This Time Around: Chap. 2
Title: This Time Around
Author: Tempest
Fandom: Guiding Light/Otalia
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG (At present)
Summary: Starts with the return of Olivia from San Francisco after the spa trip. How will Natalia and Olivia move foward with so many obstacles in their path?
Disclaimers: The characters of Natalia Rivera and Olivia Spencer and other characters of ‘Guiding Light’ are owned by P&G and controlled by Telenext/CBS and no copyright infringement is intended by this modest writing exercise.
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1
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II
Olivia had a feeling that the warmth she felt as she entered the farmhouse had little to do with the slowly dying embers in the fireplace and more to do with the woman who was making her way into the kitchen to make them some coffee.
‘So this is what it feels like to come home.’
And like everything else between her and Natalia the feeling was both new and yet familiar. And it was all so simple. All these simple gestures and simple moments that somehow started to mean more to her than any expensive gift or five-star getaway ever could. It was a pretty astounding thought actually, to realize that the reason you never found that one thing you were searching for your whole life was because you were looking for it in the complete opposite direction of where it always had been.
The smell of coffee being brewed interrupted her thoughts. She was still tired, but the anxiety leading up to her arrival had dissipated and now she felt a calm wash over her. She picked up her luggage at the base of the stairs and made her way up the second floor to check in on a little girl she missed very much. She stopped at Emma’s door and gently opened it. The light from the hallway gave just enough illumination to make out the figure of her daughter without disturbing her slumber. She approached Emma’s bed and knelt down to lightly stroke her face.
“There’s my girl…Mama missed you. Sweet dreams, baby.”
********
Downstairs Natalia waited patiently as the coffee brewed. She started to replay in her mind everything that just happened. Part of her really wanted to hit herself for not seeing what she was doing sooner. But denial is a powerful force and she was beginning to see how capable she was of lying to herself and it did not sit well with her. Then she thought about Olivia and how one of things she loved most about her was her honesty. Sometimes it was brutal honesty, but she admired it all the same. When she first started working for her she appreciated that honesty because could take pride in any compliment she received since Olivia didn’t say things for the sake of propriety. It made her feel secure, even then.
And then she felt a tug on her heart as she remembered Olivia’s outburst.
‘You don’t get it Natalia, I’m not hiding. I’m fading away!”
Remembering the look on Olivia’s face when she said those words made her heart constrict. Knowing that her own fears almost cost Olivia a part of herself was tearing her up inside. That her actions or inactions had caused Olivia to question her identity made her ashamed. At the same time she couldn’t help but be taken aback by Olivia’s devotion. To think that Olivia Spencer had admitted that she was willing to commit to a veiled platonic life with her was beyond anything she would have expected. And knowing Olivia’s history in Springfield made it even more shocking.
When Natalia first got to Springfield she learned quickly about Olivia’s reputation. The extent of her powers of persuasion with the male gender was known to all, as well her penchant for life in the limelight. And it made sense. Olivia was a raw person and she followed her instincts without question and her desire without shame. But the fact that Olivia thought that she would have to let go of that part of herself, that she would have to neuter her passion to be with Natalia, was absurd and only signified how much her inscrutable behavior had tormented Olivia.
No. A platonic life with Olivia was not what she wanted, nor a life locked away from the rest of Springfield. More than anything she wanted a real life with Olivia. She wanted to hold hands on the street as they window-shopped, she wanted to have a picnic and rest her head in Olivia’s lap as she ran her fingers through her hair… She wanted to discover if Olivia’s lips were as soft and inviting as they looked. Natalia felt the heat in her cheeks as that last thought marinated in her mind.
But she would be lying if she said it was easy to admit that to herself, to acknowledge that the desire she was feeling was for another woman. And yet she believed that if Olivia were a man she would still be hesitant, because it was the force of her feelings that really unnerved her, not just the fact they were directed at a woman. It was so overwhelming and she needed time to get used to the power of the emotions coursing through her veins. She needed the time so she wouldn’t be so afraid of what came next. And in order to do that she just needed to be around Olivia more.
So there really was only one thing to do.
Natalia brought the cups of coffee into the living room that was surprisingly empty. She set the coffee cups on the table and went up the stairs.
********
Olivia made her way out of Emma’s room and over to her own. She flipped on the light switch and dropped her bag. On the night table she noticed something new, a framed picture of herself and Natalia. She went over to the bed, reached out for the picture and sat down. It must have been taken by Emma on the sly because they both looked as though they were completely unaware. In the picture they were facing each other on the couch, caught mid-laugh. Olivia smiled and tried to recall the memory. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps and a familiar voice.
