Star Trek: Voyager Fanfiction J/7 1/3

[jazwriter]

Songs of the Soul

Author: Jazwriter/Jazwriter13

Pairing: Janeway/Seven; Star Trek: Voyager

Rating:  R

Disclaimer: Paramount owns it all, and I am merely borrowing these delicious characters from Star Trek: Voyager through the fair use doctrine to flex my cerebral muscles and to provide some good, clean entertainment. I receive no money for this story.

Also, the songs are not mine. The lyrics are by Linda Thompson, Music by Ennio Morricone, and the awesome singer of "You're Still You" is Josh Groban. "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?" lyrics by Alan and Marilyn Bergman, composed by Michel Legrand, and sung by Barbra Streisand. "Someday We'll All be Free," composed, created and sung by Alicia Keys, to the best of my knowledge.

Feedback is welcomed if sincere to JAZwriter13@aol.com

Archiving: Only with the permission of the author.

Author’s Notes: This was the very first fanfiction I ever wrote. Ever. It was not beta-read because I didn’t know what a beta-reader was. I have cleaned it up a bit, but the narrative does switch to different characters. I have offset the shifts with “***” to help you keep track. Therefore, please be gentle when commenting.

***


Part 1

Another Starfleet function. More handshaking and polite talk, smiles and laughter, backslaps and congratulations. After circuiting the room, Admiral Kathryn Janeway sank into a chair that was shadowed by a tall leafy plant, her eyes scanning the rest of the ballroom restlessly. Since their illustrious return from the Delta Quadrant, Starfleet had lavished them with several such celebrations. Dressed in white pleated pants and a jade green silk shirt, Janeway cut a striking figure with her flashing auburn hair and cobalt eyes. Her lithe, compact body resonated strength, intelligence, and elegance. At that moment, those eyes automatically sought and found the one person who mesmerized her. Kathryn instinctively felt the woman's pull. As she watched, Janeway's former First Officer, Chakotay, casually encircled the object of her complete attention, Seven of Nine, with an arm around her waist. Janeway blanched, looking away quickly.

Drawn back to the scene unfolding across the room, Janeway's gaze intensified on Seven as she reflected on a few weeks ago when she had last seen her. As promised, Janeway had taken Seven to visit her home in Indiana.

Kathryn, content to share her private life with someone she considered to be very special, sighed happily as they strolled down a dirt path toward a small lake. Seven cocked her head, seemingly intrigued by the expulsion of breath. Watching the former drone's action out of the corner of her eye, Janeway's expression widened into a soft smile.

Stopping, Kathryn turned to face Seven directly and spoke.

"Thank you for spending the day with me. Since we've returned, I' ve been so inundated with Starfleet obligations that I haven't had the opportunity to just relax. I can't think of anyone with whom I'd rather share my childhood home." Janeway blushed lightly, wishing she could share so much more with this captivating woman.

Seven stared at Janeway silently. Finally, she seemed to pull herself together and replied, "It has been my pleasure, Captain. I have missed our time together."

"Kathryn," Janeway gently corrected. After a pregnant pause, Kathryn uttered in a husky voice, "I have, too." Seven stared, as if fascinated by Janeway's face, so open, with luminous, sparkling eyes. Kathryn silently mused that this woman had slipped under her defenses, becoming the focal point of her existence. After severing Seven of Nine from the Borg collective several years prior, Janeway had the pleasure of watching the former drone reclaim her humanity, and in the process steal her heart. Janeway resumed walking, cutting across a grassy knoll that housed a corps of trees overlooking the lake.

Turning away from the object of her affection, Janeway sat underneath a tree, tacitly inviting Seven to join her with a tilt of her head and a teasing half-grin. Kathryn gazed across the water while gathering her thoughts. Having formulated the words to reflect what was in her heart, she opened her mouth to begin her confession.

Kathryn's eyes refocused on the ballroom, the noises reasserting themselves forcefully. A song reached her ears, mirroring her deepest feelings for the riveting woman her eyes continued to caress.

