Fic: Gravity (ER- Kerry/Kim)
Hey All I found a story I wrote like two thousand years ago. I might have posted it here a long long time ago. I don't remember. I would really like to know what everyone thinks.
AUTHOR: Femvamp
EMAIL:
DISCLAIMER: : I own everything. It's all mine. You can't have it. No wait I, sorry I own nothing. Not sure who owns the show but it ain't me. Hey if I did well lets just say everyone would be naked and singing showtoons all the time. "Hey wait, that's not a scalpel."
SPOILERS: Well if you know who Sandy is and you know the reasons for not stepping in front of a chopper blade (that had to hurt) then you're set. Oh yeah and Kerry has a secret if you know what it is then read on.
FEEDBACK: Please yes, I would really like to know if you like this piece of junk. I wouldn't want to continue to write it if everyone hates it.
POSTING: The Usual Suspects. Passion & Perfect can have it everyone else asks.
Part 1
There's an old expression, what goes up must come down. It's the simple rule of gravity. Everything is affected by it. Nothing can stay up forever. No matter how long something stays up, flying among the clouds it eventually has to come down. Gravity. It rules us all.
What if gravity worked in reverse? Would we be happier people? If things that went down had to go back up, would we be better off? If we lived in the clouds forever and only occasionally let go and dropped to the earth, would we be happier people, or would we wish for the earth? Would we wish for sadder times?
Gravity is something we seldom think about. Its just there. It keeps our feet on the ground. It keeps us from flying into the air and suffocating in thin air. It's a godsend. It's a curse. Because of gravity we will never know how it is to truly fly. To truly rise into the clouds.
Because of gravity, all we have is the fall.
And we always fall.
Because no matter how high we go, we must come back down.
Everyone knew something was different about her. Some said it just wasn't right. It was just plain scary. A few even suspected alien abduction or that they were in some strange parallel universe. Because a happy Kerry Weaver just wasn't right.
And Kerry was happy. Frank had even insisted that he had heard Kerry humming. He had actually used to term 'freaky' to describe it. It just wasn't normal. No one had been 'Weavered' in weeks. As a matter of fact no one could recall Kerry being anything but...un-Kerry like since the baby had been born. That was three months ago.
Some however, like Abby insisted that Kerry was just happy. That even Kerry had the right to be happy. And who wouldn't be. She had Sandy, the woman she loved, and she had a little boy name Tomas. That would be enough to make anyone happy, even Kerry Weaver.
Kerry crutched into the apartment she shared with Sandy and now Tomas and smiled at her lover singing their child to sleep. Even though it had been nearly four months since they had gotten anything resembling a decent night sleep Kerry couldn't help but be overjoyed.
"Hey there." Kerry whispered and kissed both Sandy and Tomas on the head, "How's he doing?"
"Just got him to sleep." Sandy smiled, "I didn't expect you for another hour."
"Its ten o'clock." Kerry smiled.
"Damn." Sandy laughed softly, "Must have dozed off."
"What time do you have to go to work?" Kerry took Tomas and carefully put him in his crib.
"Not until morning." Sandy smiled seductively, "So what should be do until then?"
Kerry had a few ideas.
Part 2
Kerry woke with a start. It took her a few moments to get her bearings and look at the clock. It was five in the morning and Tomas was screaming it cute little head off. The day he was born Sandy had put him screaming into Kerry's arms and said that he was definitely a Weaver. He could scream with the best of them. He was going to make a wonderful tyrant some day. Kerry noticed everyone else in the room had a state of shock on their faces. No one had ever said that to Kerry out loud before. Kerry however laughed.
Kerry briefly wondered where Sandy was before she remembered that Sandy had an early shift and was probably long gone. The two of them had rearranged their shifts so that one or both was home with the baby whenever possible. It made for really weird hours but both were used to it anyway so they really didn't mind. Tomas was worth it.
Kerry slowly crutched her way into Tomas's room and smiled when she saw her son begin to stop crying. She lifted him into her arms and began the task of taking care of Tomas.
Taking a baby anywhere is an amazing difficult thing to do but it was even more difficult when you walked with a crutch. Kerry held all of Tomas's necessities over her shoulder and tried to hold onto her crutch as she wheeled the screaming Tomas into the Emergency Room of Cook County Hospital. It only a moment however for Carter to see her and grab the bag from her shoulder. Normally Kerry would have been a little angry at the help but she was desperate. Much longer and she would have dropped something.
