FIC: The Lost
Title: The Lost
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: R to NC-17
Notes: PLEASE READ This is a dark, angst-filled story with ADULT themes. It is not graphically violent or gratuitous in nature, but it can be quite dark. For those of you who read and enjoyed "Whatever It Takes," this story takes place shortly after. Completely different tone, though, so be prepared. If you haven't read WIT, it's not necessary but it is helpful.
I'm not 100% sure, but I feel like this is entirely new territory for Olivia & Natalia. Your comments are greatly appreciated.
MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone! This is the final chapter of The Lost, and I'd like to thank everyone for the awe-inspiring support! The fun's not over though... Sometime this evening I'll be posting the "soundtrack" for the story, along with some great art by a great friend. Look for it at P&P, as well as my personal journal. Then of course, we've got the third book of the series, which I hope to begin posting next week. Again, can't say enough about everyone's thoughtful, inspiring comments. Hope this time of year inspires more of our great writers to write (or keep writing!) Otalia! xoxo.
Chapter One
Chapter Two (NC-17)
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five - (NC-17)
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight (NC-17)
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
"What do you mean how did we choose? We examined all the options: hair color, eye color, ethnicity, education, interests," Olivia drummed a pen against the wooden desktop.
On the other end of the line, she could hear a car door slam. "I picked out a sweater from the J.Crew catalog last night. Small, charcoal gray. I could've gone with the plum but you know, with my skin tone... it woulda been iffy. Same kinda thing?"
Olivia laughed, and indulged the other woman. "Yes, exactly like that, Pierce. It was kind of... a cross between a J.Crew catalog and a police lineup."
"Whoa. Well in that case, I really hope you picked the right one."
"It was fun, actually. Odd and extremely terrifying, but fun. Natalia insisted on picking someone with features close to mine. You know, so we could squint our eyes in a dark room and swear it looked like me."
Pierce coughed dramatically. "God, I hope not. Poor thing."
The phone on her desk rang, but Olivia silenced it with a press of a button. "You're a mean-spirited bitch, and that's why I love you."
"Aw shucks, Spence. I'm fuckin' teary-eyed over here." There was a crunching sound on the other end, and then Pierce let loose a string of profanities. "Oh Christ I lost the eggs. Dammit, that's what I get for letting them use those shitty paper bags. I want you to know I was thinking about your kids when I did that. I'm gonna be dead, right? What do I care about the environment? You owe me a carton of eggs for saving your children from the scourge of global warming and deforestation."
Olivia leaned back in her chair, and pressed an arm over her head, stretching. "Move to Springfield. I'll buy you all the eggs you want."
"I'm working on it. Besides, I've got time. You don't think this baby thing is gonna take on the first try, do you? There's only like a ten percent success rate, isn't there? Unless she's taking fertility drugs? Please tell me she's not taking fertility drugs."
Olivia couldn't hide the amusement in her voice. Pierce sure did know a lot about the subject. "Lemme guess... Google?"
Pierce didn't miss a beat. "No, Oprah. You don't want ninety kids, Olivia. You don't want to be the next Jon Gosselin, wearing douchey Ed Hardy t-shirts and hanging out with Lindsay Lohan's dad."
"Calm down, Pierce... Jesus. Do I have to remind you? Natalia is tragically fertile. She so much as looks at sperm and she gets pregnant. It's frightening."
Pierce wretched. "Um, first of all? Ew, don't ever say that to me again. And second of all... just, eww."
"Very mature," Olivia grew irritated as she had to silence her work phone yet again. "Goddamn it, I can't get a moment's peace in here!"
Just then, Olivia heard the familiar beep on her end of the phone, a signal that she was getting another call. When she pulled the phone from her ear and saw it was Natalia, her heart instantly started to race. It had probably been her ringing on the office phone. "Lemme let you go Pierce. It's Natalia on the other line."
"Alright. Tell her I said hey."
Switching calls, Olivia hoped her voice sounded measured and calm. "Hey sweetheart. What's up?"
"Kyra says you're in the office. Why aren't you picking up?" Natalia sounded irritated.
"Well, the romance is truly dead. I'm fine, buttercup, thank you for asking. And if you must know, I was on the other line with Pierce."
"Oh." Her tone lightened immediately. "I'm glad. You haven't spoken to her in a while and... you've been acting weird."
Olivia's heart rate had slowed, but at then picked back up again. "Weird? Weird how?"
She could hear Natalia struggling for the right thing to say. "I don't know, just... I'm sure it's my imagination. Just getting nervous, that's all."
Olivia smiled and hoped the other woman could hear it in her words. "I love you, Natalia. I'm ready to do this. I'm excited." She scooted her chair in closer to the desk and leaned on one elbow. "I was just talking to Pierce about it, matter of fact."
"You were?" There was a definite smile in that voice.
"Yup. Told her we're all set, whenever your body says go."
There was a silence on the other end, and Olivia shuffled some papers that had been clogging up her desk for days. Work was busier than ever, a fact that she tried to avoid thinking about, but rarely could.
"Hm, well... if I'm reading this ovulation test correctly, then we're definitely ready to go."
Olivia shot out of her chair the second Natalia finished the sentence. "I'll be home in fifteen minutes."
****
"Light a candle or something."
Olivia's face crumpled in disbelief. "What? Why? It's daylight!"
Natalia's hands slapped against the sheets. "Because I want a little romance, I don't know! Just do it."
Moving around to the bedside table, Olivia obliged. "I could put on some Barry White if it'll make you feel better?"
"Oh, don't you make fun of me," Natalia tried to sound stern but was in the throes of laughter before she knew it. "This is nuts."
Olivia slid onto the bed alongside of her. "So many jokes I could make, but I'll refrain." She brushed a stray hair out of Natalia's eyes, and was rewarded with a deep, dimpled smile. "I love your smile. Have I told you that? It's so beautiful. So you."
Natalia blushed. "Now you're just placating me and my crazy notion that there should be some tenderness involved in the conception of our child."
"No, I mean it," Olivia kissed the woman beside her on the forehead just once, then let her hand find the back of her neck, weaving her fingers into the smooth dark hair. "I am absolutely the luckiest person on earth. Don't think I don't know that."
She let her eyes travel the length of Natalia's body. She was in a black cotton skirt and a light sweater, with a neckline that plunged just enough. Her bare toes wiggled in anticipation, and when Olivia brought her hand down to trace her thigh, they moved even faster. She could feel Natalia watching her, and when she slid her hand higher, between her legs, they both gasped for air.
