(no subject)

[pateshie]

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a/n my old year's resolution is to finish all my wips. this one has been with me for months now, we were especially good friends between 2-3AM. and for some reason it kind of turned out like jongkey: the lana del rey video. i apologize for that, i really do.

there's an anon feedback meme underway here, any comments or thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated. ♥



Jonghyun ties his hair back with an old bandana. His shiny new toaster is his mirror and he pushes the bandana back till his forehead is showing, the hair behind it mussed and alert.

He licks his lips and walks over to the door, throwing it open. His small trailer floods with sunshine and his feet hit the ground with a smack. It’s two in the afternoon and the air is hazy with dust. Across the site, the sunbaked highway rumbles under rows of wheels.

Jonghyun plucks his toothbrush out of his back pocket, the frayed ends of his now-shorts brushing his knees. The taps are twelve trailers away to the left, if he remembers correctly. The woman who lives next to him gives him a contended smile and a lopsided salute, both of which he returns.

There’s a shriveled up tube of paste lying next to the tallest tap. Jonghyun squeezes it under his slipper. Nothing comes out. He sighs and runs his toothbrush under the water before sticking it in his mouth. He works it noisily around his teeth, eyes travelling to the horizon. The sky is so blue it hurts.

“Nice legs,” a husky voice says behind him and Jonghyun jumps, his toothbrush bumping against the roof of his mouth. The boy laughs and walks into Jonghyun’s view. He’s taller with sleek hair and thin eyes.

“You shpeak Koreen?!” Jonghyun says, spit dribbling down his chin.

The boy nods. “You’re new?”

Jonghyun takes his toothbrush out. “Yeah. This is my second week here and - hey, one second, sorry.” He leans down over the makeshift drain and spits. The water glitters as it splashes down and he works a handful around his mouth. The other boy watches him without blinking. He repeats the motion two more times before closing the tap and wiping his mouth on his arm.

“Sorry,” he repeats with a grin and sticks a hand out. “Jonghyun.”

The other boy’s palm is soft against his own. “I’m Kibum but my friends call me Key.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Three months now.” Key scans the trailers around them. “Which one’s yours?”

“Oh, you can’t see her from here but she’s near the big, blue one.”

“You live next to Jules? She’s cool.” Key licks his lips. His tongue is small and pink like a cat’s. “Hey, scoot over will you, I need a drink.”

Drops of water land on Jonghyun’s bare calf as Key hovers his mouth near the tap and opens it. His eyes are closed as he takes a long sip and lets some run over his nose and lips.

Jonghyun waits for him to finish, swinging on his heels, arms loose by his side.

“Shit, that was good.” Key says, screwing the tap shut and stretching up. “It is blazing today, how are you without a shirt.” There’s a light sweat building between his collarbones. “Anyway, I'll walk you back?”

Jonghyun shrugs, not sure what to make of Key just yet. The other boy doesn’t seem to mind. He falls easily into sync with Jonghyun’s walk, like he’s been studying it for days. “So, Key, how come you live here?”

“I ran away,” Key says conversationally. “My dad said he didn’t want a faggot for a son, I said I didn’t want a tight ass for a father and as you can imagine, it didn’t go very well after that. So I left. Took the neighbor’s kid with me too,” he finishes with a wicked smile.

Jonghyun looks up at the other boy and whistles. “That must have got people talking.”

“Yeah.” Key laughs. “They probably think we fucked all day and died of AIDs but it’s a lot more boring than that. He’s like a little brother to me and there’s no way I was going to let him go through what I did.”

The tips of Jonghyun’s toes are black from walking through the sooty remains of a campfire. “Is he happier now?”

“I hope so,” Key says, his shirt fluttering in the wind. “He still reads the book every day, I don’t know what that says but I think it says something. How about you? What do you do?”

“I’m a musician.” Jonghyun points to thin chain around his neck. Dangling above his navel is a red guitar pick. “I sort of ran away too. But with permission.” He laughs as they round a corner. Trailers of different sizes flank their path. A chair gets in the way and Jonghyun follows Key around it. “I took a few hundred from my mom and she’s given me a year to try my luck. I record demos in my trailer and post them to record companies.”

Key raises his eyebrows. “Your English that good?”

“Passable. Anyway the words in demos aren’t set. What they’re really looking for is a sound, a rhythm, you know?” He shakes his hips for effect and Key laughs.