"Thanks John." Kerry smiled and the two walked to the admit desk.
"Hey no problem." Carter said awkwardly.
The moment Kerry put the baby down a swarm of doctors, nurses, and interns suddenly appeared. Of course they ignored Kerry and focused all their attention to Tomas. Kerry didn't blame them really but after a few moments Kerry decided to put an end to it. She was still the Chief.
"Don't all of you have work to do, because if you don't I can find you something."
Everyone suddenly found something better to do but Kerry couldn't help but snicker at Pratt's parting remarks to Tomas, "Someday you're mother's going to teach you how to do that."
Kerry prepared for the incoming casualties with her usual finesse. The ER was running like the fine tuned machine that it was. Everything was in place when the first ambulance pulled up. Carter and Abby were the first two at the door and ran outside to get the bullet but soon they were back inside.
The badly burned man was quickly made stable enough to at least survive the trip to the OR. Kerry paused only for a moment made her way back into the hallways. She had just made it out the door when Luka approached her.
"Kerry." Luka paused.
"What is it Luka?"
Luka didn't speak for a moment which had Kerry worried but when he finally spoke Kerry wished he hadn't. "A firefighter was brought in." He paused again, "Its Sandy."
Gravity it affects us all. It pulls at us with unrelenting force. With unrelenting cruelty. It has no conscience, no favorites. There are none who are spared its demands.
Kerry ran to the room Luka said Sandy was in and pushed her way in. Elizabeth Corday immediately noticed Kerry enter but ignored her. Her full attention was on Sandy. Kerry briefly noticed that both Dr. Chen and Susan Lewis were working on Sandy as well. Kerry was about to step forward to assist when she felt Luca's hand on her shoulder.
"You know I can't let you." Was all he said.
And the harder we try to fight it the harder it pulls. We pretend that it isn't an all knowing force of nature but we are fooling ourselves. There is nothing we can do. Nothing we can say. We can climb the highest cliffs, scale the highest mountains, but it is always there begging for us to jump.
After a moment Kerry followed Luka outside but that was as far as she was going to go and Luka knew it. He briefly paused like he was going to say something or do something but finally he nodded sadly and walked away.
Kerry just stood outside the door and listened to the noises coming from inside the room she so desperately wanted to be in. She needed to see Sandy. She needed to be with Sandy. Sandy needed her. However she didn't move. She didn't speak. All she did was listen.
Then she heard Sandy flatline. Again she tried to make her way into the Emergency Room but this time Elizabeth yelled at her to get out. However Kerry didn't move. She just stared at the machine that was supposed to show Sandy's beating heart. It however showed nothing but a flat line. Kerry never hated that machine so much in her life.
And sometimes we do jump. We think we have nothing to loose. We are so high. So free of the confines of the world below that we think nothing can reach us. Nothing can touch us. But that is when gravity shows its muscles. Its teeth. That is when gravity shows us what it is made of.
Finally it was Abby who came for her and led her back out into the hallway. Kerry however didn't notice it. Everything was dark. Everything was silent. All she saw was darkness all she heard was a high pitched beep.
Gravity it affects us all. It doesn't matter who you are. What you've done. What you failed to do. It doesn't care. It simply pulls.
Kerry didn't even realize she was sitting down on the floor against a wall until she saw Elizabeth. It took her a moment to even remember where she was. Finally she registered Elizabeth's presence, only to see a haunted look in her eyes.
So when you're plummeting down to earth the only thing you can do is close your eyes and hope you survive the fall.
Part 3
"Mommy. Mommy."
Tomas ran through the den and jumped into the arms of Kerry who had just arrived home from yet another long shift at County Hospital.
"How was your day Tommy."
"Let your mother rest hijo." Sandy smiled as she took Kerry's purse.
"It's alright." Kerry smiled and kissed Sandy, "I've got him."
"Just didn't want to tire you out." Sandy smiled, "I made dinner and then after Tomas goes to bed we can have desert."
Kerry laughed and followed Sandy into the kitchen. Sandy immediately went to the stove but just as she grabbed the pot everything burst into flames.
"Sandy!"
Kerry woke up to screams. At first she thought it was her own but then she remembered Tomas. She slowly got up off the couch only momentarily looking at the half empty bottle of wine on the floor and made her way to her son's room.
