The Fiercest Calm (2/??) - Otalia
Title: The Fiercest Calm (Chapter 2)
Author: DJ Shiva
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG (not sure if it will go all NC-17, but there is a chance)
Spoilers: Nope
Summary: Natalia contemplates life, the universe and everything else, and a surprise visitor makes an appearance at the farmhouse.
Source Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just obsessed enough with this pairing to keep making their stories fit my wants and needs.
Ch. 1
The Fiercest Calm (2/??)
Olivia and Natalia had not exactly been avoiding each other. The unseasonably warm temperatures had lightened the mood in the house considerably, at least enough to facilitate a reasonably cooperative household. Many things were just like they had always been: Olivia avoiding laundry and Natalia running around doing her best to lift everyone's mood and keep the house (and Olivia) running smoothly. It wasn't perfect, exactly, but it was functional.
Yet despite the mood of early spring, the understanding of winter's still firm grasp had not eluded either woman. They smiled and joked, mostly for Emma's sake, and their own sanity. But there was an underlying tension, just shy of those smiles, that neither could deny to themselves. Natalia knew that there were many unanswered questions that she had to deal with, but she kept those in a locked place in her heart, because the alternative was to face them head on, and she needed the illusion of normality for at least a few days before it all came crashing down.
Normality. Natalia stifled a cynical snort as the word flitted across her mind. What she was struggling with was anything but normal. A proposal too soon from a man whose affect on her heart was somewhere in the range of brotherly, and the woman she should think of as a sister whose presence threatened to unravel her senses with desire. Even now, halfway across the kitchen, Natalia could smell the faintest traces of Olivia's perfume, and had to struggle to keep her legs from shaking and her heart rate normal.
There was that word again.
Natalia wasn't as naive as people sometimes thought. She had been poking fun at Olivia with her allusions to her "sweet, innocent face", but the truth of it swam up to meet her fears. She knew that the family she cared so much about was anything but normal in the eyes of anyone outside of it. She knew that in the eyes of the church, her less-than-innocent feelings for Olivia were not normal; to some, even an abomination. Natalia shuddered at the thought. She knew these things, but could not bring herself to consider her feelings anything but sacred. The fullness in her chest when Olivia crooked an eyebrow her way, or laughed at her own sometimes terrible jokes. The fierce protectiveness Olivia had for her daughter, and her insistent faith in Natalia's intelligence and abilities. Abominations? Hardly. A deep line furrowed Natalia's forehead in frustration at the thought.
So why was she so scared?
Frank had told her that he understood the depth of her faith, but he had no idea what that entailed. He was right that it was important, but Natalia almost shuddered at the insulting notion that he had any idea what it actually meant. God was her guide and her confidante, but she had never really considered him to be cruel; certainly not cruel enough to punish anyone for opening their heart and soul to another human being. Love was a gift from God, and she had not once believed in the idea that it could ever be wrong.
She sighed softly. That didn't make it any easier to live amongst those who did. Natalia knew what the whispers and rumours and talk could do to a person. She knew it could rip families apart, destroy one's self-confidence, and most importantly, cause pain for the children who were caught in the undertow. She felt a twinge deep in her chest at the memories of her sixteen year old self, pregnant and scared, and the effect those whispers had all those years ago. Even superheroes have their weaknesses.
And then there was the little matter of her carefully guarded heart.
She had pined for Nicky...for Gus...for so long, and protected his son with everything she had, and never once had let herself be distracted from that all-encompassing love. She let no one in; not one other human being was given access to a soul kept under lock and key. She was so focused, and so unswerving in her mission, and it had all ended in loss. Gus was dead and Rafe was in jail and all she had to show for all her dedication and single-mindedness was her shattered heart.
OK, that's not exactly true, she admitted silently to herself. Rafe may be in jail, but he is healthy and alive, and now I have a safe, warm home and a family for him to come home to, don't I? And no matter how hard this...no matter how confusing her feelings for Olivia were, there were no doubts about the commitment that both of them had made to each other and to their children.
So what is stopping you from giving Frank an answer?
