So, yeah, you have the characterizations down pat and I would encourage (or, um, make that COERCE) you to continue.

Eagerly awaiting a new chapter... :D

[patita_fea]

A friend of mine in her fifties read the bit about Sam's reading glasses, peered over her own glasses at me, and started the following conversation:

Lynn: How old is Sam supposed to be?
Duckie: Um... Thirty-eight?
Lynn: Hmph. Just so you know, the onset of presbyopia does not begin until well into your forties. He could perhaps have adult onset myopia, but that, my dear, is near-sightedness, and would not require reading glasses.
Duckie: ... Oh.
Lynn: You're not out of your teens yet. Of course thirty-eight sounds like death's door to you. Vision going, crow's feet...

I considered coming back with, "Maybe Lilith's white light of death partially blinded the poor puppy. You don't know." But I'd already made myself look quite childish enough

[orehime]

Hmmm, I'm liking it very much so far. It's good to see Ben all growed up 'cos he was such a cool kid :)

[patita_fea]

He was an uncommonly coolheaded eight-year-old in a crisis, wasn't he? *pets him* And the mouth on him! *goes to get soap*

Glad you're enjoying it. :)