Sometimes it is hard to tell when you are falling. Everything else seems to be move and yet it doesn't feel like you are. It feels like you are standing still while the world is passing you by.
Kerry slowly made her way to Tomas's crib and stared at him for a moment. It was funny in a way, how much he looked like Sandy. Maybe it was just her imagination. Kerry wasn't sure. Everything seemed to look like Sandy to her.
Even when you hit bottom things don't seem that bad. You crash and hit the ground only to find that you can still go deeper. You can go deeper and deeper until the weight of the world makes your head implode.
Kerry lifted Tomas out of his crib and sat down in the rocking chair Sandy had bought for her. It was the last thing Sandy had given her. It was the last thing Sandy would ever give her. Sandy was gone. Kerry rocked Tomas until he fell asleep again and then carefully put him back into his crib.
However even that is something. Even that is better then nothing at all.
Kerry sat back on the couch and poured her self another glass of wine.
Because pain tells us we are still alive, that there is still hope. It is when we feel nothing at all that we are truly dead.
And Kerry felt nothing.
-------------------------------
"She just hasn't been herself, that's all." Pratt said matter of factly.
"It's only been a few months." Gallant said simply.
"That's what I'm saying; it's been a few months she should be getting better."
"I'm worried to we just have to give her time." Abby spoke from her position at the admit desk.
Elizabeth Corday shook her head as she approached the desk at first she wasn't going to say anything. It wasn't her place. Her and Weaver had never been friends. It really wasn't her place but as she heard the conversation she couldn't help it.
"What do you expect Dr Pratt." Elizabeth said a little angrier then she intended, "For all intents and purposes Kerry lost a wife. They had a life, a child, they were planning to spend the rest of their lives together and you're expecting Kerry to get over it in a matter of months. She may never get over it."
"That's not what I meant." Pratt said awkwardly.
"You know that's exactly what you meant." Carter said simply, "That's what we've all meant. We expected Kerry to bounce back because we've seen her do it. This time she can't bounce back."
"The truth is if she did bounce back I'd be worried." Abby said simply.
"It's still not what I meant."
"So what do we do to help?" Gallant asked.
Abby was about to respond when she noticed Dr. Corday smile as she faced the entrance to the ER. Abby immediately turned to see what the OR doctor was looking at. Walking towards them was someone Abby was sure she would never see again. Abby was about to comment when Dr. Corday walked toward the woman without further comment to the group.
"Who's that?" Gallant asked.
Abby just smiled, "That just may be the person to put the bounce back in Weaver's life."
"Either that or Corday has switched teams on us." Carter smiled.
Pratt and Gallant just stood their dumbfounded.
"If that's true we may just have a civil war on our hands."
"Yeah but with Weaver and Corday the war is never civil." Dr. Kovac spoke for the first time.
"And you can't forget Romano?"
"Why Romano?" Gallant asked.
"Everyone knows Romano has a crush on Corday."
"Oh great." Pratt shook his head, "But how do we know the woman Corday is . uh. plays for the other team."
Abby, Luka, and John laughed.
"Well Pratt." Abby smiled, "She's where the story began."
Part 4
Corday wasn't quite sure what to do now. She had the entire conversation mapped out in her head but now with Dr. Legespi standing in front of her it all seemed so inappropriate. This had been a mistake. She should never have called. What if she was wrong?
Kim for her part just sat down in one of the chairs and stared at Corday. The psychiatrist in her wanted to know why the OR doctor was so nervous. At first she thought it had something to do with Kerry or maybe Romano. The last she heard about the two of them was that Kerry was seeing someone and Romano had managed to get himself too close to a chopper blade.
"I heard about Mark." Kim finally spoke realizing that Corday wasn't going to, "I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Corday smiled sadly, "I got your flowers they were beautiful."
"Why did you call me here, Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth paused, "I had this whole conversation mapped out in my head, what I would say, how I would say it. It just doesn't fit right now. Maybe it was a mistake to call you."
"What's wrong Elizabeth?" Kim paused, "Its not Ella is it?"
"No no. Ella's fine." Corday paused, "It's about Kerry."
Corday watched the expression on Kim's face. She had heard all the rumors about the two. A lot of them made sense in retrospect but Corday was never one to believe rumors. However maybe this particular rumor had been true. Maybe Kim and Kerry had been lovers. The only question now was how much Kim still cared for Kerry Weaver.
"What about her?"