"I already took off my..." The younger woman looked suddenly shy, unsteady. "Should I..." she tugged at the waist of her skirt.
Olivia felt her own features darken. She hadn't expected this to be a lustful, passionate moment, what with all the clinical details and how-to's. But seeing Natalia like that, knowing the journey they were about to embark on together, filled Olivia with insatiable want. "Leave it on. It's hot."
Now Natalia smirked a little, the confidence creeping back into her face. She draped one hand across the back of Olivia's neck, and hiked the hem of her skirt up with the other. "You like that, don't you?"
The black fabric fell into the crease of Natalia's thigh as it bent at her hip, and Olivia couldn't stop the groan of desire from rattling through her.
"I'll take that as a yes," Natalia whispered just before she captured Olivia's lips in a crushing kiss. When they parted, Olivia rolled over to get what she would need from the side table. It looked simple enough, a needleless syringe, but a tremble went through her.
Natalia must've sensed her hesitation, because she held out a hand to steady her. "Look at me," she commanded gently. "I don't know how this is going to sound, so I'll just say it. I trust you, Olivia. With all of me. My heart, my soul, and my body. I've never wanted to give myself completely to anyone but you. I'm yours, all yours."
It was at once erotic and intensely emotional, almost spiritual, the way Olivia felt when Natalia said those words. Decades of pain and self-doubt and fear melted away, and as she completed the act, slowly and with great care, she wept. Just one or two tears, but there they were. After so many months of hurt and loss and anger, the rawest and strongest emotion Olivia felt was finally one of joy and elation, one of belonging and love. It was truly a union in the purest sense of the word, and as they lie there together motionless, she swore she could hear Natalia's heart beating.
Finally, Olivia sat up, and softly kissed her lover's waiting, open mouth. "Now, um... you know what the doctor said."
"I do," Natalia was almost breathless.
"It'll help, you know, increase our chances."
"It will." She was definitely out of breath, and now Olivia could see her pulse pounding at the vein in her neck.
"If you're too nervous, we don't have to." But even as she said it, Olivia was already slipping her hand back beneath Natalia's skirt, searching for that one tiny spot she knew would breath life back into her.
She'd found it, and Natalia shook her head to try and regain her focus. "No, I want you to. I need you to."
Olivia had made millions, worked her way to the top of her profession; she'd made and broken grown men with the snap of her fingers; she'd stood at the precipice of death and returned unharmed. But she never in her life felt as powerful and strong and needed as she did bringing Natalia to that wrenching, desperate, panting climax. She let Natalia collapse against her in relief, holding her face against her chest, and listened as her breathing slowed into the rhythm of sleep. So many thoughts ran through Olivia's head that she literally could not hold them in, even if she knew Natalia wouldn't hear them.
"You belong to me?" Olivia chuckled lightly. "No, my love, I belong to you. You've given me everything... not just a life, but a life with purpose, with meaning. You saved me when I was dying, you helped me find my way when I was lost. You loved me when I could not love myself. And with such grace," she sighed. "I don't know how you do it... I'm just thankful that you do."
****
With Natalia asleep in the bedroom, Olivia had slipped out to make a few phone calls from the kitchen. She'd left the Beacon in a huff, leaving behind a slew of meetings and paperwork that were to be handled that afternoon, and her mind spun. When her eyes drifted to a drawing hanging on the refrigerator door, things got even more muddled.
"Ah, the fucking puppy," Olivia winced, remember that tonight was the night they were supposed to pick up Emma's new puppy. There was a girl in her class who, conveniently or inconveniently, had a dog who'd just given birth to a litter of puppies. Her mother described them as "almost purebred" Jack Russell Terriers, whatever the hell that meant. And Natalia had googled them the night before, bemoaning the fact that the words "rambunctious" and "extremely energetic" had appeared in just about every entry.
"Honestly, just shoot me now," Olivia said aloud to no one, throwing her head back as she searched the fridge for something to drink.
"You're the one who agreed to it," Natalia's slight frame appeared in the doorway, looking sleepy with her hair adorably mussed.
Olivia seized a bottle of cranberry juice and poured herself a glass. "Would you like some?" When Natalia politely declined, she took a swig. "My god, that tastes horrible without vodka."
When Natalia only frowned, Olivia put up her hands. "Okay, okay. Bad joke."
"Terrible," Natalia clarified, sitting down at the kitchen table.
Olivia stepped behind her and rubbed the muscles of her shoulders through her shirt. "Why don't I pick up Emma from school today? Then we'll go pick up the little mongrel and bring him back here. You take it easy, put your feet up, think pregnant thoughts."
The younger woman tilted her head back and looked up at her, smiling. "If you think that will help... but don't you still have work to do? I know the Beacon is crazy this time of year. I feel bad enough that I tore you away in the middle of the day like that."
"Eh, I'm sure the place won't go to shit if I take the rest of the afternoon off. Besides, I'm having a little trouble concentrating after our little session upstairs." Olivia's eyes fluttered and she let out a deep breath. Just thinking about it made her dizzy.
"Mmm, yes... that," Natalia shrugged out of Olivia's grasp and stood up, pulling her into an embrace and pressing their bodies together. "You are quite good, Olivia Spencer. You have the hands of a surgeon, you know."
The hands she spoke of felt less than graceful as Olivia grasped at whatever bit of Natalia's flesh she could find, above the waist of her skirt and under her sweater near the small of her back. "You think?"
"I do," Natalia nodded, brushing her lips against Olivia's cheek. "So gentle, so precise... No one has ever made me feel the way you do. Even watching you... watching that self-satisfied little smirk--" She pressed a finger against Olivia's now-smiling face. "Yes, that one... Don't get me wrong, I love the humble, wiser Olivia too... but I'm glad you reserved a little bit of that cocky swagger just for me."
Olivia's knees felt weak. Natalia was always her undoing, whether it was with her words or her touch or the sexy swing of her hips as she moved. And Olivia was always quick to let her know, through a deliberately raised eyebrow or a whisper in her ear or even a dirty text message, that her charms were working. But that wasn't Natalia's style. No, instead Natalia would modestly shrug her shoulders, or slap at Olivia's hand as though she hadn't a clue. Then, randomly and without warning, she would unleash whatever thoughts, fantasies, or ruminations on their sex life she'd been holding back on. It was potent, and made Olivia more than a little envious of her self-control.
"You're killing me, you realize?"
She nodded guiltily. "I know. But don't worry. I won't forget how well you took care of me. Just be patient..." And with that, she slipped out of Olivia's grasp and headed for the living room, calling out one final time as she left. "Emma's out in fifteen minutes. Better hurry!"