Through the darkness, I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

To Janeway, Seven seemed to be enshrouded in light, tugging at the former Starfleet Captain, luring her closer. The shine Seven's glorious spirit emitted was a feast for Janeway's ravenous heart, making it impossible for her to tear her eyes away. Tonight she was wearing a simple, shimmering cocktail dress of midnight blue that left a long expanse of gorgeous muscular legs exposed. Her hair hung in waves of gold, partially obstructing the view of her cleavage. Kathryn had felt her heart stop and then pump double time when she had seen Seven enter the room. Of course, the spaghetti straps and V-neck did little to hide the power that exuded from every pore of the former Borg. As if the physical appearance of the six-foot blonde bombshell isn't enough to start the hormones raging every time she's near me, Janeway thought ruefully. If given the choice, Janeway acknowledged, she would gaze upon Seven for the rest of her life.

Well, there, Janeway thought derisively. Now that I can't have her, I'm freely admitting that I want Seven with me for as long as I hold breath in my body. How bold of me. Janeway stifled a sigh.

Yet Janeway was cognizant of harsh reality. She knew she no longer had Seven's undivided attention.
Morosely, Janeway admitted to herself that she took for granted the connection they shared, took for granted that Seven would always be a part of her life, took for granted that Seven would stay with her once they returned to Earth. That hadn't happened. Instead Chakotay had swept the very epitome of femininity off her proverbial feet. Regret now burned deeply within her gut, causing Kathryn's eyelashes to brim with unshed tears. As the former Borg and first officer's romance flourished, Seven had withdrawn from Janeway. She understood. It was only natural that two people in love wished to spend as much time together as possible to the exclusion of the outside world.

The Admiral's thoughts focused inward once more, recalling more of the day that had sucked the happiness out of her existence.

Once Janeway had returned her crew to Earth, the shackles of responsibility were unlocked. Released from the burden of command, she felt she was free to pursue Seven.

Turning to the lovely soul beside her, opening her mouth to reveal her innermost desires, she was cut-off by a very nervous former Borg's rushed confession.

"I have begun a romantic liaison with Chakotay."

Startled, if not a little bemused by this turn of events, Janeway searched Seven's eyes-for what, she did not know. With a sinking heart, she knew her feelings would remain unexpressed. How could she squash Seven's first romance?

"How do you feel about this…liaison?" Janeway asked cautiously, pushing aside her own feelings.

"I am uncertain. It is a very different way of interacting with another person," Seven answered honestly.

I'll bet, Janeway thought darkly, her imagination running wild with thoughts of their embraces, embraces robbed from her. But she had no one to blame but herself. She had chosen to wait, arrogantly believing that no on could take Seven from her. Swallowing her bitter thoughts, she took a calming breath and asked, "Are you happy?"

Confusion flitted across Seven's visage as she softly parroted the word to herself.

"Yes, Seven. Do you like spending time with Chakotay?" Janeway persisted, a small spark of hope igniting within her stomach.

"He has been very attentive," Seven replied uncertainly.

Janeway bit back the retort resting on her lips as that fledgling spark was extinguished. She certainly believed that Chakotay was very focused on the beauty sitting before her. Janeway knew she would have sleepless nights concerning how "attentive" Chakotay was toward Seven. As her mouth clamped into a straight line, Janeway sought to repress not just her verbal responses, but her very soul which cried out in anguish at this cruel twist of events. Just when she was going to declare her love, Seven's revelation pointed starkly at the truth: it was too late.

Trying to support her friend even as her heart crumbled, Janeway leaned over to pat Seven's knee. "I am happy for you both. Your happiness is very important to me. If Chakotay can give you that, then I am…happy," Janeway finished inanely.

Her mind race wildly. Why do I keep saying "happy?" Janeway chastised herself severely. Do I have no vocabulary now? Have I become a babbling idiot in front of perhaps the most intelligent and certainly the most beautiful woman I have ever met? Great. I'm sure she'll remember this conversation for my erudite vocabulary. You're happy, he's happy, we're all fricken happy. Janeway silenced the inner dialogue by pure force of will, smiling sardonically.

As all these thoughts flitted through her mind, deep feelings revealed themselves on Janeway's classic features to an attentive Seven.