Corday paused only for a moment, "I wasn't there the day we found out that Kerry was gay..."
----------------------------
Kerry didn't register the doorbell ringing at first. It took a second and third ring to even break through her restless dreams. It took her a moment to focus on where she was. The fourth ring of the doorbell found her quickly jumping to her feet only to find herself back on the couch with the room spinning.
Kerry was temped to ignore the doorbell and just go back to sleep but then she heard Tomas crying. He had just started sleeping though the night and now he was awake again. Kerry grabbed her crutch and managed to at least make a close approximation to stomping to the door. She had every intention of making whoever it was ringing her doorbell regret the day he they were born.
"Hello Kerry."
Kerry just stood there dumfounded. This was the last thing she had expected. She had never expected to see this person ever again. But here she was. Kim Legespi was standing at her door still as beautiful as ever. A million thoughts ran through her head sobering her up immediately. Then she remembered Tomas was crying in his room so she simply turned around and walked into Tomas's bedroom leaving a dumbfounded Kim still waiting outside.
"Ok that wasn't quite the response I was looking for." Kim walked through the door and into Kerry's apartment. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kim wasn't quite sure what to do. When Dr. Corday had told her what had happen it had hit Kim like a ton of bricks. Corday had only told her the general details before she was forced away due to an emergency in the ER, however Kim had gotten the gist of it.
Kim however wasn't quite sure she was the right person to confront Kerry. They hadn't exactly left things on good terms. Actually if she wanted to be truthful they had left things on very bad terms. If she wanted to be incredibly truthful a lot of it was her fault.
However this was not the time to dwell on the past.
After a few moments she decided to look around. She immediately saw an empty bottle of wine lying on the floor. She ignored it for a moment and instead looked on the mantle piece and saw Kerry and Sandy together in most of the pictures. They looked happy. Kim sadly looked away just as Kerry crutched back into the den.
Kerry didn't say anything at first. Kim wasn't sure what to make of it. She knew she was kidding herself when she thought that their first meeting in almost two years would be all candy and roses. Hell she had been kidding herself when she thought that their first meeting would be all hellfire and brimstone. But she never expected it to be empty and emotionless. That's what scared her the most.
"Why are you here Kim?" Kerry said emotionlessly.
"I heard.I'm sorry about Sandy." Kim said awkwardly.
Kim stood ready for some kind of angry response from Kerry.
"Who told you?"
"Dr. Corday."
Kerry shook her head, "She should mind her own business."
"She was worried about you Kerry. Everyone is."
"I'm fine."
"You know in psychiatrist language 'I'm fine' translates to 'I'm up shits creak without a paddle.'"
It took Kerry a moment to respond, "What do you want Kim?"
Kim stood there wondering what to say and what to do. All her years of being a psychiatrist did nothing for this moment. She went through all the symptoms all the conditions and yet it didn't matter. This wasn't some stranger she was diagnosing. This wasn't a patient. This was Kerry.
"I want you to feel." Kim said trying to keep her composer, "I want you to yell at me. Tell me to get the hell out of your home. I want you to tear me a new one as only you can. I want to be Weavered. I want you to yell, scream, holler." Kim paused, "I want you to cry. I want you to mourn. I want you to feel." Kim paused again and for the first time noticed that Kerry was wavering, "It's OK to cry Kerry."
"I can't." Kerry said simply.
"Why not?"
"Because I won't be able to stop." Kerry said trying desperately to hold back the tears.
Kim paused for a long time and hoped she wasn't making a mistake, "It's alright to loose control Kerry. It's alright to fall."
Gravity it affects us all. It pulls at us with unrelenting force. Unrelenting greed. It doesn't matter that we don't want to fall. That we try desperately to hang on to whatever we can to stop the pull. It doesn't care. It pulls and it pulls and it pulls.
Kim stood there and stared directly into Kerry's eyes reading her expressions change from one extreme to another. Kim knew that Kerry was fighting her emotions with everything she had.
And it eventually wins. Gravity always wins in the end. No matter how hard we fight it, gravity always wins. It's just the way it is.
Kim watched as Kerry's legs began to fail her. As Kerry dropped to the floor Kim found herself holding on to Kerry for dear life. Kim wasn't quite sure if it was for Kerry's benefit or her own. It didn't really matter because just as she was about to say something she heard Kerry begin to cry. Kim just stood their crouched on the ground and held Kerry. It was the only thing she could do.
