I Bend
Title: I Bend
Author: Siege (nogoal4u)
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG - 'Cuz "damn it" is swearing in Natalia's book even if it isn't really in mine.
Archive: Want. Take. Have. Just let me know where you put it.
Spoilers: If you're up to date through August 21st then you're already spoiled.
Summary: Olivia doesn't want to want this.
Disclaimer: The often twisted, sometimes pathetic, but mostly interesting denizens of Springfield belong to P & G, CBS, and anyone else with a stake in Guiding Light. They don't belong to me, but if I had the money to buy them I would. Then they could keep playing with us for as long as we wanted them to. No copyright infringement intended. The words you see below and the manner in which they are arranged are mine. Swiper, no swiping.
A/N: I've never felt compelled to post any of my fic before, not that I have a ton of it. But Otalia makes me do strange things. Thanks to aeryn_ryker for the beta. However, any mistakes in here are mine. Comments are to authors what cookies are to Cookie Monster.
You sent me flowers. You sent me flowers and thought it would help. You sent me flowers and told me that I'm beautiful.
You brought me cookies. You brought me cookies and thought it would fix what's broken. You brought me cookies and told me you love me.
You came empty handed. You came empty handed and offered me yourself and thought that would be enough to save us. You came empty handed and told me you'd find a way to make me believe again.
You sent me flowers and I smiled. Damn it.
Your son thinks I'm in control of this thing between us. He thinks I'm the one calling the shots, the one making the decisions.
If that were true, you would have been at the barbeque with me a month ago. If that were true, our daughter and I would be back home at the farmhouse by now with you and your crucifixes and our ducks. If I had any control over this, you never would have left me.
Your almost husband, the father of your unborn child, thinks I've cast a spell on you. He thinks I'm some sort of magician able to manipulate you with a word or a look.
If that were true, you wouldn't have noticed my slight of hand and he would be your husband. If that were true, you would have listened when I told you how hard this would be, how much easier a life with him would be, how that could make you happy if only you would let it. If that were true, he'd be living in our home at the farmhouse by now with you and your crucifixes and our ducks. If I had been able to cast my spell, you'd be with him painting your nursery and buying a crib and picking out baby names.
The people in this town, they think I've bent you to my will like I've done with so many others so many times before. They think I have some sort of power over you.
If that were true, I wouldn't even be here. If that were true, I'd be buried on the same hill that holds your dead husband. If that were true, I'd have been able to force you out of my life before you were able to breathe new life into me. If that were true, I never would have lived in our home at the farmhouse with you and your crucifixes and our ducks. If I could've bent you to my will, the farmhouse would still be just a farmhouse and I would be nothing but a bad memory forgotten by everyone but my daughters, maybe even them too.
I've never been the one in control of this, of us, of you. Try as I might, I have never been able to wrestle it from your strong, slender fingertips.
You've never been under my spell. The one you cast each time you look at me with those beautiful, penetrating eyes is so much more powerful than anything I could have mustered.
You've never bent to my will, not really. I've never had that power. Your heart, your faith, your will is so full of light and beauty and strength that the darkness in me never stood a chance. I try to make myself believe you have bent, that you do bend, that you will bend. But in the end, it never really happens that way.
I've been the one to bend, to break, to give.
You sent me flowers. You brought me cookies. You came empty handed. And I know it's only a matter of time before I bend again.
Damn it.