Sordid Affairs 39/?
Title: Sordid Affairs
Author: outuendo_11
Rating: PG-13
Show: Guiding Light
Pairing: Spolfe, Mactalia
Spoilers: um...no.
Summary: Olivia and Natalia struggle to make their relationship work with Rafe at home and Olivia finds a confidant in Doris Wolfe.
A/N: If you're behind you can go here> http://outuendo-11.livejournal.com/8164.html and I've posted links to all the other chapters. :)
A/N: Sorry I'm late today. It's back to college time again and I've been loosely packing all day and such. Anyway...Natalia came back...yay....and sorry this is soooo late! I hope you all still read it! So thank you again for all your awesome reviews!!! And I'll personally comment you back if you comment me first ;) THANKS AGAIN. You all win.
Chapter 39
“Is she…?” Doris wrung her hands together, feeling her heart racing in her chest.
A warm smile crept across his features. “She made it through the procedure and she’s fine. I wanted to come out here myself to tell you.”
“Oh…oh my God,” Doris sighed in relief, bounding up to wrap her arms around Rick. She felt tears tugging at her eyes. “She’s going to be okay?” Doris asked, still gratefully wrapped around the doctor.
“Yes, she is.”
“She’s going to recover all right?”
“Yes, if she takes care of herself and takes her medication.” Rick nodded, beginning to feel uncomfortable in the mayor’s embrace.
“Can I see her?” Doris pushed him away and stared hopefully into his eyes.
“She just got out of surgery. She won’t be awake for about ten to twenty minutes.”
“Can I just…can I see her…I just want to…” Doris couldn’t form a sentence. She kept eyeing the door as if she might make a break for it and run right to her wife.
“Sure.” Rick nodded.
Doris turned back to Blake and Ashlee, their smiles matching her own.
“She’s okay.” Doris muttered, almost disbelievingly.
“We heard, sweetie.” Blake smiled.
“It’s great, mom.” Ashlee grinned.
Doris’ eyes widened. “Blake…I think…can someone bring Emma? I think she’ll want to see her.” She had quickly realized that having her daughter there had brought her great comfort, and perhaps Emma should see her mother.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Doris. Go see Olivia.” Blake pushed her forward. “Ashlee and I will take care of it.”
Doris nodded, turning back to Rick. “Can we see her now?”
“Yes, right this way,” Rick motioned for Doris to follow her.
~*~
She was not prepared for what she was about to see, much like she had not been prepared earlier that day for what she had seen. She never wanted to see Olivia on the verge of…so close to…hurting.
Doris swallowed as she rounded the corner to the recovery room, following Dr. Rick inside.
She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Olivia lying completely still on the bed before her. Her features were devoid of that life-filled luster. She looked pale, drained.
Tears welled in Doris’ eyes and she was almost afraid to step in to the room any further.
“She’ll wake up in a little while. You’re free to try and talk to her, if you’d like. The medication should start to wear off.” Rick suggested, moving around to take some of Olivia’s vitals.
The continuous beeping of the heart monitor that was connected to her lover seemed to mirror the beating of her own heart. The sound pierced through all of Doris’ senses. This was so surreal. She never wanted to face this again.
“She’s not…” Rick’s voice trailed off.
“No, I um…I know…” Doris ran a hand through her messy hair.
“I was just…she’s all right, Doris.” Rick looked over at Doris.
Doris swallowed.
“I’m going to…um…I’m going to leave. Give you two some room.” Rick clicked his pen closed and then moved towards the door. He put his hand reassuringly on Doris’ shoulder as he passed, and then gave her a gentle shove forward.
Doris nearly tripped over her feet and turned to give Rick a death glare, but realized she was now inches from Olivia. From the barely breathing, barely present Olivia.
Doris inhaled, her breath hitching.
She stared at Olivia, looked her over, and all she wanted to do was pull Olivia into her arms, and see those bright, glowing green eyes staring back at her with a reassuring look.
Curiously, her hand reached out. Uncertainly her fingers touched a blanket covered leg. A leg that Doris had spent many nights ravishing with kisses and using as an aid to get herself off. A tinge of uncomfortable pain shot through her body.
She wanted Olivia to wake up, to respond to her touch.
Her palm came to rest on Olivia’s leg wanting to feel Olivia’s sleeping, breathing, functioning body beneath her touch. Her hand moved upwards, coming to rest on Olivia’s stomach. She could feel the muscles beneath her hand moving up and down, she was breathing.