But sometimes if we are very very lucky, there is someone there to catch us when we fall.
AUTHOR: Femvamp
EMAIL:
DISCLAIMER: : I own everything. It's all mine. You can't have it. No wait I, sorry I own nothing. Not sure who owns the show but it ain't me. Hey if I did well lets just say everyone would be naked and singing showtoons all the time. "Hey wait, that's not a scalpel."
SPOILERS: Well if you know who Sandy is and you know the reasons for not stepping in front of a chopper blade (that had to hurt) then you're set. Oh yeah and Kerry has a secret if you know what it is then read on.
FEEDBACK: Please yes, I would really like to know if you like this piece of junk. I wouldn't want to continue to write it if everyone hates it.
POSTING: The Usual Suspects. Passion & Perfect can have it everyone else asks.
Part 1
There's an old expression, what goes up must come down. It's the simple rule of gravity. Everything is affected by it. Nothing can stay up forever. No matter how long something stays up, flying among the clouds it eventually has to come down. Gravity. It rules us all.
What if gravity worked in reverse? Would we be happier people? If things that went down had to go back up, would we be better off? If we lived in the clouds forever and only occasionally let go and dropped to the earth, would we be happier people, or would we wish for the earth? Would we wish for sadder times?
Gravity is something we seldom think about. Its just there. It keeps our feet on the ground. It keeps us from flying into the air and suffocating in thin air. It's a godsend. It's a curse. Because of gravity we will never know how it is to truly fly. To truly rise into the clouds.
Because of gravity, all we have is the fall.
And we always fall.
Because no matter how high we go, we must come back down.
Everyone knew something was different about her. Some said it just wasn't right. It was just plain scary. A few even suspected alien abduction or that they were in some strange parallel universe. Because a happy Kerry Weaver just wasn't right.
And Kerry was happy. Frank had even insisted that he had heard Kerry humming. He had actually used to term 'freaky' to describe it. It just wasn't normal. No one had been 'Weavered' in weeks. As a matter of fact no one could recall Kerry being anything but...un-Kerry like since the baby had been born. That was three months ago.
Some however, like Abby insisted that Kerry was just happy. That even Kerry had the right to be happy. And who wouldn't be. She had Sandy, the woman she loved, and she had a little boy name Tomas. That would be enough to make anyone happy, even Kerry Weaver.
Kerry crutched into the apartment she shared with Sandy and now Tomas and smiled at her lover singing their child to sleep. Even though it had been nearly four months since they had gotten anything resembling a decent night sleep Kerry couldn't help but be overjoyed.
"Hey there." Kerry whispered and kissed both Sandy and Tomas on the head, "How's he doing?"
"Just got him to sleep." Sandy smiled, "I didn't expect you for another hour."
"Its ten o'clock." Kerry smiled.
"Damn." Sandy laughed softly, "Must have dozed off."
"What time do you have to go to work?" Kerry took Tomas and carefully put him in his crib.
"Not until morning." Sandy smiled seductively, "So what should be do until then?"
Kerry had a few ideas.
Part 2
Kerry woke with a start. It took her a few moments to get her bearings and look at the clock. It was five in the morning and Tomas was screaming it cute little head off. The day he was born Sandy had put him screaming into Kerry's arms and said that he was definitely a Weaver. He could scream with the best of them. He was going to make a wonderful tyrant some day. Kerry noticed everyone else in the room had a state of shock on their faces. No one had ever said that to Kerry out loud before. Kerry however laughed.
Kerry briefly wondered where Sandy was before she remembered that Sandy had an early shift and was probably long gone. The two of them had rearranged their shifts so that one or both was home with the baby whenever possible. It made for really weird hours but both were used to it anyway so they really didn't mind. Tomas was worth it.
Kerry slowly crutched her way into Tomas's room and smiled when she saw her son begin to stop crying. She lifted him into her arms and began the task of taking care of Tomas.
Taking a baby anywhere is an amazing difficult thing to do but it was even more difficult when you walked with a crutch. Kerry held all of Tomas's necessities over her shoulder and tried to hold onto her crutch as she wheeled the screaming Tomas into the Emergency Room of Cook County Hospital. It only a moment however for Carter to see her and grab the bag from her shoulder. Normally Kerry would have been a little angry at the help but she was desperate. Much longer and she would have dropped something.