While the music reasserted itself onto Janeway's consciousness, she admitted to herself that she had, in a way idolized Seven, had memorized her face-a face that haunted her fantasies. Too many times she had imagined framing that beautiful face with her palms, drawing it in for a soul-searing kiss. But, that was not her privilege. And there it was-the truth reflected in the lovely song washing over her, drawing forth her grief.

I look up to everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long

Janeway acknowledged that she admired all that Seven had accomplished. Even through her fear and uncertainty, Seven strove to reassert her humanity. That's why she gave the former Borg leeway with her indiscretions. How could she condemn Seven for her actions when Seven was purely following her instincts? How could Seven be criticized for not knowing how to act in situations she had never before encountered? And so, Janeway protected Seven even as she guided her. In the end it was true that Janeway felt Seven could do no wrong-this was a source of consternation for Janeway, particularly when she was expected to discipline Seven for honest behavior. Janeway grinned wryly.

But, it was more than admiration that Janeway felt. Oh, yes, she loved this woman. How she thirsted for her.
Felt it on a visceral level. Hungered just to be near her, never mind to be Seven's sole focus. And, Janeway now knew that to even think about love, this unfathomable, complex, tumultuous emotion, was to throw herself into a tailspin. Viciously, Janeway threw herself into the feelings, repressing nothing. Her gaze heatedly swept over Seven's curves, her erect stance, her mesmerizing lips and clear eyes. Seven's eyes that looked a bit unfocused at the moment, as if she were a million light years away.

***

As Seven listened to the song she instinctually applied it to her own life, and her difficulty dealing with her own disorderly feelings.

You walk past me; I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One Truth always stays the same
You're still you-after all, you're still you

Seven thought of earlier in the evening. As Janeway interacted with dignitaries and Starfleet brass, Seven felt consternation at how chaotic she felt while watching her former Captain. Although Janeway's face reflected a calm, collected persona, it did not match the profound sadness that emanated from the compact redhead.

Pain. She was in pain.

It was like a few weeks ago when they sat under the tree, but now Seven could feel Janeway's emotions
emanating like waves, slamming into Seven.

This realization stopped Seven in her tracks. She had an overwhelming urge to scoop this diminutive woman into her arms and comfort her. To crush Kathryn against her body until she felt the pain leave her, until she felt Janeway's true warmth reassert itself. For now, it appeared that Janeway was merely going through the motions. Although most would not recognize that the vitality Janeway seemed to exude was merely a charade, Seven saw clearly that the light no longer sparkled in Janeway's eyes. For that, Seven grieved.

Several times, Seven began to approach her former commanding officer, wanting to reach out to her, but each time she was intercepted by Chakotay. It was as if Chakotay instinctively knew what was in Seven's heart and sought to stop her. Seven and Chakotay did not discuss this silent dance of wills. Seven was aware that Chakotay was jealous of her time, guarding it closely. He did not want to share her and certainly not with Janeway. Chakotay balked at any suggestion to interact with the Admiral. Seven had been puzzled by his reaction, but slowly she realized what Chakotay already knew, that Seven would prefer to spend her time
with Janeway than with anyone else, including him.

Refocusing her eyes on Janeway, Seven's eyes widened at the view that greeted her. Kathryn looked as if she were tormented with lips slightly parted to take in shallow breaths and irises a deep stormy gray surrounded by glittering tears. More startling was the focus of her fierce stare: Seven.

Janeway, for her part, has sunk irreversibly into the final words of the melodious, tortuous song.

And I believe in you, although you never asked me to
I will remember you, and what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you-after all, you're still you

With a jolt that she felt straight to her toes, Kathryn realized that Seven was looking at her, searching her eyes. As the song ran its course, Janeway's heart seemed to unravel. Not caring to repress her feelings any longer, not believing it really mattered anymore, Janeway defiantly let the love, desire and hunger rise onto her face as two lonely tears escaped down her cheeks. Seven felt imprisoned within Janeway's desire. A willing prisoner, she realized. She could not, would not shift her eyes from this gift. With a thudding heart, Seven stepped forward in the direction of where her destiny rested, needing to reach Janeway-now. She was drawn like a moth to a candle.