“Boo,” a hoarse whisper echoed through the room and Doris immediately jumped back, screaming.
“Holy shit,” Doris stamped from foot to foot, her eyes coming to rest on Olivia’s dreamy, sleepy, tired, but awake face. Green was dimly glowing. “Olivia? Oh my God…Olivia.” Doris quickly returned to her bedside, leaning down to press gentle kisses against Olivia’s lips, her cheek, her forehead. “Olivia, you’re…you’re alive.”
Olivia weakly reached up to touch Doris, to reassure her she was there, she was alive, she had made it through. Doris took her hand in her own, squeezing it gently.
“Of course I’m alive. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Olivia attempted for a joke, but Doris just continued ravishing her with kisses.
“I love you.” A kiss to Olivia’s forehead. “I love you.” A kiss to Olivia’s lips. “I love you.” A kiss to her temple.
“I love you, too.” Olivia lightly squeezed Doris’ hand.
Doris held Olivia’s face in her hand as they kissed, held on to her hand for dear life.
“I love you.”
~*~
“Mommy!” Emma’s voice was a light whisper, having been instructed by Blake not to be too loud.
“Bean!” Olivia perked up, Doris stood to greet their two daughter’s as they entered.
With one hand still firmly holding on to Doris, Olivia motioned for her baby girl to come to her. Emma raced to her mother, gently crawling on to the bed.
“Are you okay, mom?” Emma asked, after giving her mom a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Of course I am,” Olivia smiled.
Doris leaned over and whisked some hair out of Emma’s face. “She’ll be great.” She reassured the little girl, squeezing Olivia’s hand.
Ashlee made her way towards Olivia and leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and a gentle hug. “It’s great to see you okay and awake.” Ashlee smiled.
Olivia smiled up at Ashlee.
“Well you look like the smug, happy little family.” Blake’s small voice invaded the moment.
“Oh, Liv, Blake was with me the whole time. Thank you, Blake.” Doris smiled up at the smaller woman.
“Not a problem. I just wanted to stop in and see you before I go get Clarissa.”
“Well thank you, Blake.” Olivia smiled at the red-head.
“It’s good to see you well,” Blake grinned.
“Thanks again.” Doris nodded and Blake took her leave. She left the family to have a moment together.
~*~
The first night home, Olivia couldn’t sleep at all. She felt like someone was literally standing on her chest. She would glide into a sleep like state, only to be rudely awakened by a fear that grasped at her, causing her breathing to increase and her eyes to shoot open. She was afraid to close her eyes, because she was afraid it might be the last time she did so.
And every time she was pulled from any semblance of sleep, Doris was right there beside her, worried, holding her hand, telling her to calm down, to breathe.
She would give her little kisses, rub gently at her arm, hold on to her, reassure her that she was all right.
It was a stressful night.
Both women were exhausted the next morning and Doris stayed in bed with Olivia, only getting up to make sure Olivia had her medication and ate breakfast.
She was glad they had decided to have Emma stay at Natalia’s for awhile. As soon as Natalia had heard what happened, she’d all but offered to take Emma. And Olivia could rest assured that her baby was being taken care of.
They had decided that Natalia would bring Emma by to see her mother after school got out.
And when Emma arrived, Natalia, of course, was along, and the instant she saw Olivia she broke down into tears.
“I’m sorry…I…I can’t…” Natalia was completely embarrassed.
Olivia just gave her a weak smile. “I’m still alive, Natalia. And I’m not going to break.” She stated, motioning for Natalia to come closer.
Natalia shyly moved forward, Emma smiling at Natalia as she reclined on the bed next to her mother.
Olivia reached up and pulled Natalia in for a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you for bringing her.”
“She couldn’t wait to see you.” Natalia stood back up and straightened out her shirt, wiping at her eyes.
Emma carefully cuddled in to her mother’s right side. Olivia kissed her daughter’s forehead.
Doris appeared in the doorway, jealousy ghosting through the back of her mind when she saw Natalia at Olivia’s side.
“Honey!” Olivia exclaimed, having spotted Doris in the doorway. She wanted her back in bed with her.
“You look tired,” Natalia commented, wiping more of her tears away.
Doris smiled, “well we didn’t get much sleep last night,” she shrugged, bringing the cup of tea Olivia had wanted to her bedside.
They kissed, and Natalia looked away.