****
Emma rattled like a machine gun, nonstop from the school parking lot to the Masons' driveway, straight through the entire puppy-picking-up process, and finally ran out of ammo just as they approached the farmhouse. If Olivia didn't know any better, she'd think her daughter had snuck in a double espresso with lunch. But the little girl was excited, understandably, so Olivia simply did her best to keep up, elated to finally be close to her once again. The tiny little animal made squeaking sounds in the backseat, and despite her best efforts, Olivia could feel a niggle of excitement of her own, the damned thing looking so cute and helpless and all.
"Remember what Mrs. Mason said, Emma," Olivia turned the key in the lock at the front door. "Best to keep the little guy confined to one room for now. No letting him wander around the house just yet."
"It's a she, Mommy! Duh," Emma cradled the dog in her arms as she stepped through the door. "Natalia! Come see her!"
Natalia popped up from the couch and let out a squeal of her own. "You sound just like Emma," Olivia lamented, but then couldn't help herself. "But oh my god, isn't he adorable?!"
Tiny legs squirmed and stretched as Natalia held the puppy up. "Looks like a she to me, Doctor Spencer."
"You weren't complaining earlier," Olivia scowled and braced for Natalia's ever-present admonishing pinch. "Ow, dammit."
Emma laid on the floor with the bouncing puppy. "Can I name her?"
"Of course, Jellybean! He's-- she's-- yours!"
The little girl twirled her hair, obviously deep in thought. Finally, she sprung up to her knees. "I know!" she clapped her hands. "Princess Jaclyn Abernathy!"
Both Olivia and Natalia turned to one another, their expressions equally flat. "Isn't that a little... wordy?" Natalia asked gently.
"Come on, mama. Doesn't she just look like a Princess Jaclyn Abernathy?" Emma stated what she thought to be so clearly evident, but something else had struck both Olivia and Natalia in the heart.
"Did she just..." Natalia's eyes watered.
Olivia nodded. "I think so."
When Natalia began to cry and sob, Emma looked inconsolable. "Wait, what did I..."
"Oh no, sweetie. You," Olivia watched as Natalia struggled to speak, finally grabbing hold of Emma in a bear hug. "You didn't do anything wrong. I think Princess Jaclyn Abernathy," she looked at Olivia sideways, "is the perfect name for your puppy. These are happy tears, I promise."
Startled and maybe even a bit strangled by Natalia's extra-tight hug, Emma's face took a second to relax into something approaching understanding. "Is this because I called you mama? Mommy calls you that all the time... I just figured it was okay for me to, too."
"Of course it is, 'Bean. We're a family." Olivia beamed, and when little Princess Jaclyn Abernathy decided to pee all over the rug in the living room, Olivia found she didn't mind at all.
****
Natalia and Olivia had taken turns showing Emma how to take little Jackie out for a walk, both intent on using the new addition to their family as a way to teach Emma about responsibility. But, of course, the tiny animal didn't like being cooped up in the kitchen when it was time to go to bed, and it had taken more than a little wrangling to get Emma to understand why it was important to not give in that first night. It got easier from then on, and in a few weeks Emma could actually walk Jackie instead of dragging her behind them as they walked. In those days, the pup had also earned a thousand different nicknames, from PJ to Jack-Jack to Miss Tinklepants McGee. As it turned out, the major culprit for the syrupy name-calling was Olivia herself.
"What? She looks at me like that and I can't help but think, 'Princess Poutyface.'"
Natalia looked over the pie she was slicing for Emma. "Who knew you'd be such a sap!"
Olivia rose to her feet to clear the remaining dishes off the table. "And who knew you'd be such a grinch? I saw you swat my little dollface on the butt before. I'm calling PETA."
"She ate a deck of cards!"
"Ohh, big deal. So she chewed on some old cards."
Natalia rolled her shoulders back. "And then she pooped on my yoga mat!"
"Ha! Way to go, PJ. Dropped the queen of spades on that voodoo mat!"
Olivia rather enjoyed watching Natalia try desperately not to laugh. "You're disgusting," she slid a plate in front of Olivia and handed her a fork. "Take this out to Emma, and I'll meet you guys out there. You can start the movie."
In the living room, Emma was curled up on the couch, a blanket pulled tightly around her. It had gotten cold fast and this October was shaping up to be one of the coldest ever. When Olivia plopped down beside her, she felt the little girl nestle closer to her. It was all she could do not to cry right there on the spot. And when the dog leapt into Emma's lap and rested her head on Olivia's leg, she very nearly did lose it. Luckily, the sounds of Emma sloppily enjoying her pie kept her smiling.
They were almost an hour into the movie when Natalia finally appeared from the kitchen, wiping at her hands with a dish towel. "What're you up to in there? We didn't leave you with that much mess, did we?" Olivia pursed her lips at her wife.
"No, I'm just antsy. I'm just gonna keep on..." she waved the towel in the air as she crossed the living room and headed for the stairs. "You two watch the movie, okay?"
Olivia shot her a concerned glance, and Natalia tried to reassure her with a smile. But it nagged at Olivia for the rest of the night, and when the movie was finally over, she found herself relieved. Since PJ had graduated to sleeping in a crate in Emma's room, Olivia waited while the little girl took her out one last time for the night. Surprisingly, Emma didn't seem to mind bundling up against the cold for her beloved puppy, and she was responding quite well to the added responsibility. Pride swept through Olivia as she followed them up the stairs, kissing Emma good night and turning out the hallway light before heading to the bedroom.
Inside, she surmised from the sound of running water that Natalia had climbed into the shower, and Olivia tried to wait her out by reading a magazine. But she was overcome with nervousness about the other woman's behavior, so she sprung to the bathroom door and waited. It wasn't like Natalia to brush off movie night with their daughter, and Olivia made a mental checklist in her mind of things it could be.
"Fuck," she said aloud, the word hanging in the air like a poison. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand she checked the date.
Tomorrow would be one year to the day they had lost Isabella. "Fuck," she repeated, dropping the phone on the bed. The sound of the shower stopped suddenly, and Olivia stood frozen in the middle of the room. A million thoughts crossed her mind, things she could do, things she should do, but everything seemed futile and useless. She knew the only thing that mattered would also be the hardest: simply being there for Natalia.
In a flash Olivia moved to turn out the lights, save for a small lamp that basked the room in muted warmth. She pulled off her jeans and slipped into an old pair of flannel cotton pants, unfastened her bra and replaced her t-shirt with a white tank top. When Natalia emerged from the steamy bathroom, she was wrapped in a white robe tied tightly at her waist.
