Once Upon a Dream 14a/?
Title: Once Upon a Dream 14a/?
Author: Kelinswriter
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: NC-17 (for lots of things)
Summary: Starts with the infamous scene with the OPT Pregnancy Test. Spins off from there into its own little universe.
Disclaimer: CBS, P&G, Telenext et. al. owns these characters; I'm just taking them off the shelf and playing with them for a while.
1-11
12
13
"Hey," Buzz said, in that careful, gentle tone Olivia remembered so well. "You look like you could use some company."
Olivia didn't bother to look over her shoulder. "Nah. Me and God are doing just fine. Having ourselves a big ol' party."
"Not much of a party." Buzz leaned forward, crossing his arms over the back of the pew Olivia was sitting on. His chin brushed against the curved bump of the seat back. "Usually when you're having a party with someone you don't like very much, things get broken."
"Well, y'know." Olivia shrugged. "I'm turning over a new leaf. Trying different things."
"Making peace with the Lord?"
"Well if there were any communion wine, you can bet your ass we'd be having a drink about now."
"Always the rebel."
"I try." Olivia let out a breath. "So how'd you find me?"
"After Marina took Daisy home, I decided to check on Natalia and see how you were doing. Josh said you went for a walk, and I figured you'd probably hit the stage where you needed to take this whole thing out on someone. And since Edmund isn't available, God seemed the most likely next stop."
"I've become that predictable, have I?"
"You?" Buzz shook his head. "If there is one thing you will never be, it's predictable."
Olivia smiled. "Buzz Cooper, are you flirting with me?"
"After this afternoon in the woods, it's pretty clear we've both moved on."
Olivia couldn't help but laugh. "Ya think?" She rubbed her forehead. "I thought I was hallucinating at first."
"Me too." One corner of Buzz's mouth turned up in a sardonic smile. "I'm just glad Lillian couldn't see."
Olivia chuckled. "Natalia would never have been able to look you in the face -" Again, died on her lips. She closed her eyes, rubbing her index and middle fingers against the sharp, painful pressure building between her eyes. I need caffeine, she thought, and then, quick on its heels, I need Natalia.
Buzz tilted his head to the side, his blue eyes measuring. "Don't think I don't know that you're blaming yourself for this."
"Another secret exposed," Olivia snapped. "Someone should set you up in a casino in Vegas as a professional psychic. You'd never have to worry about how to pay for a new stove again."
"Fine, you're not blaming yourself. It's all on Edmund, where it belongs." Buzz brushed a thumb against his chin. "Only you forget how well I know you, and how quick you are to think that you're responsible for somehow ruining everything good in your life."
"Because I do," Olivia whispered.
"Because you did," Buzz countered. "So you're sitting here, engaged in some sort of war with God over how unfair it is that Natalia got hurt and thinking that somehow, you didn't do enough to stop it from happening, when the truth is that none of us could stop it from happening. Any more than I could stop Jenna from dying." He hesitated and added, "Any more than I could stop Coop."
Olivia felt the hurt in Buzz's voice flare through her, his tone an awful reminder of the despair she'd seen on his face in those first horrible days following Coop's death. It hung on him still, haunting every moment, every word. "Buzz, I'm sorry. I know this has to bring up terrible memories."
Buzz shrugged. "This isn't about me. It's about what I know is going on with you right now. The fact that you're in here at all. You're doing what we all do, Olivia. You're bargaining."
"I prefer to think of it as hedging my bets."
Buzz shook his head. "Call it whatever you want to. What it comes down to is, you're trying to see if you can broker a deal, the way only Olivia Spencer, the smartest goddamn businesswoman on the planet, can do. Offering yourself up as collateral if only the Big Guy will let Natalia live. Because you figure she's more worth having in this world than you are."
"She's worth more than anything," Olivia whispered. "Emma needs her. I need her."
"I was hard on her, you know." Buzz looked down at the pew, his thumb rubbing at a tiny gouge in the wood. "I was really hard on her after she broke up with Frank. Started yelling at her in the mini mart for no reason."
"When did you -" Olivia shot him a glare. "When in hell was this?"