“Are you okay, mommy?” Emma asked running her little hand through her mother’s hair.
Olivia took her daughter’s hand into her own and kissed her palm. “Of course, bean.”
~*~
Once Emma tearfully left her mother’s side and Natalia wished Olivia well, Doris climbed back in to bed. She pressed little kisses to Olivia’s lips.
“Ow,” Olivia groaned.
“What? What’s wrong?” Doris quickly backed away, suddenly afraid that she had hurt her lover.
“It just…ow,” Olivia placed her hand over her left breast.
“Do you need…did you just take your pills? Is it…?”
“It’s fine…it’s fine. I just…it’s just a little discomfort.” Olivia settled back into the bed.
Doris, suddenly afraid to make any contact, settled back into a pillow and studied her wife. “You should try and get some sleep.”
Olivia nodded. “I don’t know if I can….”
“I’ll be right here,” Doris whispered.
They lay quietly beside one another for a moment, Doris taking in the site of her frustrated, hurt, pained, tired lover.
“Doris,” Olivia attempted to reach for her. Their hands found one another. “I’m sorry.”
“Why? Why are you sorry?” Doris propped her head up on her hand, looking down at Olivia.
“I don’t think…well I don’t have a clean bill of health anymore.” Olivia sighed.
“But…we can always…don’t say that.”
“Doris,” Olivia turned her head so that her eyes could meet pained blues. “It’s not going to happen…this…this changes things.”
“Olivia, you’re going to recover, you’ll come out of it and you’ll be just fine and…and ready for…”
“I don’t know, Doris.” Olivia shook her head. “This could…this could happen again…”
“But it won’t.” Doris suggested, feeling tears stinging at her eyes, but unwilling to allow Olivia to see.
Olivia leaned her head to the side with a come-on-it-could-happen-again-and-you-know-it look on her face.
“Olivia…” Doris felt her stomach drop. She had tried not to think about the ramifications of this emergency procedure, having attempted to focus on the positive, the fact Olivia was still alive. But now she was quickly beginning to realize that Olivia was right…
Doris let go of Olivia’s hand.
“Try to sleep…I’m going to get some water.”
Olivia gave her a questioning look. “I can’t sleep without you.” She whispered.
“Well, I’ll be right back. Just…”
“Doris…” Olivia knew the other woman was upset. She hadn’t meant to make her troubled, but she had to get it off her chest. She knew that this newest health jeopardizing episode was not going to be helpful in the adoption process. It all but, basically, barred them from adopting at all and Olivia had to know that Doris wasn’t disillusioned to this fact.
But Doris continued to walk away.
She had to get away.
She had never wanted something so badly…but she couldn’t help that Olivia had this heart condition and so she couldn’t be mad about it.
But she was frustrated. And instead of getting a glass of water, she rummaged through her purse for that pack of cigarettes.
~*~
“Come on, sweetheart, we have to take care of that scar of yours.” Doris had tried to persuade Olivia in several different ways, and this time she attempted some sweet, soothing talk.
But Olivia would have none of it. She pulled her shirt as far down as it would go and wouldn’t uncross her arms from her chest. She shook her head no.
“Why not, Olivia?” Doris tossed the bandages down on the bed, fed up with Olivia’s constant refusal.
“No,” Olivia groaned and turned her head away from Doris.
“You are…” Doris took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. “Okay, we need to re-bandage the wound, Liv. All right?” Doris sat down on the bed, reaching out to gently stroke Olivia’s cheek.
Olivia glanced over at her with worry filled eyes. “I don’t…”
“We have to.”
“I know we have to,” Olivia answered, just as annoyed as Doris was.
“Well then, let me…”
“No.” Olivia shook her head.
“Why not!” Doris cried, but her eyes showed concern.
“Because…I don’t want you to…see…” Olivia’s eyes glanced away from Doris, embarrassed.
Doris seemed to understand. “Oh…Olivia.” She let her hand trail down the slightly older woman’s arm, lifting her hand up to her lips to press little kisses against her palm, lightly sucking on Olivia’s pointer finger, which for some reason had a relaxing aphrodisiac type affect on Olivia. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” Doris began kissing up her arm. “I love you so, so much. Let me see it.”
Olivia pouted, but after a bit more poking and prodding, she gave in.
