FIC: One mommy (4/?)
Title: One mommy
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Spoilers: Nope.
Summary: This deals with what would have happened if Natalia had never showed up at the gravesite.
Author's note: Thanks for the comments, and please continue to let me know what you think.
Previous chapters: valiumpancakes.livejournal.com/1007.html
Chapter 4
The people out in the hallway kept asking me questions, kept laughing and talking, but all I could hear was the ringing in my ears. It’s quiet in here, quiet and safe, and no one expects me to smile.
The heavy wooden door behind me creaks open and I spin around, causing the table beside me to tremble. You are here?
I look at my son but he shakes his head as soon as he sees the question in my eyes. You should have been here by now…
“Maybe we should try calling her again?”
“Ma, I’ve called her like fifteen times already. She is not going to pick up.”
Why won’t you let me know where you are? What if something has happened to you? If you were okay you would be here, you would be standing by my side, and everything would be all right again.
“I need to find them. What if they were in a car crash?” What if you are hurt… Something could have happened when I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there when my family needed me. Pictures of your pale faces flash before my eyes, your voices weak as you call for me.
I have abandoned you.
There’s not enough air in here, and I tear at the neckline of my dress as the room starts spinning.
“Hey, calm down.” Rafe grabs hold of my shoulders and tries to make me look at him. “I’m sure they’re just running late.”
It is so hot in here... so bright. The whiteness hurts my eyes. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here, in God’s house pretending to be someone I’m not. They are going to see right through me. They will see all the lies.
“I’m going to look for them, okay? Don’t worry, just stay here and get ready. This is your day, remember? I will find them.”
My day? I have been to selfish. I’m not doing this for everyone else… I’m doing this to escape my feelings. I’m doing this to get rid of the pain in my chest, but you are already gone and nothing has changed. I still feel this desperate need to be with you.
But I can’t explain this to my son. I don’t even know what this is.
Rafe disappears and leaves me alone in front of the mirror. I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me. She looks hollow, transparent. I need to… I need to get out of this dress. I did this… I lost you. I have lost the only person who makes me feel whole…
“Please God, please make sure that my family is safe. I will do anything to have them back. Please make sure that nothing has happened to them…”
I gasp as I see a shadow behind me in the mirror. The last thing I hear is your name before the whiteness turns black.
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Spoilers: Nope.
Summary: This deals with what would have happened if Natalia had never showed up at the gravesite.
Author's note: Thanks for the comments, and please continue to let me know what you think.
Previous chapters: valiumpancakes.livejournal.com/1007.html
Chapter 4
The people out in the hallway kept asking me questions, kept laughing and talking, but all I could hear was the ringing in my ears. It’s quiet in here, quiet and safe, and no one expects me to smile.
The heavy wooden door behind me creaks open and I spin around, causing the table beside me to tremble. You are here?
I look at my son but he shakes his head as soon as he sees the question in my eyes. You should have been here by now…
“Maybe we should try calling her again?”
“Ma, I’ve called her like fifteen times already. She is not going to pick up.”
Why won’t you let me know where you are? What if something has happened to you? If you were okay you would be here, you would be standing by my side, and everything would be all right again.
“I need to find them. What if they were in a car crash?” What if you are hurt… Something could have happened when I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there when my family needed me. Pictures of your pale faces flash before my eyes, your voices weak as you call for me.
I have abandoned you.
There’s not enough air in here, and I tear at the neckline of my dress as the room starts spinning.
“Hey, calm down.” Rafe grabs hold of my shoulders and tries to make me look at him. “I’m sure they’re just running late.”
It is so hot in here... so bright. The whiteness hurts my eyes. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here, in God’s house pretending to be someone I’m not. They are going to see right through me. They will see all the lies.
“I’m going to look for them, okay? Don’t worry, just stay here and get ready. This is your day, remember? I will find them.”
My day? I have been to selfish. I’m not doing this for everyone else… I’m doing this to escape my feelings. I’m doing this to get rid of the pain in my chest, but you are already gone and nothing has changed. I still feel this desperate need to be with you.
But I can’t explain this to my son. I don’t even know what this is.
Rafe disappears and leaves me alone in front of the mirror. I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me. She looks hollow, transparent. I need to… I need to get out of this dress. I did this… I lost you. I have lost the only person who makes me feel whole…
“Please God, please make sure that my family is safe. I will do anything to have them back. Please make sure that nothing has happened to them…”
I gasp as I see a shadow behind me in the mirror. The last thing I hear is your name before the whiteness turns black.