"You were out of town, I think." Buzz shrugged. "Anyway, it was unfair to her. Frank was hurting so much, and I just - I couldn't stand him being in pain, not after what happened with Coop. And I think, maybe, in some ways I was still mad at you over how we ended."
"You told me you forgave me," Olivia said, feeling a flush of hurt at Buzz's words. "I believed you."
"Well you were dying."
"There is that." Olivia snapped her fingers. "Damn transplant, ruining a perfectly good deathbed reconciliation."
"I'd much rather have you in this world than out of it." Buzz smiled. "Chaotic though it may be."
Olivia clasped her hands in her lap, staring down at her fingers. "It was unfair to Frank. It was unfair to everyone. We just - neither of us could say it, even though we knew. And I thought Frank could give her the life she deserved. Frank loved her."
"Frank loved the idea of her," Buzz said. "Truth is, Frank's still waiting for Eleni to walk back through the door, and when Natalia came along, he saw something close enough to her that he ran after it. But Natalia was never what Frank wanted. She couldn't be, because Natalia so clearly belongs with you."
Olivia let her head drop forward, her arms wrapping around her waist as the pain welled up in her again, that unbearable, savage ache that was the absence of Natalia's presence. She rocked forward, fighting to breathe against it.
"You're hers, and she's yours, and that's as it should be," Buzz said. "So stop trying to fall on your sword and weasel out of your commitment to be there for her. She needs you upstairs, with the people who love you, ready to be strong for her. Not down here, tearing yourself apart because you can't change the laws of physics."
Olivia couldn't help the the snark in her voice as she shot back, "But Tinkerbell always said that if I believed hard enough in something, I could make it happen."
Buzz pushed to his feet, groaning a little as his bad hip protested. "C'mon, Peter Pan. Humor an old man who can barely walk and come back upstairs. I'll buy you a cup of really lousy coffee."
Olivia shifted her eyes toward Buzz's outstretched hand, then over at the candle she had lit, its flame dancing a message of defiance in front of the altar. I'm so tired, she thought. But the only thing I have left to offer her now is my strength.
She reached for his hand.
Author: Kelinswriter
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: NC-17 (for lots of things)
Summary: Starts with the infamous scene with the OPT Pregnancy Test. Spins off from there into its own little universe.
Disclaimer: CBS, P&G, Telenext et. al. owns these characters; I'm just taking them off the shelf and playing with them for a while.
1-11
12
13
"Hey," Buzz said, in that careful, gentle tone Olivia remembered so well. "You look like you could use some company."
Olivia didn't bother to look over her shoulder. "Nah. Me and God are doing just fine. Having ourselves a big ol' party."
"Not much of a party." Buzz leaned forward, crossing his arms over the back of the pew Olivia was sitting on. His chin brushed against the curved bump of the seat back. "Usually when you're having a party with someone you don't like very much, things get broken."
"Well, y'know." Olivia shrugged. "I'm turning over a new leaf. Trying different things."
"Making peace with the Lord?"
"Well if there were any communion wine, you can bet your ass we'd be having a drink about now."
"Always the rebel."
"I try." Olivia let out a breath. "So how'd you find me?"
"After Marina took Daisy home, I decided to check on Natalia and see how you were doing. Josh said you went for a walk, and I figured you'd probably hit the stage where you needed to take this whole thing out on someone. And since Edmund isn't available, God seemed the most likely next stop."
"I've become that predictable, have I?"
"You?" Buzz shook his head. "If there is one thing you will never be, it's predictable."
Olivia smiled. "Buzz Cooper, are you flirting with me?"
"After this afternoon in the woods, it's pretty clear we've both moved on."
Olivia couldn't help but laugh. "Ya think?" She rubbed her forehead. "I thought I was hallucinating at first."
"Me too." One corner of Buzz's mouth turned up in a sardonic smile. "I'm just glad Lillian couldn't see."
Olivia chuckled. "Natalia would never have been able to look you in the face -" Again, died on her lips. She closed her eyes, rubbing her index and middle fingers against the sharp, painful pressure building between her eyes. I need caffeine, she thought, and then, quick on its heels, I need Natalia.