Doris rolled her shirt up and tried not to react to the dirty bandage. She gently pulled it back, slowly revealing the large cut from the incision right beneath Olivia’s beautiful breast. She inhaled, a bit too sharply, almost losing Olivia’s trust in her.
But gently she pressed a kiss to Olivia’s lower abdomen, which tightened beneath her lips for Olivia was surprised by the contact.
Olivia looked away, not wanting to watch as Doris redressed her wound.
When it was over, Doris met Olivia’s eyes with a reassuring look. “You’re so beautiful, Olivia.”
“Shut up,” Olivia growled, pulling her shirt back down, her eyes darting away.
“Well you are, Liv.” Doris shrugged, wishing she could make it all better for Olivia, wishing that she could kiss the scars better. But Olivia wouldn’t allow for that. At least not now.
Doris retreated to the bathroom to throw the bandages away and she had to pause for a moment to collect herself. She realized, as she stood there, that her hand was shaking. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself, studying her tremor, knowing what it was she was craving…
~*~
“Nat?” Mackenzie’s concerned voice came from outside her bedroom door.
Natalia quickly wiped at her tears and twisted in the bed, attempting to look as if she’d been sleeping instead of silently crying.
“Nat, honey, I’m coming in. Emma says you’ve been up here for a couple of hours now.” Mackenzie’s voice filled the room.
Natalia tried to hold in the tears, but she couldn’t.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Mackenzie sat on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through Natalia’s long raven locks.
“I’m just…it’s silly really…” Natalia moved in to Mackenzie’s comfortable embrace.
“Are you worried about Olivia?” Mackenzie asked, leaning down to press tender, gentle kisses to Natalia’s lips.
Natalia nodded.
“Well, she’ll be all right.” Mackenzie tried to reassure her.
“I don’t…I just…she can’t die.”
Mackenzie laughed, “honey, she made it through that huge procedure, she’s not going to die. Not yet any way. One day she will and we all will…but that’s not any time soon.”
Natalia rolled her eyes and attempted to wipe at her tears. She stared lovingly up into gentle hazel eyes. “I love you,” the words still felt new every time she said them, but a wonderful stirring in her heart made them real and true and it felt wonderful to say it and hear it said in return.
“I love you,” Mackenzie smiled, allowing Natalia’s hands to cup her cheeks and pull her down for an awkward sideways kiss.
Author: outuendo_11
Rating: PG-13
Show: Guiding Light
Pairing: Spolfe, Mactalia
Spoilers: um...no.
Summary: Olivia and Natalia struggle to make their relationship work with Rafe at home and Olivia finds a confidant in Doris Wolfe.
A/N: If you're behind you can go here> http://outuendo-11.livejournal.com/8164.html and I've posted links to all the other chapters. :)
A/N: Sorry I'm late today. It's back to college time again and I've been loosely packing all day and such. Anyway...Natalia came back...yay....and sorry this is soooo late! I hope you all still read it! So thank you again for all your awesome reviews!!! And I'll personally comment you back if you comment me first ;) THANKS AGAIN. You all win.
Chapter 39
“Is she…?” Doris wrung her hands together, feeling her heart racing in her chest.
A warm smile crept across his features. “She made it through the procedure and she’s fine. I wanted to come out here myself to tell you.”
“Oh…oh my God,” Doris sighed in relief, bounding up to wrap her arms around Rick. She felt tears tugging at her eyes. “She’s going to be okay?” Doris asked, still gratefully wrapped around the doctor.
“Yes, she is.”
“She’s going to recover all right?”
“Yes, if she takes care of herself and takes her medication.” Rick nodded, beginning to feel uncomfortable in the mayor’s embrace.
“Can I see her?” Doris pushed him away and stared hopefully into his eyes.
“She just got out of surgery. She won’t be awake for about ten to twenty minutes.”
“Can I just…can I see her…I just want to…” Doris couldn’t form a sentence. She kept eyeing the door as if she might make a break for it and run right to her wife.
“Sure.” Rick nodded.
Doris turned back to Blake and Ashlee, their smiles matching her own.
“She’s okay.” Doris muttered, almost disbelievingly.
“We heard, sweetie.” Blake smiled.
“It’s great, mom.” Ashlee grinned.
Doris’ eyes widened. “Blake…I think…can someone bring Emma? I think she’ll want to see her.” She had quickly realized that having her daughter there had brought her great comfort, and perhaps Emma should see her mother.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Doris. Go see Olivia.” Blake pushed her forward. “Ashlee and I will take care of it.”
