FF: F.L.F.F.G.
Fandoms: Xena, Stargate SG-1, Los Hombres de Paco, Buffy, Babylon 5 and The L Word
Pairings: Mention of Xena/Gabrielle, Sam/Janet, Silvia/Pepa, Wilow/Tara, Dana/Alice, Dana/Lara
A/N: Part of the F.A.G. series of spoofs.
Spoilers: Old ones for all the shows.
The first meeting of the Formerly Living Femslash Females Group was in session. There was no argument over who wielded the gavel or who had seniority. Each woman merely sat in her chair, quietly despondent, and waiting for someone else to speak.
"This is ridiculous," Janet Fraser said at last, breaking the tension and scaring half the room's inhabitants into a second grave. "It's bad enough they've killed us once already," she nodded at a brooding Xena, "or in some cases too many times to count. I refuse to let them destroy our femslash credentials as well!"
Silvia Castro nodded, "I agree," she said in Spanish, her words mysteriously understood by even the most mono-linguistic amongst the crowd. "I fought my insecurities, my father and a stupid teenage love triangle to be with Pepa and I'm not going to let a silly thing like death come between us."
There were more nods of agreement. "I-I had to watch W-Willow in the arms of another g-girl," said Tara, the pain of the experience resurrecting her stammer. "I... I..."
Xena put a protective arm around the witch and signalled her agreement. "So, Doc, what's the plan?" she asked Janet. "You suggesting a mass return from the grave?"
"Or a haunting?" suggested Silvia.
Janet hadn't quite thought that far ahead. "We could send in a petition to the F.A.G."
Xena snorted. "By the time Alex and Gabrielle have finished fighting over who gets to open the envelope we could have died three times over." She loved her partner, she really did, but her incessant feud with Alex was starting to get old.
"I could plant an idea in their heads," said Talia Winters, her cool tone sending a shiver through Xena's soul. "Nothing too invasive," she promised, "just a gentle reminder that we're still here."
"But we're not," interrupted Dana Fairbanks. "We're stuck in limbo-land while our girlfriends and ex-girlfriends cavort around with other people and each other!"
The crowd, as a whole, took three steps back from the fuming former tennis player. "A least you officially had a girlfriend," seethed Janet. "Some of us were killed off before we could even get to second base.
"Believe me," said Silvia, "being killed after you've found true love is no picnic either."
The silent tear working its way down Silvia's cheek silenced the group and they each took a moment to lament their loss and what might have been.
"AUs!" shouted an excited Tara, her face turning crimson when all eyes turned in her direction. "AUs and ubers," she clarified in a whisper.
"I have a big uber following," bragged Xena. "I've been a pirate, cowgirl, surgeon, concert pianist, trailer trash and more cops and bad girls gone good than I could name."
"I-I've had some AUs," said Tara, "but I've never been a pirate."
A dreamy smile crossed Silvia's face. "Pepa would make a wonderful pirate."
"Sam would make a better cowgirl," mused Janet. "She already has the chaps."
Silvia raised an enquiring brow but Janet failed to elucidate further.
"So we petition the femslash writers directly for more AUs and ubers." Xena summarised.
"Can we do that?" asked Tara. "Petition the writers directly, I mean."
Silvia shrugged. Janet frowned. Dana blinked. Talia filed her nails.
"Sure we can," said Xena. "We're the F.L.F.F.G."
Pairings: Mention of Xena/Gabrielle, Sam/Janet, Silvia/Pepa, Wilow/Tara, Dana/Alice, Dana/Lara
A/N: Part of the F.A.G. series of spoofs.
Spoilers: Old ones for all the shows.
The first meeting of the Formerly Living Femslash Females Group was in session. There was no argument over who wielded the gavel or who had seniority. Each woman merely sat in her chair, quietly despondent, and waiting for someone else to speak.
"This is ridiculous," Janet Fraser said at last, breaking the tension and scaring half the room's inhabitants into a second grave. "It's bad enough they've killed us once already," she nodded at a brooding Xena, "or in some cases too many times to count. I refuse to let them destroy our femslash credentials as well!"
Silvia Castro nodded, "I agree," she said in Spanish, her words mysteriously understood by even the most mono-linguistic amongst the crowd. "I fought my insecurities, my father and a stupid teenage love triangle to be with Pepa and I'm not going to let a silly thing like death come between us."
There were more nods of agreement. "I-I had to watch W-Willow in the arms of another g-girl," said Tara, the pain of the experience resurrecting her stammer. "I... I..."
Xena put a protective arm around the witch and signalled her agreement. "So, Doc, what's the plan?" she asked Janet. "You suggesting a mass return from the grave?"
"Or a haunting?" suggested Silvia.
Janet hadn't quite thought that far ahead. "We could send in a petition to the F.A.G."
Xena snorted. "By the time Alex and Gabrielle have finished fighting over who gets to open the envelope we could have died three times over." She loved her partner, she really did, but her incessant feud with Alex was starting to get old.
"I could plant an idea in their heads," said Talia Winters, her cool tone sending a shiver through Xena's soul. "Nothing too invasive," she promised, "just a gentle reminder that we're still here."
"But we're not," interrupted Dana Fairbanks. "We're stuck in limbo-land while our girlfriends and ex-girlfriends cavort around with other people and each other!"
The crowd, as a whole, took three steps back from the fuming former tennis player. "A least you officially had a girlfriend," seethed Janet. "Some of us were killed off before we could even get to second base.
"Believe me," said Silvia, "being killed after you've found true love is no picnic either."
The silent tear working its way down Silvia's cheek silenced the group and they each took a moment to lament their loss and what might have been.
"AUs!" shouted an excited Tara, her face turning crimson when all eyes turned in her direction. "AUs and ubers," she clarified in a whisper.
"I have a big uber following," bragged Xena. "I've been a pirate, cowgirl, surgeon, concert pianist, trailer trash and more cops and bad girls gone good than I could name."
"I-I've had some AUs," said Tara, "but I've never been a pirate."
A dreamy smile crossed Silvia's face. "Pepa would make a wonderful pirate."
"Sam would make a better cowgirl," mused Janet. "She already has the chaps."
Silvia raised an enquiring brow but Janet failed to elucidate further.
"So we petition the femslash writers directly for more AUs and ubers." Xena summarised.
"Can we do that?" asked Tara. "Petition the writers directly, I mean."
Silvia shrugged. Janet frowned. Dana blinked. Talia filed her nails.
"Sure we can," said Xena. "We're the F.L.F.F.G."