"Hey," Olivia whispered.
"Hey." Natalia was toweling off her hair, and Olivia silently took over for her.
Massaging her scalp with the fluffy towel, Olivia could smell a mix of Natalia's shampoo and the laundry detergent they used. It was clean and comforting, and Olivia absently noted that it was a smell that used to scare her half to death.
A minute or two later, Olivia draped the towel over the laundry basket and pulled Natalia in close. She wound her arms around Natalia's front, tugging her even closer at the hips. Softly she whispered in her lover's ear, careful to keep her voice smooth and even. "I love you, Natalia. I miss her too."
Natalia's breath came in starts and stops, and Olivia held her until they evened out, her lips pressed to her cheek.
"I love you too, Olivia. I'm sorry, I just..." She turned in Olivia's arms until they were face to face, the soft light casting shadows across their features.
"It just kinda crept up on us, didn't it?"
Natalia nodded, then relaxed into Olivia's arms. "Are you... okay? Are you feeling..."
"Tempted to run away? Tempted to drink?" Olivia knew the words were frightening, so she softened them with a crooked smile. "Nope. No way. I'm right here with you, Natalia."
"There's something else," she wiped at her eyes with her hand, the oversized sleeves of the robe hiding most of her fingers. "It's been... two weeks. More than that. We can check, you know."
It took a second for Olivia's mind to switch tracks. But once she figured it out, her face lit up. "Oh! Has it? Should... should we?"
Natalia was sniffling away a tear and smiling at the same time. "I kinda wanna know."
"Me too," Olivia felt herself get even brighter, excitement coursing through her veins. "Well go on, get in there!"
The waiting was agony. Two minutes felt like two days, and Olivia paced around the bed while Natalia kept her eye on one of Olivia's watches she'd picked up from the dresser. "Well?!" Olivia had had just about enough waiting. She was ready to know if this was it, if they were officially going to be parents again.
"Okay, okay... I think we're good," Natalia looked up expectantly at the older woman. "You go check. I... you go do it."
Taking up the task bravely, Olivia walked to the bathroom door, which sat ajar. She approached the sink feeling a little like Indiana Jones, about to swap a timeless treasure for a bag of rocks. She turned back once, looking to Natalia, who just hurried her on with a wave of her hand. Her heart throbbed, a deep, radiating ache that she could feel at the very tip of her extremities. She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to imagine disappointing Natalia, especially on this night.
"Well?!" It was Natalia's turn to be impatient, and Olivia didn't turn back around right away. When she did, what she saw there melted her heart: Natalia's face, a twist of worry and sadness and anticipation and excitement, her lower lip tucked ever so slightly between her teeth, her expressive brow knitted. This was the woman she adored, the woman she would die for, the woman she would spend the rest of her life loving.
"Told you we'd get it on the first try."
Natalia let out a little yelp before she caught herself, her hand over her mouth. She raced into Olivia's arms, sending her backwards and nearly into the dresser.
"Whoa mama, try to give me a little warning next time," Olivia supported the weight of the other woman gladly, just relieved they wouldn't have to face yet another disappointment. "C'mere, you."
Kissing Natalia was always a pleasant sensation for Olivia, but this one felt special somehow. It felt like a homecoming, a return to what Olivia hoped would be their carefree days. Their tongues danced and volleyed, until what began as something playful and joyous turned deeper. Taking quick, staccato steps forward, Olivia ushered Natalia over and onto the bed.
Hands and fingers roamed everywhere, hurriedly and without pretense. Their bodies behaved as though they had never held each other before, never tasted each other, and indeed, for Olivia, something did feel different. Every last inch of Natalia's skin was electrified under her fingertips, and soon their feverish pace threatened to end their tryst far too early.
"Wait," Olivia pulled back, breathing hard. "I don't want to do this if you're... conflicted. We can celebrate another day, when it's not--"
"It's time, Olivia. Time to let the past be the past. Time to look to the future." As she spoke, Natalia held Olivia's hand at the wrist, pressing the palm of her hand against her belly. "I love you so much."
"You have no idea," Olivia groaned, the friction between them in all the right places. "Jesus, we're having a baby."
"We are. Together," Natalia whispered as she let her hand creep between them, ever so stealthily. "I think owe you," she punctuated the words with a thrust directly at the source of Olivia's desire. "Between work, and the dog, and everything..."
Olivia felt herself curl harder into the pressure Natalia was applying. "Too long." It was all she could manage.
She could feel Natalia's breasts sliding against her own, and the sensation was almost too much to bear.
"Let me take care of you like you take care of me." Natalia's words dripped like honey from her lips.
But Olivia was confused, terribly aroused, and every muscle in her body threatened to snap.
"Relax, Olivia," Natalia purred, using her free hand to gently push Olivia back onto the bed. "Lie down."
She'd received orders in her life, most of which she ignored, but this directive Olivia took very seriously. It took awhile, the stress of the last few weeks having quite literally amassed on her shoulders, but eventually Olivia gave in to Natalia's thorough, attentive exploration. As the night wore on, Olivia grew more and more relaxed, and frantic sex turned into slow, intimate lovemaking, which turned into sleep, which turned back into frantic, impassioned sex. They must've fallen asleep again because when Olivia woke up, the sun had risen and all the sheets were missing.
Olivia stood slowly, feeling a little bit old for the first time in a long while. Her back screamed at her, but she couldn't stop smiling. She made her way over to the closet and found her own robe, then returned to the window to peek outside. Leaves blew across the front yard of the farmhouse, and the grass looked weak and ready to give in to winter already. She must've been deep in thought, because it wasn't until she felt arms around her that she even realized Natalia was awake.
"Hey you."
"Hey yourself."
Natalia burrowed into the crook of Olivia's neck. "It wasn't a dream?"
"Mm, no it wasn't," Olivia let Natalia's unruly hair tickle her chin. "Do you think we'll be okay parents? Not too old and crazy to do it right?"
"I think we'll be great parents," she tucked her hands into the pockets of Olivia's robe. "Despite you being old and crazy."
"All these leaves everywhere," Olivia gazed out at the yard but felt her mind drift elsewhere. "I wanna go... today on my lunch break, to Isabella's grave. Clear it off, you know. Make sure they've kept the weeds back. Bring some flowers."
Natalia looked up at her, not with sadness or even expectation, but maybe a little bit of pride. "Want some company?"
Olivia pretended to hem and haw, until she gave in to the woman pressed against her. "Always. I'm better with you by my side."