Doris nodded, turning back to Rick. “Can we see her now?”
“Yes, right this way,” Rick motioned for Doris to follow her.
~*~
She was not prepared for what she was about to see, much like she had not been prepared earlier that day for what she had seen. She never wanted to see Olivia on the verge of…so close to…hurting.
Doris swallowed as she rounded the corner to the recovery room, following Dr. Rick inside.
She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Olivia lying completely still on the bed before her. Her features were devoid of that life-filled luster. She looked pale, drained.
Tears welled in Doris’ eyes and she was almost afraid to step in to the room any further.
“She’ll wake up in a little while. You’re free to try and talk to her, if you’d like. The medication should start to wear off.” Rick suggested, moving around to take some of Olivia’s vitals.
The continuous beeping of the heart monitor that was connected to her lover seemed to mirror the beating of her own heart. The sound pierced through all of Doris’ senses. This was so surreal. She never wanted to face this again.
“She’s not…” Rick’s voice trailed off.
“No, I um…I know…” Doris ran a hand through her messy hair.
“I was just…she’s all right, Doris.” Rick looked over at Doris.
Doris swallowed.
“I’m going to…um…I’m going to leave. Give you two some room.” Rick clicked his pen closed and then moved towards the door. He put his hand reassuringly on Doris’ shoulder as he passed, and then gave her a gentle shove forward.
Doris nearly tripped over her feet and turned to give Rick a death glare, but realized she was now inches from Olivia. From the barely breathing, barely present Olivia.
Doris inhaled, her breath hitching.
She stared at Olivia, looked her over, and all she wanted to do was pull Olivia into her arms, and see those bright, glowing green eyes staring back at her with a reassuring look.
Curiously, her hand reached out. Uncertainly her fingers touched a blanket covered leg. A leg that Doris had spent many nights ravishing with kisses and using as an aid to get herself off. A tinge of uncomfortable pain shot through her body.
She wanted Olivia to wake up, to respond to her touch.
Her palm came to rest on Olivia’s leg wanting to feel Olivia’s sleeping, breathing, functioning body beneath her touch. Her hand moved upwards, coming to rest on Olivia’s stomach. She could feel the muscles beneath her hand moving up and down, she was breathing.
“Boo,” a hoarse whisper echoed through the room and Doris immediately jumped back, screaming.
“Holy shit,” Doris stamped from foot to foot, her eyes coming to rest on Olivia’s dreamy, sleepy, tired, but awake face. Green was dimly glowing. “Olivia? Oh my God…Olivia.” Doris quickly returned to her bedside, leaning down to press gentle kisses against Olivia’s lips, her cheek, her forehead. “Olivia, you’re…you’re alive.”
Olivia weakly reached up to touch Doris, to reassure her she was there, she was alive, she had made it through. Doris took her hand in her own, squeezing it gently.
“Of course I’m alive. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Olivia attempted for a joke, but Doris just continued ravishing her with kisses.
“I love you.” A kiss to Olivia’s forehead. “I love you.” A kiss to Olivia’s lips. “I love you.” A kiss to her temple.
“I love you, too.” Olivia lightly squeezed Doris’ hand.
Doris held Olivia’s face in her hand as they kissed, held on to her hand for dear life.
“I love you.”
~*~
“Mommy!” Emma’s voice was a light whisper, having been instructed by Blake not to be too loud.
“Bean!” Olivia perked up, Doris stood to greet their two daughter’s as they entered.
With one hand still firmly holding on to Doris, Olivia motioned for her baby girl to come to her. Emma raced to her mother, gently crawling on to the bed.
“Are you okay, mom?” Emma asked, after giving her mom a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Of course I am,” Olivia smiled.
Doris leaned over and whisked some hair out of Emma’s face. “She’ll be great.” She reassured the little girl, squeezing Olivia’s hand.
Ashlee made her way towards Olivia and leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and a gentle hug. “It’s great to see you okay and awake.” Ashlee smiled.
Olivia smiled up at Ashlee.
“Well you look like the smug, happy little family.” Blake’s small voice invaded the moment.
“Oh, Liv, Blake was with me the whole time. Thank you, Blake.” Doris smiled up at the smaller woman.
“Not a problem. I just wanted to stop in and see you before I go get Clarissa.”
“Well thank you, Blake.” Olivia smiled at the red-head.
“It’s good to see you well,” Blake grinned.
