Tough Part 2
Title: Tough (2/3)
Author: Jay
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Otalia (Olivia/Natalia)
Rating: PG - 13 (Olivia has a potty mouth when she’s hurt. It’s not my fault is it?)
Song: Tough - Craig Morgan
A/N: Alright. This is definitely going to be in three parts. This is a few years after the last chapter. The amount of time doesn’t really matter. All you really need to know is that it’s a heartbreaker aka Olivia’s gonna be crying which really stinks since she’s doing that in the show. However it must be done. But I promise a happy ending! Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter hope you like this one just as much!
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We sat there five years ago
The doctors let us know, the test showed
She’d have to fight to live
“Cancer? She...she has cancer.” Olivia felt as though the room were spinning around.
No. No no no no, this can’t be happening.
“Liv, honey…” Natalia reached out to grab Olivia’s hand, just to jump back as Olivia stood up and placed her hands on the doctor’s desk.
“No. She cannot have cancer. Do you hear me?! Take the fucking tests again!” She was pacing now as the words rushed out of her in the form of a scream at the doctor cowering behind the desk. ”Get another x-ray, scan, or whatever you have to do! This is unacceptable! I will not- “
“Olivia Spencer-Rivera! You will stop screaming and swearing this instant do you hear me?! Let him finish talking so we'll know how to beat this. Do you understand me?!” Natalia had stood up as well, gripping her wife by the shoulders and screaming back at her to get her attention. She could see the woman breaking in front of her. And there was no way she was going to allow that to happen. Not now.
Olivia choked back a sob as Natalia's hands moved from her arms to her face, “Yes...but what if…”
Natalia placed a soft kiss on her lips and wiped away the tears slowly making their way down Olivia’s cheeks, “No there are no 'what if's' here. I am a Spencer-Rivera woman and I can do anything. And what I'm going to do is beat this. For you and for our children, I'm going to beat this.”
Olivia allowed her body to collapse in her chair, “Okay doc, tell us how to beat this.”
~*~*~*~*~
Natalia was looking down at a sheet of printed paper as she made her way into their kitchen, “Okay now we've gotten all of the medicine and food the doctor gave us on the list. How about... Olivia?” She stopped as she turned around and found her wife was pale and staring at her with unshed tears in her eyes.
As her body gave into the emotional stress again of the day as tears rolled down her cheeks, she let out in a tiny whisper, “I can't.”
“What?” Natalia barely having heard her asked while pulling a chair around so that she was sitting right across from her, holding both hands.
"I can't...I can't lose you again.”
Natalia made random patterns with her fingers against Liv’s hands as she said in a calm voice, “Olivia the doctor said I have a pretty good chance of beating...”
“Chance he said a fucking chance.” Olivia snapped as she finally let loose the words she had held in once Natalia had told her to be quiet in the doctor’s office, “That's not guarantee is it?! A chance means I could lose you. We could lose you! I've already lost you once and I can't handle losing you again. I couldn’t handle myself when you were gone for a month. There’s no way in hell I can handle three children for the rest of my life. I can’t do it without you. Do you hear me?! I can't... I can't...” Olivia finally let her fears consume her as she broke down, falling into Natalia's arms, sobbing and clutching onto her wife. She squeezed even harder as though she were afraid the woman would disappear right before her eyes. A voice broke through her despair.
“You won't. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm never leaving you.”
“Please just don't break my heart again. Okay? I need you. Natalia I can't...I just can't okay? You have to beat this. I can't...” Olivia mumbled her plea into Natalia's neck and chest.
“Shh. It's okay. It's alright. We'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'm never going to leave you, okay? Calm down. I'm right here and I'm staying right here. I'm not going anywhere. “
“Don't leave me.”
“Never Olivia, never.”
When children came home that afternoon, Olivia silently looked at her children. The twins were exact replicas of her love. Chocolate curls, dimples and warm eyes leading to a warm heart. How are we going to tell them? They're so young, too young to lose their mother...
When Natalia came into the kitchen and started making dinner, Olivia couldn’t help the thoughts as they raced through her mind. What if she doesn’t make it? How many more days will we have this happy life? Why did it have to be her? Why us? Why?!
“What’s wrong with mom”?
Her son’s voice broke through her dark mind as she realized all the kids were looking at her.
She cleared her throat hoping to mask the tears she was keeping at bay, “What do ya mean what’s wrong with mom? I’m right here goof.”
His deep brown eyes pierced right through her heart. Antonio had always been their lighthearted worry free child. Never had she seen his eyes so focused before.
“What’s wrong?” Her youngest daughter said softly. Madison had never grown out of her quiet and reserved phase. Where Antonio was a combination of the two women and Emma had just her stubborn side, her baby Maddie was a direct clone of Natalia.
She heard Natalia let out a small sigh. She brought her green eyes to meet Natalia's own.
“We need to tell you guys something…”
I broke down and cried
She held me and said it’s gonna be alright
She wore that wig to church
Pink ribbon pinned there on her shirt
No room for fear, full of faith
Hands held high singing Amazing Grace
I was lying in bed with her a few weeks later.
Just talking and laughing in soft tones about our beautiful growing children.
As I ran my fingers through her gorgeous hair, my body shook with rage, fear, and sorrow as the locks became tangled in my fingers.
She held me as I cried out how unfair it was that this was happening to us.
We were happy.
So damn happy.
It's not fair.
“Olivia can you… can you help me do something?” your soft voice broke through my tears.
“Anything.” I answered as I nuzzled my face into her neck, inhaling her familiar scent.
“Can you help me cut me hair?”
Never once complained, refusing to give up
And I thought I was tough
With a shaky voice I agreed. We got up and made our way to the bathroom. With very snip and every lock of hair that fell to the bathroom floor, my heart broke. Natalia kept whispering that everything was going to be alright.
“Liv, it’s okay. It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.”
“But it’s your hair, your beautiful, long hair.”
“Sweetie it’s just hair. I’ve been meaning to try a different style for ages. This’ll be the first new hairstyle I’ve had since I was in high school. Plus, I hear bald is the new thing in Paris.”
Olivia let out a shaky laugh as a tear ran down her cheek and she looked at the teasing smile her wife was giving her in the mirror.
When we finished you came and stood behind me as we looked at your short pixie cut.
The thoughts about losing you again begin to creep along the edge of my mind, waiting to take over.
So of course you noticed. Why wouldn’t you? You’re the woman I love.
You calmly just wrapped your arms around me, held me tighter, and told me you weren't going anywhere.
My hoarse voice thick with tears and hope, strangled out, "You promise?"
As always you kissed me softly, pulled my chin up to look into my eyes and whispered, "I promise."
She’s strong, pushes on, can’t slow her down
She can take anything life dishes out
There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough