10/??
Chapter 10
“Is a dream a lie if it doesn’t come true, or is it something worse?”
-Bruce Springsteen-
Emily woke up with tears in her eyes. She didn’t move. She let the tears fell, wetting her cheeks, down to her pillow. She had just had a beautiful dream. She dreamed about her childhood holidays in France, spending time with her grandfather in the mountains. In her dream, she was so happy and free, something she hadn’t felt lately. Just before she woke up, her grandfather had held her and whispered to her that everything would be fine. “I miss you so much, Grandfather,” she whispered with a hoarse voice. “I really wish you were here.”
After the tears dried up, the woman curled herself in her bed and she glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was almost noon. She frowned. She had blacked out for almost five hours then. She let out a sigh. It had been almost twelve hours since she left her team, since she left JJ. She smiled sadly, she had worked so hard to be accepted as a part of the team, and now she had lost everything. She had lost everyone she cared about. She had lost the only person she loved. Well, she corrected herself; I’ve lost her long before now.
Absent-mindedly, Emily licked her lower lip. Her mind travelled back to her argument with JJ. To the kiss. She was still mad at herself for kissing the blonde. Now she knew what JJ’s lips tasted like and would never be able to taste it again. She closed her eyes to avoid more tears from falling down. She had had enough. She remembered how her mother kept telling her to stop whining and feeling sorry for herself and to just face the world and learn from her mistakes.
The problem is, Mother, I don’t know what my mistakes are, Emily replied in her head. She knew she had made a lot of mistakes in the past, but she never thought that falling in love with Agent Jareau was a mistake at all. The only mistake she could think of was to hope that JJ would love her back the way she did. The kiss wasn’t a mistake. It was her final straw and she lost it, too.
Emily groaned. She needed to clear her mind up. The woman got up from her bed and took a quick shower. She hummed the song she knew, Remembering Sunday, and almost shouted when she came to the part when the lyrics said “... Just washing you out of my hair...” and she added in her head, and hopefully out of my mind.
When she finished, the woman felt a bit refreshed. She made up her bed and went downstairs to fix herself some lunch. She didn’t remember when was the last time she had eaten and that was a bad thing. The woman had just eaten two spoonfuls of cereals when she heard a knock on the door. Now what? She cringed. Emily looked at her food disgustedly. She had lost her appetite. She practically threw the bowl, still full with cereals, to the sink.
As she walked to the door, she saw her mobile phone without its battery. She didn’t remember when she disconnected the thing and she certainly didn’t remember if she had thrown the battery away. She shrugged and continued walking. The woman didn’t even bother to look through the peephole before opening the door. Nothing could surprise her anymore; at least, she wouldn’t let anything get to her anymore.
“Hi Emily, may I come in?” Rossi said before the door was fully opened. The man was relieved that Emily was still willing to open her door - mostly he was relieved that the woman didn’t do anything stupid.
“What are you doing here?” Emily said coolly. She was surprised to see the senior agent, but she didn’t show it.
Rossi smiled. “I need to talk to you about something. Now, we can’t talk here, can we? Let me in?” He asked calmly. Emily hesitated a second then she stepped sideway to let the man in. “Thank you,” he said. Rossi took a seat before Emily said anything. He noticed the empty bottle and the empty glass, and he noticed the battery-less phone, but he didn’t comment on that.
“Yeah, please sit down. Make yourself at home,” she insinuated. Rossi nodded. The man didn’t seem to catch a hint of annoyance in Emily’s voice. Emily didn’t sit. She leaned on her kitchen counter, folding her arms, waiting for Rossi to begin.
Rossi tilted his head so he could see Emily. “Emily, would you please sit down?”
The brunette snickered. “I’m fine, Rossi. Just say why you’re here.”
The senior agent sighed. This would not be easy. “I’m here to bring you back.”
“Back where? This is my home,” she replied matter-of-factly. “In case you haven’t noticed, I was fired. No, scratch that. I was dismissed from duty and I decided to resign. So there’s no reason of you to be here at all and, what’s that again, bring me back anywhere,” Emily said sarcastically.
Rossi rose from his seat and approached the younger woman. He knew Emily was hurt, but he didn’t know if her dismissal was the only reason for it. “Emily, listen to me. We need you to come back. The team needs you,” he said. Then after a second he added, “The man you shot,” Rossi saw the female agent flinched a little but he continued anyway, “Wasn’t our guy. But,” he stopped Emily’s protest, “He was the guy who killed the little girl, our ‘last victim’.”
Emily frowned. She shook her head. “I... I’m not sure I follow you,” she said.
“It was another case, Emily. You got the right guy... the killer for the last little girl, but not our killer,” Rossi tried to explain. He himself thought that everything was confusing. And seeing the confused look on Emily’s face, he knew the woman didn’t understand at all. “It was two separate cases. This girl’s murder wasn’t related to our case.”
Emily wavered a little and Rossi took her arm and guided her to the sofa. He sat next to her, waiting for the woman to grasp his explanation. Emily swallowed an invisible lump in her throat. “So,” her voice cracked as she spoke, “That man was the killer? But not our guy?” She scolded herself for being so slow, but she couldn’t think. She got the right guy. When she saw Rossi nodded, she felt like a dam inside her broken to pieces. She sobbed.
Rossi let the woman cried. He didn’t move. He didn’t flinch. He patted her back to calm her. And after a while, when the wave subsided, he said more slowly. “Hotch blamed himself for making such a quick decision. He wanted to come pick you up himself but he is the team leader, he couldn’t leave his post.” Rossi continued, “But he would like to apologize to you in person. Now, please come with me.”
The brunette took a deep breath. He looked Rossi in the eyes and replied, “I can’t.” I don’t want to see JJ anymore.
The man sighed. He knew he wasn’t supposed to bring up what he was about to bring up, but it was necessary. “It’s not about your dismissal, is it?” He asked. “It’s about JJ, isn’t it?”
Emily’s eyes widened in surprise. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. Her expression showed it all. “I know that your friendship with her is on a very rocky road at the moment. But you can’t solve anything if you don’t speak to her.”
“I did,” Emily replied. She was relieved the man wasn’t talking about her feelings for the blonde agent. “The conversation didn’t go well. Didn’t solve a thing.” It even added some more trouble, she added silently.
The older agent sighed. “Listen, Emily. We really need you to help us with the case. You don’t have to speak to JJ if you don’t want to. You can ignore her if you think it fits. But you have a job to do. And that is your number one priority,” he said in a firm tone. “Don’t be so selfish.”
Emily felt like she was being slapped. Her face reddened. She rose from her seat and for a second she really wanted to slap Rossi on the face and threw him out of her house. How dare that man came and insult her like that.
But you can’t do it; a small voice snickered in her head, because everything he said is true. Then she remembered how her mother used to call her spoiled and selfish when she was a little girl. Guess Mother really knows her daughter best. She thought.
“Fine,” she growled in a dangerous tone. “I’m coming with you.” Last one, Emily, last one, she reminded herself, then you’re out.
When the woman went upstairs to gather her belongings, Rossi called Garcia. “Garcia, get the jet ready. We’re leaving in thirty.” He smiled triumphantly.
a/n: See now why I don't like it? Oh, and the song Emily sang in the bathroom was All Time Low's song called "Remembering Sunday". If you're interested, here's the link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N884w0ndbfY
a/n2: Please R&R.. :)