"Thanks John." Kerry smiled and the two walked to the admit desk.
"Hey no problem." Carter said awkwardly.
The moment Kerry put the baby down a swarm of doctors, nurses, and interns suddenly appeared. Of course they ignored Kerry and focused all their attention to Tomas. Kerry didn't blame them really but after a few moments Kerry decided to put an end to it. She was still the Chief.
"Don't all of you have work to do, because if you don't I can find you something."
Everyone suddenly found something better to do but Kerry couldn't help but snicker at Pratt's parting remarks to Tomas, "Someday you're mother's going to teach you how to do that."
Kerry prepared for the incoming casualties with her usual finesse. The ER was running like the fine tuned machine that it was. Everything was in place when the first ambulance pulled up. Carter and Abby were the first two at the door and ran outside to get the bullet but soon they were back inside.
The badly burned man was quickly made stable enough to at least survive the trip to the OR. Kerry paused only for a moment made her way back into the hallways. She had just made it out the door when Luka approached her.
"Kerry." Luka paused.
"What is it Luka?"
Luka didn't speak for a moment which had Kerry worried but when he finally spoke Kerry wished he hadn't. "A firefighter was brought in." He paused again, "Its Sandy."
Gravity it affects us all. It pulls at us with unrelenting force. With unrelenting cruelty. It has no conscience, no favorites. There are none who are spared its demands.
Kerry ran to the room Luka said Sandy was in and pushed her way in. Elizabeth Corday immediately noticed Kerry enter but ignored her. Her full attention was on Sandy. Kerry briefly noticed that both Dr. Chen and Susan Lewis were working on Sandy as well. Kerry was about to step forward to assist when she felt Luca's hand on her shoulder.
"You know I can't let you." Was all he said.
And the harder we try to fight it the harder it pulls. We pretend that it isn't an all knowing force of nature but we are fooling ourselves. There is nothing we can do. Nothing we can say. We can climb the highest cliffs, scale the highest mountains, but it is always there begging for us to jump.
After a moment Kerry followed Luka outside but that was as far as she was going to go and Luka knew it. He briefly paused like he was going to say something or do something but finally he nodded sadly and walked away.
Kerry just stood outside the door and listened to the noises coming from inside the room she so desperately wanted to be in. She needed to see Sandy. She needed to be with Sandy. Sandy needed her. However she didn't move. She didn't speak. All she did was listen.
Then she heard Sandy flatline. Again she tried to make her way into the Emergency Room but this time Elizabeth yelled at her to get out. However Kerry didn't move. She just stared at the machine that was supposed to show Sandy's beating heart. It however showed nothing but a flat line. Kerry never hated that machine so much in her life.
And sometimes we do jump. We think we have nothing to loose. We are so high. So free of the confines of the world below that we think nothing can reach us. Nothing can touch us. But that is when gravity shows its muscles. Its teeth. That is when gravity shows us what it is made of.
Finally it was Abby who came for her and led her back out into the hallway. Kerry however didn't notice it. Everything was dark. Everything was silent. All she saw was darkness all she heard was a high pitched beep.
Gravity it affects us all. It doesn't matter who you are. What you've done. What you failed to do. It doesn't care. It simply pulls.
Kerry didn't even realize she was sitting down on the floor against a wall until she saw Elizabeth. It took her a moment to even remember where she was. Finally she registered Elizabeth's presence, only to see a haunted look in her eyes.
So when you're plummeting down to earth the only thing you can do is close your eyes and hope you survive the fall.
Part 3
"Mommy. Mommy."
Tomas ran through the den and jumped into the arms of Kerry who had just arrived home from yet another long shift at County Hospital.
"How was your day Tommy."
"Let your mother rest hijo." Sandy smiled as she took Kerry's purse.
"It's alright." Kerry smiled and kissed Sandy, "I've got him."
"Just didn't want to tire you out." Sandy smiled, "I made dinner and then after Tomas goes to bed we can have desert."
Kerry laughed and followed Sandy into the kitchen. Sandy immediately went to the stove but just as she grabbed the pot everything burst into flames.
"Sandy!"
Kerry woke up to screams. At first she thought it was her own but then she remembered Tomas. She slowly got up off the couch only momentarily looking at the half empty bottle of wine on the floor and made her way to her son's room.
Sometimes it is hard to tell when you are falling. Everything else seems to be move and yet it doesn't feel like you are. It feels like you are standing still while the world is passing you by.
Kerry slowly made her way to Tomas's crib and stared at him for a moment. It was funny in a way, how much he looked like Sandy. Maybe it was just her imagination. Kerry wasn't sure. Everything seemed to look like Sandy to her.
Even when you hit bottom things don't seem that bad. You crash and hit the ground only to find that you can still go deeper. You can go deeper and deeper until the weight of the world makes your head implode.
Kerry lifted Tomas out of his crib and sat down in the rocking chair Sandy had bought for her. It was the last thing Sandy had given her. It was the last thing Sandy would ever give her. Sandy was gone. Kerry rocked Tomas until he fell asleep again and then carefully put him back into his crib.
However even that is something. Even that is better then nothing at all.
Kerry sat back on the couch and poured her self another glass of wine.
Because pain tells us we are still alive, that there is still hope. It is when we feel nothing at all that we are truly dead.
And Kerry felt nothing.
-------------------------------
"She just hasn't been herself, that's all." Pratt said matter of factly.
"It's only been a few months." Gallant said simply.
"That's what I'm saying; it's been a few months she should be getting better."
"I'm worried to we just have to give her time." Abby spoke from her position at the admit desk.
Elizabeth Corday shook her head as she approached the desk at first she wasn't going to say anything. It wasn't her place. Her and Weaver had never been friends. It really wasn't her place but as she heard the conversation she couldn't help it.
"What do you expect Dr Pratt." Elizabeth said a little angrier then she intended, "For all intents and purposes Kerry lost a wife. They had a life, a child, they were planning to spend the rest of their lives together and you're expecting Kerry to get over it in a matter of months. She may never get over it."
"That's not what I meant." Pratt said awkwardly.
"You know that's exactly what you meant." Carter said simply, "That's what we've all meant. We expected Kerry to bounce back because we've seen her do it. This time she can't bounce back."
"The truth is if she did bounce back I'd be worried." Abby said simply.
"It's still not what I meant."
"So what do we do to help?" Gallant asked.
Abby was about to respond when she noticed Dr. Corday smile as she faced the entrance to the ER. Abby immediately turned to see what the OR doctor was looking at. Walking towards them was someone Abby was sure she would never see again. Abby was about to comment when Dr. Corday walked toward the woman without further comment to the group.
"Who's that?" Gallant asked.
Abby just smiled, "That just may be the person to put the bounce back in Weaver's life."
"Either that or Corday has switched teams on us." Carter smiled.
Pratt and Gallant just stood their dumbfounded.
"If that's true we may just have a civil war on our hands."
"Yeah but with Weaver and Corday the war is never civil." Dr. Kovac spoke for the first time.
"And you can't forget Romano?"
"Why Romano?" Gallant asked.
"Everyone knows Romano has a crush on Corday."
"Oh great." Pratt shook his head, "But how do we know the woman Corday is . uh. plays for the other team."
Abby, Luka, and John laughed.
"Well Pratt." Abby smiled, "She's where the story began."
Part 4
Corday wasn't quite sure what to do now. She had the entire conversation mapped out in her head but now with Dr. Legespi standing in front of her it all seemed so inappropriate. This had been a mistake. She should never have called. What if she was wrong?
Kim for her part just sat down in one of the chairs and stared at Corday. The psychiatrist in her wanted to know why the OR doctor was so nervous. At first she thought it had something to do with Kerry or maybe Romano. The last she heard about the two of them was that Kerry was seeing someone and Romano had managed to get himself too close to a chopper blade.
"I heard about Mark." Kim finally spoke realizing that Corday wasn't going to, "I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Corday smiled sadly, "I got your flowers they were beautiful."
"Why did you call me here, Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth paused, "I had this whole conversation mapped out in my head, what I would say, how I would say it. It just doesn't fit right now. Maybe it was a mistake to call you."
"What's wrong Elizabeth?" Kim paused, "Its not Ella is it?"
"No no. Ella's fine." Corday paused, "It's about Kerry."
Corday watched the expression on Kim's face. She had heard all the rumors about the two. A lot of them made sense in retrospect but Corday was never one to believe rumors. However maybe this particular rumor had been true. Maybe Kim and Kerry had been lovers. The only question now was how much Kim still cared for Kerry Weaver.
"What about her?"
Corday paused only for a moment, "I wasn't there the day we found out that Kerry was gay..."