There it was. That voice inside her head that challenged her fears and insecurities, and spoke loudly when she wanted to hear it the least. Was it fear of what people would think? Was it a need for the storybook husband-and-wife tale? Or was it that she feared her heart could not survive spilling its truths to Olivia, only to be rejected? Or even...accepted.
Caught up in her reverie, Natalia didn't even realize she had stopped in the middle of washing dishes, and was standing there up to her wrists in the quickly cooling soapy water. Olivia looked up from making a sandwich when she noticed that the clanking of dishes had ceased.
"Penny for 'em?"
Natalia looked up into Olivia's eyes, finding herself yet again mesmerized by the arch of an eyebrow and a tentatively inquisitive gaze. "Huh?" she answered absentmindedly.
"Your thoughts. One shiny penny to know what you were just thinking about." Olivia rooted around in her pockets with both hands, only to find them empty. She smiled sheepishly. "Would you take a check?"
Natalia shook her head and couldn't help but laugh. She was readying her response when her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She quirked her head at the sound.
"Are we expecting anyone?" Natalia knew that there was nothing on Olivia's schedule today, and unless they were having another impromptu pool night she had been expecting nothing but finishing the dishes and putting her feet up to watch some mindless television for the rest of the evening.
"Not unless Frank got impatient."
Natalia's head shot up with a frown. She stared at Olivia with a frustrated glare for a split-second, recognizing only the faintest edges of hurt underlying the sarcasm, then dropped her eyes and grabbed a towel. The knock sounded again as she moved to grab the doorknob. Before she could reach it, she heard a voice speak from the other side of the door.
"Mom?"
His voice.
"Anyone home?"
Rafe.
Her hand an inch from the doorknob, Natalia stopped, frozen with shock at the sound of him. Olivia dropped her knife in the mayonnaise jar with a clink, and turned toward the door. Natalia hadn't moved. Walking toward her, Olivia placed a gentle hand on Natalia's shoulder, meeting her eyes with a supportive gaze. She sent every ounce of strength and hope she could muster through the connection there, as she took hold of the forgotten doorknob and swung the door open.
Standing with a dufflebag in one hand, his other in the air readying for another knock, was Rafe.
TBC...
Author: DJ Shiva
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG (not sure if it will go all NC-17, but there is a chance)
Spoilers: Nope
Summary: Natalia contemplates life, the universe and everything else, and a surprise visitor makes an appearance at the farmhouse.
Source Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just obsessed enough with this pairing to keep making their stories fit my wants and needs.
Ch. 1
The Fiercest Calm (2/??)
Olivia and Natalia had not exactly been avoiding each other. The unseasonably warm temperatures had lightened the mood in the house considerably, at least enough to facilitate a reasonably cooperative household. Many things were just like they had always been: Olivia avoiding laundry and Natalia running around doing her best to lift everyone's mood and keep the house (and Olivia) running smoothly. It wasn't perfect, exactly, but it was functional.
Yet despite the mood of early spring, the understanding of winter's still firm grasp had not eluded either woman. They smiled and joked, mostly for Emma's sake, and their own sanity. But there was an underlying tension, just shy of those smiles, that neither could deny to themselves. Natalia knew that there were many unanswered questions that she had to deal with, but she kept those in a locked place in her heart, because the alternative was to face them head on, and she needed the illusion of normality for at least a few days before it all came crashing down.
Normality. Natalia stifled a cynical snort as the word flitted across her mind. What she was struggling with was anything but normal. A proposal too soon from a man whose affect on her heart was somewhere in the range of brotherly, and the woman she should think of as a sister whose presence threatened to unravel her senses with desire. Even now, halfway across the kitchen, Natalia could smell the faintest traces of Olivia's perfume, and had to struggle to keep her legs from shaking and her heart rate normal.
There was that word again.
Natalia wasn't as naive as people sometimes thought. She had been poking fun at Olivia with her allusions to her "sweet, innocent face", but the truth of it swam up to meet her fears. She knew that the family she cared so much about was anything but normal in the eyes of anyone outside of it. She knew that in the eyes of the church, her less-than-innocent feelings for Olivia were not normal; to some, even an abomination. Natalia shuddered at the thought. She knew these things, but could not bring herself to consider her feelings anything but sacred. The fullness in her chest when Olivia crooked an eyebrow her way, or laughed at her own sometimes terrible jokes. The fierce protectiveness Olivia had for her daughter, and her insistent faith in Natalia's intelligence and abilities. Abominations? Hardly. A deep line furrowed Natalia's forehead in frustration at the thought.