THE END.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: R to NC-17
Notes: PLEASE READ This is a dark, angst-filled story with ADULT themes. It is not graphically violent or gratuitous in nature, but it can be quite dark. For those of you who read and enjoyed "Whatever It Takes," this story takes place shortly after. Completely different tone, though, so be prepared. If you haven't read WIT, it's not necessary but it is helpful.
I'm not 100% sure, but I feel like this is entirely new territory for Olivia & Natalia. Your comments are greatly appreciated.
MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone! This is the final chapter of The Lost, and I'd like to thank everyone for the awe-inspiring support! The fun's not over though... Sometime this evening I'll be posting the "soundtrack" for the story, along with some great art by a great friend. Look for it at P&P, as well as my personal journal. Then of course, we've got the third book of the series, which I hope to begin posting next week. Again, can't say enough about everyone's thoughtful, inspiring comments. Hope this time of year inspires more of our great writers to write (or keep writing!) Otalia! xoxo.
Chapter One
Chapter Two (NC-17)
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five - (NC-17)
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight (NC-17)
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
"What do you mean how did we choose? We examined all the options: hair color, eye color, ethnicity, education, interests," Olivia drummed a pen against the wooden desktop.
On the other end of the line, she could hear a car door slam. "I picked out a sweater from the J.Crew catalog last night. Small, charcoal gray. I could've gone with the plum but you know, with my skin tone... it woulda been iffy. Same kinda thing?"
Olivia laughed, and indulged the other woman. "Yes, exactly like that, Pierce. It was kind of... a cross between a J.Crew catalog and a police lineup."
"Whoa. Well in that case, I really hope you picked the right one."
"It was fun, actually. Odd and extremely terrifying, but fun. Natalia insisted on picking someone with features close to mine. You know, so we could squint our eyes in a dark room and swear it looked like me."
Pierce coughed dramatically. "God, I hope not. Poor thing."
The phone on her desk rang, but Olivia silenced it with a press of a button. "You're a mean-spirited bitch, and that's why I love you."
"Aw shucks, Spence. I'm fuckin' teary-eyed over here." There was a crunching sound on the other end, and then Pierce let loose a string of profanities. "Oh Christ I lost the eggs. Dammit, that's what I get for letting them use those shitty paper bags. I want you to know I was thinking about your kids when I did that. I'm gonna be dead, right? What do I care about the environment? You owe me a carton of eggs for saving your children from the scourge of global warming and deforestation."
Olivia leaned back in her chair, and pressed an arm over her head, stretching. "Move to Springfield. I'll buy you all the eggs you want."
"I'm working on it. Besides, I've got time. You don't think this baby thing is gonna take on the first try, do you? There's only like a ten percent success rate, isn't there? Unless she's taking fertility drugs? Please tell me she's not taking fertility drugs."
Olivia couldn't hide the amusement in her voice. Pierce sure did know a lot about the subject. "Lemme guess... Google?"
Pierce didn't miss a beat. "No, Oprah. You don't want ninety kids, Olivia. You don't want to be the next Jon Gosselin, wearing douchey Ed Hardy t-shirts and hanging out with Lindsay Lohan's dad."
"Calm down, Pierce... Jesus. Do I have to remind you? Natalia is tragically fertile. She so much as looks at sperm and she gets pregnant. It's frightening."
Pierce wretched. "Um, first of all? Ew, don't ever say that to me again. And second of all... just, eww."
"Very mature," Olivia grew irritated as she had to silence her work phone yet again. "Goddamn it, I can't get a moment's peace in here!"
Just then, Olivia heard the familiar beep on her end of the phone, a signal that she was getting another call. When she pulled the phone from her ear and saw it was Natalia, her heart instantly started to race. It had probably been her ringing on the office phone. "Lemme let you go Pierce. It's Natalia on the other line."
"Alright. Tell her I said hey."
Switching calls, Olivia hoped her voice sounded measured and calm. "Hey sweetheart. What's up?"
"Kyra says you're in the office. Why aren't you picking up?" Natalia sounded irritated.
"Well, the romance is truly dead. I'm fine, buttercup, thank you for asking. And if you must know, I was on the other line with Pierce."
"Oh." Her tone lightened immediately. "I'm glad. You haven't spoken to her in a while and... you've been acting weird."
Olivia's heart rate had slowed, but at then picked back up again. "Weird? Weird how?"
She could hear Natalia struggling for the right thing to say. "I don't know, just... I'm sure it's my imagination. Just getting nervous, that's all."
Olivia smiled and hoped the other woman could hear it in her words. "I love you, Natalia. I'm ready to do this. I'm excited." She scooted her chair in closer to the desk and leaned on one elbow. "I was just talking to Pierce about it, matter of fact."
"You were?" There was a definite smile in that voice.
"Yup. Told her we're all set, whenever your body says go."
There was a silence on the other end, and Olivia shuffled some papers that had been clogging up her desk for days. Work was busier than ever, a fact that she tried to avoid thinking about, but rarely could.
"Hm, well... if I'm reading this ovulation test correctly, then we're definitely ready to go."
Olivia shot out of her chair the second Natalia finished the sentence. "I'll be home in fifteen minutes."
****
"Light a candle or something."
Olivia's face crumpled in disbelief. "What? Why? It's daylight!"
Natalia's hands slapped against the sheets. "Because I want a little romance, I don't know! Just do it."
Moving around to the bedside table, Olivia obliged. "I could put on some Barry White if it'll make you feel better?"
"Oh, don't you make fun of me," Natalia tried to sound stern but was in the throes of laughter before she knew it. "This is nuts."
Olivia slid onto the bed alongside of her. "So many jokes I could make, but I'll refrain." She brushed a stray hair out of Natalia's eyes, and was rewarded with a deep, dimpled smile. "I love your smile. Have I told you that? It's so beautiful. So you."
Natalia blushed. "Now you're just placating me and my crazy notion that there should be some tenderness involved in the conception of our child."
"No, I mean it," Olivia kissed the woman beside her on the forehead just once, then let her hand find the back of her neck, weaving her fingers into the smooth dark hair. "I am absolutely the luckiest person on earth. Don't think I don't know that."
She let her eyes travel the length of Natalia's body. She was in a black cotton skirt and a light sweater, with a neckline that plunged just enough. Her bare toes wiggled in anticipation, and when Olivia brought her hand down to trace her thigh, they moved even faster. She could feel Natalia watching her, and when she slid her hand higher, between her legs, they both gasped for air.