“Yeah, I get it.” He points to a trailer ten feet away from them. “I’m guessing that’s you?”

“Yup,” Jonghyun says proudly. “I got her cheap too. From a guy at a bar.”

“Of course.” Key shakes his head but he’s smiling. He follows Jonghyun to his doorstep.

Jonghyun leaps up on it and turns around. Key’s eyes are on him and he rubs his ankles together nervously.

“You’re not going to invite me in?” Key teases and Jonghyun bites his lip. He’s definitely flirting but Jonghyun isn’t sure what to say. He’s heard things, of course, about places like this.

“Not today,” he says finally. “But I’ll see you around?”

There’s something exciting about this boy's soft hands and strong teeth.

Jonghyun is sitting on his doorstep and peeling an orange when Key crosses him, four days after their first meeting. The air is sharp from the fruit and Key breathes in appreciatively before sticking his hand out.

Jonghyun laughs and puts half his orange on it. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, well, some people don’t leave their trailer for days.”

“What can I say? I’ve been shacking up with inspiration.” Jonghyun grins.

Key clicks his tongue. “And here I was thinking I bored you to death.”

“You think about me?” Jonghyun says impishly and Key rolls his eyes.

“Listen, you hermit, I’m inviting you to dinner. You better show up, alright? Give your poor muse a break too.”

“Yeah, ok.” Jonghyun plays with the seeds on his tongue. “What time?”

“Like seven?” A drop of orange juice slides down Key’s arm and he licks it up in one long stripe. “Any time after sunset is cool with me.”

“See you then, I guess.”

Key nods. His eyes flit behind Jonghyun and into his trailer. He doesn’t move and Jonghyun watches as his eyes rake over his belongings, flickering lightly when they land on him.

“See you tonight, Jong-hyun-sshi,” he hums before ambling off, hands in his pockets.

It’s ninety-four degrees and sweat is painting his neck but Jonghyun shivers.

He borrows half a bottle of port wine from his neighbor. There aren’t a lot of manners in the park but he doesn’t want to show up empty handed.

The sand is cooling off. His pick swings under his shirt, bouncing against his stomach. In the distance, shadows move around. Dust swirls around them, hiding their smiles but their songs carry out to him. He runs his free hand through his hair.

“You look fine.”

“Fuck.” Jonghyun almost drops his bottle. He whips around to find a tall, slim boy with shaggy black hair and big eyes. “Does sneaking up on people run in the family?”

“I’m Taemin,” the boy says, ignoring him. “Key’s inside.”

“I know.”

“Go ahead then. Knock.” The boy smiles and it’s positively sadistic.

Jonghyun bangs the door with the bottle.

“What’re you doing?” Key asks from behind him. Jonghyun grits his teeth and turns around slowly. The other boy blinks innocently. “Is Taem bothering you?”

“Weren’t you supposed to be inside?”

Taemin bursts into laughter as Key shakes his head.

“Maybe you have a fever. Too much sun does that to you.”

“I do not have a fever,” Jonghyun says loudly. He looks at Taemin. “Isn’t lying a sin or whatever?”

The boy sobers up immediately. “Nobody died, right?”

“No,” Jonghyun says slowly.

“Then no.”

Jonghyun bites down the questions he can feel crowding on his tongue. He holds out the bottle of wine.

“This is for you, Key.”

Key takes it with a pleased noise. “It’s port!” He steps closer. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. “How did you know I love port?”

Jonghyun shrugs, taking a step back till his back bumps the door. “I figured, you know, um, who doesn’t?”

“Thanks,” Key says sincerely. His eyes are dark as he leans forward. Jonghyun’s hand reaches out to push him back but before he can, the trailer door swings open and he falls on his ass.

The sound of Key’s laughter rings late into the night.

It gets sharper the more wine he sips, his mouth and his cheeks stained a deep red. For dinner Taemin has made a big bowl of clumsily peeled vegetables. They’re generously salted. Jonghyun’s lips shrivel up.

“So,” Key starts loudly, his glass clutched tightly in one hand, “Taeminnie, what do you think our guest here does for a living?”

Taemin gives Jonghyun a hard look. “I think he ran away,” he says finally.

Jonghyun shrugs but Key presses further.

“From?”

“The midget circus.” Taemin grins wickedly and Jonghyun resists the urge to throw his glass at him. Key loves it though. He laughs till there are small tears dotting his lashes. They shine in the light.