So why was she so scared?
Frank had told her that he understood the depth of her faith, but he had no idea what that entailed. He was right that it was important, but Natalia almost shuddered at the insulting notion that he had any idea what it actually meant. God was her guide and her confidante, but she had never really considered him to be cruel; certainly not cruel enough to punish anyone for opening their heart and soul to another human being. Love was a gift from God, and she had not once believed in the idea that it could ever be wrong.
She sighed softly. That didn't make it any easier to live amongst those who did. Natalia knew what the whispers and rumours and talk could do to a person. She knew it could rip families apart, destroy one's self-confidence, and most importantly, cause pain for the children who were caught in the undertow. She felt a twinge deep in her chest at the memories of her sixteen year old self, pregnant and scared, and the effect those whispers had all those years ago. Even superheroes have their weaknesses.
And then there was the little matter of her carefully guarded heart.
She had pined for Nicky...for Gus...for so long, and protected his son with everything she had, and never once had let herself be distracted from that all-encompassing love. She let no one in; not one other human being was given access to a soul kept under lock and key. She was so focused, and so unswerving in her mission, and it had all ended in loss. Gus was dead and Rafe was in jail and all she had to show for all her dedication and single-mindedness was her shattered heart.
OK, that's not exactly true, she admitted silently to herself. Rafe may be in jail, but he is healthy and alive, and now I have a safe, warm home and a family for him to come home to, don't I? And no matter how hard this...no matter how confusing her feelings for Olivia were, there were no doubts about the commitment that both of them had made to each other and to their children.
So what is stopping you from giving Frank an answer?
There it was. That voice inside her head that challenged her fears and insecurities, and spoke loudly when she wanted to hear it the least. Was it fear of what people would think? Was it a need for the storybook husband-and-wife tale? Or was it that she feared her heart could not survive spilling its truths to Olivia, only to be rejected? Or even...accepted.
Caught up in her reverie, Natalia didn't even realize she had stopped in the middle of washing dishes, and was standing there up to her wrists in the quickly cooling soapy water. Olivia looked up from making a sandwich when she noticed that the clanking of dishes had ceased.
"Penny for 'em?"
Natalia looked up into Olivia's eyes, finding herself yet again mesmerized by the arch of an eyebrow and a tentatively inquisitive gaze. "Huh?" she answered absentmindedly.
"Your thoughts. One shiny penny to know what you were just thinking about." Olivia rooted around in her pockets with both hands, only to find them empty. She smiled sheepishly. "Would you take a check?"
Natalia shook her head and couldn't help but laugh. She was readying her response when her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She quirked her head at the sound.
"Are we expecting anyone?" Natalia knew that there was nothing on Olivia's schedule today, and unless they were having another impromptu pool night she had been expecting nothing but finishing the dishes and putting her feet up to watch some mindless television for the rest of the evening.
"Not unless Frank got impatient."
Natalia's head shot up with a frown. She stared at Olivia with a frustrated glare for a split-second, recognizing only the faintest edges of hurt underlying the sarcasm, then dropped her eyes and grabbed a towel. The knock sounded again as she moved to grab the doorknob. Before she could reach it, she heard a voice speak from the other side of the door.
"Mom?"
His voice.
"Anyone home?"
Rafe.
Her hand an inch from the doorknob, Natalia stopped, frozen with shock at the sound of him. Olivia dropped her knife in the mayonnaise jar with a clink, and turned toward the door. Natalia hadn't moved. Walking toward her, Olivia placed a gentle hand on Natalia's shoulder, meeting her eyes with a supportive gaze. She sent every ounce of strength and hope she could muster through the connection there, as she took hold of the forgotten doorknob and swung the door open.
Standing with a dufflebag in one hand, his other in the air readying for another knock, was Rafe.
TBC...