“Thanks again.” Doris nodded and Blake took her leave. She left the family to have a moment together.
~*~
The first night home, Olivia couldn’t sleep at all. She felt like someone was literally standing on her chest. She would glide into a sleep like state, only to be rudely awakened by a fear that grasped at her, causing her breathing to increase and her eyes to shoot open. She was afraid to close her eyes, because she was afraid it might be the last time she did so.
And every time she was pulled from any semblance of sleep, Doris was right there beside her, worried, holding her hand, telling her to calm down, to breathe.
She would give her little kisses, rub gently at her arm, hold on to her, reassure her that she was all right.
It was a stressful night.
Both women were exhausted the next morning and Doris stayed in bed with Olivia, only getting up to make sure Olivia had her medication and ate breakfast.
She was glad they had decided to have Emma stay at Natalia’s for awhile. As soon as Natalia had heard what happened, she’d all but offered to take Emma. And Olivia could rest assured that her baby was being taken care of.
They had decided that Natalia would bring Emma by to see her mother after school got out.
And when Emma arrived, Natalia, of course, was along, and the instant she saw Olivia she broke down into tears.
“I’m sorry…I…I can’t…” Natalia was completely embarrassed.
Olivia just gave her a weak smile. “I’m still alive, Natalia. And I’m not going to break.” She stated, motioning for Natalia to come closer.
Natalia shyly moved forward, Emma smiling at Natalia as she reclined on the bed next to her mother.
Olivia reached up and pulled Natalia in for a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you for bringing her.”
“She couldn’t wait to see you.” Natalia stood back up and straightened out her shirt, wiping at her eyes.
Emma carefully cuddled in to her mother’s right side. Olivia kissed her daughter’s forehead.
Doris appeared in the doorway, jealousy ghosting through the back of her mind when she saw Natalia at Olivia’s side.
“Honey!” Olivia exclaimed, having spotted Doris in the doorway. She wanted her back in bed with her.
“You look tired,” Natalia commented, wiping more of her tears away.
Doris smiled, “well we didn’t get much sleep last night,” she shrugged, bringing the cup of tea Olivia had wanted to her bedside.
They kissed, and Natalia looked away.
“Are you okay, mommy?” Emma asked running her little hand through her mother’s hair.
Olivia took her daughter’s hand into her own and kissed her palm. “Of course, bean.”
~*~
Once Emma tearfully left her mother’s side and Natalia wished Olivia well, Doris climbed back in to bed. She pressed little kisses to Olivia’s lips.
“Ow,” Olivia groaned.
“What? What’s wrong?” Doris quickly backed away, suddenly afraid that she had hurt her lover.
“It just…ow,” Olivia placed her hand over her left breast.
“Do you need…did you just take your pills? Is it…?”
“It’s fine…it’s fine. I just…it’s just a little discomfort.” Olivia settled back into the bed.
Doris, suddenly afraid to make any contact, settled back into a pillow and studied her wife. “You should try and get some sleep.”
Olivia nodded. “I don’t know if I can….”
“I’ll be right here,” Doris whispered.
They lay quietly beside one another for a moment, Doris taking in the site of her frustrated, hurt, pained, tired lover.
“Doris,” Olivia attempted to reach for her. Their hands found one another. “I’m sorry.”
“Why? Why are you sorry?” Doris propped her head up on her hand, looking down at Olivia.
“I don’t think…well I don’t have a clean bill of health anymore.” Olivia sighed.
“But…we can always…don’t say that.”
“Doris,” Olivia turned her head so that her eyes could meet pained blues. “It’s not going to happen…this…this changes things.”
“Olivia, you’re going to recover, you’ll come out of it and you’ll be just fine and…and ready for…”
“I don’t know, Doris.” Olivia shook her head. “This could…this could happen again…”
“But it won’t.” Doris suggested, feeling tears stinging at her eyes, but unwilling to allow Olivia to see.
Olivia leaned her head to the side with a come-on-it-could-happen-again-and-you-know-it look on her face.
“Olivia…” Doris felt her stomach drop. She had tried not to think about the ramifications of this emergency procedure, having attempted to focus on the positive, the fact Olivia was still alive. But now she was quickly beginning to realize that Olivia was right…
Doris let go of Olivia’s hand.
“Try to sleep…I’m going to get some water.”
Olivia gave her a questioning look. “I can’t sleep without you.” She whispered.
