The Fragrance of Rain
Title: The Fragrance of Rain
Pairing: Otalia
Show: Guiding Light
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Spoilers: Takes place after Natalia leaves after the Fourth of July episode.
Summary: The nothingness and pain that Natalia feels at the retreat turns into clarity of mind.
A/N: This happened because of this dream I had last night...I blame my dream and I couldn't shake the idea.
When she had stepped into the humble entranceway of the retreat’s main center, she had felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest.
Everything felt unfamiliar, hazy.
She had been quietly ushered into a room, given a Bible and a blanket and had been instructed to pray.
She had broken down in the small room that would soon become her miserable cell of hell. She felt so alone and afraid.
She had pushed the Bible away from her and had curled up into a ball, the best she could with her stomach beginning to protrude, to show signs of a life growing somewhere deep down inside of her. And it all felt so wrong.
She wept. She didn’t eat for days, until a nun finally forced her to come to dinner, knowing that she was in a family way.
Her first night at dinner she had felt completely isolated in the midst of the crowd. Even with people swarming around her, smiling at her, asking her about herself and her life, she felt lost. She had no words, no explanations for the outside world.
And God…every time a woman with short brown hair walked past her she felt her heart clinching in agonizing pain, in unprecedented want.
She would go to the prayer groups and be unable to speak. She would listen with deaf ears.
She had thought that returning to God, to his house of worship, would make her wiser, would make her understand what she needed and what she wanted, but instead she realized she was running away, unable to face her demons. And late at night when the halls of the retreat were absolutely quiet and only the hum of locusts and the cool night wind rattling a broken shutter could be heard, Natalia would feel like she was spiraling into an abyss of nothingness.
One night in particular, with tears streaming down her face, she had finally clenched her eyes shut and allowed herself to feel for a moment. Her sensory emotions had become heightened in the cool summer night, and suddenly her mind took her to a plain white bed. Two, loving arms wrapped tightly around her and warm lips kissed her bare shoulders. A familiar mixture of sandalwood and bergamot floated in the air around her and she inhaled…the flesh of her mystery companion mixed with the tantalizing fragrance of ozone.
She turned in that innocently white bed and found the most intense green eyes staring right at her.
Her mystery companion was not a mystery at all.
Her brown eyes fluttered open in surprise and found that the retreat was being hounded by thick rain and the rattling of distant thunder, she shuddered.
Tears replaced calm and fear returned.
She wanted to run away forever, but she wanted to go home.
Home had never meant more to her than when she had played house with the one person she truly loved. It had begun as a game, but as the days and weeks and months had gone on…they had realized it had stopped being a game and had become about real feelings and want and love and warmth and familiarization with one another. Home was a place where she knew who she was and could accept the things that in the outside world she felt she could not.
She wanted so desperately to return to that forest green fortress of love. She wanted to return to the days where it had been simple, and easy. The days before she had given herself away to a man whom she had not loved.
But now she was stuck with his child and a strong yearning for emerald green reassurance.
Why was she here?
The retreat was cold and uncaring and she suddenly knew what she needed irregardless of how others might view her decision.
She would deal with issues as they came up and something deep down inside of her told her that she wasn’t going to be alone anymore…