"I already took off my..." The younger woman looked suddenly shy, unsteady. "Should I..." she tugged at the waist of her skirt.
Olivia felt her own features darken. She hadn't expected this to be a lustful, passionate moment, what with all the clinical details and how-to's. But seeing Natalia like that, knowing the journey they were about to embark on together, filled Olivia with insatiable want. "Leave it on. It's hot."
Now Natalia smirked a little, the confidence creeping back into her face. She draped one hand across the back of Olivia's neck, and hiked the hem of her skirt up with the other. "You like that, don't you?"
The black fabric fell into the crease of Natalia's thigh as it bent at her hip, and Olivia couldn't stop the groan of desire from rattling through her.
"I'll take that as a yes," Natalia whispered just before she captured Olivia's lips in a crushing kiss. When they parted, Olivia rolled over to get what she would need from the side table. It looked simple enough, a needleless syringe, but a tremble went through her.
Natalia must've sensed her hesitation, because she held out a hand to steady her. "Look at me," she commanded gently. "I don't know how this is going to sound, so I'll just say it. I trust you, Olivia. With all of me. My heart, my soul, and my body. I've never wanted to give myself completely to anyone but you. I'm yours, all yours."
It was at once erotic and intensely emotional, almost spiritual, the way Olivia felt when Natalia said those words. Decades of pain and self-doubt and fear melted away, and as she completed the act, slowly and with great care, she wept. Just one or two tears, but there they were. After so many months of hurt and loss and anger, the rawest and strongest emotion Olivia felt was finally one of joy and elation, one of belonging and love. It was truly a union in the purest sense of the word, and as they lie there together motionless, she swore she could hear Natalia's heart beating.
Finally, Olivia sat up, and softly kissed her lover's waiting, open mouth. "Now, um... you know what the doctor said."
"I do," Natalia was almost breathless.
"It'll help, you know, increase our chances."
"It will." She was definitely out of breath, and now Olivia could see her pulse pounding at the vein in her neck.
"If you're too nervous, we don't have to." But even as she said it, Olivia was already slipping her hand back beneath Natalia's skirt, searching for that one tiny spot she knew would breath life back into her.
She'd found it, and Natalia shook her head to try and regain her focus. "No, I want you to. I need you to."
Olivia had made millions, worked her way to the top of her profession; she'd made and broken grown men with the snap of her fingers; she'd stood at the precipice of death and returned unharmed. But she never in her life felt as powerful and strong and needed as she did bringing Natalia to that wrenching, desperate, panting climax. She let Natalia collapse against her in relief, holding her face against her chest, and listened as her breathing slowed into the rhythm of sleep. So many thoughts ran through Olivia's head that she literally could not hold them in, even if she knew Natalia wouldn't hear them.
"You belong to me?" Olivia chuckled lightly. "No, my love, I belong to you. You've given me everything... not just a life, but a life with purpose, with meaning. You saved me when I was dying, you helped me find my way when I was lost. You loved me when I could not love myself. And with such grace," she sighed. "I don't know how you do it... I'm just thankful that you do."
****
With Natalia asleep in the bedroom, Olivia had slipped out to make a few phone calls from the kitchen. She'd left the Beacon in a huff, leaving behind a slew of meetings and paperwork that were to be handled that afternoon, and her mind spun. When her eyes drifted to a drawing hanging on the refrigerator door, things got even more muddled.
"Ah, the fucking puppy," Olivia winced, remember that tonight was the night they were supposed to pick up Emma's new puppy. There was a girl in her class who, conveniently or inconveniently, had a dog who'd just given birth to a litter of puppies. Her mother described them as "almost purebred" Jack Russell Terriers, whatever the hell that meant. And Natalia had googled them the night before, bemoaning the fact that the words "rambunctious" and "extremely energetic" had appeared in just about every entry.
"Honestly, just shoot me now," Olivia said aloud to no one, throwing her head back as she searched the fridge for something to drink.
"You're the one who agreed to it," Natalia's slight frame appeared in the doorway, looking sleepy with her hair adorably mussed.
Olivia seized a bottle of cranberry juice and poured herself a glass. "Would you like some?" When Natalia politely declined, she took a swig. "My god, that tastes horrible without vodka."
When Natalia only frowned, Olivia put up her hands. "Okay, okay. Bad joke."
"Terrible," Natalia clarified, sitting down at the kitchen table.
Olivia stepped behind her and rubbed the muscles of her shoulders through her shirt. "Why don't I pick up Emma from school today? Then we'll go pick up the little mongrel and bring him back here. You take it easy, put your feet up, think pregnant thoughts."
The younger woman tilted her head back and looked up at her, smiling. "If you think that will help... but don't you still have work to do? I know the Beacon is crazy this time of year. I feel bad enough that I tore you away in the middle of the day like that."
"Eh, I'm sure the place won't go to shit if I take the rest of the afternoon off. Besides, I'm having a little trouble concentrating after our little session upstairs." Olivia's eyes fluttered and she let out a deep breath. Just thinking about it made her dizzy.
"Mmm, yes... that," Natalia shrugged out of Olivia's grasp and stood up, pulling her into an embrace and pressing their bodies together. "You are quite good, Olivia Spencer. You have the hands of a surgeon, you know."
The hands she spoke of felt less than graceful as Olivia grasped at whatever bit of Natalia's flesh she could find, above the waist of her skirt and under her sweater near the small of her back. "You think?"
"I do," Natalia nodded, brushing her lips against Olivia's cheek. "So gentle, so precise... No one has ever made me feel the way you do. Even watching you... watching that self-satisfied little smirk--" She pressed a finger against Olivia's now-smiling face. "Yes, that one... Don't get me wrong, I love the humble, wiser Olivia too... but I'm glad you reserved a little bit of that cocky swagger just for me."
Olivia's knees felt weak. Natalia was always her undoing, whether it was with her words or her touch or the sexy swing of her hips as she moved. And Olivia was always quick to let her know, through a deliberately raised eyebrow or a whisper in her ear or even a dirty text message, that her charms were working. But that wasn't Natalia's style. No, instead Natalia would modestly shrug her shoulders, or slap at Olivia's hand as though she hadn't a clue. Then, randomly and without warning, she would unleash whatever thoughts, fantasies, or ruminations on their sex life she'd been holding back on. It was potent, and made Olivia more than a little envious of her self-control.
"You're killing me, you realize?"
She nodded guiltily. "I know. But don't worry. I won't forget how well you took care of me. Just be patient..." And with that, she slipped out of Olivia's grasp and headed for the living room, calling out one final time as she left. "Emma's out in fifteen minutes. Better hurry!"