“You spilled champagne on yourself.”
Olivia turned to the sight of Natalia in her doorway. “What?”
Natalia nodded toward the picture frame in Olivia’s hand. “The picture. It was New Year’s and we were about to drink champagne and then you made this big stink about not drinking your champagne without a strawberry in it and I called you a snob and you said you weren’t a snob, you were refined and so you got a strawberry and dropped it in the glass.” Natalia started to giggle as she remembered what came next, “but then you went to drink it and I guess the strawberry got a little stuck or something because the champagne just spilled all over you and then the strawberry popped out and hit you in the face.”
Olivia smirked as the memory came back to her. “And you said, ‘Well if that isn’t refined, I don’t know what is.’ That’s great, I’m so happy I can relive that moment over and over now.”
Natalia chuckled, “Oh, you don’t fool me Ms. Spencer. I bet you love that Emma took that picture as much as I do.”
Olivia smiled at that comment, placed the picture back on the night table and made her way over to Natalia. She flicked off the light switch and stopped just at the doorway so that half her body was lit by the hallway light and the other was in shadow.
Olivia aimed her head down at the floor, but aimed her eyes up at Natalia and replied, “Oh yeah and why is that, Ms. Rivera?”
Natalia, suddenly hyper aware of their proximity, scratched the back of her neck and tried to compose herself before she spoke so that her voice didn’t crack like a prepubescent boy.
“Because it shows how you are here. You know, without all the glitz and glamour. No masks, no armor.”
Olivia huffed lightly and kicked Natalia’s left foot with her right. “You think you know me that well?”
Natalia straightened up at the question and looked directly at Olivia. She reached out and took Olivia’s hand and turned it over so the palm was facing up. She traced the lines with her fingers and replied. “Sometimes.”
Olivia smiled knowing that what was implied by that statement belied the simplicity and brevity of it. She pushed herself off the door and walked backward into the hallway, extending her hand that was still being held by Natalia.
“Really, princess? So, what am I thinking now, hmmmm?”
Natalia smiled at the term of endearment and was pretty certain that a pinkish hue was covering her cheeks for Olivia to see.
“Right now? Um, let me see.” Natalia closed her eyes tight and placed the finger tips of her free hand against her temple while feigning a look of deep concentration. “You’re thinking, I hope Natalia and Emma baked some cookies so I can have one with my freshly brewed coffee.”
Natalia peeked open one eye to look at Olivia to gauge her reaction. Olivia smiled and laughed at the other woman’s ‘prescient’ powers and her very cute mock concentration face. “Wow! That is impressive. We need to get you a crystal ball, some tarot cards and put you to work!” She pulled Natalia along toward the stairs. “Come’on you witchy-woman. You know I can’t resist your cookies.”
Natalia smiled and shrugged her shoulders saying, “Nobody can.”
********
“You know, if you keep feeding me like this we won’t have to worry about the world outside and its opinion of us because I won’t be able to fit through the door to actually get outside.” Olivia laughed and took a sip of her coffee to wash down the remnants of Emma and Natalia’s buttery-sugary treats.
Natalia raised her hand in objection and replied, “Not if we make an effort to exercise to balance it.”
“Oh really, are you going to start coming to the gym with me now?”
Natalia scrunched her face and shook her head. “Um, no. But I think now that the weather is getting nice, maybe if we make a habit of going on a walk every night after dinner…” Natalia’s voice started to trail off as she started to lose her nerve to ask the question she really wanted to ask.
Olivia raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Every night?”
Natalia, busy making shredded strips of paper from her napkin, passively replied. “Yeah. Which I realize would be a lot of back and forth for you so the only logical solution is for you to move back in here.”
Olivia was taken aback by that statement. “Natalia-” But before she could get a word in Natalia interjected.
“Wait. Look, I know that sounds a bit off base considering the conversation we just had and the whole ‘one step at a time’ thing we are trying to stick to but it makes sense. While you were gone Emma was talking about how much better it was when we were taking care of her together and she’s right. Everything was better. This is where you belong, the both of you.”
Olivia got up from the table and leaned back against the countertop next to the stove. She ran her fingers through her hair and blew out her breath, trying very hard to consider her response to this delicate question.
Natalia chewed on her bottom lip and looked up at Olivia from her seat at the table waiting anxiously with an expectant expression on her face. “Sooooo…silence. Not really what I was hoping for when I tossed that suggestion out there.”