Jonghyun shakes his head. He’s had too much.

Key walks him back. His breath is sour on Jonghyun’s neck as he winds an arm around Jonghyun’s waist to keep from falling. And as they separate yards from Jonghyun’s trailer, he winds cold fingers around Jonghyun’s wrist and holds him in place.

“Sing for me before you go,” he commands. “

Jonghyun’s never been able to deny a pretty face. He stands there awkwardly, clears his throat and begins to sign. He’s in the middle of the chorus when Key lurches forward and stuffs four fingers in his open mouth. He chokes.

“Shhh,” Key says, drawing back. His hands wrap around Jonghyun’s shoulders, making him gasp as he slams him against his trailer. The noise is deafening but Key doesn’t blink. His hands reach out, undo Jonghyun’s zipper and pull his cock out.

When Jonghyun wakes up, Key is right there - pressed between his body and the wall, his dry lips twisted into a smirk.

“I was good, wasn’t I?” he whispers, like he’s been waiting for Jonghyun to wake up and tell him just how good. Jonghyun hums and stretches his legs, acts like he isn’t still reeling. There’s paint under his fingernails. He remembers clawing his trailer, desperate to find something to hold on to as Key swallowed his cock.

But he acts like his heart isn’t racing.

“Not bad.” He smiles.

Key pouts and pokes his waist. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m not?”

“No.” They lapse into silence; one where Jonghyun is looking out the window and Key is looking at Jonghyun. “I think we should do one of those things people expect at trailer parks.”

“Like this?” Jonghyun gestures.

“Like fireworks and popsicles.”

“I will have to pass,” Jonghyun says with a laugh, shifting till they face each other and the sun is across his back. “But we can do more of this, it seems pretty stereotypical to me.”

“But I liked you in the slutty cut offs,” Key murmurs, his finger tracing the curve of Jonghyun’s thigh. “Made me want to pick you up and take you raw.”

Jonghyun buries his face in the pillow but his cheeks still burn and his heart still pounds. Key wraps an arm around him. His words are loud in Jonghyun’s ears.

“You’re perfect.”

“Yes, mom. Yes, I swear, why would I li- God, mom, I am not four years old. No, I don’t have a girlfriend, I came here for my mus-”

Key bites back a laugh as Jonghyun rolls his eyes. He’s a bit loud, his conversation wafts out of the weathered phone booth to where Key is squatting on the ground, eyeing the soda shop in the distance longingly. Jonghyun seems to notice because he mouths sorry the next time their eyes meet.

Key just shrugs. He’s not too fussed. It’s interesting to see what the real Jonghyun is like - the one who’s not out in a dessert, legs tangled with a stranger’s and neck covered in hickeys. This Jonghyun is a boy, with a mother at home who frets and worries and picks out girls for him. It’s so alien, almost like watching a movie.

The phone makes a merry little noise when Jonghyun hangs up. He steps out and pulls Key up by the hair, ignoring the loud hiss the boy makes.

“Come on, let’s get something for that pretty mouth of yours.”

Key gets a cherry flavored soda. His lips purse around the straw and he swirls the liquid around in his mouth before swallowing it with a loud gulp.

“Now what?”
“I don’t know. We’re on a date, right? We can do whatever you want.”

“What a gentlemen.” Key laughs. “You do know there’s nothing to do in this dead beat town, right?”

“There’s a diner with a jukebox. Let me take you dancing.”

Key makes Jonghyun want to do cheesy things like pick him up and spin him around. He’s never felt this way before and it’s exhilarating. Waking up to Key’s kitten tongue on his neck or watching the sun play with his hair - these are things he’s waited to see his whole life. Now that Key is beside him, the songs just flow.

“Perfect. Now turn to face me.”

There isn’t a cell on Key’s body that is shy. His face is relaxed as he meets Jonghyun’s eyes, his cheek against the older boy’s pillow, his naked body stretched out on his bed. His ass is high and plump, and his ankles wonderfully frail as he crosses them.

He doesn’t say a word as Jonghyun writes in his diary, occasionally looking at him but mostly, frantically, lost in his words.

The sun goes down. When Jonghyun’s hand stops, Key has fallen asleep and there are goosebumps on his back.

With the help of two empty crates they climb on top of Jonghyun’s trailer and watch the sun set, Jonghyun cradled between Key’s legs.

The wind is warm on his legs and the way Key is playing with his hair feels nice.

