Sordid Affairs 2/?
Title: Sordid Affairs
Author: outuendo_11
Rating: PG...for no reason.
Show: Guiding Light
Pairing: Otalia
Spoilers: um...Frank is mentoring Rafe. < not really a spoiler, because it happened...
Summary: Olivia and Natalia struggle to make their relationship work with Rafe at home and Olivia finds a confidant in Doris Wolfe.
A/N: Thank you to each and every one of the eight people who reviewed the first chapter. I think you all really got it, and I'm glad and I hope that you continue to review and follow along...this is going to get interesting...:)
Chapter 2
Olivia sat at a table at Towers, waiting anxiously for her lunch partner to arrive. She had nearly forgotten the scheduled lunch meeting until a notice had popped up on her blackberry, reminding her that she had made the date.
Sipping delicately on her early-in-the-day martini, her green eyes scanned the sparse crowd of the restaurant. It was at that moment that her eyes met with livid blue orbs. The familiar face came quickly towards Olivia, settling down in the seat opposite her.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, the damn board meeting ran long. I swear to God my staff members are incompetent. They kept bringing up completely pointless items for discussion and then suddenly everyone seemed to have some kind of opinion on these policies and…you don’t really care do you?” Doris Wolfe quickly stopped her mindless business chatter.
Olivia chuckled. “It sounds like an ordinary day in my life.”
“If I had a drink I’d propose a toast to useless workers. Though I trust that Ashlee is getting on all right under your employ?” Doris inquired, placing her briefcase beside her.
“I have no complaints.” Olivia grinned, sipping her martini.
“I’m glad. I worry about her. I have no idea what she plans on doing with her life. I do wish she was more motivated.”
“Like her mother.” Olivia raised an eye-brow, lips meeting glass.
“Yes, I was definitely motivated at her age. Well at least she’s working, right?”
“Right,” Olivia agreed.
“How is Ava? Is she enjoying California?”
“She loves it, though I miss her. So does Emma.” Olivia expounded.
“And how about Emma? With moving out of the farmhouse and all. It had to have been hard, right?”
Olivia nodded. “She hates living at the Beacon again. I can’t blame her. She grew very fond of the farmhouse. I’m sometimes afraid she grew to be too fond.” Olivia’s mind wondered briefly to the ending of her potential relationship with Natalia once again and Doris immediately caught this.
“Speaking of which…it’s all back to normal again?” Doris pressed, hoping that things were on track again, that Olivia’s pain she had witnessed several nights before had been momentary and that perhaps Natalia might have come around.
Olivia stiffly laughed. “What the hell is normal anymore?” She sipped her drink and then leaned in, “this is the most arduous, drawn-out relationship I have ever fucking been in. I want so many things that I know I can’t have and it’s hard. Very hard.”
“But you love her.” Doris leaned back and studied Olivia, her face gave away her hesitation.
“I do love her, with all my heart and I want to be with her forever,” and suddenly Olivia’s eyes were on Doris, an intense look pinning the mayor, “but I know it’s going to hurt if she…and I wonder…” Olivia quickly shifted her eyes again, sipping languidly on her drink.
Doris just nodded. She had a feeling Natalia was not one to move quickly. She could not have imagined a more opposite personality for Olivia, yet she knew Olivia’s emotions were real and very deep and it would not be easy for Olivia if Natalia walked away from whatever it was they had. But Doris was at a loss for what to say. She didn’t know what to tell the faltering, deflating Olivia Spencer.
~*~
“I want to see a movie with you. Are you free tomorrow evening?” Natalia’s voice was lively for the late hour she had called Olivia.
Olivia flipped over in her huge Beacon bed and stifled a yawn. “Of course, I’d love to see a movie with you.” Olivia’s hand reached out to touch the empty space beside her, hands gliding over cool, empty sheets.
“Does 7:00 sound all right? Rafe’s going to Chicago with Frank and I thought it would be perfect.”
“It does sound perfect,” Olivia hummed, glad that Natalia wasn’t there to see her look of displeasure at the idea of Rafe bonding even further with Frank. “I’ll get the babysitter to watch Emma. It’ll be fine. Did you want to have dinner before?”
