(no subject)
Title: Saving Grace
Author: Destini
Show: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG-R eventually
Disclaimer: They aren't mine and GL is doing a great job with them. No complaints.
Archive: P&P, bigpurpledreams and Incandescentfire.com, all others please ask
Saving Grace
Chapter 1
My third Otalia fic. This one just will not leave me alone. To the point that I can't even post the update I have for IHTWYMMF or post my other one-shot. This idea popped into my head and I've been writing ever since. I hope I can get it edited down to 4 or 5 chapters. Thanks to Crystal and Jessica for giving me such rich characters to work with and such believable performances. Thank you to GL for having the guts to put them on my screen. Thanks to the readers who keep asking for more. And finally thanks to Dickie, my beta, for her talent, wisdom and time. I love ya.
Let me know what you tink. Feedback is food.
“I had a really nice time tonight, Natalia,” Frank said as he walked her to the door. He was hesitant and there was a generous amount of space between them, but she didn’t seem to notice. The farmhouse was quiet and dark even though it was rather early in the evening. Natalia wondered about that, but didn’t allow her mind to dwell too long on what the reason might be; she preferred to keep that nameless demon at bay for as long as was humanly possible.
“It was,” she agreed. She really couldn’t find another word to describe their ‘date,’ but the one Frank had chosen. ‘Nice’ about covered it. Not fun exactly, because her mind had been elsewhere; and there had been no romantic spark, though Frank had tried valiantly to create one. She smiled up at him with as much sincerity as she could muster, but it never quite reached her eyes. She prayed Frank wouldn’t notice; he didn’t.
“I was a little shocked you agreed to go out with me tonight after the fool I made of myself earlier today,” Frank said looking for all the world like an excited puppy. “I’m glad you changed your mind about us.” His grin should have been infectious, so wide and open, but it wasn’t.
“Me too,” Natalia replied. She was barely paying attention, seemingly unable to stop wondering why there was no movement inside; not even a hint as to why Olivia had yet to turn on the porch light for them.
Maybe she’s trying to give us privacy, Natalia thought, as if that’s what I want. Maybe she’s angry I went out. Natalia shook thoughts of Olivia from her head. Olivia had no reason to be angry. They had dinner together all the time. Besides, they were just friends. Roommates.
“I hope we can do this again soon,” Frank stepped closer. “I really think…I enjoy spending time with you. I’d like to do more of that, if you’ll allow me the pleasure.”
“That would be nice.” There was that word again. Nice. It unsettled Natalia that she could think of no other word to use in reference to Frank. But that wasn’t entirely true. Dependable. Safe. Solid. All words that would fit. A relationship with Frank would be very easy. Then why do I have such a hard time imagining it? she asked herself.
Frank finally seemed to notice Natalia was distracted and stepped back. “I should probably let you get inside.”
Wasn’t he going to kiss her goodnight? She wanted him to, didn’t she? No, but she needed him to; the kiss from earlier had only confused her more. She needed to know, to be sure. Gripping the cross around her neck tightly, she moved into his personal space.
“Aren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?” Natalia asked, surprising both herself and Frank with her almost frantic forwardness.
“I didn’t think you were ready for…after earlier…and the kiss at Company was…well, it was nice but…” Frank stuttered, cautious as ever.
“I do,” Natalia said, the lie slipping easily from her lips; one more thing in a long list of things she needed to confess.
“Ok then,” he grinned and took her face in his hands.
Their lips met in the briefest of touches, chaste and…nice. But it told her nothing. As Frank began to pull away Natalia surged forward, deepening the kiss in a desperate bid to banish her doubts.
Frank was floored, but he wasn’t stupid, he returned the kiss with equal fervor. It had been so long. His thumbs caressed her cheeks, surprised when they came away wet with tears.
“Natalia… if this is too soon after Gus,” he hesitated, “I don’t want to make you cry.”
“It’s not Gus,” she mumbled, blindly seeking his lips once more; hoping to feel something, anything, besides the overwhelming thought that she was kissing the wrong person.
Kissing Frank was what she imagined kissing a brother, if she’d had one, would feel like; which explained the utter lack of passion. She remembered the feeling of Olivia’s lips covering her own; that had felt like anything but kissing a sibling and she whimpered at the visceral image.
She stepped back out of Frank’s embrace abruptly, almost tripping, heart pounding in her ears. THERE. That was the feeling that had been missing, she thought, trying to catch her breath. Only it hadn’t been Frank that brought it to the surface.
“I... I…uh…” she stammered.
“Natalia, I am so sorry,” he apologized taking in her demeanor. “I’m sorry if I rushed you. I thought that was what you wanted.”
So did I, Natalia thought. Or at least she had believed she could grow to want it. Now she wasn’t so sure, about anything. She just stood there looking at Frank, mute.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. OK? Get some rest.”
Natalia nodded, “I will. And thank you for a very nice time.” Inwardly she cringed at the use of the word again. Frank didn’t even seem to notice, he was grinning wildly once again.
“Goodnight, Natalia.”
“Goodnight, Frank.”
Natalia closed the door and rested her head against the cold wood for a moment to calm her thoughts then fumbled to the kitchen in the dark for a glass of water.
Silence engulfed the house and she was unnerved by the sheer volume. She placed her empty glass in the sink and turned on the light. It was then she saw the note tacked to the refrigerator door. With three little words, written in Olivia’s careful script, Natalia felt the ground under her feet turn to quicksand.
AT THE BEACON was all it said.
Panic clutched at her throat; gripping the note tightly in her hand, she rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
She first burst into Emma’s room, not sure what she was hoping to find beyond proof that they hadn’t left for good. She found it in the haphazard way Emma’s clothes were strewn across the bed; they’d left in a hurry.
There was a half written note to Natalia, in Emma’s childlike imitation of Olivia’s handwriting, resting on the little girl’s desk. “Mommy says we have to go but…” That was where it stopped. Natalia felt like she was going to be sick.
She turned off Emma’s light and made her way to Olivia’s room, in the dark in more ways than the literal. She knocked lightly before opening the door in a ridiculous show of propriety. She knew Olivia wasn’t there.
Moonlight streamed into the room from the window, Olivia had left the curtains open. She sat down heavily on the rumpled covers laughing a little to herself that Liv hadn’t even bothered to make the bed.
Natalia’s hands shook as they moved across the blankets, looking for something to grasp besides a three word note, something to anchor herself in the swirling vortex of emotions threatening to pull her under.
Suddenly her hand touched Olivia’s robe, lost amid the blankets and sheets. Pulling it reverently into her lap she fisted the fabric in both hands. Here, in Olivia’s room, surrounded by Olivia’s things, she felt an almost debilitating sense of loss. Bitter tears stung her eyes and she pleaded with God to tell her why this was happening, how things could have gotten so far out of hand, so quickly. Normally when she prayed an answer appeared before she could finish, but this time no answer came. She felt utterly and completely alone.
Not having the energy to move she kicked off her shoes and crawled more fully onto her friend’s bed. She was so tired. Her head on Olivia’s pillow she pulled the dark purple robe to her face and inhaled deeply. The scent of Olivia shook her to her core; if she’d been standing she surely would have been brought to her knees. For one fleeting moment she wished it was more than mere fabric she was holding in her arms. A rush of guilt, for committing a sin in the eyes of her God, followed that thought. She wept at the very idea she might be tarnishing her soul, eventually crying herself to sleep.