“Where are you from?” Key rests his chin on Jonghyun’s shoulder.

“San Fran.”

“Oh,” Key says before laughing. “So your parents are hippies?”

“I don’t have a dad. But, yeah, I guess some people would call my mom that. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. I’m free to do anything I want and I can always go home if I fail. There are no conditions.”

“That sounds nice.” Key sounds wistful and Jonghyun finds his hand, twines their fingers together. “Would she like me?”

“She would love you.”

“Good.” Jonghyun fights back a shiver as Key softly kisses his skin. “You smell so nice, Jjongie, even out here in this sand pit. How do you do that?”

“I use soa- Hey, don’t pinch me!”

“Then don’t say stupid things. I love the way you smell.” Key nuzzles him and breathes in deep. “Like sweat and cold water. It’s addictive.”

“That makes no sense,” Jonghyun says, amused.

“Shut up.” Key trails his fingers across Jonghyun’s chest then lower, then lower, then lower.

He fucks him long and slow on top of the trailer. Jonghyun keeps his eyes on the sky, waiting for the stars come out and play.

“I know you’ll leave in time so I’ll stitch your skin up in mine.” Key whistles. “This is some pretty scary stuff, Jjong. I thought you were the romantic type.”

Jonghyun shrugs and takes a bite of his cereal.

“Kiss me before you go and I’ll follow you blind, I’ll be there when you wake up, I hope you don’t mind.”

Key’s lips shine in the morning sun as he reads out Jonghyun’s notebook. His own bowl of cereal is lying empty. Occasionally his eyes will dart to Jonghyun’s, as if to ask him, is this really okay? This is the first time in 2 months Jonghyun has shown Key his lyrics. He knows he’s not very good and he probably won’t be for a while. When the other boy is around, he can’t concentrate. The same words fight their way out of him, night after night, to the tune of his whimpers and Key’s deep groans.

He hasn’t recorded a song in 3 weeks now. The last tape he posted hadn’t earned him much but Key still plucked the note from his fingers like it was a million dollars.

“I love money,” he had said with a wink and something in Jonghyun’s chest had unsettled.

Sometimes Key steals from Jonghyun but they never talk about it.

“We’re going to the city to meet our friend,” Key announces one afternoon as they sit in the town diner, cradling cold milkshakes. “Do you want to come?”

Jonghyun is about to say yes when he catches Taemin glaring at him. The younger boy has been openly resentful about losing Key’s attention. So far, it was Key’s far and few possessions that had born the brunt but Jonghyun’s skin prickled at the thought of Taemin and his box of matches.

There was something eerily similar about Key and Taemin. They both have the same dark hair and charming eyes that sometimes say things to each other Jonghyun can’t quite catch. He says yes anyway.

Key claps his hands. “It’s settled then. Minho said he will be in Reno the day after. Oh, God, I haven’t seen him in years. How long has it been, Tae?”

“Five years,” Taemin says quietly.

Key shakes his head. “I can’t believe it’s been that long. Minho was the closest thing I had to a best friend growing up,” he explains. “He really stuck up for me and Taemin. Didn’t he save you from the bullies like, every week?”

“Every day.” Taemin takes a long sip. “He was one of the three other Koreans in our school but he was different.”

“Yeah. He was really popular too, captain of the soccer team and top of his class. His life was like one of those family pictures they put in photo frames at gift shops. They were such a good looking family and Minho never disappointed them.”

Key is lost in his memories. He doesn’t notice the way Taemin’s fingers curl around the edge of the table. But Jonghyun is on the outside. Jonghyun sees it all.

Maybe it’s not his place to ask but out here, with the makeshift beds in the makeshift homes, places are not important anyway.

So when his eyes flutter open in the middle of the night and he sees a fire burning outside, Jonghyun wraps a sheet around him and steps out of the trailer.

The stars are out and Taemin’s eyes are already on him.

“You could have at least put some clothes on.” He sounds disgusted.

Jonghyun draws the sheet closer and shrugs. “Why are you out here?”

“Because I don’t want to wake up to the sight of you two fucking. It’s not as pretty as you make it sound in your little diary.”

Jonghyun doesn’t ask how he knows. “You could sleep in my trailer. You’ve done it before.”

“I’ll sleep in my own bed if I want,” Taemin growls. “Maybe you should try sleeping in your trailer for once.”