Only a hand on her arm stopped her. It was Chakotay, inquiring where she was going, what was she thinking, why was she leaving their conversation. As these questions invaded her mind, the music, conversation, and noise of the night crashed over her. Desperately returning her focus to the one person who made her feel alive, she gasped as she realized that Janeway was no longer seated. Jumping her eyes across the room, Seven saw Janeway retreating to a side balcony. Feelings bombarded Seven. Her memories of the end of her last interaction with Janeway rose to the forefront of her mind.

Seven had felt something stir within her when Kathryn had thanked her for spending the day with her. She did not quite understand why, but her instincts told her the former Captain did not share her personal life with many. Seven tucked this honor deep within her heart.

Seven told Janeway of her relationship with Chakotay, hoping her mentor would see Seven for the woman she had become. She had not expected her former Captain's response. While watching the emotions that crossed Kathryn's face, Seven felt a sense of uneasiness overtake her. Seven interpreted the blaze of emotions as best she could. Surprise, chagrin, contempt, grimness, and defeat. She had not expected this reaction to her news.

Seven could feel an undercurrent, thick and dark, between them but could not interpret the cause. The sun lowered itself below the horizon, seemingly cut in half by the pristine lake. The former Astrometrics officer viewed Janeway through her peripheral vision while trying to grasp the meaning of the mood that had settled over her former Captain. It seemed similar to the feeling that cloaked Janeway while they crossed the Void-yet this feeling was more tangent. Seven felt that if she extended her hand it would encounter-something-in the space between them. These unfathomable emotions were entrenched in Janeway's turbulent eyes. Seven wished to somehow diminish this tension.

"Kathryn, perhaps we can endeavor to schedule another time in the near future to interact," Seven voiced quietly.

Janeway smiled with affection, rendering Seven breathless. "I would like that." The low timbre of Janeway's voice caused Seven to feel a bit lightheaded.

They made plans to meet in San Francisco the following week, plans that Seven cancelled upon Chakotay's insistence that they attend a lecture instead. Although she meant to, Seven neglected to reschedule. Instead, she spent all her free time with Chakotay who demanded her constant attention-attention she realized she no longer desired to expend upon him.

She now knew that her place was with Janeway, not Chakotay, and turned to tell him so. Upon a moment's reflection, she deemed it a more efficient use of her time to find Kathryn. Seven quietly, but firmly, excused herself and turned toward the balcony.

As Seven moved toward the balcony, she replayed the rest of that fateful afternoon with Janeway in her mind's eye.

As they said their farewells, Kathryn suddenly stepped into Seven's space. This was not unusual, but what she did next was. Janeway hugged Seven closely, holding her with a fierceness that robbed Seven of breath. Seven felt heat suffuse her as she sank into Janeway's embrace. Sliding her arms around Janeway's waist, Seven breathed deeply of Kathryn's scent-lavender and spice. Her eyes closed involuntarily as sensations bombarded her.

Before she could catch up with her body's reaction, Janeway turned her head slightly and kissed Seven's cheek. Softly, Kathryn uttered, "Goodbye, Seven," in such a reverent, bereft voice that Seven felt a profound loss. As if to complement that sentiment, the former Captain released her former Astrometrics officer and stepped away. Seven looked up quickly, searching for the cause of the sharp emotions still reverberating through the air. Janeway shot her a brief smile that didn't quite reach her eyes then turned away as Seven ascended the transporter pad. As Seven's molecules began to buzz with the impending transfer, she gazed deeply into Janeway's eyes. What she saw reflected from those hooded eyes sent an electrical shock down her spine.

Much as she had felt just a moment ago, although the feeling was much more potent presently since she could now interpret what she saw.

Janeway was in love with her.

Crossing onto the balcony, Seven's eyes swept the area, zoning in on her heart's desire.