“Oh, sure. We could have dinner. That would be nice.” Olivia could tell Natalia was smiling. She only wished she could be there with Natalia and see that smile instead of imagining it.
“Perfect. Well I’ll see you tomorrow at work, and then we’ll…”
“Go to dinner.” Natalia finished her thought. An adorable little laugh accented the end of her sentence and Olivia suddenly felt warm all over yet frighteningly more alone that she’d felt in years.
“Right.” Olivia let a small smile grace her face, her hand wondering from its spot on the bed beside her to her stomach. Her hand moved beneath her T-shirt, rubbing the soft skin on her stomach. She wished someone else was beside her, touching her.
“I love you,” Natalia finally whispered, sounding giddy, childish.
“I love you, too.” Olivia smiled. “Good night.”
“Night.”
~*~
“I have to cancel our drink date for tonight. Natalia and I are going out to dinner and a movie.” Olivia apologized over the phone the following morning as she poured over an expense account spreadsheet.
“Well that will be good for you,” Doris replied, not at all sounding let down for being jilted.
“Yes, I think so.” Olivia smiled, drinking the last of her second cup of coffee.
“Give her some time, Olivia. She’ll come around.” Doris knowingly advised.
“I’m sure she will.” Olivia grinned, the warm sensation flooding her senses. But there was still that dull hint of hesitation and trepidation about the whole situation that lingered in the back of her mind.
~*~
Dinner with Natalia was beautiful. They sat across the table from one another, staring longingly at one another, occasionally feeding each other, light touches, and accidental bumps under the table.
The fear and reservation Olivia had felt earlier that day all but dissolved as she happily ate with the woman she loved so much that it hurt. When they were together in moments like these it was as if the world just disappeared and they were alone and free to do as they pleased. There was no hesitation, no walls built between them. It was free and open and easy.
“What are you thinking about, Olivia?” Natalia asked as she sliced into her perfectly cooked salmon.
“About how beautiful you are.” Olivia mindlessly responded, hoping that her earlier annoyance and worries weren’t showing through.
Natalia ever so slightly blushed, a big dimpled grin spread on her magnificent features.
“How are things with Rafe?” Olivia decided now was better than ever to delve into the one big boulder that seemed to be tearing them apart recently. She’d opened up the discussion in a rather passé manner and she hoped that her blasé attitude had not put Natalia up in arms about her question.
Luckily she hadn’t. “He’s doing well. Better.” Natalia responded, a hint of strain in her voice.
“That’s good, right?” Olivia smiled, wanting to sound like she was thoroughly concerned about him.
“Yes, I think so.” Natalia smiled, looking back down at her food. “So I was thinking that we might not make the 7:00 movie, so I found one at 7:30. I think it will work out better.”
Olivia was caught off guard. That was their Rafe conversation? They had barely begun it and now Natalia was backing out by talking about the movie. What about talking about when they were going to tell Rafe, what about talking about how they might patch up Rafe’s rocky relationship with Olivia, what about the main goal of becoming one big family? It was suddenly a blocked and sealed off conversation. Natalia didn’t want to have it.
“Sure…yeah, that’s fine.” Olivia quickly responded, hoping her surprise and hurt expression had not been palpable on the outside.
“Good,” Natalia grinned again, looking back down at her food as she ate.
Several moments passed. Olivia opened her mouth to speak, to ask Natalia anything and everything she had on her mind, but no words escaped. She closed her mouth, picking up her drink and sipping the red wine instead of saying anything. Doris’ words echoed in her mind;
Give her some time, Olivia. She’ll come around.
~*~
Olivia gallantly walked Natalia to her front door. The house looked so warm and inviting and Olivia yearned to step through that door with Natalia, longed to take the younger woman into her arms and kiss her as they made their way up the stairs. But the door was where Olivia stopped. She had no permission to come in further.
She also lacked permission to lean in and kiss the love of her life goodnight. And so she stood, facing the beautiful Natalia Rivera.
“I enjoyed the movie.” Natalia sighed, looking so happy and content; almost exactly as she had before all of their problems and confusing relationship had complicated matters. She looked like she had looked when things were easy for them.