Olivia replied, “I’m thinking, I’m trying to-”
“Thinking’s good. As long as it’s good thinking, not bad thinking…it’s good thinking right, not the-”
“Natalia!”
“Sorry.”
Olivia laughed and rubbed her forehead. Natalia looked so adorable right then that it was hard to get annoyed. Her puppy eyes were looking up at her and she had an anxious look on her face that reminded her of the first time Emma had asked for a sleep over at her friend’s house. She made her way back to the table, sat down and rested her head in the palm of her hand.
“Natalia.”
“Yes.”
“We can’t.”
Natalia hung her head in disappointment. She was not expecting flat out rejection. After all, she thought Olivia wanted her to show her commitment to their relationship. She hoped by asking that she would see that Natalia did not expect Olivia to always be the one who was at the wheel. That she would do her part in moving them forward too. But now she was just back to being confused.
Olivia watched the emotions play out over Natalia’s face. She reached out and took Natalia’s hands into hers.
“Natalia, please look at me.” Natalia looked up so that she was returning Olivia’s stare. “It means so much to me that you asked me that and trust me when I say that there is a very loud and bordering on belligerent voice in my head telling me to just shut my mouth and call over to the Beacon and get them to start packing my stuff right now.”
“But.” Natalia replied.
“But, I honestly think that would be the worst thing for us right now.”
“Why?”
“Because instead of moving forward we would just go back into our old routine.”
Natalia let the words sink in and tried to see their merit. In her head she had so many responses, so many objections for Olivia. After all, she spent most of time while waiting for Olivia to return coming up with a solid argument to convince her to move back in. But looking into Olivia’s eyes she couldn’t voice it.
Natalia nodded her head in agreement. “And then we would never get past where we are now.”
“Right.”
“I’m sorry, I just…I just miss this, I miss us. I mean you were gone for a couple of days and I couldn’t even handle that. I had call to you and ask you to come back.”
Olivia sat up and replied. In the midst of all their drama she had almost forgotten the whole reason that she left San Francisco so abruptly. “Yeah, about that. You want to tell me what got you so rattled?”
Natalia shook her head and whimpered like a child. “Not particularly.”
Olivia giggled and replied. “Tell you what. Why don’t I go and get the fire going again and while I do that you can refill our cups of coffee, which are probably cold by now, and gather your thoughts. Meet me in there when you’re ready and then you can tell me, okay?”
Natalia nodded. “Okay.”
Olivia gave Natalia’s hand a gentle squeeze and then made her way into the living room.
*********
“Look at that; one cozy fire, as promised.” Olivia smiled and pointed at her accomplishment from her seat on the couch. “Behold my many talents.”
Natalia laughed, placing the mugs on the coffee table, and took a seat next to Olivia. “Well, looks like we found a chore you can actually carry out.”
Olivia sniggered at that comment. “Yeah, well, lucky for me spring is here and cozy fire season is at its end. So there goes that idea.”
Natalia laughed and then paused before saying suggestively, “Well then we’ll just have to find another way to utilize your many talents won’t we?”
Olivia’s eyes widened and she took a moment to process Natalia’s words. Did she just flirt with her? She looked over to see Natalia was avoiding eye contact with Olivia and sipping her coffee innocently.
Olivia smiled and reached for her cup on the table, happy to engage in a little tease. “Well, like I said I have many. Could take a while to go through them all and figure out which ones would be best suited for your needs.”
“Oh really?” Natalia smiled and turned her head to look at Olivia straight on. She looked as though she was about to keep their light banter going, but then her face turned somber and turned away.
Olivia put the cup back on the table and put her hand on Natalia’s shoulder to get her attention, afraid that she might have said something wrong. “Hey, where’d you just go?”
Natalia shook her head as if to dismiss her own solemn thoughts. “You wouldn’t happen to have anything in your bag of tricks to help with the guilt from getting a stern talking to from the father of the groom you left at the altar?
Olivia raised her head and rolled her eyes. So it would seem they were both on the receiving end of the Cooper wrath. She looked over at Natalia and saw tears forming in her eyes.
“You know what? I have something just for that actually.”
Natalia wiped away her tears and replied. “Really?’
“Yup.”
Olivia reached out to Natalia and ushered her body over to her own, wrapping her arm around Natalia so that she was cradling her at her side then guided her head to rest on her shoulder. Natalia leaned into the embrace, welcoming the comfort that Olivia offered and slipped her free arm around Olivia’s waist.
Olivia rested her arm on Natalia’s back and started to gently stroke her hair. “Feel better?”
Natalia took a deep breath and sighed, “Feels like home.”