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Kerry didn't register the doorbell ringing at first. It took a second and third ring to even break through her restless dreams. It took her a moment to focus on where she was. The fourth ring of the doorbell found her quickly jumping to her feet only to find herself back on the couch with the room spinning.
Kerry was temped to ignore the doorbell and just go back to sleep but then she heard Tomas crying. He had just started sleeping though the night and now he was awake again. Kerry grabbed her crutch and managed to at least make a close approximation to stomping to the door. She had every intention of making whoever it was ringing her doorbell regret the day he they were born.
"Hello Kerry."
Kerry just stood there dumfounded. This was the last thing she had expected. She had never expected to see this person ever again. But here she was. Kim Legespi was standing at her door still as beautiful as ever. A million thoughts ran through her head sobering her up immediately. Then she remembered Tomas was crying in his room so she simply turned around and walked into Tomas's bedroom leaving a dumbfounded Kim still waiting outside.
"Ok that wasn't quite the response I was looking for." Kim walked through the door and into Kerry's apartment. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kim wasn't quite sure what to do. When Dr. Corday had told her what had happen it had hit Kim like a ton of bricks. Corday had only told her the general details before she was forced away due to an emergency in the ER, however Kim had gotten the gist of it.
Kim however wasn't quite sure she was the right person to confront Kerry. They hadn't exactly left things on good terms. Actually if she wanted to be truthful they had left things on very bad terms. If she wanted to be incredibly truthful a lot of it was her fault.
However this was not the time to dwell on the past.
After a few moments she decided to look around. She immediately saw an empty bottle of wine lying on the floor. She ignored it for a moment and instead looked on the mantle piece and saw Kerry and Sandy together in most of the pictures. They looked happy. Kim sadly looked away just as Kerry crutched back into the den.
Kerry didn't say anything at first. Kim wasn't sure what to make of it. She knew she was kidding herself when she thought that their first meeting in almost two years would be all candy and roses. Hell she had been kidding herself when she thought that their first meeting would be all hellfire and brimstone. But she never expected it to be empty and emotionless. That's what scared her the most.
"Why are you here Kim?" Kerry said emotionlessly.
"I heard.I'm sorry about Sandy." Kim said awkwardly.
Kim stood ready for some kind of angry response from Kerry.
"Who told you?"
"Dr. Corday."
Kerry shook her head, "She should mind her own business."
"She was worried about you Kerry. Everyone is."
"I'm fine."
"You know in psychiatrist language 'I'm fine' translates to 'I'm up shits creak without a paddle.'"
It took Kerry a moment to respond, "What do you want Kim?"
Kim stood there wondering what to say and what to do. All her years of being a psychiatrist did nothing for this moment. She went through all the symptoms all the conditions and yet it didn't matter. This wasn't some stranger she was diagnosing. This wasn't a patient. This was Kerry.
"I want you to feel." Kim said trying to keep her composer, "I want you to yell at me. Tell me to get the hell out of your home. I want you to tear me a new one as only you can. I want to be Weavered. I want you to yell, scream, holler." Kim paused, "I want you to cry. I want you to mourn. I want you to feel." Kim paused again and for the first time noticed that Kerry was wavering, "It's OK to cry Kerry."
"I can't." Kerry said simply.
"Why not?"
"Because I won't be able to stop." Kerry said trying desperately to hold back the tears.
Kim paused for a long time and hoped she wasn't making a mistake, "It's alright to loose control Kerry. It's alright to fall."
Gravity it affects us all. It pulls at us with unrelenting force. Unrelenting greed. It doesn't matter that we don't want to fall. That we try desperately to hang on to whatever we can to stop the pull. It doesn't care. It pulls and it pulls and it pulls.
Kim stood there and stared directly into Kerry's eyes reading her expressions change from one extreme to another. Kim knew that Kerry was fighting her emotions with everything she had.
And it eventually wins. Gravity always wins in the end. No matter how hard we fight it, gravity always wins. It's just the way it is.
Kim watched as Kerry's legs began to fail her. As Kerry dropped to the floor Kim found herself holding on to Kerry for dear life. Kim wasn't quite sure if it was for Kerry's benefit or her own. It didn't really matter because just as she was about to say something she heard Kerry begin to cry. Kim just stood their crouched on the ground and held Kerry. It was the only thing she could do.
But sometimes if we are very very lucky, there is someone there to catch us when we fall.