****
Emma rattled like a machine gun, nonstop from the school parking lot to the Masons' driveway, straight through the entire puppy-picking-up process, and finally ran out of ammo just as they approached the farmhouse. If Olivia didn't know any better, she'd think her daughter had snuck in a double espresso with lunch. But the little girl was excited, understandably, so Olivia simply did her best to keep up, elated to finally be close to her once again. The tiny little animal made squeaking sounds in the backseat, and despite her best efforts, Olivia could feel a niggle of excitement of her own, the damned thing looking so cute and helpless and all.
"Remember what Mrs. Mason said, Emma," Olivia turned the key in the lock at the front door. "Best to keep the little guy confined to one room for now. No letting him wander around the house just yet."
"It's a she, Mommy! Duh," Emma cradled the dog in her arms as she stepped through the door. "Natalia! Come see her!"
Natalia popped up from the couch and let out a squeal of her own. "You sound just like Emma," Olivia lamented, but then couldn't help herself. "But oh my god, isn't he adorable?!"
Tiny legs squirmed and stretched as Natalia held the puppy up. "Looks like a she to me, Doctor Spencer."
"You weren't complaining earlier," Olivia scowled and braced for Natalia's ever-present admonishing pinch. "Ow, dammit."
Emma laid on the floor with the bouncing puppy. "Can I name her?"
"Of course, Jellybean! He's-- she's-- yours!"
The little girl twirled her hair, obviously deep in thought. Finally, she sprung up to her knees. "I know!" she clapped her hands. "Princess Jaclyn Abernathy!"
Both Olivia and Natalia turned to one another, their expressions equally flat. "Isn't that a little... wordy?" Natalia asked gently.
"Come on, mama. Doesn't she just look like a Princess Jaclyn Abernathy?" Emma stated what she thought to be so clearly evident, but something else had struck both Olivia and Natalia in the heart.
"Did she just..." Natalia's eyes watered.
Olivia nodded. "I think so."
When Natalia began to cry and sob, Emma looked inconsolable. "Wait, what did I..."
"Oh no, sweetie. You," Olivia watched as Natalia struggled to speak, finally grabbing hold of Emma in a bear hug. "You didn't do anything wrong. I think Princess Jaclyn Abernathy," she looked at Olivia sideways, "is the perfect name for your puppy. These are happy tears, I promise."
Startled and maybe even a bit strangled by Natalia's extra-tight hug, Emma's face took a second to relax into something approaching understanding. "Is this because I called you mama? Mommy calls you that all the time... I just figured it was okay for me to, too."
"Of course it is, 'Bean. We're a family." Olivia beamed, and when little Princess Jaclyn Abernathy decided to pee all over the rug in the living room, Olivia found she didn't mind at all.
****
Natalia and Olivia had taken turns showing Emma how to take little Jackie out for a walk, both intent on using the new addition to their family as a way to teach Emma about responsibility. But, of course, the tiny animal didn't like being cooped up in the kitchen when it was time to go to bed, and it had taken more than a little wrangling to get Emma to understand why it was important to not give in that first night. It got easier from then on, and in a few weeks Emma could actually walk Jackie instead of dragging her behind them as they walked. In those days, the pup had also earned a thousand different nicknames, from PJ to Jack-Jack to Miss Tinklepants McGee. As it turned out, the major culprit for the syrupy name-calling was Olivia herself.
"What? She looks at me like that and I can't help but think, 'Princess Poutyface.'"
Natalia looked over the pie she was slicing for Emma. "Who knew you'd be such a sap!"
Olivia rose to her feet to clear the remaining dishes off the table. "And who knew you'd be such a grinch? I saw you swat my little dollface on the butt before. I'm calling PETA."
"She ate a deck of cards!"
"Ohh, big deal. So she chewed on some old cards."
Natalia rolled her shoulders back. "And then she pooped on my yoga mat!"
"Ha! Way to go, PJ. Dropped the queen of spades on that voodoo mat!"
Olivia rather enjoyed watching Natalia try desperately not to laugh. "You're disgusting," she slid a plate in front of Olivia and handed her a fork. "Take this out to Emma, and I'll meet you guys out there. You can start the movie."
In the living room, Emma was curled up on the couch, a blanket pulled tightly around her. It had gotten cold fast and this October was shaping up to be one of the coldest ever. When Olivia plopped down beside her, she felt the little girl nestle closer to her. It was all she could do not to cry right there on the spot. And when the dog leapt into Emma's lap and rested her head on Olivia's leg, she very nearly did lose it. Luckily, the sounds of Emma sloppily enjoying her pie kept her smiling.
They were almost an hour into the movie when Natalia finally appeared from the kitchen, wiping at her hands with a dish towel. "What're you up to in there? We didn't leave you with that much mess, did we?" Olivia pursed her lips at her wife.
"No, I'm just antsy. I'm just gonna keep on..." she waved the towel in the air as she crossed the living room and headed for the stairs. "You two watch the movie, okay?"
Olivia shot her a concerned glance, and Natalia tried to reassure her with a smile. But it nagged at Olivia for the rest of the night, and when the movie was finally over, she found herself relieved. Since PJ had graduated to sleeping in a crate in Emma's room, Olivia waited while the little girl took her out one last time for the night. Surprisingly, Emma didn't seem to mind bundling up against the cold for her beloved puppy, and she was responding quite well to the added responsibility. Pride swept through Olivia as she followed them up the stairs, kissing Emma good night and turning out the hallway light before heading to the bedroom.
Inside, she surmised from the sound of running water that Natalia had climbed into the shower, and Olivia tried to wait her out by reading a magazine. But she was overcome with nervousness about the other woman's behavior, so she sprung to the bathroom door and waited. It wasn't like Natalia to brush off movie night with their daughter, and Olivia made a mental checklist in her mind of things it could be.
"Fuck," she said aloud, the word hanging in the air like a poison. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand she checked the date.
Tomorrow would be one year to the day they had lost Isabella. "Fuck," she repeated, dropping the phone on the bed. The sound of the shower stopped suddenly, and Olivia stood frozen in the middle of the room. A million thoughts crossed her mind, things she could do, things she should do, but everything seemed futile and useless. She knew the only thing that mattered would also be the hardest: simply being there for Natalia.
In a flash Olivia moved to turn out the lights, save for a small lamp that basked the room in muted warmth. She pulled off her jeans and slipped into an old pair of flannel cotton pants, unfastened her bra and replaced her t-shirt with a white tank top. When Natalia emerged from the steamy bathroom, she was wrapped in a white robe tied tightly at her waist.