“Me too.” Olivia glanced down, finding Natalia’s hands so she could take them in her own.
“I miss you being around more.” Natalia quietly confessed.
“I miss being around.” Olivia blandly stated, realizing how frustratingly simple this relationship could be if Natalia would allow it to inch just a little bit further forward.
“I love you, you know that? You’re the most amazing friend I’ve ever had.” Natalia gently swung their arms back and forth.
Olivia forced a smile, hoping that the forced part of it wasn’t showing. Friend. They were friends. Yes they were friends. For friends held hands, friends had dinner together, friends went to movies. Though Olivia couldn’t remember any friend she had ever confessed her love to and she couldn’t remember that love being reciprocated. “You’re an awesome friend.” Olivia prayed her response did not have the sarcastic, strained edge she had just envisioned it having.
Natalia smiled, dropping her hands from Olivia’s so she could wrap her arms around the older woman. And now it was time for the nightly hug where Olivia’s body quivered on the inside and she could smell the sweet, flowery scent of Natalia’s hair, and her fingers itched to rake over the gorgeous Latina’s body, tangle in her hair, but she had to restrain because that would not be permissible.
She was finally released with a soft, “good night,” whispered into her ear.
“Night.” Olivia’s laser sharp gaze caught Natalia, not leaving her body until the Latina was completely inside the door, waving awkwardly as she closed it in Olivia’s face.
Olivia finally turned and headed towards her car, tempted, momentarily, to turn back and throw open the door and take Natalia right then and there.
Her fingers clenched around her steering wheel, Doris’ earlier comment racing through her head in a steady chant.
Give her some time, Olivia. She’ll come around.
~*~
Olivia’s hand was shaking as she brought her half-full martini glass to her lips. She’d just come to the bar from work. Emma was off with a friend doing homework and playing. She didn’t need to pick her up for another two hours.
She needed those two hours to collect herself. Natalia had been driving Olivia crazy all day long, standing too closely beside her, touching her, smelling absolutely amazing. Olivia had scarcely been able to concentrate and she was almost glad when it had been time for Natalia to leave. She needed to be apart from her so that she could collect her thoughts and be, at least, momentarily productive.
And now she needed a drink to make the throbbing ache disappear.
“You look quite the sight, Ms. Spencer.” A familiar voice whispered behind her, causing her to jump.
“Doris. I didn’t expect to see you around so early.” Olivia quipped.
“Long day at work.” Doris stated in explanation.
“Same.” Olivia raised her glass to that.
“I can only imagine.” Doris evilly grinned, knowing that working near Natalia had to drive Olivia mad. She quickly ordered a drink and then turned to give Olivia a once over. “Are you at least…helping yourself?” Doris boldly inquired.
“Help-oh.” Olivia’s eyebrow raised. “At least twice a day.”
“That bad, huh?” Doris laughed.
“It’s not really very funny.” Olivia sighed.
“No, it’s not.” Doris shook her head, accepting her drink from the bartender. “How was your dinner and movie?”
Olivia sighed again, placing her head in her hands. “Rafe.” She muttered under her breath. “We couldn’t have a conversation about Rafe. I tried, I was nice about it. I led in very politely, but she just shut down. She completely barred the conversation.”
“It’s hard, I’m sure. She’s concerned about her son. You would be too if it were Emma.”
Olivia rolled her eyes and shrugged half-heartedly in agreement. “It’s just so frustrating. I love her so much, and yet I can’t have her.”
Doris shook her head. “You have her love. You have to trust that it’s going to lead somewhere. And if you don’t think it’s going to…then maybe this isn’t a relationship you should get yourself tangled into.” The mayor soundly concluded.
But this was not what Olivia wanted to hear. She sat her martini glass down, a bit too forcefully. “What are you saying, Wolfe? Are you saying it’s not going to happen? Because it is. I love her and she loves me. We’re going to make it work. It will work.” Olivia tossed a twenty on the bar and then got up rather hastily, making her way towards the exit before Doris could comment.
Doris just shrewdly watched her run away.