Buzz tilted his head to the side, his blue eyes measuring. "Don't think I don't know that you're blaming yourself for this."
"Another secret exposed," Olivia snapped. "Someone should set you up in a casino in Vegas as a professional psychic. You'd never have to worry about how to pay for a new stove again."
"Fine, you're not blaming yourself. It's all on Edmund, where it belongs." Buzz brushed a thumb against his chin. "Only you forget how well I know you, and how quick you are to think that you're responsible for somehow ruining everything good in your life."
"Because I do," Olivia whispered.
"Because you did," Buzz countered. "So you're sitting here, engaged in some sort of war with God over how unfair it is that Natalia got hurt and thinking that somehow, you didn't do enough to stop it from happening, when the truth is that none of us could stop it from happening. Any more than I could stop Jenna from dying." He hesitated and added, "Any more than I could stop Coop."
Olivia felt the hurt in Buzz's voice flare through her, his tone an awful reminder of the despair she'd seen on his face in those first horrible days following Coop's death. It hung on him still, haunting every moment, every word. "Buzz, I'm sorry. I know this has to bring up terrible memories."
Buzz shrugged. "This isn't about me. It's about what I know is going on with you right now. The fact that you're in here at all. You're doing what we all do, Olivia. You're bargaining."
"I prefer to think of it as hedging my bets."
Buzz shook his head. "Call it whatever you want to. What it comes down to is, you're trying to see if you can broker a deal, the way only Olivia Spencer, the smartest goddamn businesswoman on the planet, can do. Offering yourself up as collateral if only the Big Guy will let Natalia live. Because you figure she's more worth having in this world than you are."
"She's worth more than anything," Olivia whispered. "Emma needs her. I need her."
"I was hard on her, you know." Buzz looked down at the pew, his thumb rubbing at a tiny gouge in the wood. "I was really hard on her after she broke up with Frank. Started yelling at her in the mini mart for no reason."
"When did you -" Olivia shot him a glare. "When in hell was this?"
"You were out of town, I think." Buzz shrugged. "Anyway, it was unfair to her. Frank was hurting so much, and I just - I couldn't stand him being in pain, not after what happened with Coop. And I think, maybe, in some ways I was still mad at you over how we ended."
"You told me you forgave me," Olivia said, feeling a flush of hurt at Buzz's words. "I believed you."
"Well you were dying."
"There is that." Olivia snapped her fingers. "Damn transplant, ruining a perfectly good deathbed reconciliation."
"I'd much rather have you in this world than out of it." Buzz smiled. "Chaotic though it may be."
Olivia clasped her hands in her lap, staring down at her fingers. "It was unfair to Frank. It was unfair to everyone. We just - neither of us could say it, even though we knew. And I thought Frank could give her the life she deserved. Frank loved her."
"Frank loved the idea of her," Buzz said. "Truth is, Frank's still waiting for Eleni to walk back through the door, and when Natalia came along, he saw something close enough to her that he ran after it. But Natalia was never what Frank wanted. She couldn't be, because Natalia so clearly belongs with you."
Olivia let her head drop forward, her arms wrapping around her waist as the pain welled up in her again, that unbearable, savage ache that was the absence of Natalia's presence. She rocked forward, fighting to breathe against it.
"You're hers, and she's yours, and that's as it should be," Buzz said. "So stop trying to fall on your sword and weasel out of your commitment to be there for her. She needs you upstairs, with the people who love you, ready to be strong for her. Not down here, tearing yourself apart because you can't change the laws of physics."
Olivia couldn't help the the snark in her voice as she shot back, "But Tinkerbell always said that if I believed hard enough in something, I could make it happen."
Buzz pushed to his feet, groaning a little as his bad hip protested. "C'mon, Peter Pan. Humor an old man who can barely walk and come back upstairs. I'll buy you a cup of really lousy coffee."
Olivia shifted her eyes toward Buzz's outstretched hand, then over at the candle she had lit, its flame dancing a message of defiance in front of the altar. I'm so tired, she thought. But the only thing I have left to offer her now is my strength.
She reached for his hand.