"Hey," Olivia whispered.
"Hey." Natalia was toweling off her hair, and Olivia silently took over for her.
Massaging her scalp with the fluffy towel, Olivia could smell a mix of Natalia's shampoo and the laundry detergent they used. It was clean and comforting, and Olivia absently noted that it was a smell that used to scare her half to death.
A minute or two later, Olivia draped the towel over the laundry basket and pulled Natalia in close. She wound her arms around Natalia's front, tugging her even closer at the hips. Softly she whispered in her lover's ear, careful to keep her voice smooth and even. "I love you, Natalia. I miss her too."
Natalia's breath came in starts and stops, and Olivia held her until they evened out, her lips pressed to her cheek.
"I love you too, Olivia. I'm sorry, I just..." She turned in Olivia's arms until they were face to face, the soft light casting shadows across their features.
"It just kinda crept up on us, didn't it?"
Natalia nodded, then relaxed into Olivia's arms. "Are you... okay? Are you feeling..."
"Tempted to run away? Tempted to drink?" Olivia knew the words were frightening, so she softened them with a crooked smile. "Nope. No way. I'm right here with you, Natalia."
"There's something else," she wiped at her eyes with her hand, the oversized sleeves of the robe hiding most of her fingers. "It's been... two weeks. More than that. We can check, you know."
It took a second for Olivia's mind to switch tracks. But once she figured it out, her face lit up. "Oh! Has it? Should... should we?"
Natalia was sniffling away a tear and smiling at the same time. "I kinda wanna know."
"Me too," Olivia felt herself get even brighter, excitement coursing through her veins. "Well go on, get in there!"
The waiting was agony. Two minutes felt like two days, and Olivia paced around the bed while Natalia kept her eye on one of Olivia's watches she'd picked up from the dresser. "Well?!" Olivia had had just about enough waiting. She was ready to know if this was it, if they were officially going to be parents again.
"Okay, okay... I think we're good," Natalia looked up expectantly at the older woman. "You go check. I... you go do it."
Taking up the task bravely, Olivia walked to the bathroom door, which sat ajar. She approached the sink feeling a little like Indiana Jones, about to swap a timeless treasure for a bag of rocks. She turned back once, looking to Natalia, who just hurried her on with a wave of her hand. Her heart throbbed, a deep, radiating ache that she could feel at the very tip of her extremities. She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to imagine disappointing Natalia, especially on this night.
"Well?!" It was Natalia's turn to be impatient, and Olivia didn't turn back around right away. When she did, what she saw there melted her heart: Natalia's face, a twist of worry and sadness and anticipation and excitement, her lower lip tucked ever so slightly between her teeth, her expressive brow knitted. This was the woman she adored, the woman she would die for, the woman she would spend the rest of her life loving.
"Told you we'd get it on the first try."
Natalia let out a little yelp before she caught herself, her hand over her mouth. She raced into Olivia's arms, sending her backwards and nearly into the dresser.
"Whoa mama, try to give me a little warning next time," Olivia supported the weight of the other woman gladly, just relieved they wouldn't have to face yet another disappointment. "C'mere, you."
Kissing Natalia was always a pleasant sensation for Olivia, but this one felt special somehow. It felt like a homecoming, a return to what Olivia hoped would be their carefree days. Their tongues danced and volleyed, until what began as something playful and joyous turned deeper. Taking quick, staccato steps forward, Olivia ushered Natalia over and onto the bed.
Hands and fingers roamed everywhere, hurriedly and without pretense. Their bodies behaved as though they had never held each other before, never tasted each other, and indeed, for Olivia, something did feel different. Every last inch of Natalia's skin was electrified under her fingertips, and soon their feverish pace threatened to end their tryst far too early.
"Wait," Olivia pulled back, breathing hard. "I don't want to do this if you're... conflicted. We can celebrate another day, when it's not--"
"It's time, Olivia. Time to let the past be the past. Time to look to the future." As she spoke, Natalia held Olivia's hand at the wrist, pressing the palm of her hand against her belly. "I love you so much."
"You have no idea," Olivia groaned, the friction between them in all the right places. "Jesus, we're having a baby."
"We are. Together," Natalia whispered as she let her hand creep between them, ever so stealthily. "I think owe you," she punctuated the words with a thrust directly at the source of Olivia's desire. "Between work, and the dog, and everything..."
Olivia felt herself curl harder into the pressure Natalia was applying. "Too long." It was all she could manage.
She could feel Natalia's breasts sliding against her own, and the sensation was almost too much to bear.
"Let me take care of you like you take care of me." Natalia's words dripped like honey from her lips.
But Olivia was confused, terribly aroused, and every muscle in her body threatened to snap.
"Relax, Olivia," Natalia purred, using her free hand to gently push Olivia back onto the bed. "Lie down."
She'd received orders in her life, most of which she ignored, but this directive Olivia took very seriously. It took awhile, the stress of the last few weeks having quite literally amassed on her shoulders, but eventually Olivia gave in to Natalia's thorough, attentive exploration. As the night wore on, Olivia grew more and more relaxed, and frantic sex turned into slow, intimate lovemaking, which turned into sleep, which turned back into frantic, impassioned sex. They must've fallen asleep again because when Olivia woke up, the sun had risen and all the sheets were missing.
Olivia stood slowly, feeling a little bit old for the first time in a long while. Her back screamed at her, but she couldn't stop smiling. She made her way over to the closet and found her own robe, then returned to the window to peek outside. Leaves blew across the front yard of the farmhouse, and the grass looked weak and ready to give in to winter already. She must've been deep in thought, because it wasn't until she felt arms around her that she even realized Natalia was awake.
"Hey you."
"Hey yourself."
Natalia burrowed into the crook of Olivia's neck. "It wasn't a dream?"
"Mm, no it wasn't," Olivia let Natalia's unruly hair tickle her chin. "Do you think we'll be okay parents? Not too old and crazy to do it right?"
"I think we'll be great parents," she tucked her hands into the pockets of Olivia's robe. "Despite you being old and crazy."
"All these leaves everywhere," Olivia gazed out at the yard but felt her mind drift elsewhere. "I wanna go... today on my lunch break, to Isabella's grave. Clear it off, you know. Make sure they've kept the weeds back. Bring some flowers."
Natalia looked up at her, not with sadness or even expectation, but maybe a little bit of pride. "Want some company?"
Olivia pretended to hem and haw, until she gave in to the woman pressed against her. "Always. I'm better with you by my side."
THE END.