***

Leaning against the front railing, the Admiral instinctively knew the exact instant that Seven entered her space. Her neck hairs stood at attention and her body trembled. Janeway took a few steadying breaths, knowing that what occurred over the next several minutes would change her life irreversibly. As energy surged through her body at the arrival of the bewitching beauty who had captured her heart, Janeway tried to keep her mind empty. She resolutely determined that she would bare all this time, no matter what, for she knew it would afford her a feeling of freedom from harboring these emotions.

Once Seven moved abreast of Janeway, she heard the younger woman say, "I feared you had left," Seven said. Slowly, Kathryn tilted her head to look fully into Seven's face.

Smiling tenderly, Kathryn replied, "No. I just came out here to regroup."

"I do not want you to 'regroup.' I am concerned that you will not wish to discuss what I saw in your eyes." Seven said forcefully. Normally Seven did not speak so emotionally.

Janeway gazed wistfully at Seven as she turned fully toward her. "I have no intention of dodging these feelings any longer. I love you, Seven. I should have told you long ago. Because of my inaction, it seems I no longer have a place in your life…" With a sigh, Janeway directed her gaze toward the night sky, apprehensive to hear Seven's response.

Seven stood quietly next to Janeway for several minutes before responding. "Kathryn, I have made a mistake, and I must repair the damage. However, I am uncertain how to proceed."

Turning back to her companion, Janeway watched as a war of emotions swiftly chased across Seven's countenance. Janeway felt compassion for her former protégé.

"What mistake, Seven?" Janeway questioned, concern etched in her voice.

"I have hurt someone important to me. I am afraid that the damage is irreparable," Seven answered miserably.

The Admiral ruminated over these words, trying to make sense of what Seven was expressing.

Seven moved directly in front of Janeway, and then gently enfolded Kathryn's right hand within her Borg-enhanced left one. As Seven grazed her thumb pad across Janeway's knuckles lightly, Janeway felt surprise and pleasure overtake her.  Like a sharp electrical pulse racing through her veins, the emotions caused her body to quiver involuntarily.

Janeway could feel Seven’s body heat as she moved closer. Looking into Janeway's impassioned orbs, Seven spoke. "I did not understand my feelings for you. I did not realize that I was in love with you until I was away from you. Until I felt the loss of you. You are essential to my existence. Please, forgive me. Will you allow me to make amends?"

Of course I forgive you! Janeway's mind screamed. Instead of letting loose with a whoop of joy, Janeway skated her left hand over Seven's arm from wrist to shoulder, her eyes following her fingers' path and continuing to Seven's face with a smoldering look that inflamed the former Borg. Slowly, Janeway leaned into Seven's body, angling her face towards its goal. Seven met her halfway for a scorching, long-denied first kiss.

This kiss did not consist of hesitancy, uncertainty, or shyness. Instead, Janeway's lips clamped onto Seven's full lips while pulling Seven's neck down to lock her in place. Straining to get as close as possible, Kathryn melted into Seven's every curve. The impact of their mouths converging ripped answering groans of pleasure from them as they felt the friction of lips, tongues, and bodies. Too long deprived, Janeway held her eyes tightly shut, focusing intently on the multitude of sensations bombarding her heart and soul.

With each tongue stroke, Kathryn's mind repeated a mantra. I love you, I love you, I love you. Janeway clung to Seven, irrationally believing that otherwise she would be blown away, off the planet and into the abyss of space by the force of their emotions. Restless fingers itched to wander, but Kathryn had the presence of mind not to give into these urges, instead gliding her hands through the golden tresses. Breaking away, Janeway held Seven intimately while inhaling deep breaths of air.

"I need you," Janeway rasped, no longer embarrassed to admit her deepest desires. "Come back with me, Seven."

Without hesitation, Seven responded. "Agreed." Although a simple response, her eyes were much more expressive. Desire, need, love, devotion-all shone from her eyes like beacons to Janeway's soul.

Kathryn felt herself smiling unguardedly at her soon-to-be lover. "Let's get out of here, shall we?" Janeway's voice held a provocative tone as her gaze raked Seven's body possessively. She watched with satisfaction as Seven's body shuddered with awareness.

Mutely, Seven nodded. Taking a few more steadying breaths, knowing what lay ahead of them, they presented a united front-stepping into the ballroom with hands clasped firmly between them.