“Well, I’ll be right back. Just…”
“Doris…” Olivia knew the other woman was upset. She hadn’t meant to make her troubled, but she had to get it off her chest. She knew that this newest health jeopardizing episode was not going to be helpful in the adoption process. It all but, basically, barred them from adopting at all and Olivia had to know that Doris wasn’t disillusioned to this fact.
But Doris continued to walk away.
She had to get away.
She had never wanted something so badly…but she couldn’t help that Olivia had this heart condition and so she couldn’t be mad about it.
But she was frustrated. And instead of getting a glass of water, she rummaged through her purse for that pack of cigarettes.
~*~
“Come on, sweetheart, we have to take care of that scar of yours.” Doris had tried to persuade Olivia in several different ways, and this time she attempted some sweet, soothing talk.
But Olivia would have none of it. She pulled her shirt as far down as it would go and wouldn’t uncross her arms from her chest. She shook her head no.
“Why not, Olivia?” Doris tossed the bandages down on the bed, fed up with Olivia’s constant refusal.
“No,” Olivia groaned and turned her head away from Doris.
“You are…” Doris took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. “Okay, we need to re-bandage the wound, Liv. All right?” Doris sat down on the bed, reaching out to gently stroke Olivia’s cheek.
Olivia glanced over at her with worry filled eyes. “I don’t…”
“We have to.”
“I know we have to,” Olivia answered, just as annoyed as Doris was.
“Well then, let me…”
“No.” Olivia shook her head.
“Why not!” Doris cried, but her eyes showed concern.
“Because…I don’t want you to…see…” Olivia’s eyes glanced away from Doris, embarrassed.
Doris seemed to understand. “Oh…Olivia.” She let her hand trail down the slightly older woman’s arm, lifting her hand up to her lips to press little kisses against her palm, lightly sucking on Olivia’s pointer finger, which for some reason had a relaxing aphrodisiac type affect on Olivia. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” Doris began kissing up her arm. “I love you so, so much. Let me see it.”
Olivia pouted, but after a bit more poking and prodding, she gave in.
Doris rolled her shirt up and tried not to react to the dirty bandage. She gently pulled it back, slowly revealing the large cut from the incision right beneath Olivia’s beautiful breast. She inhaled, a bit too sharply, almost losing Olivia’s trust in her.
But gently she pressed a kiss to Olivia’s lower abdomen, which tightened beneath her lips for Olivia was surprised by the contact.
Olivia looked away, not wanting to watch as Doris redressed her wound.
When it was over, Doris met Olivia’s eyes with a reassuring look. “You’re so beautiful, Olivia.”
“Shut up,” Olivia growled, pulling her shirt back down, her eyes darting away.
“Well you are, Liv.” Doris shrugged, wishing she could make it all better for Olivia, wishing that she could kiss the scars better. But Olivia wouldn’t allow for that. At least not now.
Doris retreated to the bathroom to throw the bandages away and she had to pause for a moment to collect herself. She realized, as she stood there, that her hand was shaking. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself, studying her tremor, knowing what it was she was craving…
~*~
“Nat?” Mackenzie’s concerned voice came from outside her bedroom door.
Natalia quickly wiped at her tears and twisted in the bed, attempting to look as if she’d been sleeping instead of silently crying.
“Nat, honey, I’m coming in. Emma says you’ve been up here for a couple of hours now.” Mackenzie’s voice filled the room.
Natalia tried to hold in the tears, but she couldn’t.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Mackenzie sat on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through Natalia’s long raven locks.
“I’m just…it’s silly really…” Natalia moved in to Mackenzie’s comfortable embrace.
“Are you worried about Olivia?” Mackenzie asked, leaning down to press tender, gentle kisses to Natalia’s lips.
Natalia nodded.
“Well, she’ll be all right.” Mackenzie tried to reassure her.
“I don’t…I just…she can’t die.”
Mackenzie laughed, “honey, she made it through that huge procedure, she’s not going to die. Not yet any way. One day she will and we all will…but that’s not any time soon.”
Natalia rolled her eyes and attempted to wipe at her tears. She stared lovingly up into gentle hazel eyes. “I love you,” the words still felt new every time she said them, but a wonderful stirring in her heart made them real and true and it felt wonderful to say it and hear it said in return.
“I love you,” Mackenzie smiled, allowing Natalia’s hands to cup her cheeks and pull her down for an awkward sideways kiss.