Jonghyun tries to wrestle the annoyance from his voice. “Hey, look, something’s wrong, why don’t you just tell me?”

“What good would that do? Can you change anything? No. You’re just like us. A helpless little thing that tried to grow up too fast. In a few weeks, you’ll go running back to your mom but we can’t even do that.”

“Is this about your friend?”

Taemin stills. The wind is in his hair and his hair is wild across his eyes.

“Do you believe in happy endings, Jonghyun?”

Jonghyun thinks of Key sleeping inside the trailer, of the warmth of his skin and the cute way he scrunches his nose when he’s trying not to sneeze.

“I’d like to,” he says finally.

Taemin laughs. “It’s good to be young.”

They stand by the edge of the highway, the sun whipping their faces and the wind billowing their clothes. Every time a car whizzes past, Taemin’s tiny skirt flutters. His long wig is a mess and Key keeps tugging him close so he can card his fingers through it.

Eventually a truck slows down to a halt - whether it’s for Taemin’s legs or Jonghyun’s, they never find out. But they both climb into the back gratefully anyway. It’s a scorching day.

“You make a very pretty girl,” Jonghyun says after staring at Taemin for a while. The younger boy seems to be in a better mood, his glossy lips breaking out into a smile.

“Thanks. Don’t get too attached though, I’m going to change as soon as we reach. This is was just to hitch a ride.”

“You’ll have to kiss the driver thanks first,” Key says with a smirk.

“Over my dead body.”

“I can’t wait to change either,” Jonghyun says, scratching his knee. Key had wrestled him into his cutoffs earlier that morning. They’re not exactly ideal travel attire. There’s sand on his calves and even more between his toes.

Key pouts. “You two are no fun. My idea was genius, we doubled our audience, dressing you in drag,” he gestures at Taemin and then Jonghyun, “and dressing you slutty.”

“I can tell your future career already,” Taemin says dryly. “Kim Kibum, part time artist, full time pimp.”

Jonghyun tries to ignore the way he learns more about Key in that one sentence than he has in two months.

Reno looks like a smaller Vegas.

Minho looks like he should be out on the moors of England, getting his heart broken.

He laughs when Jonghyun tells him that at lunch.

“I don’t need to go to the moors for that, hyung.”

He’s the only one who calls Jonghyun that. It suits him.

“So what do you do with your time?”

“I’m studying business but I also work as a rock climbing instructor.”

“I was wondering why you’ve gotten so tan.” Key leans across the table and pinches his cheek. “Is your body still a machine?”

Minho laughs. He’s tall and handsome, his only flaw the slight lisp in his voice but even that looks good. “Guilty as charged. How have you been?”

“Fabulous,” Key says with a wicked grin.

“And you, Taemin?” Minho asks kindly.

“I’ve been alright, hyung.”

Jonghyun falls in love with the way Taemin’s eyes shine when he looks at Minho.

They walk by the river after they eat. As the memories kick into their legs, the other three boys fall into step. Jonghyun watches them from behind. Sometimes a word will snag on the breeze and carry back to him but for the most part, he stays out of it.

Every now and then Key will turn around and smile at him. This alone is enough for Jonghyun to keep following them. He doesn’t mind when Minho curls his arm around Key’s waist. The cloudless sky and sun-warmed stones are far more interesting.

“Minho asked us to come back,” Key whispers to him on the bus ride home. Jonghyun leans past him to watch the lights play across Taemin’s face.

“And?” he says with some trepidation.

“There’s nothing for us there. But maybe a city wouldn’t be so bad.”

“They’re not,” Jonghyun says earnestly. “They’re big and they’re wonderful and there’s so much to do.”

“You miss home, don’t you?”

“Yes but if I leave, I’ll miss you,” he answers.

Key finds his hand and holds it tight.

“And down by the brimming river I heard a lover sing,” Jonghyun reads out, past the lump in his throat, “under an arch of the railway: Love has no ending. I’ll love you, dear, I'll love you, till China and Africa meet."

One day his mother falls sick and Jonghyun packs his bags. Key doesn’t come with him and Taemin isn’t sorry to see him go. The last time he sees them is through his tears.

They say first loves never come true. Jonghyun doesn’t stay long enough to find out.

And if years later Key hears a song on the radio that sounds like the songs he has known, he doesn’t stop in the street. He stills his heart and he only trusts his feet.

(The poem that Jonghyun reads out is by WH Auden.)